Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Helping her through labour

Tophat665 · 03-08-2004, 07:42 PM

Bring a book. A long one. If you smoke, bring two or three packs. And a comfy blanket or two. You might be there for the long haul (22 hours for my wife's first. 2 hours 20 minutes for the second).

I'm prob'ly going to get lambasted for saying this, but for the love of Dog and all that is Hairy, STAY ABOVE THE ELBOW! You do not want to see what is going on down there. Trust me.

ep-I-dur-Al. Learn to say it. Start asking about getting one for your lady as soon as you are in the room or every time you see someone in hostpital garb. She does not want to feel what is going to happen next. You will be going to get your broken hand set after the birth if she does.

The name Beldar or Primat may come to mind when you first see your baby. Resist the impulse. Their heads get rounder later.

There will likely be at least two other people in the room who are a thousand times more qualified to cut the umbilicus than you. You're (or your health insurance's) paying 'em; let 'em do it.

Remind her to breathe. It sounds stupid, but she will appreciate it, because she might forget. Really.

Find out where they keep the crushed ice. That's all she's going to be able to eat or drink during labor. If you're there for any length of time, you will want to know where to find it.

There has got to be a better way to reproduce than this.

03-08-2004, 07:42 PM	#20 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	Bring a book. A long one. If you smoke, bring two or three packs. And a comfy blanket or two. You might be there for the long haul (22 hours for my wife's first. 2 hours 20 minutes for the second). I'm prob'ly going to get lambasted for saying this, but for the love of Dog and all that is Hairy, STAY ABOVE THE ELBOW! You do not want to see what is going on down there. Trust me. ep-I-dur-Al. Learn to say it. Start asking about getting one for your lady as soon as you are in the room or every time you see someone in hostpital garb. She does not want to feel what is going to happen next. You will be going to get your broken hand set after the birth if she does. The name Beldar or Primat may come to mind when you first see your baby. Resist the impulse. Their heads get rounder later. There will likely be at least two other people in the room who are a thousand times more qualified to cut the umbilicus than you. You're (or your health insurance's) paying 'em; let 'em do it. Remind her to breathe. It sounds stupid, but she will appreciate it, because she might forget. Really. Find out where they keep the crushed ice. That's all she's going to be able to eat or drink during labor. If you're there for any length of time, you will want to know where to find it. There has got to be a better way to reproduce than this. __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.