kulrblind

So, we're due in two weeks (March 2). We're planning a hospital birth, without a doula or other coach (just the two of us and whatever nurses are about), and I want to know from you moms, dads, partners and coaches out there:

What are some suggestions on how to make this a great experience for her, and for us?

Stuff like....What was great when you went through it? What would you do next time? What do you wish you'd done? What did you forget at home that you wished you'd remembered to bring?!

Looking forward to your input

raeanna74

Listen to her. No matter how much planning you make HER plans can chance in a split second. If she demands meds make sure you get on the nurses case if they don't get right on it. If she wants a back rub give it to her. If she yells at you to stop rubbing, then stop. No matter what, don't take offense. She's the one going through this, if she doesn't feel like she's in control it can make the experience terrible for her. Look at it this way. Her body has completely gone out of control. She can't stop what is happening. If she doesn't feel in control in other ways it could be terrifying. (worst case of course) Trust that she knows what she needs and wants. You are her advocate to make sure the Dr's and nurses listen to her. My medical personnel were great and listened to me. Some places that isn't the case. You may have to stand up and fight for her. She's the patient and she has the right to deny ANY treatment. Just remember that.

Little note from personal experience - DON'T. I repeat DON'T turn on the game or race. She'll hold it against you the rest of your life.

Also ice packs or hot towels are great for helping her deal with the pain. Foot rubs are excellent too.

If you can pre-register at the hospital do so. Your trip through to the labor room will be sped up a lot.

A tip for mom - On the way home I wore my one piece swimsuit. It gave light support for my abdomin when my guts felt like they were falling out. I even had a C-section and it helped support that so it didn't pull and it wasn't too much pressure on the incision.

I hope any of these help and I hope things go smoothly. Best wishes to the mom.

Oh and March 2nd ! Great day for a B-day - it's my B-day too.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Averett

What's a doula?

Having never been through childbirth I can't really suggest anything. Seeing my sister go through it was bad enough.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

clavus

Try to get a birthign room with a shower. My wife thought that helped a lot.

Remember - what you want, what your family wants, and what anybody who is not your wife wants is totally unimportant. The woman is doing the work here, so everybody else can just piss off.

Your mom wants to "just pop in to see how things are going but your wife doesn't want her there?" Sorry, mom. Piss off.

Here's something that worked for us. After its all over and things have calmed down a bit, IF YOUR WIFE SAYS IT IS OK, go get some good food and bring it back to the hospital for you both. My wife felt "too tired to eat" both times. Hospital food is easy to turn down. But when I showed up with her favorite tacos, she demolished them in seconds flat.

Have fun

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

SabrinaFair

Things Not To Do (That *My* Father Did)
*Ask to stop at your favourite greasy spoon diner for a cup of coffee on the way to the hospital.
*Leave the room while your wife is in labor to go have pizza with the nurses.

Things To Do (That My Father Did)
*Plan a special dinner for just the two of you a day or two after the birth, to celebrate her and thank her for being the mother of your child. Of course, keep your mother in law far, far away, or she'll sit down and watch (like my grandmother did...)

Strange tips, I know...it's getting kind of close to my birthday (three and a half weeks) and I get to hear the "Miracle of Sabrina's Birth" story at least once a week from the middle of February til the Ides of March (which is actually three days after my birthday, but I'm never home on my actual b-day, so my family celebrates afterwords) God, I'm windy tonight...but yeah. I'm not a mama, just a child enthusiast (and formerly a frequent watched of 'A Baby Story' on the Learning Channel), and my advice is a woman is to listen to her needs but don't take everything she says (i.e., "I hate you, I'm never having sex again") to heart. Not that it's exactly the same...but try shoving a potroast through your nostril, and see how sweet *you* are.

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"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

tecoyah

Having a doula or midwife is a great idea. We had our last two at home so all I have for you(as far as hospital birth) is the first child.

Write down her desires for the birhting process, and make sure the staff reads it.

Let her be in whatever position she feels comfortable with, My wife was flat on her back for the birth and felt this was extremely uncomfortable. First homebirth was standing up , and second was on all fours.

Dont let the doctor take control away from her, stand up for her rights.

If you plan to breast feed(please) keep the baby in moms room at all times. They will remove the child from the room for a few minutes to give it shots and such, but get it back ASAP.

