Some sarcastic fun with Microsoft's Longhorn - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

rubicon · 11-05-2003, 08:38 AM

This is an (older) article from eWeek about Microsoft Longhorn: http://www.eweek.com/article2/0,4149,1364971,00.asp.

If you haven't heard, Longhorn is scheduled for release in 2005 or thereabouts. The eWeek article mentioned a few featrues that made me laugh. Please pardon the sarcasm, but here's what I find funny:

Longhorn feature:

Internet Explorer has a slimmer look now, which reminded us a bit of Apple Computer Inc.'s Safari. Also like Safari, the version of IE included with the Longhorn preview offers pop-up blocking and a download manager, which are both firsts for IE. (The tabbed browsing that distinguishes Safari and Mozilla, among other browsers. remains absent, however.)

Wow, I'm glad that by 2005 Microsoft will finally have added a native pop-up blocker to IE! By that time, pop-ups wll probably be the least of our worries...

Longhorn feature:

Microsoft has added a sidebar to the Windows Desktop that works pretty much like the regular Windows taskbar. However, it will also be able to host a variety of interesting applets, such as current headlines from an RSS feed of one's choice. For now, the most interesting thing that inhabits the sidebar is a big, shiny-looking analog clock.

Gee, I can't wait for a shiny-looking analog clock! I only have 14 months to wait! The RSS feature is interesting, although yet again, this has been around from third-parties for so long.

There's nothing like waiting until 2005 for an OS to have the features you could have gotten in 2002 from other developers.

I suppose it's easier to be a follower than a leader. Maybe that's why Microsoft leaves the innovation to Apple. ???

SecretMethod70 · 11-05-2003, 09:03 AM

Longhorn = vaporware. I know of very few other companies who will sing praises of how amazing their new product will be for (at least) 4 YEARS before it is released. In fact, the only other thing that comes to mind at the moment is Duke Nukem Forever and at least in their case they're probably just stupid rather than counting on the hype to prevent competitors from overtaking them. This is nothing new for Microsoft though as I'm sure everyone's aware. Gotta make the consumer always feel like MS's "Next Best Thing (TM)" is just around the corner so they don't get tempted by the more advanced features of competitors products. Even so, I'm astonished that IE STILL won't have tabbed browsing. I wonder what they have against it.

Sorry for the mini-rant, and thanks for the post rubicon. It WAS amusing.

zero2 · 11-05-2003, 09:41 AM

great article, Microsoft finally decided to give us a pop-up blocker, in 2005, why not release it now? So that we can find all the bugs, and get a slightly better product by 2005. Isn't after all, us who find the bugs before Microsoft.

Well yet another thing i'm not looking forward too.

punx1325 · 11-05-2003, 03:10 PM

I'm very happy with XP, but who needs an analog clock that takes up 1/4 of the screen. I'm sorry but microsoft needs to develop something that has a real use if they want me to purchase longhorn.

spived2 · 11-05-2003, 03:31 PM

I've got way better features using my desktop replacement program and mozilla. Not a chance I'm going to pay for that crap.

juanvaldes · 11-05-2003, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SecretMethod70
Longhorn = vaporware. I know of very few other companies who will sing praises of how amazing their new product will be for (at least) 4 YEARS before it is released.

See in a normal market they would be punished by customers not buying XP until Longhorn is out. But they are a monopoly and control a monopoly on consumer operating systems so they can come out YEARS in advance and it will have zero impact on there bottom line.

This would kill any company that had to compete on the free market, but sadily MS plays by it's own rules. Osborn anyone?

charliex · 11-05-2003, 05:19 PM

i can't say i've seen microsoft advertising longhorn though ? last time i saw it was a developer prerelease , aren't people (mainly just end users and news people ) just looking at the leaked builds and a lot of guessing.

Especially since the last build that i saw out looks nothing like it will in the actual OS, its just a tech test bed.

They touted it around at WinHEC but thats what its for.

Also longhorn has some significant technology changes, i for one want to know about them as far in advance as possible so i can make sure that any future products we release can take advantage of them when it does come out.

