helping a woman relax - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Dilbert1234567 · 09-20-2005, 01:31 PM

I have a female friend coming over tomorrow night. She is stressed out beyond belief, with work home and homework and I want to help her relax. She needs time away from the world. I already have a nice dinner planned, Pan-Roasted Chicken with Prosciutto, Rosemary, and Lemon, I think I got the recipe here, if I did not I’ll post it in the cooking section later, its amazing. And relaxing and watching some Penn and Teller's Bullshit with a glass of wine. We will have my house to our selves. Do you guys have any other suggestions for me,Ii've never been much with the ladies.

Please keep in mind, it’s a school night, so excessive drinking is out. And I just met her and there is not a boy friend girl friend thing (yet?), I don’t want to put any more strain on her.

Any ideas are welcome, thanks.

~dil

(Edit I already did post the recipe earlier http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=66763)

Uncle Pony · 09-20-2005, 01:35 PM

What kind of wine are you serving? I recommend a Chardonnay or Riesling. Preferably the Chardonnay.

maleficent · 09-20-2005, 01:59 PM

that's just so sweet... sometimes.. just kicking your shoes off, being comfortable with someone, and sharing a laugh is enough.. I'm not much on penn and teller, I'd actually prefer something that's funny... but sounds like you've got the right plan in mind...

Be comfortable yourself and so will she... and just laugh.

Powderedmaggot · 09-20-2005, 02:46 PM

Massage is good for stress relief. But then, so is smashing stuff with a club.

Sugarmouse · 09-20-2005, 02:53 PM

yes give her a massage n let hr talk it out about whatever she wants...jus let her know u care

Dilbert1234567 · 09-20-2005, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

that's just so sweet... sometimes.. just kicking your shoes off, being comfortable with someone, and sharing a laugh is enough.. I'm not much on penn and teller, I'd actually prefer something that's funny... but sounds like you've got the right plan in mind...

Be comfortable yourself and so will she... and just laugh.

Actually we both find Penn and Teller very funny, were both a bit cynical.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle Pony

What kind of wine are you serving? I recommend a Chardonnay or Riesling. Preferably the Chardonnay.

Martin Weyrich Moscoto Alegro (vint 2004)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Powderedmaggot

Massage is good for stress relief. But then, so is smashing stuff with a club.

some bastard smashed my mail box today... i hope it was not you...

noodle · 09-20-2005, 03:52 PM

Two words: foot massage. Curl up on the couch and let her talk about whatever she wants, or watch a movie. Foot massage, a glass of Pinot Noir on a comfy couch with good company. Mmmm...

Ganggreen · 09-20-2005, 06:49 PM

agree with the massage, but since she's new to you, may seem like a coome on to her. foot rub is the way to go. only one problem, gotta figure out lagistics to get her shoes off. any suggestions anyone?

Angel · 09-20-2005, 06:55 PM

I think you pretty much have the important bases covered. I would very much enjoy an evening like that to escape the madness. Stay in tune to what she is saying and doing, that will guide you through the night. Good luck and enjoy.

Dilbert1234567 · 09-20-2005, 06:56 PM

Well her god damn boss called and told her she has to work tomorrow evening...

F@#%ER

It’s put off until Friday. I guess it will be better that we don’t have school the next day. And I have a bit more time to prepare.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredweena

Two words: foot massage. Curl up on the couch and let her talk about whatever she wants, or watch a movie. Foot massage, a glass of Pinot Noir on a comfy couch with good company. Mmmm...

I think I have a Wild Horse Pinot Noir in the fridge in the garage, vint 2002 if I recall, I don’t know how 2002 was for Wild Horse Pinot Noir, any one know?

Sultana · 09-21-2005, 07:34 AM

Wild Horse anything is great, 2002 will be *really* great.

Good luck, and please keep us posted.

Jinn · 09-21-2005, 07:46 AM

Does wine honestly taste that much better with age? I mean seriously..

My only suggestion is to make SURE there is music going. Relatively uncomfortable for most people to eat / talk in complete silence, especially if they don't know each other all-that-well. Music takes the burden of having to continously talk away, as there is no "awkward silences." That said, I don't see how you could NOT be "much with the ladies." You sound like a caring man who knows how to please (and cook).. thats like half the battle right there..

