Rodney

Boy, this one set off some alarm bells. Used to know an incredibly beautiful woman who was smart, competent, sexually adventurous, able to make her way in the world, and so on. And whenever she got into a relationship, she became a stay-at-home, never initiated sex, was suddenly incapable of screwing in a lightbulb, would quit her job and just keep house all day and let the guy bring in the money. And when the relationship broke up, she'd go back to being competent, adventurous, etc. Until the next serious guy.

I never got involved with her and, after seeing the cycle played through a couple of times, was glad I didn't. It turns out that this particular woman had serious issues in her past -- abused as a child, and more. Knowing these issues, I could sympathize with what was going on. But I also know it was up to her to decide whether she needed to change or not, and she never faced up to it.

Anyway, good luck. I agree that trying to talk to her any way but face to face won't work. I also know that, from this situation and others, that endlessly being a "nice guy" won't solve anything. Give her time if she needs it, but if she still refuses to seek help over time, then get out. She sounds like an unhappy person who is -- no doubt unconsciously -- using you as a crutch rather than working with you as a partner.