Breasts, tits or jugs - A Primer - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Mephisto2 · 03-11-2004, 11:43 PM

I thought this was kinda funny...

Quote:

Breasts:
These are what your mother, boss, wife and long term girlfriend have. They are available for private showings, but mostly are not to be brushed up against or acknowledged in public with anything more than cursory glances. Breasts are part of a whole person, and are to be regarded, at least on most occasions, with the same inert response one gives arms or earlobes. The sensual power is undeniable, but when dealing with breasts belonging to women in your life you hold love or respect for, it is best to let any erotic charge they might hold languish in the background, whether the frisson is like an elephant in the living room or a small intermittent electrical impulse. It is this very pretense that allows you to share the nomenclature for the female form with chicken parts, and later when you are alone with the owner of said parts, use the B word again to mumble the word in low tones, announcing any intention you might have to offer your more than undivided attention. All in all, the popular favorite and certainly the safest term you will ever know for the part in question, and in the right context, suitable for all ages, occasions and mixed company.

Tits:
Aside from comic reference, you will find these are unilaterally attached to those women who reveal their physical form professionally. These are the only women who will tolerate the use of said word, but I assure you that each time they hear it, you insure your place in their brain as nothing but a dollar sign, a customer, trick, paid member of the fan club or web site, or maybe just a potential mark. If you must use this word, and I have been assured that some must, it is best used only in male company and out of earshot of any owners of said parts.

Boobs:
As an epithet it is always slightly comic and generally divorced from it's mammarian association. Sometimes used by women when in the company of other women for comic effect ie. "Ouch! That hit me in the boob area!" but more often reserved for accidental utterances where one of either has begun telling a story that contains what they fear will be a socially uncomfortable moment: one where a breast is mentioned, and so in a moment of panic, accidentally refer to it as a boob because such nerve wreaking times frequently rob people of their best practices training.

Hooters:
Mercifully out of date, the word is now reserved for use in reference to the waitstaff at the eponymous restaurant, and comes up only in jest, (the less often, the better.)

Jugs:
Having fallen out of fashion, this term is almost exclusively the domain of the soon to retire and pornography. Despite its dated and markedly unstylish nature, porn merchants know what you think when you're alone and aren't afraid to put it in horrible display typefaces in 72 point bold.

Rack:
Used to describe both at once, and more the phenomenon than the individual, rack is used only for strangers, generally those who make a good impression from many feet away, so good it apparently is beyond the power of the viewer to refrain from commenting.

Chest:
A desexualized term that is most commonly used when the sexualization is either inadvertent or inappropriate. So powerless it almost becomes more powerful than any explicit term.

Funbags, Headlights, Shirt puppies, and other colorful terms:
There are never times when these words are amusing or appropriate, and yet they still appear. There is no known rationale for this.

Originally posted at: http://www.harpold.com/500/paddock/00000174.html

Mr Mephisto

Karby · 03-12-2004, 12:24 AM

hehe...that was funny.
really good, seeing that the uh...'definitions' are pretty acurate

Sensei · 03-12-2004, 04:58 AM

Forget university, the best education in the world is available right here on the TFP!!

rockogre · 03-12-2004, 06:40 AM

Now see, this is what I'm here for!

Useful, pertinent, real life information dissiminated amongst friends.

Who knows when this information might prevent me from being punched in the nose, or made to feel less than human.

May the goddess of nipples smile upon you.

feelgood · 03-12-2004, 07:01 AM

600 credits (post count) and counting, now where's my degree?

StormBerlin · 03-12-2004, 09:22 AM

That's a great laugh. Thanks so much Mr. Mephisto, I can always count on you.
Scarily accurate as well.

Sion · 03-12-2004, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by feelgood
600 credits (post count) and counting, now where's my degree?

your credits do not come from how many posts you have, but rather from how many posts you have read, and from how much you have learned from them. you'll receive your degree when and if you pass all of the final exams.

whenever you feel that you are ready to take any of these tests, you will find them and the end of each forum. be sure to allow yourself at least 3 hours per exam, as they are rather long.

oh, and dont forget a N0. 2 pencil.

good luck

kutulu · 03-12-2004, 10:34 AM

That's pretty funny. Thanks

RoboBlaster · 03-12-2004, 12:03 PM

There should be something like this for the vagina and penis, perhaps we can come up with some.

runawayfetus · 03-12-2004, 03:04 PM

hah hilarious.. and incredibly true.. never could of put that in words although we all think of it this way

guthmund · 03-12-2004, 11:15 PM

I had to re-read this several times.....

Quote:

Breasts:
These are what your mother...They are available for private showings....

When I read the first time something clicked in my head about it being a little funny. After I re-read it a couple of times, well, this jumped out at me.

Call Art, the author is using subliminal messages...

cataklysm · 03-13-2004, 09:53 AM

Great post.

twilightfoix · 03-13-2004, 12:27 PM

yeah, good one. made me giggle a lil

wallaby72 · 03-13-2004, 06:07 PM

Does the term "titties" have the same connotations at "tits", or does this fall into a different category altogether?

santafe5000 · 03-13-2004, 06:08 PM

You forgot to add AL BUNDY'S favorite, SNACK TRAYS.

KellyC · 03-13-2004, 09:51 PM

"Ouch! That hits me in the boob"

I've heard that so much from girls....gets more sexy each time they say it. mmmmmmmm

WarWagon · 03-14-2004, 12:02 AM

I guess Mazoombas is just underrated.

