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irseg - Once she started attacking me for not reading between the lines I pointed out to her how seriously I take mental health (I've studied psychology, I'd like to get a degree in it, I'm fascinated by it, and I like watching Frasier) and how I do compare it to physical health. I told her that if she had a broken leg and she said to me 'I think I want a doctor' I wouldn't pretend I was Superman, I wouldn't try to fix her broken leg on my own. I'd acknowledge and accept the fact that I cannot do everything, and there are people out there who know what to do. I said to her that if she asked for a doctor, I would help her find one, and if she asks for a therapist, I would help her find one. She said that after a year I should know well enough. I think I rolled my eyes at this point.
maleficint - I honestly don't knowwhat has changed. I don't want to pretend for a minute that I haven't changed. I'm sure I have. The thrill of the chase isn't there anymore after a year, things are more settled, but I don't think that's a bad thing. I'm still excited by knowing she can be a great person at times, I'm not bored at all. There haven't been any traumatic events. Her family isn't perfect (her parents openly tell her they prefer her brother over her) and I recognize that and certainly don't hold it against her. In fact I am amazed she hasn't turned out more warped that she currently is. Imagine being told by your parents that they love your brother more than you! I can't even begin to imagine how painful and traumatizing that would be, and it is one of those things that I keep in mind when considering her dependency issues and her need for consolation and affection. I am more affectionate with her than I am generally comfortable with, because I know that she needs it and I'm fairly happy to give it.
It's when the nice things I do are greeted by either:
- a remark that I should have done it sooner
- a remark that I should have done it better
- a remark that something wrong I did a year ago (eg. not spend as much time with her as I 'should' have at a party) overshadows anything good I could do now
I guess something like all this is bound to happen when you cross someone as emotionally needy as her with someone as independent as me. I do have a very hard time getting my feelings across, on the spot, but I know I do better than average.
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