YAAAAY!!! An opportunity to unleash my inner Grammar Geek!
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Originally posted by Phaenx
The banging of pots and pans accompanied by the crescendo of the wind playing the Earth was a symphony in it’s own right.
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You didn't ask, but that should be a posessive "its", not the contraction for "it is".
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Before I could say anything, he was upon me. Unleashing a flurry of tickling and wrestling techniques he had coined years ago.
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Okay, what's the subject of that second sentence? What's the verb? The object?
Every sentence needs at least a subject and a verb. If it doesn't have one or the other, it's probably a fragment.
Also, I'm not sure about the choice of the word "coined". You typically coin a phrase, not a flurry. It's bordering on a mixed metaphor. "Perfected", maybe? Or "developed"?
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We grew interests in several sports, but mostly played basketball in his driveway. Very long games of basketball.
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Okay, so second sentence again. Subject? Verb?
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Now that I had been equipped with the correct outlook on success I was able to do many things that I likely would have counted as impossible before even trying.
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I want a comma after "success" and before "I". The phrase beginning "I was able" is a dependent clause, and so needs to be joined to the first half of the sentence with a comma.
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This upset John and I, so in response we set up a business that in one night pulled in nearly eight times what they made in a week.
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It's "John and
me", but the use of the comma is perfect.
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Wheels began to turn and with the go-ahead from John’s father, we were sitting out in the cold with a sign that read, “Parking, ten dollars.”
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I'd like a comman between "and" and "with". That would set off "with the go-ahead from John's father" as a subordinate clause. It's almost a parenthetical statement, so it deserves to be set off like that.
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Be it beating your best friend at basketball every day or earning enough money to buy into a business venture. It does not matter the outcome, the only time a person fails to succeed is when they do not try.
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With a little tweaking this could be a very nice, if long, sentence, but as it is, the first sentence is a fragment. It sets up a dependent clause, and then doesn't give it anything to depend from.
Now, most of what you're doing could be legitimate from a style point of view. You'll notice LOTS of fragments in what I've written in this post, but I'm writing for a web forum, not a formal paper. In many contexts, there would be absolutely no gramattical problems with this essay at all (well, except for the "it's" I pointed out; that's just wrong). But if you're getting nailed for your use of commas, that deserves a little more attention to the matter.
My guess is, you're writing conversationally, and quickly. You don't take the time to think, "Okay, where's the subject....". But if your teachers are coming down on you, you should try and take time for that.