Oh and pull her chair out? Never done it personally, but supposedly a true gentleman pulls her chair out..

maleficent · 09-21-2005, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JinnKai

Oh and pull her chair out? Never done it personally, but supposedly a true gentleman pulls her chair out..

you just want to make sure that you push it back in as she goes to sit down.. .you don't want her sprawled on the floor with an aching tailbone...

aberkok · 09-21-2005, 08:19 AM

It goes without saying that listening to her problems is important, but one thing I've learned through years of experience is that just because women want you to listen to their problems, doesn't mean they want you to solve them. Just listening is often enough.

This isn't to say keep your mouth shut, though.

Sultana · 09-21-2005, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JinnKai

Does wine honestly taste that much better with age? I mean seriously..

Yes. I mean seriously. :P

It won't make a bad wine good, but it can make a good wine great. Of course it depends on soo many different factors.
Try going to a vertical wine tasting sometime, that will vividly illustrate how different vintages react to aging.

I like what aberkok said listening, but not troubleshooting. But not listening in silence.
Yeah, women are complex like that. Like a good wine.

Charlatan · 09-21-2005, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sultana

Yeah, women are complex like that. Like a good wine.

Then I will wait awhile until I open you...

With regards to relaxation... a lot of what is posted her is great advice. If you were a boyfriend/girlfriend type of thing I would suggest a hot bath and massage but would suggest you stay away from this it may just add to the stress...

The best advice I can give is just be cool. Make her a nice dinner. Supply her with an alcoholic beverage of her choice (if it's red wine great, if it's vodka and tonic that's good too). After that, just hang out and if she wants to unload her worries and problems let her dump them on your ever listening ears. Sometimes people just like to vent and providing an ear is sometimes the best thing you can do.

That is the key to platonic relaxation.

Daoust · 09-21-2005, 09:49 AM

Just be careful when you give that foot massage. Even if you have your technique down and everything. Word around the campfire is that the last guy who tried to give her a foot massage was thrown off a balcony nine stories and landed on a glass house....developed a bit of a speech impediment.

...or something like that.

HoneyPot · 09-21-2005, 10:06 AM

I think a massage is too forward. I think just letting her vent and for you just to listen is the best thing you can do! Seriously. After talking about everything I'm sure she'll find a way for you to relax! haha good luck!

777 · 09-21-2005, 10:54 AM

If I may say so, I'm in the anti-vent department (not that it's a bad suggestion). Venting doesn't help relieve stress as much as laughing does. A glass of wine with a few laughs that you have planned are perfect.

noodle · 09-21-2005, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ganggreen

agree with the massage, but since she's new to you, may seem like a coome on to her. foot rub is the way to go. only one problem, gotta figure out lagistics to get her shoes off. any suggestions anyone?

"Make yourself comfortable... Kick off your shoes, toots, relax."

analog · 09-21-2005, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HoneyPot

I think a massage is too forward.

Massages are never too forward, unless you immediately try to take her shirt off so you can do her back. I always start with a massage. Good luck, man.

Dilbert1234567 · 09-21-2005, 08:50 PM

Thanks for all the feed back, I’d like to say, you are all wonderful, this has got to be the best web community around. Everyone is willing to listen and give their $.02. It’s a really nice feeling.

I’ve heard of aromatherapy, any one know any scents to add to the room, something to relax, but not make her sleepy?

abaya · 09-21-2005, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aberkok

It goes without saying that listening to her problems is important, but one thing I've learned through years of experience is that just because women want you to listen to their problems, doesn't mean they want you to solve them. Just listening is often enough.

This isn't to say keep your mouth shut, though.

Yes, this is more important than any foot massage or wine (especially when you are just trying to be her friend). Listen, don't solve, and don't be silent. Pretty much just engage in lively conversation that shows how interested you are in what she has to say. This goes farther with most women, platonically or otherwise, than just about any physical gesture I can think of.

Acetylene · 09-22-2005, 08:57 AM

Vanilla! Best way to get a vanilla smell in the house is to bake a cake. Get the kind that comes out of a box, they smell really good. Then you can frost it and lick the frosting off the spoons. That would certainly relax ME!

Dilbert1234567 · 09-22-2005, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

Yes, this is more important than any foot massage or wine (especially when you are just trying to be her friend). Listen, don't solve, and don't be silent. Pretty much just engage in lively conversation that shows how interested you are in what she has to say. This goes farther with most women, platonically or otherwise, than just about any physical gesture I can think of.

