Kpax

I might've cheated on the poll. I checked flashlight and "I would like to get a pistol."

The other night, the most harmful thing I could find were a pair of kitchen scissors... It was nothing.

I've never grabbed a gun and went to investigate. I've grabbed an airsoft pistol, and I used to have a Swiss knife stuck in the bedpost of my bed, to quickly fling at a person if they barged through the door.

telekinetic

Nope, no cheating, there's two sections on purpose.

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twisted no more

Nimetic

I'll normally wait a bit, in case it's just an animal.

After that, if I'm sure, I'll reach for my glasses. Next would be a T-shirt, if I think I'm going to leave the house.

Heck. These days I'm fairly relaxed. I confronted a neighbor while wearing just boxers and a t-shirt. Guy was hitting his girlfriend in the street. Anyways... that wasn't much fun, I was freezing after the first few minutes.

Plan9

Yeah, that's a given, bro... never "go to war" without your pants. Stomping boots and a shirt are a good idea, too.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

SSJTWIZTA

I usually unscrew the handle off of the bush-broom that always seems to be next to my door when i hear odd noises...even though i do have sevral shotguns, a few rifles, and a pistol.

__________________
First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

Tully Mars

Currently living in Mexico and firearms are a big no no. So I keep my dive bag open with my spear gun on top. Going on five months and so far the only thing I've shot with it is some grouper.

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I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

ottopilot

fucking zambonis.

__________________
"It rubs the lotion on Buffy, Jodi and Mr. French's skin" - Uncle Bill from Buffalo

funydjane

Nothing. Certainly never anything that can be used as a weapon.

Manic_Skafe

Usually this:

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

Plan9

I'd recommend a blunt instrument over a knife, Skafe.

Think of your upholstery.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Tophat665

A bassoon, for instance.

If it doesn't knock them out, it will confuse the suffering fuck out of them and give you a chance to hit them again.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

MSD

Living in the second safest municipality in the country (2007,) when something goes bump in the night, I tend to grab whatever part of myself I whacked on something in the dark and try to keep the swearing down so I don't wake anyone.

Plan9

Well, hell... I live right outside one of the most dangerous areas in the US for violent crime and the first thing I grab when I get jarred alive unintentionally are my balls. After a little self-love, I roll over and get the flashlight and the Mossberg 590 if the sound of breaking glass and crowbar-on-door-jamb persists.

I figure self-defense is like any part of being a good, prepared human. Ya know, just like keeping that spare roll of TP in your sock drawer or condoms in all of your travel bags. Plan ahead of time. Have different options. Practice those options so they're both second nature and you're actually good at them should the dark day arrive when you have to utilize your mad urban ninja skillz to neutralize some home-invadin' godless commie bastids.

...

I think the US should have mandatory baseball bat ownership. Everybody must own one... and qualify with it every quarter in a watermelon-smashing range.

HAHAHA! Yes, yes!

Excellent choice! I also recommend the Skip-It (TM) as the preferred child's toy to be utilized as an improvised home defense tool. I think if you hit them right, you can keep track of how many blows you've landed with that little three-digit counter located on the side of the spinny portion.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

SSJTWIZTA

a skip-it, lmfao. thats rich.

i remeber those, they seem like they could do some damage.

__________________
First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

Hain

I still have a 3'-long crowbar that I keep for special occasions, then there are two baseball bats, one wood and the other aluminum, that are hidden behind an open closet door.

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////\\// IRONSKY.NET \\//\\\\

Willravel

I don't see the option to grab "the breasts of the person sleeping next to you" up there. That's a shame.

Plan9

I do that regardless of a call to arms. I got hands like that kiddie prize claw game at the mall.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ENolaReve

This post made me laugh for quite sometime, keep up the good work Cromp, your posts are always entertaining.

