Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Life over...father-in-law moving in!

jujueye · 03-17-2004, 02:43 PM

Well, I can add little to the advice here. But, let's recap, shall we?

1. Lay down the rules. Type them up and post them on the fridge if necessary.

2. Limit his stay. Allow him to get back on his feet (this is fair) but let him know it is not a permanent location. Suggest he get a PO Box instead of having his mail transferred to your home. That will help him remember that he is not in his own home.

3. TALK to your new wife. With something this big, a longer discussion was actually in order, and something that you both should have agreed upon. The more you do this now, the more it will become a regular part of your relationship, and that can only help.

4. Feel free to say "Hell No"!!! Then explain the financial hardship it will create, not to mention the tax on your new marriage. Don't forget this will also cost you more for food, electricity, water, etc.

5. Ask the tough questions. Be honest in your answers.

6. Suggest counseling for him so that there would be a possibility that he could some day go back home and make it work. Counseling is not for schizos, it's for times like this when we need help and reason. Counseling could also convince him that he is running away from it, which isn't a good, adult solution.

I'm not trying to be mean. I just can see that this is really going to be trying for you.

03-17-2004, 02:43 PM	#10 (permalink)
jujueye alpaca lunch for the trip Location: in my computer	Well, I can add little to the advice here. But, let's recap, shall we? 1. Lay down the rules. Type them up and post them on the fridge if necessary. 2. Limit his stay. Allow him to get back on his feet (this is fair) but let him know it is not a permanent location. Suggest he get a PO Box instead of having his mail transferred to your home. That will help him remember that he is not in his own home. 3. TALK to your new wife. With something this big, a longer discussion was actually in order, and something that you both should have agreed upon. The more you do this now, the more it will become a regular part of your relationship, and that can only help. 4. Feel free to say "Hell No"!!! Then explain the financial hardship it will create, not to mention the tax on your new marriage. Don't forget this will also cost you more for food, electricity, water, etc. 5. Ask the tough questions. Be honest in your answers. 6. Suggest counseling for him so that there would be a possibility that he could some day go back home and make it work. Counseling is not for schizos, it's for times like this when we need help and reason. Counseling could also convince him that he is running away from it, which isn't a good, adult solution. I'm not trying to be mean. I just can see that this is really going to be trying for you.