Be calm....this is a natural process, and should be as enjoyable as possible.

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

absorbentishe

Well, my wife going through 4, you think I'd have some words of wisdom right? I guess the best thing is just being with her, holding her hand, etc. My mother-in-law was there for all 4, and she seemed to be with my wife more than me during. Each child birth is very different, just try to comfort her as much as you can while being strong for her.

Charlatan

Listen to your wife...

I was all prepared to massage, provide ice, etc. My wife's way of working through the pain was simply to have no one bug or touch her while she went through the contraction...

Most importantly, be there to get her whatever she needs (even if it means she wants you to piss off).

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

kulrblind

You guys (and girls) rock... seriously. Thanks for all the great tips so far. If you think of anything else, be sure to let me know. I plan on being whatever, wherever, whenever I'm needed, and making sure she gets what she wants when she wants it.

(I'm waiting for someone to say "THIS IS A LESSON FOR ALL MEN, ALL THE TIME" )

Seriously..thanks a million.

gibingus

1. bring water, juice, gatorade, whatever she likes to drink - and bring gallons of it. it's a physical marathon. hydration is key.

in the hospital we delivered our first child at, the nurse told us to keep drinking, gave us a dinky little cup and pitcher and was never seen again. we felt bad repeatedly hitting the call button and getting them to keep bringing us fluids, because we thought they might be off doing important nursey stuff instead of being our personal busboys. instead, they were just being lazy. which brings me to point 2 -

2. bring a six pack of whupass.

your wife is going to be in unspeakable pain and working her ass off and then she is going to be absolutely wrecked mentally and physically by the birthing moment. you need to be her advocate and champion. getting attention in hospitals can be rough, you need to be polite but insistent and firm.

3. music helps set the tempo

bring a boombox and a wide selection everything from your favorite psych up music to relaxation and new age meditation tapes. some lamaze people will also tell you to bring something nice to look at for a focal point. something comforting and reminiscent of home might be good.

4. bring confidence

there is a high chance that at some point in the labor process, your loving wife will hate you like you have never been hated. this didn't happen to me, but i've heard it many times from several sources.

5. don't forget your wallet.

you'll buy her extra food and drinks and stuff at the hospital gift shop. it's not cheap, but you gotta get it where you can get it. our hospital didn't provide food for husbands either.

everything else you will need will be there... wet washcloths, showers, tv, blah, blah. be prepared to stay a few days. in the end, the ob-gyn will take over your breathing pattern and guide you through it. basically you'll just count and she pushes.

i did know a guy who snuck a thermos of very nice champagne into the hospital, so that was the first thing that touched his son's lips. he claimed his son had excellent taste because of it.

good luck man, it's a harsh but beautiful thing. we're taking our second trip in what should be just a few weeks.

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if everyone is thinking alike, chances are no one is thinking.

smarm

1. Before you go into labor, go to the movies, out to dinner, etc. That will be missed for while after the little one comes.

2. My wife got so tired after battling for hours and hours that it was hard for her to make up her mind about some things (drugs, etc.) Plan ahead and know her wishes going in so you can help, then be prepared for her to change her mind completely after it starts and be supportive 100%.

3. Bring food for Dad! You have to keep your energy up, too, after 24+ hours without food or rest, you might not be at your finest. Hopefully it doesn't go that long, but I was near passing out without food the first time and I didn't even realize it because I was so focussed on her. If you go down, you can't help her.

4. Talk to all the nurses and other medical types who are involved. Ask them what they are doing and why, when they take some action that involves your wife/baby. It is good to know. Fostering a friendly relationship with the care provider helps a lot, too.

5. Get everybody out of the hospital as soon as possible so there is a shot at getting some rest. It seems like they come into the room every few minutes to poke, prod, scribble, or change something. It is impossible to get to sleep. With a new baby it is hard to get much sleep at home, but I think it is easier than at the hospital.

gar1976

I was happy watching Star Trek re-runs on the Sci-Fi chanel.

Until she yelled at me. How was I supposed to know she wasn't watching them with me, but was trying to give birth. Geez.

kulrblind

haha... note to self: turn off the television.

synic213

Coming down from the epidural was a lot harder than my wife and I expected. She got the shakes and wound up throwing up her lunch (Reese's peanut butter cups), and then throwing up the painkillers she was given. This was the only part of the process that was somewhat unexpected.

