iblade

I recently lost my virginity. I'm 20. The first change I noticed in myself was that I wasn't obsessed with it anymore. I feel more calm. Of course I still want to have sex, but mostly because it's good, and because I want to improve. But my girlfriend told me she found me more attractive since I lost it (I lost it to her, she's 29 and not a virgin). I have had other people tell me that I look more adult. And even more handsome, even though they know nothing about me losing it...

What do you think? Did these changes happen to you too? What other changes did you notice?

HoneyPot

I was almost 20 when I lost mine. I think the thing I felt the most was more grown up.... It was weird. You're right when it comes to feeling all weird about sex... once I got it I was so calm, but then again I became a nympho!!!! Watch yo self!!! haha j/k

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iblade

I guess you're a woman... They do say that losing your virginity for a woman makes you more feminine...

TM875

I'll give you the blunt answer from a man - No.






(except that your buddies in high school all give you high fives).

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Jinn

The physical act of it? Doesnt change you a lick..

Realizing that someone can fully accept you and your body and love you to orgasm.. thats the part that changes you. You realize you ain't so bad after all.

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Lasereth

No. I didn't feel different at all. As a matter of fact, it really bothers me when people say stuff like "you don't know life until you've had sex" or "you're not a real man until you've had sex" because you don't feel a damn bit fucking different afterwards. Sex is great, but it is NOT the life changing experience people make it out to be, especially the first time. The first time is terrible.

-Lasereth

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Siege

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you're not getting any.

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ratbastid

Very nice. VERY nice.

There may be attitude changes--confidence, certainty, knowing you've been wanted at least once in your life, etc. The physical act doesn't change anything.

iblade

Yeah I agree. But considering the fact that women have "radars" when it comes to this, there is an obvisou change in your interactions with the opposite sex.

Before: Craving for it.

After: I got it, who cares anymore?

Women can feel it.

Ustwo

You mean the rest of you didn't get super powers?

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onodrim

I think it really depends on the situation. If you're looking to lose it just to say you did, then you'll be expecting some big huge reaction and you may or may not get one. Chances are though in that situation it won't have much of a lasting effect other than, well I lost it. If you're in a committed relationship and you have a strong emotional conection with the person you first have sex with, then it's only going to strengthen that bond. So in that way it changes you because you reach a new level with another person. But does just the simple act of losing your virginity in itself change you, I'd say mostly not.

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iblade

There indeed is a certain number of people who do it mostly to strengthen their relationship. This can be considered a change.

But what I am talking about is the calm I felt after doing it. I really calmed down. And that has been felt by the people around me...

Losing your virginity has always been associated to "becoming a man". Maybe there is some kind of truth behind the popular saying?

On a biological level, it would be interesting to see if your testosterone goes up when you do it.

KungFuGuy

i'm not sure how it applies, but scientifically isn't the peak age for virility in males around age 17-18?

The biggest change for me was that I wanted to have sex a lot more and that masturbation became a lot less fun.

Then I also went to get an HIV test which was really intimidating (i'm negative!); waiting for the results of that test was more life changing than losing my virginity. I had a condom break on me one time. >_<

World's King

Hi, what are you doin' right now? I have a free 20 minutes.

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MageB420666

I'm a guy and I do think that losing my virginity did change me. I usually have very low self-esteem and self-image. So the first time that I did it (it was boredom sex), it was like a wake up call to my self-image, gave me a big boost in my self-confidence. And even after having my ex basically tell me she thought she could do better than me when she left me, I feel that I still have a higher level of self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-image than I did before I lost my virginity. Of course that could just be me going into a delusional state of denial.

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iblade

What do you mean by that?

You're saying your inner self image was changed, but did you feel other people noticed the change too? I mean my point is that having sex definately makes you more masculine if you're a man, or feminine if you're a woman...

Poppinjay

I don't think it made me more masculine, that's basically a temporary response. Go dry for a year or two and see if you feel masculine. The dark yang that goes with your new yin is that if you don't conitnue to get it, you'll start to think you've become undesireable. And the difference then, will be you KNOW what you're missing.

