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Originally posted by sexymama
I'm confused...Why can't she put herself first and still be married? How can you help her put herself first?
I think you have a good idea in giving her a "break." But don't just do it for a weekend now -- make a commitment to a break once a month, a quarter, a year -- whatever works for both of you. When your wife learns to care for herself better and have control of her life -- she will have more time and energy to focus on you and the child.
Maybe she would consider going to counseling with you and working on these issues. They are not insurmountable -- just daunting.
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I'm confused too sexymama.
I think just the idea of being married means to her that she is not in control.
She was telling me last night that she works with someone who is married, has a nice house, are expecting a child soon and have told her "This is the house that we are going to raise our children in". She admires that, but that absolutely scares the crap out of her.
That is much like what we have and she equates it to being given a book of her life that is already written and being told "There you go. There is your life". She thinking is "how can you really live when you know how it's going to turn out in the end?"
But when I bring up the reality of the situation - that she will be a single mom looking after 2 children (one 10 and one 3) with an income that would make providing for them very difficult, then how is that "living".
She doesn't want to face reality. She believes that if she listens to what her soul is saying, then everything will fall into place.
I have asked her that we and her seek counselling. I have told her many times that I'm willing to do whatever it takes - no matter what. But in the end, if someone just doesn't what to be there, then there is nothing anyone can do.