Here's my list of bartender Do's and Don'ts. OK, so they're mostly don'ts. Feel free to use this list as you see fit.
Me? I'm going to blow it up, frame it and hang it on the wall of the first bar I own. That said....
DON'T
Don't talk about Politics or Religion
Repeat the following famous quote after me: "Three things you shouldn't talk about
: Politics, Religion and Her." Arguments and bar fights are the first sure fire way to really piss off a bartender.
Don't call your bartender "Chief", "Big Guy","Cuz" or "Boss"
You may think you're just being cool, but many bartenders think this is just plain condescending. (Editors Note: Not every body had a problem with this, but the women bartenders we asked were quick to point out that they didn't like their asses grabbed or to be called Sweet Tits..etc.)
Don't play "Stump The Bartender" or order a shit load of shooters when they're really busy
They like their orders really simple when their swamped with customers. Rule of thumb: Keep it simple when they're really busy
Don't order blender drinks when they are busy.
A lot of bars don't even have blenders. Personally, I would avoid them all together (unless you're on vacation or something). Did you ever notice that blenders are almost never displayed at eye level? There is a definite reason for that. They are usually located just below the bar near the "Rail" or "Well" (depending where you live).
Don't complain about the check
This a major NO NO!!!! We can't tell you how many times we heard this one. In fact, one bartender from Seattle told us that after sliding a couple of free ones to some of his patrons, they actually had the nerve to complain about the check. So listen to us, be a good drunk and keep track of your bill. PS: Don't forget about the free ones
Don't make a huge mess You see, its only PART of their job to help clean up around you, but it's not their WHOLE job. Got it?
Do not carve your initials on the bar or bathroom
Can you believe that we even have to mention this one? I'm not just talking about Hillbilly road houses either. We heard this complaint from some of the finest establishments in New York, Chicago, and Washington DC. Please take care of your favorite watering hole.
Don't try to have a conversation with them when they're busy
We witnessed one guy in New York City driving a very busy bartender absolutely berserkcontinuoustried to carry a continous conversation during happy hour while other customers where shouting out orders. Rule of Thumb: Wait your turn for therapy.
Don't ask them to make your drinks strong
Leon, one of the greatest bartenders from the famous 9:30 Club in Washington, DC told us he hates when people say, "Can you make it strong?" What does that mean? Does it mean all the other ones are gonna be weak? Please trust your bartender. Nuff said.
Don't wave money in their face to get their attention
My God!! Are you nuts? This is possibly one of THE very worst things you can ever do.
Don't snap your fingers at them
This is just as bad as the previous one. If you do this, I can personally guarantee that you will be instantly transformed in to the INVISIBLE MAN!!! Never to be seen by the bartender again. Plus you will look like an asshole to those around you.
Don't bang your beer bottle on the bar to get service
This is just plain stupid!!! Yes, in case you were wondering, they will ignore you.
Don't whistle to get service
Also very stupid!!! Yes, they will still ignore you.
Don't stand in the wait station
"What's a wait station?" Ok, do you see that area next to the bar where the waiters keep walking to with their orders? OK, if you still don't see it just look down on the floor. If you happen to be standing on a large rubber mat next to the bar, you had better get your fat ass off it, if you want another drink. Sometimes this is permitted in some establishments, but as a general rule, you should stay the hell outta there.
Don't be stupid!!
OK, so this next one is NOT gonna really piss them off, but it's definitely gonna make you look stupid. Amy, a bartender from Ireland, told us it drives her bonkers when people are standing in front of the beer taps and have the nerve to ask "What do you have on draft?" She then proceeds to point at the label on each tap and say it by name. That makes you look kinda dumb, just look at the taps before you open your mouth.
OK, here's another senario:
CUSTOMER: "What beers do you have?"
BARTENDER: "Bud,Coors,and Rolling Rock"
CUSTOMER: "Do you have Becks?"
BARTENDER: "No, we have Bud,Coors,and Rolling Rock"
Customer: "Do you have Heinenken?"
BARTENDER: "No, we have Bud,Coors,and Rolling Rock"
Customer: "Do you have Amstel Light?"
BARTENDER: "No, we have Bud,Coors,and Rolling Rock"
Get our point? Don't be stupid. Not to mention, the cute girls next to you will most definitely think that you are a tool!!!
Don't forget to close out your tab
Erik, a bartender from Ruth Chris's Steakhouse often has to track down customers in the dining area after they started a tab in the lounge before they were seated. Ok, sometimes we forget stuff when we are drinking, but don't let that be an excuse for not closing out you tab with a busy bartender in the lounge area.