Plan9

Hey, I live to serve.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Tophat665

It just occurred to me that the large sizes of the Graffix Brand of Tubular water pipes for use with Tobacco (of course), are seated in a high impact ceramic cylinder, about the size of a straight sided pub pint (for stability). If one's firearm, broadsword, crowbar, cricket bat, katana, knobkerrie, godentang, guisarme-volgue, bassoon, Kukri, baseball bat, lawn darts, shuriken, flamethrower, ill tempered mutant sea bass with a frickin laser beam in its forehead, battleaxe, nail-gun, Mongolian Death Worm (dwarf), or similar implement of destruction were out of reach, a firm smack in the chops with a campbells soup can full of concrete on the end of a three foot length of acrylic tubing might discourage many a nocturnal marauder, and, if you had some suitable tobacco on hand as well, you would be in great shape to ameliorate the adrenaline crash inevitable after delivering such a tolchock.

I knew it! You're Martina Navritalova, aren't you. Fess up, Crompsin!

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

troit

What the f*ck is this world coming too?

Hats and bats, baby.. hats and bats...

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I've yet to dephile myself...

MSD

I think a hookah would be the last thing I'd throw at an intruder. Going over your list, I might have to bring the lawn darts in from my car, though.

Tophat665

Not a Hookah. Just a cheap date. Seriously, though, It's essentially a 2 1/2' long high impact acrylic tube with a nice heavy hunk of cermaic Resin at the end. Practically a Mace.

Now there's a thought - nobody uses Mace or Liquid Knuckles or the like for this sort of thing? (I understand where you wouldn't want to use pepper spray in your living space, but aren't some of these concotions designed for indoor use?)

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

MSD

[QUOTE=Tophat665]Not a Hookah. Just a cheap date. Seriously, though, It's essentially a 2 1/2' long high impact acrylic tube with a nice heavy hunk of cermaic Resin at the end. Practically a Mace.[quote]
Just going by what I saw on their site. I probably wouldn't want to whack anyone with a bong, either.

Give me pepper spray that will incapacitate an attacker or intruder reliably without risk of blowing back in my face and I'll use it. As it is, pepper spray just tastes good in chili.

Plan9

Amen. That stuff is often just as dangerous to the user as it is to the victim. Ask any cop that's had to use it before. The foam variant is better than the mist type, but not by much. Stick with a baseball bat if you're squeamish about firearms.

No, but I'd hit it: GRR, BABY, GRR!

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

funydjane

Do none of you realise bringing a weapon makes you much more likely to get hurt? What possessions are worth getting killed over?

Plan9

Sure, I understand your opinion.

Too bad criminals often carry weapons (blunt instruments, knives, guns) or operate in groups when breaking into homes that may be occupied (purpose of this thread).

I did the math and it turns out bringing your just your fists to a gunfight doesn't end well most of the time outside of Jet Li movies.

No item is worth getting killed over, but sitting idly by and letting someone pillage your house when you could (first call the cops) scare them off with either a warning or a confrontation is a little cowardly. I'm a male dinosaur and as a male dinosaur I feel it is my duty to protect my wife and children even at the risk of my own life.

Home Invasion Philosophy:

My family is in this house I've worked my whole life to pay for... I'll be damned if I cower under the bed like a sissy bitch and let some punk kid damage it until the cops show up. I won't take any chance of them coming upstairs and hurting my loved ones or myself. I will make the first move in an environment with which I am very familiar, my own home. I will have the element of dynamic surprise on my side. I will be slow and purposeful and have an offensive defense. I do not want to hurt anybody, but I will if I must.

...

Hey, we can all talk about the odds that it'll never happen, sure, but if it ever DID happen... I doubt shuffle-stepping, ninja-wishing, or praying will do much.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Tophat665

But it makes the best sound effects. Adam West used to light the bad guy up with a BIFF, SOCK, POW, or ZOWIE, but once in a while it was a BONG! Can't find a picture on the internet, mores the pity.

Having made a cursory survey of what's available in waterpipes these days from overseas and DEA honeypot sites, I can safely say they don't make 'em like they used to. I do remember waterpipes that I would use for self defense with confidence. Like I said, 2 1/2 or 3 (even 4) feet of quarter inch acrylic sunk in a family sized soup can of concrete to stabilize it on the floor.

