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toxic515 · 03-04-2004, 04:52 PM

The issues are not, at the moment, insurmountable, based on your post. step one has been made.. You've identified that there IS a problem. Counseling is a good idea. Rekindling the love is completely possible. It will require some real work on both of your sides. It's going to require that you identify your values clearly, and remember what it is you value in each other, as well as what you value about being together.

Remember here you asked her about her feelings. Get over being crushed at the very least and get challenged. What can you do to provide some more of what she's looking for? It's important to remember that, much like a chess game you can only move your own peices. In other words, the only actions you can take are your own. You want to make the relationship work, it seems, and it doesn't sound as if she's given up hope. It's also possible that one or both of you are suffering from exhaustion or depression. All of these things are changable. Don't let the fear or depression cause you to wait until it's too late. You may find that you guys have to make some radical changes in your lives, re-locate, changte employment, whatever.. Once you identify your values, it'll be much easier to determine what steps you are willing to take, what values you exchange for what other values.

Lastly, at this point, I wouldn't badger her about a decision on counseling. Don't stress the relationship to the breaking point. This is likely to need a gradual turn-around that you'll have to massage by accepting your responsibility for the needs she has that she expects you to fill. (presuming that these are not unreasonable... If my wife thinks I am supposed to get her a new Hummer each year, there's not any point in continuing THAT line of thought) You get the idea... No doubt that this is a difficult and painful position to be in, and you must always consider each possible outcome and how you will react if any of them arrives. It is not, however, at all to your advantage to remain frozen with fear either. (I don't think you are) Nurse the infant marriage back to health. I think the 2nd and or 3rd years ARE the hardest times. it's so easy to look back at what one may have"sacrificed" and what I (you, she, whatever) might have had... but it's silly, because it was the price that we were willing to pay at that time, and it's already done. She will need to forgive you before things improve, and you both must forgive yourselves.

best of luck and love to you.

03-04-2004, 04:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
toxic515 Addict Location: Texas	The issues are not, at the moment, insurmountable, based on your post. step one has been made.. You've identified that there IS a problem. Counseling is a good idea. Rekindling the love is completely possible. It will require some real work on both of your sides. It's going to require that you identify your values clearly, and remember what it is you value in each other, as well as what you value about being together. Remember here you asked her about her feelings. Get over being crushed at the very least and get challenged. What can you do to provide some more of what she's looking for? It's important to remember that, much like a chess game you can only move your own peices. In other words, the only actions you can take are your own. You want to make the relationship work, it seems, and it doesn't sound as if she's given up hope. It's also possible that one or both of you are suffering from exhaustion or depression. All of these things are changable. Don't let the fear or depression cause you to wait until it's too late. You may find that you guys have to make some radical changes in your lives, re-locate, changte employment, whatever.. Once you identify your values, it'll be much easier to determine what steps you are willing to take, what values you exchange for what other values. Lastly, at this point, I wouldn't badger her about a decision on counseling. Don't stress the relationship to the breaking point. This is likely to need a gradual turn-around that you'll have to massage by accepting your responsibility for the needs she has that she expects you to fill. (presuming that these are not unreasonable... If my wife thinks I am supposed to get her a new Hummer each year, there's not any point in continuing THAT line of thought) You get the idea... No doubt that this is a difficult and painful position to be in, and you must always consider each possible outcome and how you will react if any of them arrives. It is not, however, at all to your advantage to remain frozen with fear either. (I don't think you are) Nurse the infant marriage back to health. I think the 2nd and or 3rd years ARE the hardest times. it's so easy to look back at what one may have"sacrificed" and what I (you, she, whatever) might have had... but it's silly, because it was the price that we were willing to pay at that time, and it's already done. She will need to forgive you before things improve, and you both must forgive yourselves. best of luck and love to you. __________________ Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.