zensheep

As I talked about in one of my previous threads, my girlfriend of over 2 years broke up with me about a month ago. I had tried to hold on to the hope that this was a passing thing but yesterday she told me was dating someone (which I felt was somewhat fast but that's another story). I know that I need to move on, and I'm trying to limit contact with her as much as possible (I don't think I'm mature/strong enough to just cut it off completely, she means too much to me as a friend) but now it seems that the problems are coming from me.

Everywhere I look is something that reminds me of her. For example, I went grocery shopping last night. Over the speakers the entire time I was there they played a song that we had deemed 'our song' on repeat. Needless to say I was a mess trying to figure out which soup to buy. So I get home and grab a refreshing drink to clear my mind and make me feel better. Of course it just happens to be the soda brand that she introduced me to. Strike 2. After that i do a little studying for a midterm I have today, which I couldn't concentrate on at all and will probably fail, and climb into bed. I reach for a blanket as it's a pretty cold night and of course it's the one she got me last Christmas.

That pretty much did it for me, the rest of the night I was a wreck. I know it's going to take time but I'm afraid that with these constant thoughts of her I'll never properly move on. Does anyone have any similar experiences and maybe some tips to help me move on and try and put this episode in the past?

Thanks TFP. She was the one person I had who I could relay my problems to, and now that they involve her I don't really have anyone to confide in and it's just building up and making me feel awful all the time, but you guys have been here for me with advice and for that I truly appreciate it. Thanks again!

BigBen

That sucks.

Many people get "Rebound" relationships to avoid the pain that you are going through. It sounds like that is what she is doing.

Is there anything anyone can do to make this better? No. Breaking up sucks. Look on the bright side. Nope, there is no bright side at the moment.
Keep yourself preoccupied so that you don't obsess about her. The thoughts keep slipping back in.

I would suggest a Half-way house for newly single men, where you get to drink beer, play poker and watch porn all day. When you feel like crying, we feed you a bowl of chili and go fishing. When you get better, we let you leave the house and have a big send off party with a kegger and cute co-eds.

If I told you that you are the 1,543,889,724 man to go through this pain, would that cheer you up?

Remember, you are allowed to mourn the loss of your relationship for half the amount of time you were in it. I hereby give you permission to feel bad for a year. (you said you were together for 2 years)

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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

teflonian

I think that number needs to be much much higher BigBen...

You already know what is best for you zensheep, limit your contact with her to the absolute minimum. Its like two steps forward, one step back if you continue to have a lot of contact with her. Times will be hard for a few days, weeks, ... , but that time will be much less if you move on and focus as much as you can on other people and things in your life.

Good luck and know that those nights won't last.

MEAD

Yeah, no one can really give advice here. It's just a matter of time. But the good news is that in some months you can remember the good things about her or the fun stuff you guys did and it won't affect you badly, it will just be a part of your life. It will get better, I promise.

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"That's it, send out the ninjas!"
"So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

Leto

Time will heal. well maybe. I have the identical experience to yours. I tell you, that for months i would be reminded by the smallest things. It didn't help that Queens was a small university, and we kept crossing paths at parties, on campus etc.

Like you I felt that I would never meet somebody who knew me as well. Who was as intimate. who looked / felt / tasted as good. Everybody was pale in comparison. I would sit in lectures, and not hear anything. I almost lost my year. I even dropped out of a course (limnology) that we were in together because I couldn't stand the new distance. She also had a new BF right from the day after the breakup.

I did not think that I would ever meet anybody that could be as good for me as she was. From the time of break up (October) to the time I had a new girl friend (February) I went through a few quickie or rebound relationships that just did not do it for me (although I feel really badly for the girls that got my half-assed / shallow attention at this low point).

I even got beat up by some CFB Kingston Army dudes, because I could care less, and told them all to fuck off.