Don’t get me wrong, she is a beautiful woman and I do want something more than friendship with her, but I am most concerned about her relaxing. I don’t want to put any more strain on her worrying about me wanting her; we are both really shy people.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acetylene

Vanilla! Best way to get a vanilla smell in the house is to bake a cake. Get the kind that comes out of a box, they smell really good. Then you can frost it and lick the frosting off the spoons. That would certainly relax ME!

mmm a cake does sound good, I already made ice cream for Friday (chocolate raspberry ice cream, real raspberry’s not the flavoring) I think I’ll head to bed bath and beyond and get one of those large vanilla scented candles.

BigBen · 09-22-2005, 11:20 AM

Dude, take a look at all of the posts here on Tilted Sexuality about the poor bastard that wanted to take it easy and instead found that he had arrived IN THE FRIEND ZONE.

Do you want to be in this zone? By having her relax, giving her a non-threatening massage, you are walking that path.

If you want to date this girl, tell her that. "I want to show you how cool I am so that when I ask you out on a proper date in two weeks, you wan't be able to say no. Tonight, just relax and treat me like a trusted counsellor, or consiglierie (sp? Godfather reference.) I can make all of your problems go away."

Do the Marlon Brando accent, and lighten up the mood.

DON'T walk down the friend path. You will just be right back here in two weeks crying because she "Doesn't look at you that way". Get it out in the open!

Charlatan · 09-22-2005, 11:28 AM

BigBen has provided some sage advice. Search your own feelings and act accordingly.

5757 · 09-22-2005, 11:49 AM

Man! BigBen931 is right on the money!! You don't want her to see you as the big teddy bear friend that she can run to just to hang out and relax. Give her the "look". Not the 'I want you look', but atleast the 'wow you are really hot look! She knows that you are straight- right? Hope so buddy.

Good Luck with your lady friend.

Oh yeah - Go with the Austin Powers Sensual Massage!

sn33k · 09-22-2005, 10:40 PM

if yer going to the friend zone, whether or not you are forward is not going to stop that. It seems pretty clear if you are going through all this trouble to help her relax that you don't really want to be in friend zone. I mean, this isn't something you do for anybody, even your good friends. If anything develops, and if she wants it to the wine will certainly help that, it'll happen. Unless you totally bungle things. Hell, if she likes you minor bungles won't even be a problem. It'll have to be something so awkward and embarrassing that she has to leave immediately because it's just not happening.

and apple cinnamon. Nothing that smells like it was made in a factory. Unless she's that kind of person.

Martian · 09-22-2005, 10:55 PM

Nobody can lay out a script for you, if you really want to know where the night's going to go you'll need to gauge the mood and trust your judgement.

Do make her a nice dinner, do be a gentleman. If she's the type who'd like you doing things like pulling up her chair, or even standing before she sits or any other proper ettiquette rules then do that. If she's more laid back, then just relax. Some girls get uncomfortable when you do those sorts of things.

Movie or tv and a nice glass of wine is a good progression. Keep the wine in a cooler or bucket of ice handy and refill her glass when it gets low, unless she tells you not to. This, so far, is just being a good host.

Foot rub or massage is a lot more than a good host. Don't get a table and candles and scented oil, but maybe offer her a massage. You know her better than we do, but she might be flattered even if she doesn't take you up on it. Do you know how to give a proper massage? It's a bit late in the game for Friday night, but you should learn anyway, it may come in handy and it's not really that hard.

Be a gentleman. I'm not talking tux and standing when she enters the room (although you certainly can go to that extent if you feel comfortable doing so). Lend a sympathetic ear but don't be a non-participant in the conversation. Note that being a participant means more than agreeing with her periodically. You have to contribute, or she'll think you're not interested in what she's saying and, by extension, not interested in her. Not the idea you want to convey.

So, yeah, there's some basic tips. And have confidence! She's agreed to come over to your house to spend a night alone, with dinner and wine. That is a very good sign that she's interested. In everything you do tomorrow night act like she already knows your interested, because she probably does.

And if you plan on any getting down and/or funky, I have some Barry White and Marvin Gaye you can borrow.

EDIT - As far as getting her shoes off, just make sure you're barefoot or in sock feet when you answer the door. If she has any manners at all, she'll follow suit. Or if you want to give a subtle hint, point out the boot rack or whatever you have for the purpose (if nothing, try 'just leave your shoes anywhere').

abaya · 09-22-2005, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martian

Nobody can lay out a script for you, if you really want to know where the night's going to go you'll need to gauge the mood and trust your judgement. -snip- Lend a sympathetic ear but don't be a non-participant in the conversation. Note that being a participant means more than agreeing with her periodically. You have to contribute, or she'll think you're not interested in what she's saying and, by extension, not interested in her. Not the idea you want to convey.

