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Junkie
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Breasts, tits or jugs - A Primer
I thought this was kinda funny...
Quote:
Breasts:
These are what your mother, boss, wife and long term girlfriend have. They are available for private showings, but mostly are not to be brushed up against or acknowledged in public with anything more than cursory glances. Breasts are part of a whole person, and are to be regarded, at least on most occasions, with the same inert response one gives arms or earlobes. The sensual power is undeniable, but when dealing with breasts belonging to women in your life you hold love or respect for, it is best to let any erotic charge they might hold languish in the background, whether the frisson is like an elephant in the living room or a small intermittent electrical impulse. It is this very pretense that allows you to share the nomenclature for the female form with chicken parts, and later when you are alone with the owner of said parts, use the B word again to mumble the word in low tones, announcing any intention you might have to offer your more than undivided attention. All in all, the popular favorite and certainly the safest term you will ever know for the part in question, and in the right context, suitable for all ages, occasions and mixed company.
Tits:
Aside from comic reference, you will find these are unilaterally attached to those women who reveal their physical form professionally. These are the only women who will tolerate the use of said word, but I assure you that each time they hear it, you insure your place in their brain as nothing but a dollar sign, a customer, trick, paid member of the fan club or web site, or maybe just a potential mark. If you must use this word, and I have been assured that some must, it is best used only in male company and out of earshot of any owners of said parts.
Boobs:
As an epithet it is always slightly comic and generally divorced from it's mammarian association. Sometimes used by women when in the company of other women for comic effect ie. "Ouch! That hit me in the boob area!" but more often reserved for accidental utterances where one of either has begun telling a story that contains what they fear will be a socially uncomfortable moment: one where a breast is mentioned, and so in a moment of panic, accidentally refer to it as a boob because such nerve wreaking times frequently rob people of their best practices training.
Hooters:
Mercifully out of date, the word is now reserved for use in reference to the waitstaff at the eponymous restaurant, and comes up only in jest, (the less often, the better.)
Jugs:
Having fallen out of fashion, this term is almost exclusively the domain of the soon to retire and pornography. Despite its dated and markedly unstylish nature, porn merchants know what you think when you're alone and aren't afraid to put it in horrible display typefaces in 72 point bold.
Rack:
Used to describe both at once, and more the phenomenon than the individual, rack is used only for strangers, generally those who make a good impression from many feet away, so good it apparently is beyond the power of the viewer to refrain from commenting.
Chest:
A desexualized term that is most commonly used when the sexualization is either inadvertent or inappropriate. So powerless it almost becomes more powerful than any explicit term.
Funbags, Headlights, Shirt puppies, and other colorful terms:
There are never times when these words are amusing or appropriate, and yet they still appear. There is no known rationale for this.
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Originally posted at: http://www.harpold.com/500/paddock/00000174.html
Mr Mephisto |