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Wow, man, that really sucks. I think it does sound like she's only doing the sex thing for you. She has probably given up on it ever being satisfying for her so she just tries to get it done with. Maybe she masturbates later when you're not around?
I do wonder why she won't let you go down on her longer? Personally I prefer orgasms from intercourse, so I don't like to cum that way, but if that's the ONLY way I could achieve orgasm then I would go for it! She must just be tired of the whole situation.
I think you guys are going to have to start waaaay back on an emotional level and try counseling. Let her get out all the frustration that way and start trying to rekindle the sex after that is taken care of. You can keep using those condoms, or I think cock-rings are supposed to help... I know there's something like that you can use. There are all kinds of ways to learn to please her, and you sound open to exploring them, but she has to be willing to try as well.
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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
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