These are two very good pieces of advice for you, man. I think you need to relax yourself before you can help her relax!!

And I'm sorry to beat a dead horse (at this point in the thread), but maintain good conversational skills! Martian knows what he's talking about... must've been dealing with women for a long time.

For many women, conversation is a form of sex, and definitely of foreplay (I know you don't intend to go there, but just an FYI). At the very least, the way you go about it will demonstrate your level of attention for her.

air45 · 09-23-2005, 01:41 PM

have you try smelling salt?

this make a lady go to relax super fine!

Dilbert1234567 · 09-23-2005, 02:32 PM

Well she dropped the bf bomb last night when I was talking to her on the phone… not in the few months I’ve known her did she even hint at it or mention it. She said they had a fight/argument and that it was not a long relatioship, so I’m not sure if that’s an invitation or just a statement, I think I’ll just have a nice evening and towards the end tell her how I feel about her. Worst that can happen is she says she wants to be just friends.

...Actually she could stab me and that would be worse. But I guess saying just friends is a sort of stabbing, in my heart.

Looks like more lonely evenings for dil. being shy sucks ass.

3 hours till zero hour

Dilbert1234567 · 09-24-2005, 11:14 PM

Well the update:

It was a nice evening; she is on meds so no alcohol, I had a few bottles of sparkling apple cider so that was served instead. She had a friend (female) who was leaving town for a long time so she had to leave a bit earlier then I had wanted to see her off, but I’m still not sure right now, I asked to see her again next Friday and she said maybe I think she is holding out for someone else. She is down with the BF she had a fight with Thursday, and it seems like she wants to se several people at the same time until she finds the right one, I don’t think I’m out yet, but I’m still not sure.

Jinn · 09-25-2005, 08:29 AM

This is the friend zone. Don't let her lead you into peril by giving you that "chance" at her, while still remaining with her boyfriend. Consider yourself a friend and NOTHING more until she becomes single...

noodle · 09-25-2005, 08:50 AM

^ Ahem, I second that opinion! I'm in that situation now with an ex and trying hard to get out of it. Danger, Will Robinson!

Martian · 09-25-2005, 09:55 AM

Thirded. Drop her like a hot potato. She's playing with you and you deserve better than that.

Dilbert1234567 · 09-25-2005, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martian

Thirded. Drop her like a hot potato. She's playing with you and you deserve better than that.

thanks, i needed that.

09-20-2005, 01:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	helping a woman relax I have a female friend coming over tomorrow night. She is stressed out beyond belief, with work home and homework and I want to help her relax. She needs time away from the world. I already have a nice dinner planned, Pan-Roasted Chicken with Prosciutto, Rosemary, and Lemon, I think I got the recipe here, if I did not I’ll post it in the cooking section later, its amazing. And relaxing and watching some Penn and Teller's Bullshit with a glass of wine. We will have my house to our selves. Do you guys have any other suggestions for me,Ii've never been much with the ladies. Please keep in mind, it’s a school night, so excessive drinking is out. And I just met her and there is not a boy friend girl friend thing (yet?), I don’t want to put any more strain on her. Any ideas are welcome, thanks. ~dil (Edit I already did post the recipe earlier http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=66763) __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen Last edited by Dilbert1234567; 09-20-2005 at 07:00 PM..

09-20-2005, 01:59 PM	#3 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	that's just so sweet... sometimes.. just kicking your shoes off, being comfortable with someone, and sharing a laugh is enough.. I'm not much on penn and teller, I'd actually prefer something that's funny... but sounds like you've got the right plan in mind... Be comfortable yourself and so will she... and just laugh. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

09-20-2005, 02:53 PM	#5 (permalink)
Sugarmouse Insane Location: Preston lancs(i know i know)	yes give her a massage n let hr talk it out about whatever she wants...jus let her know u care __________________ Sugarmouse=Festered

09-20-2005, 06:55 PM	#9 (permalink)
Angel Naughty Just Right Location: Euphoria	I think you pretty much have the important bases covered. I would very much enjoy an evening like that to escape the madness. Stay in tune to what she is saying and doing, that will guide you through the night. Good luck and enjoy. __________________ In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

09-21-2005, 07:34 AM	#11 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	Wild Horse anything is great, 2002 will be really great. Good luck, and please keep us posted. __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

09-20-2005, 01:35 PM	#2 (permalink)
Uncle Pony Crazy	What kind of wine are you serving? I recommend a Chardonnay or Riesling. Preferably the Chardonnay.