Don't turn your back on the Bartender
Keep at least one eye on them during your order so you can be ready for it. Nick,an awesome bartender from Ozio was quick to mention that many people place their order and then promptly turn their back to talk to someone else. "When I come back with their order, there they are with their back turned talking to somebody when I've got a busy bar to take care of."
Don't touch them
Here's a scenario, the bartender is right in front of you making something off of the rail, you grab his arm to get his attention. Dude!!! Trust us, never, I repeat never, touch a bartender to get their attention.
Don't keep adding to your order
This can be really annoying when they are busy. If you want good service get your order straight the first time.
Don't order by saying, "Just make me something fruity."
Yeah, we know its for your date. Don't you know what she drinks? OK, some bartenders might appreciate the free license to be creative, but most busy bartenders just want the order, plain and simple. Get to know what drink your date likes, not only will it will impress her, it will make the bartenders life much easier. Don't do this again, otherwise we'll just stamp "ROOKIE" on your forehead the next time you walk in.
Don't complain about what's on TV.
Bill, from Baltimore adds ..."If you are in city like Baltimore, and it's baseball season, you're gonna be watching the Orioles game so don't come down here on vacation from Brooklyn and complain because we won't turn on the Yankees game. AS IF!" Likewise, for anywhere else you visit. A very good point indeed.
Don't be a psychopath
Don't be one of those depressing psychopaths that sit at the bar all day bothering everybody. It will surely piss off both the bartender and the management. Every establishment has its share of looney toons ...don't be one of them.
Don't be a rude belligerent drunk
In other words, don't be an out of control asshole. If you get flogged follow these instructions. Ask for a glass of water, say, "Thank You", and have them hail you a cab. Most establishments will be happy to give you a glass of water because they want you to sober up, but if you're way out of line, don't argue if they want you to get the hell out. You will most likely still be welcome later if you follow these instructions. It wouldn't hurt to apologize to the bartender and management the next time you stroll in you big bully. Call this damage control.
Don't tip poorly
If there is anything we can tell you.....THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT!! You wanna get good service? Tip well ...kind of makes sense doesn't it? Please make your tip in the CASH form. Change is a huge pain in the ass and makes you look like a really cheap bastard. Don't think that the bartender won't point out to other people how broke or cheap you are. They will make it very noticeable if they don't like you. He may even point it out to your woman. GASP!!!!
Don't tip well and then expect to be treated like a God
This is a common misconception about tipping. Tip well, but never expect anything in return. Your odds will be greatly increased, but definitely do not expect anything. Some of you know a good secret to getting great service: Make a huge tip on the first round. This is true, however, do not demand that the bartender remember you because of your noble gesture. One bartender in Texas told us that one business man from out of town came in, sat down, ordered a Tom Collins, gave the bartender a twenty dollar bill and said, "You had better remember me tonight." What's the problem here? Money talks! Bullshit walks! Instead of coming off as a big tipper, now you are considered a rich, spoiled, condescending and demanding asshole.
Don't walk in and act like you know someone (when you don't) and expect to get "hooked up" with drinks.
Bill, a bartender from Baltimore has served a number of bigname clients: Cal Ripken, Mike McCreary, Johnny Unitas and quotes, "I hated it when some fool came up to the bar and said, 'Hey, let me talk to the manager!'" Yeah right, like he's gonna get hooked up because he knows a guy....that knows this other guy.... that knows this other guy. HA!
DO
Be a good, polite, well tipping drunk.
OK easier said than done, but by all means, avoid all of the above bad habits.
Get to know your bartender
If they are in college, then ask them what they're studying. If they lived on a beach in Hawaii eating garbage for three years, ask them what it was like. Of course, tell them you saw this article and ask them what pisses them off. There might be a few things that we missed. If there is something we have missed, have them send it to us. Hell, you can even print this bitch out and show it to them.
Offer to buy them a drink
OK in some states this is illegal...or it may be just a rule of the establishment, but offer anyways; it will be appreciated. Who's to say they aren't having a bad day either? (By the way, for some odd reason, bartenders seem to like Grand Marnier or Irish Mist the best, why????? I have no idea.)
Take care of your watering hole
If you or one of your friends throws up in the bar, offer to clean it up. I know its a tall order, but it will be very appreciated.
Keep your order simple when they're busy
This means no shooters or blender drinks. Wait till it's a little slower. Sorry : (
Be polite
"Please" and "Thank You" can go a very long way.
Tip well.
The best way to get them to hook you up with hotties at the end of the bar is to TIP WELL!!!