NFL Team Slogans - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

MikeyChalupa · 07-31-2003, 11:03 AM

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Quote:

Slippery slogans
By Eric Immerman
Special to Page 2

When NFL marketing personnel gather during training camp to plan for the upcoming season, one of their most important tasks is to come up with a catchy team slogan that excites the fans, spurs ticket sales, and accurately represents the direction the team is heading.

As luck would have it, Page 2 was leaked the official 2003 marketing slogans for all 32 NFL teams.

Arizona Cardinals: "At Least It Will Be A Dry 3-13."

Atlanta Falcons: "Helping Displaced Northerners Avoid Truck-Related Sports Since 1966."

Baltimore Ravens: "Are You Ready For Some Futbol-Like Scores?"

Buffalo Bills: "Knock, Knock? Who's There? Drew Bledsoe. Drew Bledsoe Who? Drew Bledsoe Much From A Hit In The Pocket That He Passed Out, So, Like, The Least You Could Do Is Buy A Four Game Ticket Plan."

Carolina Panthers: "Zero To 60 Points In 12 Games Flat!"

Chicago Bears: "Keep Telling Yourself Last Season Was Just A Fluke -- Just Like You Told Yourself You'd Travel For A Year And Then Go To College."

Cincinnati Bengals: "Only 367,200 Minutes 'Till We Make Our Selection."

Cleveland Browns: "You Don't Live In Cincinnati, You Live In Cleveland ... So Let The Potentially Crippling Projectile Objects Fly!"

Dallas Cowboys: "As Seen Last Year On The Popular HBO Series, Oz."

Denver Broncos: "Hey Look, We've Got Plummer's Butt."

Detroit Lions: "New Coach. New Beginnings. New Horizons Of Unfulfillment And Dissatisfaction."

Green Bay Packers: "Millions Of Animals Were Harmed In The Making Of This Team Nickname."

Houston Texans: "We Still Have That New Carr Smell."

Indianapolis Colts: "Remember: You Can't Spell Indianapolis Without 'No D.'"

Jacksonville Jaguars: "A Refreshing Break From Watching The Underarm Wattles Of Elderly Floridians Flail About As They Wave Their Bingo Cards."

Kansas City Chiefs: "Come See A Priest Run Wild -- Without All The Catholic Guilt."

Miami Dolphins: "Seau! Seau! Seau! No, Seriously, 'Say Ow,' Because Our Inflated Ticket Prices Are Painful."

Minnesota Vikings: "Proud Home Of Several Defensive Players Good Enough To Play On Saturdays."

New England Patriots: "75 Rushing Yards Allowed The First Minute, 25 Rushing Yards Allowed Each Additional Minute."

New Orleans Saints: "Tired Of Watching Beautiful Coeds Take It All Off On Bourbon Street? Well, Check Out The Superdome's 'Shirtless Breasty Men Gone Wide,' Featuring Uninhibited, Bosomy Males With Perilously High Caloric Intake Baring It All!"

New York Giants: "Snap. Tackle. Flop!"

New York Jets: "What Happens In The Meadowlands, Stays In The Meadowlands ... Um, Right Up Until Dan Snyder's Helicopter Picks It Up And Transports It Back To Redskins Park."

Oakland Raiders: "Our Veterans Have Been Playing Since The Beatles Arrived On The Scene...Not The Band, The Life Form!"

Philadelphia Eagles: "Kids Under 12 Arraigned Free!"

Pittsburgh Steelers: "Ask Us About Our New Kordelless Service: Guaranteed To Result In Better Reception."

San Diego Chargers: "This Year's Theme Is Marty-Gras...And Our Defense Is Giving Up Big Pass Plays For Lent."

San Francisco 49ers: "Straight Guys (In Glorified Capri Pants) For The Queer Eye."

St. Louis Rams: "We Added Jason Sehorn To Spruce Up Our Defense-Which Is Kind Of Like Adding A Rear Spoiler To Spruce Up Your Geo."

Seattle Seahawks: "We're Okeafor Now, Thanks."

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: "Jon Gruden's Ego, Official Site of Super Bowl XXXVIII."

Tennessee Titans: "The Best Thing To Happen To Tennessee Since Arrested Development."

Washington Redskins: "J-E-T-S--Jets, Jets, Jets!"

The_Dude · 07-31-2003, 11:24 AM

good ones!

BadForm · 07-31-2003, 02:25 PM

Panthers, Bengals, Cowboys, Chiefs, and Saints are my favorites.

Glory's Sun · 07-31-2003, 02:36 PM

I love Page 2.. thanks for the post Mikey

djtestudo · 07-31-2003, 04:49 PM

I don't agree with the Ravens one; we're actually gonna have an offense this year

Explosive · 07-31-2003, 06:31 PM

St. Louis Rams: "We Added Jason Sehorn To Spruce Up Our Defense-Which Is Kind Of Like Adding A Rear Spoiler To Spruce Up Your Geo."

Hahahahhahahaha.

holtmate · 07-31-2003, 06:36 PM

Ah yes...it is time for all of us Bengals fans out there to start the official cheer: There's Always Next Year!
Then there are all of the Mike Brown slurs, and the quarterback jokes, and the lack of an offensive line jokes, and...
Why don't they just change their name officially to the Bungles?

spectre · 07-31-2003, 07:18 PM

hahaha
Those are hysterical.

Spartak · 07-31-2003, 09:51 PM

Steelers one is my favourite.