09-20-2005, 02:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
Powderedmaggot Banned	Massage is good for stress relief. But then, so is smashing stuff with a club.

09-20-2005, 06:49 PM	#8 (permalink)
Ganggreen Tilted	agree with the massage, but since she's new to you, may seem like a coome on to her. foot rub is the way to go. only one problem, gotta figure out lagistics to get her shoes off. any suggestions anyone?

09-21-2005, 07:46 AM	#12 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	Does wine honestly taste that much better with age? I mean seriously.. My only suggestion is to make SURE there is music going. Relatively uncomfortable for most people to eat / talk in complete silence, especially if they don't know each other all-that-well. Music takes the burden of having to continously talk away, as there is no "awkward silences." That said, I don't see how you could NOT be "much with the ladies." You sound like a caring man who knows how to please (and cook).. thats like half the battle right there.. Oh and pull her chair out? Never done it personally, but supposedly a true gentleman pulls her chair out.. __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

09-21-2005, 08:19 AM	#14 (permalink)
aberkok “Wrong is right.” Location: toronto	It goes without saying that listening to her problems is important, but one thing I've learned through years of experience is that just because women want you to listen to their problems, doesn't mean they want you to solve them. Just listening is often enough. This isn't to say keep your mouth shut, though. __________________ !check out my new blog! http://arkanamusic.wordpress.com Warden Gentiles: "It? Perfectly innocent. But I can see how, if our roles were reversed, I might have you beaten with a pillowcase full of batteries."

09-21-2005, 09:49 AM	#17 (permalink)
Daoust "I'm sorry. What was the question?" Location: Paradise Regained	Just be careful when you give that foot massage. Even if you have your technique down and everything. Word around the campfire is that the last guy who tried to give her a foot massage was thrown off a balcony nine stories and landed on a glass house....developed a bit of a speech impediment. ...or something like that. __________________ I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys

09-21-2005, 10:06 AM	#18 (permalink)
HoneyPot Crazy Location: Nunya	I think a massage is too forward. I think just letting her vent and for you just to listen is the best thing you can do! Seriously. After talking about everything I'm sure she'll find a way for you to relax! haha good luck! __________________ Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder.

09-21-2005, 10:54 AM	#19 (permalink)
777 drawn and redrawn Location: Some where in Southern California	If I may say so, I'm in the anti-vent department (not that it's a bad suggestion). Venting doesn't help relieve stress as much as laughing does. A glass of wine with a few laughs that you have planned are perfect. __________________ "I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip." Roger Zelazny

09-21-2005, 08:50 PM	#22 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	Thanks for all the feed back, I’d like to say, you are all wonderful, this has got to be the best web community around. Everyone is willing to listen and give their $.02. It’s a really nice feeling. I’ve heard of aromatherapy, any one know any scents to add to the room, something to relax, but not make her sleepy? __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

09-22-2005, 08:57 AM	#24 (permalink)
Acetylene Addict Location: under a rock	Vanilla! Best way to get a vanilla smell in the house is to bake a cake. Get the kind that comes out of a box, they smell really good. Then you can frost it and lick the frosting off the spoons. That would certainly relax ME! __________________ There's no justice. There's just us.

09-22-2005, 11:20 AM	#26 (permalink)
BigBen Comedian Location: Use the search button	Dude, take a look at all of the posts here on Tilted Sexuality about the poor bastard that wanted to take it easy and instead found that he had arrived IN THE FRIEND ZONE. Do you want to be in this zone? By having her relax, giving her a non-threatening massage, you are walking that path. If you want to date this girl, tell her that. "I want to show you how cool I am so that when I ask you out on a proper date in two weeks, you wan't be able to say no. Tonight, just relax and treat me like a trusted counsellor, or consiglierie (sp? Godfather reference.) I can make all of your problems go away." Do the Marlon Brando accent, and lighten up the mood. DON'T walk down the friend path. You will just be right back here in two weeks crying because she "Doesn't look at you that way". Get it out in the open! __________________ 3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

09-22-2005, 11:28 AM	#27 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	BigBen has provided some sage advice. Search your own feelings and act accordingly. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

09-22-2005, 11:49 AM	#28 (permalink)
5757 Insane Location: Vegas!!	... Man! BigBen931 is right on the money!! You don't want her to see you as the big teddy bear friend that she can run to just to hang out and relax. Give her the "look". Not the 'I want you look', but atleast the 'wow you are really hot look! She knows that you are straight- right? Hope so buddy. Good Luck with your lady friend. Oh yeah - Go with the Austin Powers Sensual Massage! __________________ Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint, Forever in debt to ((your)) priceless advice. - Nirvana