A lot of companies wont release information about upcoming software for fear of it getting ripped off, so its practically impossible to future proof and design for it in advance.

Nomad · 11-05-2003, 05:47 PM

Quote:

does longhorn have the classiclook feature still like in XP? i've never really liked anything MS did in gui after win98/2k.

Yes ..

http://www.boomspeed.com/damon559/LH9.JPG

http://www.boomspeed.com/damon559/LH11.JPG
http://www.boomspeed.com/damon559/LH12.JPG

http://www.boomspeed.com/damon559/LH14.JPG

http://www.boomspeed.com/damon559/LH15.JPG

http://www.boomspeed.com/damon559/LH16.JPG

I am not a beta tester for Microsoft, I just downloaded this leaked copy of Longhorn like thousands of other people have.

phukraut · 11-05-2003, 07:41 PM

does longhorn have the classiclook feature still like in XP? i've never really liked anything MS did in gui after win98/2k.

arch13 · 11-05-2003, 08:02 PM

Wow, i'm impressed we have a beta tester amongst us. Granted Ol' Nomad can't tell us much if he's a beta tester, but here's the question i want to know.
Will it require registration like XP home?

I assume most new features are back end code modifacations and easier front ends (idiot proofing if you will) of features such as photo viewing and music playing.
Bill's got a dream for an integrated system that provides all the software you need for any activity and all the money on top of his 90billion. Don't expect him to stop anytime soon.

soopafreek · 11-05-2003, 09:40 PM

2005? heh. microsoft longwait...

charliex · 11-05-2003, 09:42 PM

windows media edition is more about that sort of thing, images, photo tv etc

build 4051 has been floating about since it was leaked by winbeta etc mid october, it was then handed out at PDC.

yes it does require activation.

paul thurrott has a lot of screenshots on supersite, though a lot seem to be 404

http://www.winsupersite.com/showcase...rn_4051_01.asp

Realizm · 11-06-2003, 04:36 AM

Looks like big freakin bubbly bloatware to me.

twister002 · 11-06-2003, 07:55 PM

If you're a Windows developer and you've been paying attention to the PDC news the past few weeks you understand why they are hyping the OS 4-5 years before it comes out.

They've FINALLY redesigned the Windows API and they want to get Developers on board as soon as they can.

As big of a change as ASP.NET was for Windows web developers, that's how big this change is for the Windows API.

Me? I'm still from Missouri when it comes to MS functionality. All the stuff they keep touting as "neat" and "new" and "you have to have!" (RSS feeds, pop-up blockers, shiney new butterfly styled buttons and frames) doesn't mean crap to me.

I'm sure that MS will render their RSS functionality irrelavent as soon as they decided to "embrace and extend" it, making MS RSS reader compatible feeds useless to anyone without a MS reader. So we'll end up having to write parsers/generators for TWO kinds of feeds, MS and everyone else JUST like we had to for web sites.

nah, I'm not bitter much.

rubicon · 11-06-2003, 09:07 PM

Thanks for the screen caps. Looks like XP with even more of the "cartoonish" GUI. Lots of extra space being taken up with "whitespace" too.

I hope they deliver some real innovations in the GUI. What I've seen thus far isn't much to write home about. For God's sake, make a windows manager like Linux or Apple's Expose.

We'll see as time goes on...

Sion · 11-07-2003, 04:47 AM

so, Im guessing MS is expecting everyone to have 40 inch monitors set at a resolution of 10000x8000, the way they are wasting all that screen space. fuck that. I prefer interfaces that are MINIMALIST: a frame, a row of small menu items at the top and THATS IT!

hell, thats part of the reason I hate any version of WMP after 6.4 - wasted screen space.

and, can someone tell me when this shit is going to end with every piece of software having to have EVERY whistle and button and feature and function that anyone can think of? not just MS, but it seems everyone does this now. I HATE IT. I do NOT need a browser in my video player. I dont want every program on my machine to always try to access the internet. I want each program to do its own specific job, do it very well and NOT TRY TO DO EVERY FUCKING THING ELSE TOO!

sorry for ranting

meff · 11-07-2003, 05:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nomad
There Is more to longhorn than some stupid pop-up blocker and analog clock, I should know, I'm running It on one my systems.