The good thing is the first time is over, and now you get the whole peg A into slot B thing. That's really the only change, that you're ready for next time.

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raeanna74

I didn't have sex until I was 24. At that point I was pretty 'adult' like already. I was older than most of my fellow students since I'd started college 2 years after highschool. I was already seen as older or more adult so in that sense it did not change me. Hubby and I LOVED sex the first time we had it and I think part of it was that we were both fully ready. We actually had sex 4 times the first day that we lost our virginity.

I did feel different but I believe that sensation was more psychological than anything else. I thought of sex differently. It wasn't this fairy tale anymore, it was reality and the reality was different than the fairy tale in a lot of ways. I guess you could say I didn't have this idealistic, innocent imagination of sex. It was real and it was good. Beyond that I don't believe I changed.

I have to consider the environment in which hubby and I lived at the time. I was going to a religious college that would have kicked me out had they found out. Heck my best friend and her boyfriend got campused for holding hands, sex would have meant severe discipline. So as a result neither one of us really wanted anyone to notice anything. There was no need to WANT to excude a change as a result of sexual encounter.

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ngdawg

I think you just made a pass at a dude..

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doncalypso

Losing my virginity (at age 14) changed me for the worst.... before then I was craving sex but I didn't have carnal knowledge of what I was missing. Now that I've had sex and I know how good it feel I still crave it but it's worse than ever because I know exactly what I'm missing, and women can sense that so it's definitely not a good thing.

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skinnymofo

you felt calm after? like a post orgasm calm? the same satisfying calm after yankin yer crank for a while?
i dont see how a biological change could happen with sex. Like, how often does a male have sex before he first masterbates? gotta be pretty few and far in between.
you might walk straighter, or have more confidence with all the lost desperation of wanting sex all the time.
the girl i lost my virginity to was always saying shit like, "Maybe your voice will get deeper" and crap like that.
such bs, atleast in my world.

World's King

I know......

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abaya

I don't think losing your virginity makes you a man, or a woman for that matter. Especially if you do it in a stupid manner at too young of an age (not implying the OP, just saying in general).

I think what is more important in "making" you a man or a woman, related to sex, is when go through your first HIV test, your first pregnancy test, etc. Realizing the consequences of sex and dealing with them in a mature manner.

As for me, I waited quite a while to have sex (24), so I'd grown up in other ways first before encouraging my sexual appetite. I can't imagine having had sex in my teens... no way in HELL I'd have been ready for that.

So for me, sex didn't change me much since I'd already "changed," and having sex was just a nice benefit of life... not something transforming. As others have said, I think the constant opportunity for sex (in a steady relationship) has allowed me to become more comfortable/confident in myself and express things that were otherwise latent, but I don't think that's change. It's just me becoming comfortable with a side of myself that I didn't encourage until I could deal with the consequences.

Hope that made sense...

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MageB420666

I mean my friend and I were both bored, and had nothing to do, so we had sex. Hence the term "boredom sex". We weren't in a relationship together, and we didn't want to be in a relationship together.

And while I don't recall anybody actually commenting on the self image changes, I know that it was apparent, because part of the reason that my ex-girlfriend was attracted to me was because I seemed so self-confident. And she actually told me that, I'm not just assuming it.

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eMOTIONal20

Hmm... after I lost my virginity I was kind-of like, "So... that was what all the fuss was about...?" I then had this idea for a while that sex was really only for guys because I didn't get anything out of it.
Yes, I do think now of how stupid that thought was. The person I lost my virginity to and continued to have sex with for a year and half just didn't care and didn't know what he was doing.

No, I didn't feel more feminine. No, I didn't emotionally feel any different... until I started getting scared that sex altogether was really going to always be that bad.

And yes... I enjoy sex now. A lot.

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iblade

I felt calm because I had lost the urge to have sex. I guess before that I was communicating the feeling "MATE WITH ME" on a subconscious level to women, and "I'M NOT GETTING ANY" to men. I felt calm in the way that this unbalanced state had completely faded away. I was like, I can talk to you woman without craving to receive sex from you...