09-22-2005, 10:40 PM	#29 (permalink)
sn33k Upright Location: nYc	if yer going to the friend zone, whether or not you are forward is not going to stop that. It seems pretty clear if you are going through all this trouble to help her relax that you don't really want to be in friend zone. I mean, this isn't something you do for anybody, even your good friends. If anything develops, and if she wants it to the wine will certainly help that, it'll happen. Unless you totally bungle things. Hell, if she likes you minor bungles won't even be a problem. It'll have to be something so awkward and embarrassing that she has to leave immediately because it's just not happening. and apple cinnamon. Nothing that smells like it was made in a factory. Unless she's that kind of person.

09-22-2005, 10:55 PM	#30 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	Nobody can lay out a script for you, if you really want to know where the night's going to go you'll need to gauge the mood and trust your judgement. Do make her a nice dinner, do be a gentleman. If she's the type who'd like you doing things like pulling up her chair, or even standing before she sits or any other proper ettiquette rules then do that. If she's more laid back, then just relax. Some girls get uncomfortable when you do those sorts of things. Movie or tv and a nice glass of wine is a good progression. Keep the wine in a cooler or bucket of ice handy and refill her glass when it gets low, unless she tells you not to. This, so far, is just being a good host. Foot rub or massage is a lot more than a good host. Don't get a table and candles and scented oil, but maybe offer her a massage. You know her better than we do, but she might be flattered even if she doesn't take you up on it. Do you know how to give a proper massage? It's a bit late in the game for Friday night, but you should learn anyway, it may come in handy and it's not really that hard. Be a gentleman. I'm not talking tux and standing when she enters the room (although you certainly can go to that extent if you feel comfortable doing so). Lend a sympathetic ear but don't be a non-participant in the conversation. Note that being a participant means more than agreeing with her periodically. You have to contribute, or she'll think you're not interested in what she's saying and, by extension, not interested in her. Not the idea you want to convey. So, yeah, there's some basic tips. And have confidence! She's agreed to come over to your house to spend a night alone, with dinner and wine. That is a very good sign that she's interested. In everything you do tomorrow night act like she already knows your interested, because she probably does. And if you plan on any getting down and/or funky, I have some Barry White and Marvin Gaye you can borrow. EDIT - As far as getting her shoes off, just make sure you're barefoot or in sock feet when you answer the door. If she has any manners at all, she'll follow suit. Or if you want to give a subtle hint, point out the boot rack or whatever you have for the purpose (if nothing, try 'just leave your shoes anywhere'). __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame Last edited by Martian; 09-22-2005 at 10:58 PM..

09-23-2005, 01:41 PM	#32 (permalink)
air45 Loser Location: Midwest	have you try smelling salt? this make a lady go to relax super fine!

09-23-2005, 02:32 PM	#33 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	Well she dropped the bf bomb last night when I was talking to her on the phone… not in the few months I’ve known her did she even hint at it or mention it. She said they had a fight/argument and that it was not a long relatioship, so I’m not sure if that’s an invitation or just a statement, I think I’ll just have a nice evening and towards the end tell her how I feel about her. Worst that can happen is she says she wants to be just friends. ...Actually she could stab me and that would be worse. But I guess saying just friends is a sort of stabbing, in my heart. Looks like more lonely evenings for dil. being shy sucks ass. 3 hours till zero hour __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

09-24-2005, 11:14 PM	#34 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	Well the update: It was a nice evening; she is on meds so no alcohol, I had a few bottles of sparkling apple cider so that was served instead. She had a friend (female) who was leaving town for a long time so she had to leave a bit earlier then I had wanted to see her off, but I’m still not sure right now, I asked to see her again next Friday and she said maybe I think she is holding out for someone else. She is down with the BF she had a fight with Thursday, and it seems like she wants to se several people at the same time until she finds the right one, I don’t think I’m out yet, but I’m still not sure. __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

09-25-2005, 08:29 AM	#35 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	This is the friend zone. Don't let her lead you into peril by giving you that "chance" at her, while still remaining with her boyfriend. Consider yourself a friend and NOTHING more until she becomes single... __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

09-25-2005, 09:55 AM	#37 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	Thirded. Drop her like a hot potato. She's playing with you and you deserve better than that. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame