BClonghair

These rules are for everyone and is a
continuation of my reply to Original kings post...
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=52037


Sit back order up a drink and read these.... Cheers!

1.If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
2. Always toast before doing a shot.
3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
4. Change your toast at least once a month.
5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.
12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.
14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
17. If someone offers to buy you a drink do not upgrade your liquor preference.
18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.
19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.
22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.
23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.
24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.
26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.
27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.
28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.
30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.
32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.
33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.
35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.
36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.
37. Try one new drink each week.
38. If your are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.
39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.
40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass.

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.
42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.
43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.
44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
45. It's okay to drink alone.
46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.
47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.
48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.
49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.
50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.
52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.
53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.
54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.
55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.
57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.
58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.
59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.
60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.
62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.
63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.
64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.
65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.
66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.”
67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.
68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.
69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.

71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.
72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.
73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.
74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.
75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.
77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”
78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.
79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.
80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.
82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.
83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.
85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
86. You will forget everyone of of these rules by your fifth drink.

and by your 10th drink you will see 172 rules ~:BClonghair:~

World's King

I am so confused.

I'm a guy. KING. Not QUEEN.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

telekinetic

I realize they're not meant for the rest of us...nevertheless, i enjoyed the read...some of those are Very True and need to be followed at all times.

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twisted no more

BClonghair

Don't be confused dude!... It was me who was confused for a sec
I'm ok now!
sorry the title of "King" should have said something...
If it was "Queen" and you were a guy that would be a whole new bag of worms!
Fortunatly there was no mistake there!


No no no... these are meant for everyone!
I just made it as an extention of my post to King!

Anyway... Mr King did you enjoy these?
working in a bar I know you would appreciate them
and Twisted... thanks for the reply!

trying to set the record straight! ...anyone confused NOW?
Good! ...niether am I ~:BClonghair:~

Ilow

I like 'em. cheers

__________________
"Religion is the one area of our discourse in which it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about"
--Sam Harris

bond007

I think I'll add #27 to my "must do" list.

matteo101

I am going to have to learn number 27 as well. Good list all around.

Kaos

I can only disagree with #21. I think my father has only been drunk a half a dozen times in his whole life.

Myself, on the other hand...

tkkfan

haha how true, how true

That list is right on

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I can't believe I ate the whole thing!

iccky

There was a simmilar list floating around about the 100 things for a drunk to do before he dies. Anyone got that bookmarked?

CSflim

What does 86'd mean?
Pardon my ignorance!

Great list by the way!

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Glad-I-Ate-Her

Very good list. I wish a lot more people would know these.


Glad

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I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!

KellyC

wow...so many rules about drinking...

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

mojoman

TRUE TRUE!!!!!

As a batender I totaly agree...=)

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It`s better to regret things you did, than the things you didn`t.

soopafreek

isn't this from modern drunkard magazine? http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/

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aaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!

dickie

86ed means scratched , thrown out , abolished from the bar area .

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The Beating will continue until moral improves .

Collegestudent

thats pretty good

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"Nothing is to beautiful, nothing is to expensive." -Ettore Bugatti

blkdmnd

Every single item in this list is entirely true and should be consulted frequently.

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I blow my nose at you. Now go away before I taunt you a second time.

scansinboy

Here's my list of bartender Do's and Don'ts. OK, so they're mostly don'ts. Feel free to use this list as you see fit.
Me? I'm going to blow it up, frame it and hang it on the wall of the first bar I own. That said....

DON'T
Don't talk about Politics or Religion
Repeat the following famous quote after me: "Three things you shouldn't talk about: Politics, Religion and Her." Arguments and bar fights are the first sure fire way to really piss off a bartender.

Don't call your bartender "Chief", "Big Guy","Cuz" or "Boss"
You may think you're just being cool, but many bartenders think this is just plain condescending. (Editors Note: Not every body had a problem with this, but the women bartenders we asked were quick to point out that they didn't like their asses grabbed or to be called Sweet Tits..etc.)