But gradually I shook off the malaise. Friends. My circle of friends helped me out. I also took a stand, and insisted that she remain in that circle, as they were her's too. and then started to participate in activities that took me to meet other people. I met my new GF while on an out of town football game trip and was immediately captivated by her smile. I actually forgot about my ex, and actually began to enjoy pursuing a relationship again. One that I wanted.

Even now, almost 20 yrs later, certain things will remind me of my ex, but now it's buffered by a sense of relief that we didn't hook up permanently in the end. She is still a friend, and my now wife and I attend her parties and get togethers on a regular basis.

Just keep this fact in focus: There was a time when you did not know your old girlfriend. You were just fine then. Now you have to get back to that place, but with a sack load of experience and wisdom. You will be fine again, and will meet somebody else.

Think of it as a mantra.

and.. good luck!

FireBob

It'll get better. I came out of a 2-year relationship in july that i thought was gonna last forever. I felt pretty much as bummed out as you do now, and the best way to feel better is to try to take your mind off it. Whenever i catch myself thinking about her (still quite a lot) i'll watch a movie, or play videogames. Going out and exercising's a great way to take your mind off things and really helps you feel better. You'll find yourself thinking about her less and less. It's a good opportunity to aim to go out and find new friends and meet new people to fill the void, and make you feel better about yourself too. I know i'm never gonna be able to forget about her, and probably won't get over her untill i manage to hunt down someone new someday, but i'm not as bummed about being on my own now.

klined

Hold the memories for what they are worth... I have a few memories, and life would suck if you didn't have them. Everyone has them

Funnel

Time will help it may not heal. You must decide to heal yourself. Even though it may be very difficult to manage and i understand where you are coming from the time will teach you that if you don't heal you will be a bitter person. Good luck and im sorry to hear that you are in this situation just be glad the two years were there because they must have been a mostly positive experience.

SiNai

It gets better. Take your experiences, try to learn something about yourself, and move on. I couldn't move on until I cut off communication completely- but that's your call, of course. I wanted to be friends with her too, but I just couldn't. Limit your contact with things that remind yourself of her, if at all possible, but don't ruin your life over it. Surround yourselves with friends - friends that you can go out with, and friends who will listen when you need to talk, as well. Time, above all, will make it go away. Hang in there.

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zensheep

Thanks so much guys, I really appreciate all your advice and kind words, it means a lot. These past few weeks have been rough, and although I have a lot of great friends, I don't really have that one person who I can truly confide in with all my problems and feelings (anymore at least). Being able to come here helps a lot.

doncalypso

Dude... you need someone to talk to. My best advice would be to have someone in whom you can fully trust be there to listen to you and not make any snap judgments because you have to let it out.

I wouldn't tell you to go see a therapist because not everyone agrees with that course of action and some can see that suggestion as an insult. But if you can't find any real friend or relative that you can trust to listen to you without judging you negatively for how you feel and how you're being affected by this, then do consider seeing a counselor or therapist.

In addition to finding someone to talk to I'd recommend you take up new activities that will help you forget your ex. For example, take lessons in classical guitar or classical piano. Go to a dance school and take up some ballroom lessons (cha-cha-cha, merengue, tango, slow waltz, swing, foxtrot, etc.). Start going to the gym regularly and lift weights (or do cardio). Focus on your studies (if you're still at school), or put in more time and effort at work (and earn yourself some good overtime $$$ in the process).

Moving on is not going to be easy, but you have to start putting in lots of effort to get out there and get on with your life or else you'll always be in pain and life will pass you by.

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Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

Cimarron29414

Thank God for problems such as this because they are so temporary! In time, this will subside. Use this time to strengthen your relationship with yourself. Don't date until you can define yourself without including her in the definition. You will know what I mean when it happens. Start a new hobbie to fill your time - cooking or dancing classes seem like a good idea to me. Something completely out of your comfort zone.

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

radioguy

fabulous quote man. follow this zensheep. the same crap happened to me this summer, only i had been with her for only a year. i don't know what to tell you because nothing has really helped me, but i really like this quote from leto. maybe this can help us both, good luck buddy!