I was really surprised at how well It runs for a pre-beta build.

Some screen captures I took of Longhorn, Build 4051.

I'm sorry, but Longhorn looks fucking hideous.
Guh.

Devilchild · 11-07-2003, 06:23 AM

Like its been said, its still a few years away, why judge now, it might come u pwith some great ideas, it might not, but i think its WAY to early to start poking fingers.

rubicon · 11-07-2003, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sion
and, can someone tell me when this shit is going to end with every piece of software having to have EVERY whistle and button and feature and function that anyone can think of? not just MS, but it seems everyone does this now. I HATE IT. I do NOT need a browser in my video player. I dont want every program on my machine to always try to access the internet. I want each program to do its own specific job, do it very well and NOT TRY TO DO EVERY FUCKING THING ELSE TOO!

I agree with you 200% percent. I don't mind if I can boldface text in Word 17 different ways, but why do I want a browser in my video player, in my Explorer windows, in my IM client, etc.

I can probably come up with more examples but it's early in the morning.

Here's a feature I'd love to see in the next version of Windows: a choice of running the GUI in Novice or Expert mode. For example, Windows XP's Search feature is a hassle to use until you get rid of Fido and change the preferences to bring up _just_ the text fields to search on. We shouldn't have Wizards forced on us by default.

I understand why gearheads go the way of Linux.

bannet · 11-07-2003, 05:18 PM

Im running longhorn 4015 180day trial 30 day registation. Im not a coder but it looks like xp skinned. Takes 3.2 gigs install. Seems stable but 40+processses in task manager and its slow and I cant open my computer have to go in the back door to see my files.

propaganda · 11-07-2003, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by meff
I'm sorry, but Longhorn looks fucking hideous.
Guh.

totally agree with meff and whats with the big analog clock is MS trying to tell us we need to learn how to tell time with an analog clock now? so insulting... it has some pointless features it can definitly just do without

burgerdog · 11-08-2003, 03:40 AM

The funny thing about that big analog clock is that when OSX beta was released to the public, it had a big clock like that.

The general response was wtf is up w/ that bigass clock? and Apple went back to the regular old small clock with the final 10.0 release (which can be digital or analog)

the big clock may still be there for all I know, but it's turned off by default.

juanvaldes · 11-08-2003, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by burgerdog
The funny thing about that big analog clock is that when OSX beta was released to the public, it had a big clock like that.

The general response was wtf is up w/ that bigass clock? and Apple went back to the regular old small clock with the final 10.0 release (which can be digital or analog)

the big clock may still be there for all I know, but it's turned off by default.

It's still there, Clock.app but its' free floating. If your crazy you *can* turn the menu bar clock into analog why you would do that since its' impossible to see I have no clue.

And as for the wasted space & fugly UI. This is NOT the final GUI or even close, remember what happened with XP?

dj_simo · 11-08-2003, 06:51 PM

lets hope it isnt like ME, something they needed to get out fast so they could say they had a "new" OS - Longhorn looks so much like an Apple or OSX - i say go retro or go with something that looks new
my 2 cents
-SImo

BoCo · 11-08-2003, 10:29 PM

I hope they have a special "Corp." version.

yotta · 11-08-2003, 11:28 PM

I've got a longhorn right here in my pants. And after all this porn, it sure isn't "Mircosoft".

I'm sorry. I really am. I couldn't resist. Had to say it.

laconic1 · 11-09-2003, 08:29 AM

I hope they unclutter that GUI a lot. I like a minimal GUI, just enough to give me the core controls for the progrem, and leave the rest of the screen space to whatever I'm actually doing.

numist · 11-15-2003, 12:53 AM

only two gripes at the moment: huge analog clock? what useful functionality can they REALLY give me that I havent already got with trillian and its multitudes of Pro plugins?