I was thinking, when mating period comes, women have a rise in their feminine hormones, don't they? Does it happen to men too. I mean a mating man having a rise in his testosterone level... That could explain a biological change.

serlindsipity

It was a relief. I deposited what i needed to free my worries from and it stayed nicely between myself and what i now call my friend. No bad stories of hatred from a bad breakup to associate with it.

what changes me more is finding great sex. not good orgasms, but passionate sex that is real. that's a rediscovery and a change im happy to encounter as much as possible.

hrandani

Barring environmental factors, men have a 24 hour cycle of testosterone, peaking in the morning.

Everything else you have detailed is 100% in your mind.

abaya

Wow, is this how other virgin guys think?... I haven't gotten that vibe from a lot of virgin guys I've known, so I wouldn't generalize that feeling to other guys if I were you. It might be just you. Personally, I always thought the "cravings" went UP after having sex. Keep in mind you're still with your partner... what would happen if you broke up? I can almost bet that you'll start getting that hungry look again, if you knew you couldn't have it when you wanted it.

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for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

iblade

I guess you're right and that thought kind of scares me. I don't want to become hungry again... Haven't you ever felt, as a woman, the need for sex from the man in front of you?

Concerning the fact that 100% of it is in my head. I agree with it. Yet psychological factors can have tremendous effects on one's attitude, and thus the way he is perceived by others...

abaya

Yes I have gotten that vibe, though usually it's in a bar or a dance club where I have no interest in going home with someone and I know they are just horny or desperate. The only guys I have come to trust are those who never seemed that interested in having sex with me, at least not until I expressed interest in having sex with them. They seemed to want to get to know ME, not my pussy. Maybe that's just good acting, but I doubt it (and yes, some of them have been virgins!).

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for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

iblade

Yeah. Fortunately, it's when I let the "I NEED SEX" vibe go down that I started having success. Lesson learned. But since I'm getting some now, I don't have to consciously think to "NOT THINK ABOUT SEX" in my interactions with women, thus making me more attractive?

Zeraph

Nice

Zeraph

Should be a bumper sticker

As far as if it changes you, I think it depends on the type of person, like how much you care about it, and your cultural background on it. And the change would certaintly be psychological rather than physiological in nature.

iblade

Indeed. Don't you think virginity has become such an important matter for younger generations?

cptgreedle

Unforunately i think Losing it has.... no one seems to want to hold on to it. It's not something you can get back once you loose it. Nonetheless....
Physically a change CAN happen in a woman... the hymen can tear or rip, or "pop".. (popping the cherry). But for men it is all the same, physically.
Mentally... don't ask me... I still am a virgin (although it isn't always easy) and proud of it! (Although my fiance and I do have plans... )

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serlindsipity

Perhaps, but i wonder if the fact that it seems much less taboo and brought up at a younger age may have an affect on its "power" over someone. We are a much more sexually open culture that in order to become part of it you must be willing to join in it. keeping your viriginity for whatever reasons tends to inhibit the capacity to do so.

I think it comes down to know why you wish to keep it or why you choose to lose it.

dkocolin

i just lost mine a few weeks ago
i don't feel much different
although i am a bit more into trying stuff out sexually now than i was, but i think that may have more to do w/ the girl im with than the lost virginity...

doncalypso

Seriously I wish I had not lost my virginity because it sucks to be in an ongoing dry spell and know exactly what you're missing with no hope of getting any in sight for a long time coming.

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nightstuff

Well, its easily overrated but also a big deal since you are never a virgin again.

Girl I lost mine too was already experienced with sex, and sent me off to the store by myself to buy something, so I had all this time by myself to reflect on the event. Remember feeling damn good about my "victory", something which was tainted by me having suffered through 5mins of hell trying to get the damn condom to flush down the toilet in her family's bathroom. When I explained the comedy of the situation to her afterwards, she smirked and wondered why I hadnt just wrapped T-paper around it first. "oh..."