Don't let the nurses and the "Breast Feeding Nazis" (if you go that route) boss you around. They may have good advice, but always remember you have the final say. If something doesn't feel right, make your own decision.

Redlemon

The first time we went to the hospital, we were pretty sure it was false labor, but we had to go in to make sure. We killed the time watching preseason football and watching the contractions on the monitor.

kulrblind

Alas, there is no NFL on TV these days... of course, this will disappoint her as much as it will me. Yes, my wife is the best

fnaqzna

My first trip to the hospital with my first child was a 26 hour ordeal...

Pack some food. Bring your own aspirin and try to get some rest in-between contractions.

I was completely unprepared for a day long stay in a hospital room.

Our second was delivered in about 3.5 hours, but I was loaded for bear.

amonkie

A close friend of mine had her 3rd child in August of last year, and her special part of the labor process was picking out a focal object. She had picked out a different stuffed animal for each child, and she found a cute little gray elephant for the third.

If you have other kids, having a sitter set up before hand will make mommy to be much more relaxed during labor. I was the on call mommy (), so it was much easier for my friend to not worry about who was watching her other kids.

Last point to note, hospital rooms in general are not made to hold a whole bunch of people. Basic rule of thumb, if they're not helping in some capacity, then they should stay outside the room. That goes for moms and moms in law who want to mill around. If the lady in the bed says adios, get them out of there.

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

toxic515

try not to watch the monitor and make comments on how big or painful a contraction looks... I was holding her hand and she tried to bite the shit out of me... Hateful wench.

__________________
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies
like a banana.

Tophat665

Bring a book. A long one. If you smoke, bring two or three packs. And a comfy blanket or two. You might be there for the long haul (22 hours for my wife's first. 2 hours 20 minutes for the second).

I'm prob'ly going to get lambasted for saying this, but for the love of Dog and all that is Hairy, STAY ABOVE THE ELBOW! You do not want to see what is going on down there. Trust me.

ep-I-dur-Al. Learn to say it. Start asking about getting one for your lady as soon as you are in the room or every time you see someone in hostpital garb. She does not want to feel what is going to happen next. You will be going to get your broken hand set after the birth if she does.

The name Beldar or Primat may come to mind when you first see your baby. Resist the impulse. Their heads get rounder later.

There will likely be at least two other people in the room who are a thousand times more qualified to cut the umbilicus than you. You're (or your health insurance's) paying 'em; let 'em do it.

Remind her to breathe. It sounds stupid, but she will appreciate it, because she might forget. Really.

Find out where they keep the crushed ice. That's all she's going to be able to eat or drink during labor. If you're there for any length of time, you will want to know where to find it.

There has got to be a better way to reproduce than this.

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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

agball

One word - Epidural

:::OshnSoul:::

^^ ya, but that doesn't have anything to do with what he can do.

Be there to hold her hand, feed her ice chips and give her a massage. Don't take it personally if she snaps at ya. Do whatever you can to help her out. Ask her what you can do.

raeanna74

Has the baby come yet? Due date was a week ago. Let us know how things go.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

kulrblind

Because you asked...

Our baby boy Jack was born at 0519 on Tuesday (yes, a week late) ... we're just home from the hospital today, and loving life as parents so far. If only I could figure out how to string four 2-hour sleeps into an 8-hour rest!

Thanks for everyone's help and support!

fnaqzna

My wife had an epidural on the first, but not the second. She swears that the epidural slowed her down.


Edit: OH! Congratulations!

raeanna74

Congratulations. Take care of all of you. My brother and Sister in law just had theirs and were thrilled that they actually got to sleep for 4 hours last night. It's all worth it. Take care of that healthy baby boy.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

kulrblind

Thanks, everyone... he's sleeping 3 to 4-hour stretches every night now, but I'm not YET calling it a pattern; but still hoping it is

And re: the epidural - we were told that evening/morning/whatever that it can slow things down a little, but when faced with 7 more hours of labour (to fully dilate) and then 2 hours of pushing, it seemed like a logical step to take.

Munku

Well I can't say I know much about child birthing, or epidurals, or anything really, but I'm glad you and the baby made it. Hope the pattern keeps up so you guys can get some sleep. A baby is a big step in anyones life. Hope everything goes well for you guys!