That and the explorer window GUI is quite possibly one of the worst things I have ever seen in my entire life.... makes me wish I could install some sort of different file browser.

If this is progress, I am going to run windows 2000 for the rest of my life.

twister002 · 11-15-2003, 08:49 PM

Windows XP never gave me any reason to upgrade. My Windows 2000 install at home works fine for what I need.

itchy93 · 11-16-2003, 10:54 AM

bannet

3.2 gigs?!?!?! What the crap? Is that with API libraries and SDKs and documentation, or is that just the OS?

Granted, most hard drives nowadays are ~120GB, so it's not that big of a deal (I'm sure when Win95 came out, it was, "400 megs? What the crap? Is that..."), but that seems a little rediculous any way you look at it.

Itchy93

11-05-2003, 08:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
rubicon Stop. Think. Question. Location: Redondo Beach, CA	Some sarcastic fun with Microsoft's Longhorn This is an (older) article from eWeek about Microsoft Longhorn: http://www.eweek.com/article2/0,4149,1364971,00.asp. If you haven't heard, Longhorn is scheduled for release in 2005 or thereabouts. The eWeek article mentioned a few featrues that made me laugh. Please pardon the sarcasm, but here's what I find funny: Longhorn feature: Internet Explorer has a slimmer look now, which reminded us a bit of Apple Computer Inc.'s Safari. Also like Safari, the version of IE included with the Longhorn preview offers pop-up blocking and a download manager, which are both firsts for IE. (The tabbed browsing that distinguishes Safari and Mozilla, among other browsers. remains absent, however.) Wow, I'm glad that by 2005 Microsoft will finally have added a native pop-up blocker to IE! By that time, pop-ups wll probably be the least of our worries... Longhorn feature: Microsoft has added a sidebar to the Windows Desktop that works pretty much like the regular Windows taskbar. However, it will also be able to host a variety of interesting applets, such as current headlines from an RSS feed of one's choice. For now, the most interesting thing that inhabits the sidebar is a big, shiny-looking analog clock. Gee, I can't wait for a shiny-looking analog clock! I only have 14 months to wait! The RSS feature is interesting, although yet again, this has been around from third-parties for so long. There's nothing like waiting until 2005 for an OS to have the features you could have gotten in 2002 from other developers. I suppose it's easier to be a follower than a leader. Maybe that's why Microsoft leaves the innovation to Apple. ??? __________________ How you do anything is how you do everything.

11-05-2003, 09:03 AM	#2 (permalink)
SecretMethod70 Human Administrator Location: Chicago	Longhorn = vaporware. I know of very few other companies who will sing praises of how amazing their new product will be for (at least) 4 YEARS before it is released. In fact, the only other thing that comes to mind at the moment is Duke Nukem Forever and at least in their case they're probably just stupid rather than counting on the hype to prevent competitors from overtaking them. This is nothing new for Microsoft though as I'm sure everyone's aware. Gotta make the consumer always feel like MS's "Next Best Thing (TM)" is just around the corner so they don't get tempted by the more advanced features of competitors products. Even so, I'm astonished that IE STILL won't have tabbed browsing. I wonder what they have against it. Sorry for the mini-rant, and thanks for the post rubicon. It WAS amusing. __________________ Le temps détruit tout "Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

11-05-2003, 03:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
punx1325 Junkie Location: San Diego	I'm very happy with XP, but who needs an analog clock that takes up 1/4 of the screen. I'm sorry but microsoft needs to develop something that has a real use if they want me to purchase longhorn. __________________ If something seems too good to be true, then it probably is....

