code sex in various languages - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Halx · 02-02-2004, 11:27 PM

PHP Code:


			
<?php



function sex ($stamina, $attraction, $speed, $bac, $pname, $plength) {

  if($stamina < 1 || $bac > 1) {

    dress("It won't get up!");

    exit;

  }

  $db = mysql_connect("Jennifer","Hal","I love you");

  mysql_select_db($db,"pants");



  for($x=1; $x<=($stamina-($attraction/2)); $x++) {

    thrust($speed,$db,$pname,$plength);

  }

  ejac();

  dress("So, was it good for you?");

}



funtion thrust ($speed,$db,$pname,$length) {

  for($x=1; $x<=$speed; $x++) {

    $premature = rand(1,50);

    if($premature == 50) {

      ejac();

      dress("I know it happens to everybody, but it wasn't supposed to happen with you!");

      exit;

    }

    $deep = rand(0,$length);

    $sql = "INSERT INTO vagina (`penis_name`,`depth`,`speed`) VALUES ('$pname','$deep','$speed')";

    mysql_query($sql) or die("Crap! I slipped! Woah.. damn your ass is tight!");

    if($speed > 5) {

      $speed = 5;

    }

    $grunt = rand(1,$speed);

    select ($grunt) {

      case '1':

        $gruntsound = "Uh!";

        break;

      case '2':

        $gruntsound = "Oh!";

        break;

      case '3':

        $gruntsound = "Ah!";

        break;

      case '4':

        $gruntsound = "Nnngh!";

        break;

      case '5':

        $gruntsound = "Ohhhh!";

        break;

    }

    echo $gruntsound;

  }

}

?>

bermuDa · 02-02-2004, 11:30 PM

hal, you have entirely too much time on your hands!

funny as hell though

Jack Ruby · 02-03-2004, 04:37 AM

Nice one.

LStanley · 02-03-2004, 08:29 AM

amusing... even though I have very limited programming knowledge.. I understand enough visual basic to laugh at that one

Jack Ruby · 02-03-2004, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by LStanley
amusing... even though I have very limited programming knowledge.. I understand enough visual basic to laugh at that one

That's php. Or maybe you're just joking. I'll never understand this "human" comedy.

Marburg · 02-03-2004, 10:54 AM

I'm curious to see the implementation of ejac();

Halx · 02-03-2004, 11:06 AM

I know I wrote it, but I just wanna point out that my favorite line is the mysql_connect line

feelgood · 02-03-2004, 11:35 AM

Man, that's hilarious

Indeed someone's got too much time on their hand...

n0nsensical · 02-03-2004, 12:10 PM

Code:

#!/bin/sh
unzip
strip
touch
finger
mount
fsck
more
yes
umount
sleep

zenmaster10665 · 02-03-2004, 02:02 PM

hilarious

Wombat · 02-04-2004, 09:15 PM

Very nice.

Quote:

Originally posted by Halx
I know I wrote it, but I just wanna point out that my favorite line is the mysql_connect line

Hah, indeed - nice password.

-Anders · 02-05-2004, 05:46 AM

That's very funny

I think I'll go write one in python sometime later, haha.

gigawatz · 02-07-2004, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Halx
I know I wrote it, but I just wanna point out that my favorite line is the mysql_connect line

Actually, I like the mysql_query line.
Or Die.

02-02-2004, 11:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
Halx Please touch this. Owner/Admin Location: Manhattan	code sex in various languages PHP Code: <?php function sex ($stamina, $attraction, $speed, $bac, $pname, $plength) { if($stamina < 1 \|\| $bac > 1) { dress("It won't get up!"); exit; } $db = mysql_connect("Jennifer","Hal","I love you"); mysql_select_db($db,"pants"); for($x=1; $x<=($stamina-($attraction/2)); $x++) { thrust($speed,$db,$pname,$plength); } ejac(); dress("So, was it good for you?"); } funtion thrust ($speed,$db,$pname,$length) { for($x=1; $x<=$speed; $x++) { $premature = rand(1,50); if($premature == 50) { ejac(); dress("I know it happens to everybody, but it wasn't supposed to happen with you!"); exit; } $deep = rand(0,$length); $sql = "INSERT INTO vagina (`penis_name`,`depth`,`speed`) VALUES ('$pname','$deep','$speed')"; mysql_query($sql) or die("Crap! I slipped! Woah.. damn your ass is tight!"); if($speed > 5) { $speed = 5; } $grunt = rand(1,$speed); select ($grunt) { case '1': $gruntsound = "Uh!"; break; case '2': $gruntsound = "Oh!"; break; case '3': $gruntsound = "Ah!"; break; case '4': $gruntsound = "Nnngh!"; break; case '5': $gruntsound = "Ohhhh!"; break; } echo $gruntsound; } } ?> __________________ You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals] Last edited by Halx; 02-03-2004 at 08:52 AM..

02-02-2004, 11:30 PM	#2 (permalink)
bermuDa don't ignore this--> Location: CA	hal, you have entirely too much time on your hands! funny as hell though __________________ I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

02-03-2004, 04:37 AM	#3 (permalink)
Jack Ruby Psycho Location: Belgium	Nice one. __________________ You don't know what you don't know.

02-03-2004, 08:29 AM	#4 (permalink)
LStanley Insane Location: Houston TX	amusing... even though I have very limited programming knowledge.. I understand enough visual basic to laugh at that one __________________ Lathan Stanley

02-03-2004, 10:54 AM	#6 (permalink)
Marburg Crazy Location: Nova Scotia, Canada	I'm curious to see the implementation of ejac(); __________________ Ask a simple question... get pain.

02-03-2004, 11:06 AM	#7 (permalink)
Halx Please touch this. Owner/Admin Location: Manhattan	I know I wrote it, but I just wanna point out that my favorite line is the mysql_connect line __________________ You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals]

02-03-2004, 11:35 AM	#8 (permalink)
feelgood Free Mars! Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time	Man, that's hilarious Indeed someone's got too much time on their hand... __________________ Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

02-03-2004, 12:10 PM	#9 (permalink)
n0nsensical Junkie Location: San Francisco	Code: #!/bin/sh unzip strip touch finger mount fsck more yes umount sleep

02-03-2004, 02:02 PM	#10 (permalink)
zenmaster10665 Bokonist Location: Location, Location, Location...	hilarious __________________ "Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way." -Kurt Vonnegut

02-05-2004, 05:46 AM	#12 (permalink)
-Anders Custom title. Location: Denmark.	That's very funny I think I'll go write one in python sometime later, haha. __________________ Signature 101