Hi everyone. There have been a few changes as of tonight.
Just as I was leaving to go to a funeral today, she called me up to work out a few of our issues. I told her this wasn't a good time and that my car wouldn't start (needed a new battery) and I was going to be late for this funeral, an hours' drive away, so I really could not talk. She hung up on me.
Later tonight she came around with some of my stuff. She gave everything back, she told me how I was never going to change, I'm not affectionate, and that no matter what happens, we're not going to work out. I've been having a bad few weeks lately (problems with my parents' relationship, this funeral, various other things, and her and me) and told her these things and explained that she's right. I've got a lot on my plate, I try to be more 'there' for her but I know I can be very stubborn, and I also tend to be a pretty independent and bottle stuff up.
Anyway, from about 8.30pm until 2am we switched between arguing and hugging, and fighting and consoling, and agreeing to be friends and she declaring her hatred. A number of times she came crawling back to me, asking for me to try one more time, but I realized that she and I didn't function well at all. The good times were great, but the bad times were absolutely awful and seemed to be 80% of the time.
At one point she claimed she was going to sleep in the back seat of her car tonight, parked outside my house and come back tomorrow morning to see if I'd changed my mind. I ignored against my 'psycho-bitch from hell, run!' alarm and convinced her that she should go home instead.
We eventually left on semi-good terms. I know we're through, but she said that as far as she's concerned, we're not, and that she doesn't accept it. Far from convincing me how devoted she is to me, it did make question whether I'd wake up tomorrow with her leaning over my bed with a knife.
So we are over, I'm preparing myself for some awkward times in the future with mutual friends, but right now I'm going to bury myself in study, job-hunting, and exercise.
Right now I'm sitting here with a glass of Johnny Walker Red Label, I'm going to finish that off and jump into bed and wake up a new person.
I do feel awful about this, I know I have hardly said anything nice about her in this whole thread. At times she can be the most considerate, loving, exciting, caring, cuddly, clever, devoted woman you could ever hope for. But sometimes she was mean, and I know that often I was too stubborn, or distant, or quiet, or conservative, and this clashed all too often.
Thank you all for the replies in this thread. This has opened my eyes up a lot