11-05-2003, 03:31 PM	#5 (permalink)
spived2 Desert Rat Location: Arizona	I've got way better features using my desktop replacement program and mozilla. Not a chance I'm going to pay for that crap. __________________ "This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V." - V

11-05-2003, 08:02 PM	#10 (permalink)
arch13 Loves my girl in thongs Location: North of Mexico, South of Canada	Wow, i'm impressed we have a beta tester amongst us. Granted Ol' Nomad can't tell us much if he's a beta tester, but here's the question i want to know. Will it require registration like XP home? I assume most new features are back end code modifacations and easier front ends (idiot proofing if you will) of features such as photo viewing and music playing. Bill's got a dream for an integrated system that provides all the software you need for any activity and all the money on top of his 90billion. Don't expect him to stop anytime soon. __________________ Seen on an employer evaluation: "The wheel is turning but the hamsters dead" ____________________________ Is arch13 really a porn diety ? find out after the film at 11. -Nanofever

11-05-2003, 09:41 AM	#3 (permalink)
zero2 Junkie	great article, Microsoft finally decided to give us a pop-up blocker, in 2005, why not release it now? So that we can find all the bugs, and get a slightly better product by 2005. Isn't after all, us who find the bugs before Microsoft. Well yet another thing i'm not looking forward too.

11-05-2003, 05:19 PM	#7 (permalink)
charliex Junkie Location: North Hollywood	i can't say i've seen microsoft advertising longhorn though ? last time i saw it was a developer prerelease , aren't people (mainly just end users and news people ) just looking at the leaked builds and a lot of guessing. Especially since the last build that i saw out looks nothing like it will in the actual OS, its just a tech test bed. They touted it around at WinHEC but thats what its for. Also longhorn has some significant technology changes, i for one want to know about them as far in advance as possible so i can make sure that any future products we release can take advantage of them when it does come out. A lot of companies wont release information about upcoming software for fear of it getting ripped off, so its practically impossible to future proof and design for it in advance.

11-05-2003, 07:41 PM	#9 (permalink)
phukraut Addict	does longhorn have the classiclook feature still like in XP? i've never really liked anything MS did in gui after win98/2k.

11-05-2003, 09:40 PM	#11 (permalink)
soopafreek Psycho Location: ask your mom	2005? heh. microsoft longwait... __________________ aaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!

11-05-2003, 09:42 PM	#12 (permalink)
charliex Junkie Location: North Hollywood	windows media edition is more about that sort of thing, images, photo tv etc build 4051 has been floating about since it was leaked by winbeta etc mid october, it was then handed out at PDC. yes it does require activation. paul thurrott has a lot of screenshots on supersite, though a lot seem to be 404 http://www.winsupersite.com/showcase...rn_4051_01.asp

11-06-2003, 04:36 AM	#13 (permalink)
Realizm Insane Location: A fuzzy cloud.	Looks like big freakin bubbly bloatware to me.

11-06-2003, 07:55 PM	#14 (permalink)
twister002 Crazy	If you're a Windows developer and you've been paying attention to the PDC news the past few weeks you understand why they are hyping the OS 4-5 years before it comes out. They've FINALLY redesigned the Windows API and they want to get Developers on board as soon as they can. As big of a change as ASP.NET was for Windows web developers, that's how big this change is for the Windows API. Me? I'm still from Missouri when it comes to MS functionality. All the stuff they keep touting as "neat" and "new" and "you have to have!" (RSS feeds, pop-up blockers, shiney new butterfly styled buttons and frames) doesn't mean crap to me. I'm sure that MS will render their RSS functionality irrelavent as soon as they decided to "embrace and extend" it, making MS RSS reader compatible feeds useless to anyone without a MS reader. So we'll end up having to write parsers/generators for TWO kinds of feeds, MS and everyone else JUST like we had to for web sites. nah, I'm not bitter much.

11-06-2003, 09:07 PM	#15 (permalink)
rubicon Stop. Think. Question. Location: Redondo Beach, CA	Thanks for the screen caps. Looks like XP with even more of the "cartoonish" GUI. Lots of extra space being taken up with "whitespace" too. I hope they deliver some real innovations in the GUI. What I've seen thus far isn't much to write home about. For God's sake, make a windows manager like Linux or Apple's Expose. We'll see as time goes on... __________________ How you do anything is how you do everything.