Don't play "Stump The Bartender" or order a shit load of shooters when they're really busy
They like their orders really simple when their swamped with customers. Rule of thumb: Keep it simple when they're really busy

Don't order blender drinks when they are busy.
A lot of bars don't even have blenders. Personally, I would avoid them all together (unless you're on vacation or something). Did you ever notice that blenders are almost never displayed at eye level? There is a definite reason for that. They are usually located just below the bar near the "Rail" or "Well" (depending where you live).

Don't complain about the check
This a major NO NO!!!! We can't tell you how many times we heard this one. In fact, one bartender from Seattle told us that after sliding a couple of free ones to some of his patrons, they actually had the nerve to complain about the check. So listen to us, be a good drunk and keep track of your bill. PS: Don't forget about the free ones

Don't make a huge mess You see, its only PART of their job to help clean up around you, but it's not their WHOLE job. Got it?

Do not carve your initials on the bar or bathroom
Can you believe that we even have to mention this one? I'm not just talking about Hillbilly road houses either. We heard this complaint from some of the finest establishments in New York, Chicago, and Washington DC. Please take care of your favorite watering hole.

Don't try to have a conversation with them when they're busy
We witnessed one guy in New York City driving a very busy bartender absolutely berserkcontinuoustried to carry a continous conversation during happy hour while other customers where shouting out orders. Rule of Thumb: Wait your turn for therapy.

Don't ask them to make your drinks strong
Leon, one of the greatest bartenders from the famous 9:30 Club in Washington, DC told us he hates when people say, "Can you make it strong?" What does that mean? Does it mean all the other ones are gonna be weak? Please trust your bartender. Nuff said.

Don't wave money in their face to get their attention
My God!! Are you nuts? This is possibly one of THE very worst things you can ever do.

Don't snap your fingers at them
This is just as bad as the previous one. If you do this, I can personally guarantee that you will be instantly transformed in to the INVISIBLE MAN!!! Never to be seen by the bartender again. Plus you will look like an asshole to those around you.

Don't bang your beer bottle on the bar to get service
This is just plain stupid!!! Yes, in case you were wondering, they will ignore you.

Don't whistle to get service
Also very stupid!!! Yes, they will still ignore you.

Don't stand in the wait station
"What's a wait station?" Ok, do you see that area next to the bar where the waiters keep walking to with their orders? OK, if you still don't see it just look down on the floor. If you happen to be standing on a large rubber mat next to the bar, you had better get your fat ass off it, if you want another drink. Sometimes this is permitted in some establishments, but as a general rule, you should stay the hell outta there.

Don't be stupid!!
OK, so this next one is NOT gonna really piss them off, but it's definitely gonna make you look stupid. Amy, a bartender from Ireland, told us it drives her bonkers when people are standing in front of the beer taps and have the nerve to ask "What do you have on draft?" She then proceeds to point at the label on each tap and say it by name. That makes you look kinda dumb, just look at the taps before you open your mouth.

OK, here's another senario:
CUSTOMER: "What beers do you have?"
BARTENDER: "Bud,Coors,and Rolling Rock"
CUSTOMER: "Do you have Becks?"
BARTENDER: "No, we have Bud,Coors,and Rolling Rock"
Customer: "Do you have Heinenken?"
BARTENDER: "No, we have Bud,Coors,and Rolling Rock"
Customer: "Do you have Amstel Light?"
BARTENDER: "No, we have Bud,Coors,and Rolling Rock"
Get our point? Don't be stupid. Not to mention, the cute girls next to you will most definitely think that you are a tool!!!

Don't forget to close out your tab
Erik, a bartender from Ruth Chris's Steakhouse often has to track down customers in the dining area after they started a tab in the lounge before they were seated. Ok, sometimes we forget stuff when we are drinking, but don't let that be an excuse for not closing out you tab with a busy bartender in the lounge area.

Don't turn your back on the Bartender
Keep at least one eye on them during your order so you can be ready for it. Nick,an awesome bartender from Ozio was quick to mention that many people place their order and then promptly turn their back to talk to someone else. "When I come back with their order, there they are with their back turned talking to somebody when I've got a busy bar to take care of."

Don't touch them
Here's a scenario, the bartender is right in front of you making something off of the rail, you grab his arm to get his attention. Dude!!! Trust us, never, I repeat never, touch a bartender to get their attention.