Page 2 delivers the goods once again.

gov135 · 08-01-2003, 06:08 AM

Atlanta Falcons: "Helping Displaced Northerners Avoid Truck-Related Sports Since 1966."

This made me laugh. Thanks.

Fagabeefe · 08-01-2003, 07:58 AM

The Jets slogan should be: "Oh sure, ANYBODY can win... We prefer to get your hopes up JUST enough and then DESTROY them in December."

iceman2032 · 08-01-2003, 08:08 AM

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: "Jon Gruden's Ego, Official Site of Super Bowl XXXVIII."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
GOLDEN!!!!!!!!!!!

sportsrule101 · 08-05-2003, 12:44 PM

a most excellent post, missed this one on espn

wwcd101 · 08-05-2003, 01:12 PM

Great post.

As to Browns fans, yes, we did invent throwing dog bones, batteries, and snow balls at opposing teams. Audience participation improves the experience.

But, that call, and the way it was handled, in 2001 was total BS. Any real NFL fans, regardless of stadium and/or reputation, would have responded in a similar fashion.

Do they still make those plastic beer bottles?

Thanks for listening.

dragon2fire · 08-07-2003, 09:33 AM

o that is good

love the clots one

cheesemoney · 08-07-2003, 11:38 AM

Gotta love the Cardinals slogan...

cetacean · 08-07-2003, 02:30 PM

Funny stuff.

maiden_fan_us · 08-08-2003, 05:33 AM

Great post, gotta love football season!

07-31-2003, 11:24 AM	#2 (permalink)
The_Dude The GrandDaddy of them all! Location: Austin, TX	good ones! __________________ "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Darrel K Royal

07-31-2003, 04:49 PM	#5 (permalink)
djtestudo Baltimoron Location: Beeeeeautiful Bel Air, MD	I don't agree with the Ravens one; we're actually gonna have an offense this year __________________ "Final thought: I just rented Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine. Frankly, it was the worst sports movie I've ever seen." --Peter Schmuck, The (Baltimore) Sun

07-31-2003, 06:36 PM	#7 (permalink)
holtmate Flailing White Boy Location: Cincinnati	Ah yes...it is time for all of us Bengals fans out there to start the official cheer: There's Always Next Year! Then there are all of the Mike Brown slurs, and the quarterback jokes, and the lack of an offensive line jokes, and... Why don't they just change their name officially to the Bungles? __________________ "Give her your coat" "Why me?" "Because you're perfect." "You have a point there."

07-31-2003, 07:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
spectre Junkie	hahaha Those are hysterical. __________________ "Fuck these chains No goddamn slave I will be different" ~ Machine Head

07-31-2003, 09:51 PM	#9 (permalink)
Spartak Bang bang Location: New Zealand	Steelers one is my favourite. Page 2 delivers the goods once again. __________________ I can read your mind... looking at you... I can read your mind...

07-31-2003, 02:25 PM	#3 (permalink)
BadForm Crazy Location: In an office with no windows	Panthers, Bengals, Cowboys, Chiefs, and Saints are my favorites.

07-31-2003, 02:36 PM	#4 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	I love Page 2.. thanks for the post Mikey

07-31-2003, 06:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
Explosive Banned	St. Louis Rams: "We Added Jason Sehorn To Spruce Up Our Defense-Which Is Kind Of Like Adding A Rear Spoiler To Spruce Up Your Geo." Hahahahhahahaha.

08-01-2003, 06:08 AM	#10 (permalink)
gov135 Junkie Location: Midwest	Atlanta Falcons: "Helping Displaced Northerners Avoid Truck-Related Sports Since 1966." This made me laugh. Thanks.

08-01-2003, 07:58 AM	#11 (permalink)
Fagabeefe What? WHAT?! Location: Over here	The Jets slogan should be: "Oh sure, ANYBODY can win... We prefer to get your hopes up JUST enough and then DESTROY them in December." __________________ If you can't make fun of yourself... Well at least there's always the French! Those chese-eating surrender monkeys!

08-01-2003, 08:08 AM	#12 (permalink)
iceman2032 Crazy	Tampa Bay Buccaneers: "Jon Gruden's Ego, Official Site of Super Bowl XXXVIII." ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ GOLDEN!!!!!!!!!!!

08-05-2003, 12:44 PM	#13 (permalink)
sportsrule101 Insane	a most excellent post, missed this one on espn __________________ winning isn't everything but losing isn't anything

08-05-2003, 01:12 PM	#14 (permalink)
wwcd101 Insane	Great post. As to Browns fans, yes, we did invent throwing dog bones, batteries, and snow balls at opposing teams. Audience participation improves the experience. But, that call, and the way it was handled, in 2001 was total BS. Any real NFL fans, regardless of stadium and/or reputation, would have responded in a similar fashion. Do they still make those plastic beer bottles? Thanks for listening.

08-07-2003, 09:33 AM	#15 (permalink)
dragon2fire Junkie	o that is good love the clots one

08-07-2003, 11:38 AM	#16 (permalink)
cheesemoney Loser Location: Paradise	Gotta love the Cardinals slogan...

08-08-2003, 05:33 AM	#18 (permalink)
maiden_fan_us Tilted Location: Springfield, VA	Great post, gotta love football season! __________________ Remember Eric, there are no stupid questions, only stupid people!

08-07-2003, 02:30 PM	#17 (permalink)
cetacean Insane Location: New York, NY	Funny stuff.