Mephisto2 · 03-14-2004, 02:27 AM

I was disappointed they didn't refer to Bazookas or Bazongas myself.

Oh well...

:-)

Mr Mephisto

ratbastid · 03-15-2004, 07:53 AM

I've been hearing boobies more frequently than boobs from the women in my life lately.

Just an observation.

water_boy1999 · 03-15-2004, 11:16 AM

Great post, made me laugh. Never really categorized breasts that way.

Captain Canada · 03-15-2004, 02:51 PM

Well, I've never seen them catagorized before. Quite funny though, and pretty true.

Cherry · 03-24-2004, 01:35 AM

\m/ YAY! Boobies rock!

Great post, man.

troit · 03-24-2004, 08:23 AM

Nice article on the correct venacular of a certain portion of the female body.... heheh.

onodrim · 03-25-2004, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ratbastid
I've been hearing boobies more frequently than boobs from the women in my life lately.

Just an observation.

I prefer boobie over boob any day. I can't say why, but I do.

BoCo · 03-26-2004, 06:58 AM

What about 'lunch trays'?

ngdawg · 03-26-2004, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by RoboBlaster
There should be something like this for the vagina and penis, perhaps we can come up with some.

Think there's about 7 for vagina...4 for penis....not counting our own personal namings of either

03-12-2004, 12:24 AM	#2 (permalink)
Karby Psycho Location: somewhere	hehe...that was funny. really good, seeing that the uh...'definitions' are pretty acurate __________________ ~my karma ran over my dogma.~

03-12-2004, 04:58 AM	#3 (permalink)
Sensei Black Belt in Slacking Off Location: Portland Or-ah-gun	Forget university, the best education in the world is available right here on the TFP!! __________________ Slacking off with style since 1981.

03-12-2004, 06:40 AM	#4 (permalink)
rockogre I aim to misbehave! Location: SW Oklahoma	Now see, this is what I'm here for! Useful, pertinent, real life information dissiminated amongst friends. Who knows when this information might prevent me from being punched in the nose, or made to feel less than human. May the goddess of nipples smile upon you. __________________ Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G. I. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

03-12-2004, 07:01 AM	#5 (permalink)
feelgood Free Mars! Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time	600 credits (post count) and counting, now where's my degree? __________________ Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

03-12-2004, 09:22 AM	#6 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	That's a great laugh. Thanks so much Mr. Mephisto, I can always count on you. Scarily accurate as well. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

03-12-2004, 10:34 AM	#8 (permalink)
kutulu Junkie	That's pretty funny. Thanks

03-12-2004, 12:03 PM	#9 (permalink)
RoboBlaster Psycho Location: Ouuuterrrr Spaaaaacccceeee	There should be something like this for the vagina and penis, perhaps we can come up with some.

03-12-2004, 03:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
runawayfetus Crazy Location: san fran	hah hilarious.. and incredibly true.. never could of put that in words although we all think of it this way __________________ im a huge movie goer....

03-13-2004, 09:53 AM	#12 (permalink)
cataklysm Tilted Location: New York	Great post.

03-13-2004, 12:27 PM	#13 (permalink)
twilightfoix Insane Location: in the clouds ;)	yeah, good one. made me giggle a lil

03-13-2004, 06:07 PM	#14 (permalink)
wallaby72 Insane Location: A long way from home	Does the term "titties" have the same connotations at "tits", or does this fall into a different category altogether?

03-13-2004, 06:08 PM	#15 (permalink)
santafe5000 EVIL! Location: Southwest of nowhere	You forgot to add AL BUNDY'S favorite, SNACK TRAYS. __________________ When all else fails, QUIT.

03-13-2004, 09:51 PM	#16 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	"Ouch! That hits me in the boob" I've heard that so much from girls....gets more sexy each time they say it. mmmmmmmm __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.

03-14-2004, 12:02 AM	#17 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	I guess Mazoombas is just underrated.

03-14-2004, 02:27 AM	#18 (permalink)
Mephisto2 Junkie	I was disappointed they didn't refer to Bazookas or Bazongas myself. Oh well... :-) Mr Mephisto

03-24-2004, 01:35 AM	#22 (permalink)
Cherry Tilted Location: Yonder	\m/ YAY! Boobies rock! Great post, man. __________________ In walked a man in the shape of a man, holding a hat shaped hat...

03-15-2004, 07:53 AM	#19 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	I've been hearing boobies more frequently than boobs from the women in my life lately. Just an observation.

03-15-2004, 11:16 AM	#20 (permalink)
water_boy1999 Fly em straight! Location: Above and Beyond	Great post, made me laugh. Never really categorized breasts that way. __________________ Doh!!!! -Homer Simpson

03-15-2004, 02:51 PM	#21 (permalink)
Captain Canada Addict Location: University of North Carolina at Greensboro	Well, I've never seen them catagorized before. Quite funny though, and pretty true.

03-24-2004, 08:23 AM	#23 (permalink)
troit Transfer Agent Location: NYC	Nice article on the correct venacular of a certain portion of the female body.... heheh. __________________ I've yet to dephile myself... Last edited by troit; 03-24-2004 at 08:35 AM..

03-26-2004, 06:58 AM	#25 (permalink)
BoCo Fear the bunny Location: Hanging off the tip of the Right Wing	What about 'lunch trays'? __________________ Activism is a way for useless people to feel important.