Don't keep adding to your order
This can be really annoying when they are busy. If you want good service get your order straight the first time.

Don't order by saying, "Just make me something fruity."
Yeah, we know its for your date. Don't you know what she drinks? OK, some bartenders might appreciate the free license to be creative, but most busy bartenders just want the order, plain and simple. Get to know what drink your date likes, not only will it will impress her, it will make the bartenders life much easier. Don't do this again, otherwise we'll just stamp "ROOKIE" on your forehead the next time you walk in.

Don't complain about what's on TV.
Bill, from Baltimore adds ..."If you are in city like Baltimore, and it's baseball season, you're gonna be watching the Orioles game so don't come down here on vacation from Brooklyn and complain because we won't turn on the Yankees game. AS IF!" Likewise, for anywhere else you visit. A very good point indeed.

Don't be a psychopath
Don't be one of those depressing psychopaths that sit at the bar all day bothering everybody. It will surely piss off both the bartender and the management. Every establishment has its share of looney toons ...don't be one of them.

Don't be a rude belligerent drunk
In other words, don't be an out of control asshole. If you get flogged follow these instructions. Ask for a glass of water, say, "Thank You", and have them hail you a cab. Most establishments will be happy to give you a glass of water because they want you to sober up, but if you're way out of line, don't argue if they want you to get the hell out. You will most likely still be welcome later if you follow these instructions. It wouldn't hurt to apologize to the bartender and management the next time you stroll in you big bully. Call this damage control.

Don't tip poorly
If there is anything we can tell you.....THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT!! You wanna get good service? Tip well ...kind of makes sense doesn't it? Please make your tip in the CASH form. Change is a huge pain in the ass and makes you look like a really cheap bastard. Don't think that the bartender won't point out to other people how broke or cheap you are. They will make it very noticeable if they don't like you. He may even point it out to your woman. GASP!!!!

Don't tip well and then expect to be treated like a God
This is a common misconception about tipping. Tip well, but never expect anything in return. Your odds will be greatly increased, but definitely do not expect anything. Some of you know a good secret to getting great service: Make a huge tip on the first round. This is true, however, do not demand that the bartender remember you because of your noble gesture. One bartender in Texas told us that one business man from out of town came in, sat down, ordered a Tom Collins, gave the bartender a twenty dollar bill and said, "You had better remember me tonight." What's the problem here? Money talks! Bullshit walks! Instead of coming off as a big tipper, now you are considered a rich, spoiled, condescending and demanding asshole.

Don't walk in and act like you know someone (when you don't) and expect to get "hooked up" with drinks.
Bill, a bartender from Baltimore has served a number of bigname clients: Cal Ripken, Mike McCreary, Johnny Unitas and quotes, "I hated it when some fool came up to the bar and said, 'Hey, let me talk to the manager!'" Yeah right, like he's gonna get hooked up because he knows a guy....that knows this other guy.... that knows this other guy. HA!

DO
Be a good, polite, well tipping drunk.
OK easier said than done, but by all means, avoid all of the above bad habits.

Get to know your bartender
If they are in college, then ask them what they're studying. If they lived on a beach in Hawaii eating garbage for three years, ask them what it was like. Of course, tell them you saw this article and ask them what pisses them off. There might be a few things that we missed. If there is something we have missed, have them send it to us. Hell, you can even print this bitch out and show it to them.

Offer to buy them a drink
OK in some states this is illegal...or it may be just a rule of the establishment, but offer anyways; it will be appreciated. Who's to say they aren't having a bad day either? (By the way, for some odd reason, bartenders seem to like Grand Marnier or Irish Mist the best, why????? I have no idea.)

Take care of your watering hole
If you or one of your friends throws up in the bar, offer to clean it up. I know its a tall order, but it will be very appreciated.

Keep your order simple when they're busy
This means no shooters or blender drinks. Wait till it's a little slower. Sorry : (

Be polite
"Please" and "Thank You" can go a very long way.

Tip well.
The best way to get them to hook you up with hotties at the end of the bar is to TIP WELL!!!

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Don't blame me... *I* voted for Kodos!