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raeanna74 · 05-04-2004, 05:07 AM

hannukah harry said it well

I babysit for a little girl who's parents are divorced. I watch her on Dad's weeks and on Mom's weeks. They first brought her to me when they were going to their first divorce hearing so I've been taking care of her through the whole thing. She is almost 3 now so much the same age as yours are. She calls her step dad "Daddy Terry". Her biological Dad is still Daddy. I can tell who she sees as Daddy. He enjoys Daddy Terry and it's a good thing because going to Mom's house is less traumatic. But she LOVES Daddy. She wants to go home with Daddy much more than with Daddy Terry. Daddy probably doesn't see it that much but watching from the outside and how her relationship with her own Daddy has developed I can see it.

I know you don't want your children to bond more with some other man. You want to be their Daddy all yourself. The way things work in divorce that isn't always possible. You want your children to be happy - they need to be comfortable at your home and at mom's house. You can't let the bitterness at this other man eat away at your love for your children and allow you to interfer with their happiness. They know you are their Daddy. Calling him Daddy... anything is only a name to them. The older they get the more the difference will be apparent to them. Try to keep things as congenial as you can. Your children will read your bitternes if you can't get rid of it. I know I haven't had to deal with this so how can I tell you that. I realize it must be a monumental job to not be bitter. I do know children though and they can read you like a book. They need stability and love. Not just love towards them either. If you love them and hate everyone else it will rob them of the feeling of being free to love who they want to. They will "love" this man as their step father.

As hannukah harry said though. The part you play in their lives is the key. If you are a father to them you will be loved as a father. Try to focus on your relationship with your kids and not on their relationship to anyone else. They love you, you love them, your love is unconditional as you are their first Dad. Don't let anything else get in the way between your love for them. Hugs. I hope you can get past this without more pain.

05-04-2004, 05:07 AM	#5 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	hannukah harry said it well I babysit for a little girl who's parents are divorced. I watch her on Dad's weeks and on Mom's weeks. They first brought her to me when they were going to their first divorce hearing so I've been taking care of her through the whole thing. She is almost 3 now so much the same age as yours are. She calls her step dad "Daddy Terry". Her biological Dad is still Daddy. I can tell who she sees as Daddy. He enjoys Daddy Terry and it's a good thing because going to Mom's house is less traumatic. But she LOVES Daddy. She wants to go home with Daddy much more than with Daddy Terry. Daddy probably doesn't see it that much but watching from the outside and how her relationship with her own Daddy has developed I can see it. I know you don't want your children to bond more with some other man. You want to be their Daddy all yourself. The way things work in divorce that isn't always possible. You want your children to be happy - they need to be comfortable at your home and at mom's house. You can't let the bitterness at this other man eat away at your love for your children and allow you to interfer with their happiness. They know you are their Daddy. Calling him Daddy... anything is only a name to them. The older they get the more the difference will be apparent to them. Try to keep things as congenial as you can. Your children will read your bitternes if you can't get rid of it. I know I haven't had to deal with this so how can I tell you that. I realize it must be a monumental job to not be bitter. I do know children though and they can read you like a book. They need stability and love. Not just love towards them either. If you love them and hate everyone else it will rob them of the feeling of being free to love who they want to. They will "love" this man as their step father. As hannukah harry said though. The part you play in their lives is the key. If you are a father to them you will be loved as a father. Try to focus on your relationship with your kids and not on their relationship to anyone else. They love you, you love them, your love is unconditional as you are their first Dad. Don't let anything else get in the way between your love for them. Hugs. I hope you can get past this without more pain. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma. Last edited by raeanna74; 05-04-2004 at 05:09 AM..