First piece of advice -- take a parenting class or go to counseling together so that the two of you can logically think through and discuss your parenting styles without the tension of a current issue between you.
Second -- know that children can and will accept both of you on your own terms. You do not need to be exactly alike; you simply need to be yourself.
Third -- never, ever disagree with your spouse about parenting in front of the children. Always back him/her up 100% and discuss disagreements in private.
Forth -- stay out of the middle of the children's disagreements. I always tell my girls (and sons when they were younger) "I love you both and I simply can't take sides." They still try to involve me and I must admit, when things get really bad, I send them to their rooms to calm down; however, for the most part, I stay out of it and they get along famously. When they do fight and argue, I realize that this is part of them practicing for when they are adults and have conflicts with spouses, coworkers, etc. to deal with. Just like then need to "pretend" they also need to practice for adulthood.
(Side note: I do spend some time teaching them skills for dealing with conflict; however, I found that they mostly learn from my modeling. So, when we are having a conflict, I will make an effort to do the "right" things such as paraphrasing what they say, hearing their feelings, etc. I also work on compromising or making our conflicts win win.)
__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god
It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.
|