11-07-2003, 04:47 AM	#16 (permalink)
Sion Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.	so, Im guessing MS is expecting everyone to have 40 inch monitors set at a resolution of 10000x8000, the way they are wasting all that screen space. fuck that. I prefer interfaces that are MINIMALIST: a frame, a row of small menu items at the top and THATS IT! hell, thats part of the reason I hate any version of WMP after 6.4 - wasted screen space. and, can someone tell me when this shit is going to end with every piece of software having to have EVERY whistle and button and feature and function that anyone can think of? not just MS, but it seems everyone does this now. I HATE IT. I do NOT need a browser in my video player. I dont want every program on my machine to always try to access the internet. I want each program to do its own specific job, do it very well and NOT TRY TO DO EVERY FUCKING THING ELSE TOO! sorry for ranting __________________ He's the best, of course, of all the worst. Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

11-07-2003, 06:23 AM	#18 (permalink)
Devilchild Crazy	Like its been said, its still a few years away, why judge now, it might come u pwith some great ideas, it might not, but i think its WAY to early to start poking fingers.

11-07-2003, 05:18 PM	#20 (permalink)
bannet Tilted Location: Canada	Im running longhorn 4015 180day trial 30 day registation. Im not a coder but it looks like xp skinned. Takes 3.2 gigs install. Seems stable but 40+processses in task manager and its slow and I cant open my computer have to go in the back door to see my files.

11-08-2003, 03:40 AM	#22 (permalink)
burgerdog Tilted Location: All Under Heaven	The funny thing about that big analog clock is that when OSX beta was released to the public, it had a big clock like that. The general response was wtf is up w/ that bigass clock? and Apple went back to the regular old small clock with the final 10.0 release (which can be digital or analog) the big clock may still be there for all I know, but it's turned off by default.

11-08-2003, 06:51 PM	#24 (permalink)
dj_simo Crazy Location: The Woods	lets hope it isnt like ME, something they needed to get out fast so they could say they had a "new" OS - Longhorn looks so much like an Apple or OSX - i say go retro or go with something that looks new my 2 cents -SImo __________________ .:GOT SIMO:.

11-08-2003, 10:29 PM	#25 (permalink)
BoCo Fear the bunny Location: Hanging off the tip of the Right Wing	I hope they have a special "Corp." version. __________________ Activism is a way for useless people to feel important.

11-08-2003, 11:28 PM	#26 (permalink)
yotta Irresponsible	I've got a longhorn right here in my pants. And after all this porn, it sure isn't "Mircosoft". I'm sorry. I really am. I couldn't resist. Had to say it. __________________ I am Jack's signature.

11-09-2003, 08:29 AM	#27 (permalink)
laconic1 Junkie	I hope they unclutter that GUI a lot. I like a minimal GUI, just enough to give me the core controls for the progrem, and leave the rest of the screen space to whatever I'm actually doing.

11-15-2003, 12:53 AM	#28 (permalink)
numist Banned Location: UCSD, 510.49 miles from my love	only two gripes at the moment: huge analog clock? what useful functionality can they REALLY give me that I havent already got with trillian and its multitudes of Pro plugins? That and the explorer window GUI is quite possibly one of the worst things I have ever seen in my entire life.... makes me wish I could install some sort of different file browser. If this is progress, I am going to run windows 2000 for the rest of my life.

11-15-2003, 08:49 PM	#29 (permalink)
twister002 Crazy	Windows XP never gave me any reason to upgrade. My Windows 2000 install at home works fine for what I need.

11-16-2003, 10:54 AM	#30 (permalink)
itchy93 Tilted Location: Wandering North America	bannet 3.2 gigs?!?!?! What the crap? Is that with API libraries and SDKs and documentation, or is that just the OS? Granted, most hard drives nowadays are ~120GB, so it's not that big of a deal (I'm sure when Win95 came out, it was, "400 megs? What the crap? Is that..."), but that seems a little rediculous any way you look at it. Itchy93 __________________ That's just my opinion; I could be wrong.