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I get the drift...At about the same as you are now, I had almost all the same concerns: Being a cross dresser(I started at 16), not really ever finding quite the right mix in a relationship and all the other crap..sexually...hornness and lost desires could bring in a man who otherwise was in a pretty good frame of mind.
What I first did was completely re-evaluated my life: point my point, hard. DEEP down what did I really need and want in my life and what could I handle? What was I capable of? Having had those thoughts of fringe lifestyles, I read about stuff beyond generally excepted frames of mind. Not the kinks of if by the Whys of it, why did people gravitate to them. I spoke to 2 fellow member(former now) right here on TFP and got closer to them and trusted that if I opened up to them, they would do the same. Many hours pasted in private IM's specifically about the DEEP stuff. The result was mind-opening in its simplicity of what ended up happening for me. I listened to them getting there perspective of my truths. I let it all hand out, being vulnerable and then it happened. I finally was prepared to take the next step. I only placed one personal, a very straight, truthful, fact based, and honest wants. It took me 2 months of looking at other peoples adds, looking for the same honesty, and straightforward take on the things I wanted and they needed. In then happened!
We met, and instantly we both knew that we had done it right for us... I was a new dominate and she was a around the edge submissive. She knew the basics of it... Now almost a year and 6 months later, she will be moving in.
We both meet each others needs, we know the ground rules, and through continuously educating ourselves, we are headed into areas never dreamed of, lusted that are getting stronger by the day and getting to do things, that would seem so naughty yet right for us...Its becoming second nature....in its purist sense.
She wears my collar proudly and with all the respect it deserves, I have trained her to become a better submissive to me, and I learned from her what it really means to care about someone. She taught me so much about humans needs it still numbs me, speaking about it.
Bottom lines, I was in the shadows all my life about sex and have now found what its means to be sexually positive! IT WORKS. and take work.
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LEATHER, LATEX and LACE "SSC"
"Nothing That Gives Pleasure is Bad"
Quality is for those who know
what they want and are at peace with what they have.
"S/M is about emotion; the erotic tension between my impulse toward something and my resistance against it."-- Virginia Barker
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