/ Ya' ever long for the time when you used to be nostalgic?

My Wife. My Girls. My Dog. My Self respect.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Barstool

Possessions are just things, I agree. But when it comes to the safety of the ones I love, I will GLADLY put my life on the line to end the life of my would-be aggressor.

PoweredByPorn

Right now it's just my boots (size 15, steel toe) and a baseball bat.

But I plan on eventually getting a pump-action shotgun with a barrel-mounted flashlight. I specify pump action because the sound of the gun being cocked is enough to make most would-be intruders shit themselves on the spot.

__________________
Do you want me to sit in a corner and rust of just fall apart where I'm standing?

Plan9

Cha-ching. We have a winner.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Scorpion23

Right now I have a Glock 19 loaded with Glazer fragmentation rounds to avoid over-penetration. I wouldn't mind getting a nice 12ga though.

And of course my expanding collection of Cold Steel throwing knives

Zooksport2

send the wife.... she could overpower a bear....

.

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Plan9

Glaser Safety slugs? Mini-BBs compressed in oil. Hydrostatic transfer. Oooo.

Dude, you should check out Triton Quik-Shok ammunition. Prefragmented rounds. It's like stabbing somebody three times with one shot. Zero ricochet.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Scorpion23

Wow, those are nice. My clip right now is loaded with two Glazers followed by HydraShoks, but I might change them out to the Quik-Shoks.

Plan9

HydraShoks are a great choice. After seeing Quik-Shoks, I'm totally sold on 'em. Idea of causing multiple wound cavities with a single hit out of a .45 handgun is really appealing. Not only do you get the mass of a .45 slug hitting your target... upon impact the frangible slug breaks off thrice and tears through the torso like a burst of .22 rounds.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

MSD

According to the British Home Office's 2006 crime statistics report, when robbery victims are injured, the rates of injury compared to reaction to the robbers are

Resisting with a gun 6%
Did nothing at all 25%
Resisted with a knife 40%
Non-violent resistance 45%

How does having a gun make me more likely to get hurt?

Plan9

Maybe using weapons hurts their soul...

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Tully Mars

I think having a gun and not knowing how to use it or finding you're unable to preform makes it more dangerous for you. Having a gun, knowing how to and being able to use it makes it more dangerous to the intruder. I worked in law enforcement for 18 years. Never met an officer that did not keep a weapon at the ready in his or her home.

And considering your numbers indicate:

Did nothing at all 25%

Are you sure those numbers are British and not French?

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

Baraka_Guru

It would be interesting to see more statistics on this. Do the stats above include home invasions, or are these robberies in general? Another picture:

Weapon involvement in home invasion crimes

[...] Between June 1 and August 31, 1994, Atlanta Police Department reports were screened to identify every case of unwanted entry into an occupied, single-family dwelling. Cases of sexual assault and incidents that involved cohabitants were excluded. Results.-A total of 198 cases were identified during the study interval. Half (99 cases) involved forced entry into the home. The victim and offender were acquainted in one third of cases. A firearm was carried by one or more offenders in 32 cases (17%). Seven offenders (3.5%) carried knives. In 42% of cases, the offender fled without confronting the victim. Victims who avoided confrontation were more likely to lose property but much less likely to be injured than those who were confronted by the offender. Resistance was attempted in 62 cases (31%), but the odds of injury were not significantly affected by the method of resistance. Forty cases (20%) resulted in one or more victims' being injured, including six (3%) who were shot. No one died. Three victims (1.5%) employed a firearm in self-protection. All three escaped injury, but one lost property. Conclusion.-A minority of home invasion crimes result in injury. Measures that increase the difficulty of forced entry or enhance the likelihood of detection could be useful to prevent these crimes. Although firearms are often kept in the home for protection, they are rarely used for this purpose.

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—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot