Being felt up in public. - Page 3 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

5757 · 08-19-2005, 12:37 PM

Well, I hope next time you dont just walk away. Do something about it. Perhaps call the security people over... embarrass him (atleast!)
The other day I was walking along Pier 39... (San Fran Awesome) and 3 teenage kids came running right by me, hands out.. smacking my rear quite hard. I was in shock for a good minute or so. If they weren't running, they would have been laying flat very quickly. I would have grabbed the nearest man available and kindly asked the favor.

blahblah454 · 08-19-2005, 05:49 PM

I dont think hitting him would be the best answer. I wouldnt take being hit too well, but then again there is NO WAY IN HELL I would ever even consider doing that to someone! I have a little more respect than that (okay, a lot more).

You should have given him a huge tounge lashing, just take control of the situation and use you're mind to fight him.

NeverBorn · 08-19-2005, 06:45 PM

That sounds like a punching, speaking from someone who spends time in a comic book shop thats over the line. I know there are ALOT of socially inept and awkward people in there buts that no excuse or free inventation to grope you. In ANY situation thats not even cool, so you should have just laid him flat acrossed the face..

Lead543 · 08-19-2005, 07:01 PM

This happened to me when I was 15. You know how teenaged boys can be. I turned around and slapped him so hard I thought I heard something snap. It was in front of his friends and I think it was enough to embrass him into never doing something like that again. Being prepared to be aggressive in a situation like that helps. And I also think it can help cut these petty "men"down to size.

Gilda · 08-19-2005, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct

The bad thing isn't that you depend on a willing source of support, the problem is that you are either unwilling, or emotionally and mentally incapable of acting without that support.

In certain situations, this is true. I don't really think it's a bad thing, though. Some people need more support than others in certain areas. Grace can't cook to save her life, while I happen to be quite good at it. I provide her with support in one way, she provides me with support in another. It's not a 50-50 thing, as she'd function without me a lot better than I would without her, but she doesn't seem to mind that I get more of the relationship than she does. It's a good system for us.

Quote:

If Grace were abducted by aliens tonight and not returned for a month, do you feel that you would be capable of living your life in the same way without her presence, or would you have to make significant changes? There's a difference between accepting support and relying on it.

Of course I'd have to make major changes. She is my wife, my life mate, the love of my life. Her absense would make a profound difference in most areas of my life. I think most people would say the same of their spouses.

Quote:

The only authority you have is the power and control that they yield to you. if your middle school class were to turn against you, you would be more utterly powerless to stop them on your own than you would be to stop a lone attacker. The fact that they have been conditioned by society to respect your authority is the only thing keeping you from being harmed by a mob that would rather be doing just about anyhting but sitting through another day of classes. An attacker (and that's what this guy was) does not yield any amount of power or respect to you, and therefore is able to comfortably violate your presonal space and assault you.

I agree completely. In the classroom, I begin with the authority automatically granted to my position, and can build on that. The position I occupy gives me the power to help or harm them. I start with a foundation on which to build.

As an individual in the everyday world, I don't have any authority automatically granted me, nor the power to help or harm others to any great degree. The tools I use to maintain order in my classroom, authority, power, and that most of the kids like me and enjoy my class, don't exist anywhere else other than my home, so there's no way to transfer the confidence I feel in that setting to others where I'm not in a position of authority and have very little power.

Quote:

Considering the fact that you are a petite woman, many attackers would be able to close in on you fairly easily. What you need to do at the very least is not to fight when you can escape the situation, but perpare yourself for a situation in which fighitng may be your only choice.

Or even better, avoid being in a situation which would require me to defend myself. You don't need to be able to handle a risky situation if you don't put yourself in that situation in the first place.

Quote:

You say that most police officers are killed with their own guns , but civilians who fight back with guns are more than ten times less likely to be harmed than someone who offers no resistance. I don't know where your statistic that most rape victims fight back comes from, but wihtout fighting back you have no chance at all.

I wasn't debating the effectiveness of fighting back vs. offering no resistance or the effectiveness of guns as defensive weapons. The post to which I was responding was claiming that if you have a mental line that you won't allow others to cross without retaliation, they won't cross it. Taking a police officer's gun from him is a pretty obvious line that no cop in the world is going to allow an attacker to cross unmolested, and is done with the likely consequence being death or at least getting shot, yet it still happens.

Quote:

I am writing this from the point of view of someone who was picked on and beaten up repeatedly throughout middle school. After the worst incident, more of my left side was bruised from being kicked than was left unharmed. During high school, I earne dthe nickname "the punching bag" because I never fought back. One day, someone jumped on my back, and deciding that I had takne enough abuse, I flipped him over onto his back, knocking the wind out of him. To this day, the confidence I gained by knowing that I am capable of fighting back has helped me to keep my head high, and not once (excluding violent mosh pits) have I been the target of an assault of any kind. Only a few dozen people saw me fight back, yet nobody has touched me since.

That's wonderful. I have no idea what a mosh pit is, but if going there is likely to result in an assault, the obvious solution to me is don't go there.

I'm glad you dealt with your situation. I've developed a way of dealing with mine that works for me. Avoid the risk, retreat when I can't.

Quote:

By developing this confidence, even if you simply take someone's hand off of your body and firmly tell them to stop, you can feel that confidence that you do not yet possess. The more often a petite, timid woman fights back in public, the clearer the message will be to predators that their actions will not be tolerated.

That message already exists, it permeates our society at all levels. The guy who puts his hand on a woman's butt or breast has already demonstrated that he believes that the rules of society against sexual assault don't apply to him. He's already demonstrated a fundamental disregard for the rules of society and shown that he's dangerous. I'm simply not physically equipped to deal with people like that on a physical level, and that scares me.

Does that make me a coward? Probably, which is why I'd make a really poor soldier or police officer or even paramedic.

Quote:

I don't want you to be a victim ever again. If we ever meet, I want to see you standing tall and proud, knowing that you do not need help from anyone to live your life without any fear of being a victim.

Me neither. The best way I can think of to do that is not to go alone to places where that risk exists. That's a small price to pay for feeling secure.

Sure it would be nice to feel secure everywhere like I do when I'm in one of my comfort zones, at home or at school or out with Grace, but that's not going to be happening anytime soon if ever, so I just have to live with things the way they are.

Quote:

If you can say to someone who tires to grope you, "Don't ever do that again," and take his wrist and move his hand away from you, you will feel the confidence you need, and you'll feel a sense of elation knowing that you can fend for yourself.

I can see that, and you're probably right, and for what it's worth, my therapist agrees with you that this is the best response. Firmly erect a barrier with my words, actions, and attitude without escalating the physical aspect of the encounter.

He also suggested, as Grace and Sissy have, that I try to transfer my attitude from my classes to other situations. Treat a boy like this as if he were on of my seventh graders, most of whom are bigger than I am.

I'm just not in a place where I'm able to do that right now.

Gilda

Gilda · 08-19-2005, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 777

Great. Let's run with this. Try chatting with a few people in the store before you go browsing. Especially the clerk, owner, manager, etc. Ever hear that you should be good friends with your neighbors so that they'll be more likely to call for help if something's a miss. Same principal. Once you've gained rapport with the staff and regulars, they'll keep an eye on you. And if the sidlers notice that your being looked after, they'll walk off.

That's an awful lot of work to have to put in just to be able to shop in a store.

My goal when I go shopping is generally to be invisible. The ideal place is where everyone leaves me alone until I'm ready to buy. Chatting up the other people in the store would suck all the fun out of shopping, which would defeat the purpose of going into such a place.

Quote:

Awesome. I know this technique too. In fact, I taught it to my speach class. I still have it typed up in Word. Learn it. Like you said, it doesn't take much effort. And besides, no matter how big they are, the body has a lot of soft spots. Like the eyes.

I know it. Actually using it in a high stress situation like this would take the presense of mind to remember how it works, and a level of physical confidence to actually apply it, neither of which I currently posess.

Gilda

Gilda · 08-19-2005, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blahblah454

You should have given him a huge tounge lashing, just take control of the situation and use you're mind to fight him.

This comes down to the whole authority thing I talked about earlier. The only authority I posess in that situation is the authority all people in our society have over our own bodies, and that had already been violated.

In addition to which, doing so whould have garnered the attention of everyone nearby, which is the opposite of what I want. It's embarrassing enough that it happened at all without advertising it to everyone standing nearby.

Gilda

Gilda · 08-19-2005, 10:10 PM

One last note.

I got into to see my therapist today and talk about what happened, and he had much the same advice as many of the people in the thread were giving me--don't behave like a victim, erect firm barriers, try to project an aura of confidence even if you don't feel it, etc.

He also gently pointed out that several of the things I'd done in response--retreat to a place of safety, obsessive cleaning, getting my hair cut short--are all common reactions in women who've been sexually assaulted. The weird thing is that I knew this, but didn't realize that that's why I was doing these things.

I have "homework" now. I'm supposed to go back to the store, by myself if possible, find the manager and tell him what happened and give a description of the boy who fondled me so that he can watch for this in the future, and tell him about my decision not to patronize his store any more as a result.

Grace can come with me, but if she does, she's supposed to wait outside in the concourse.

My hairdresser, by the way, wouldn't let me get a butch hair cut, so I ended up with something a lot like in my profile picture.

Gilda

FngKestrel · 08-19-2005, 10:27 PM

You want your students to do their homework and we definitely want you to do your homework.

Keep us posted.

Charlatan · 08-20-2005, 05:49 AM

Good luck Gilda. I'm pulling for you.

biznatch · 08-20-2005, 08:49 AM

I think the way you described yourself...knee lenght skirt, canvas shoes, normal shirt gives off the impression of a more "weak" woman..Walking in that store, you probably felt unconfortable, seeing all those scary geeks, and it showed that you weren't so confident...
However, your friend dresses sexy, displaying that she's very self confident and has a strong temper..which doesn't seem like something they could get away so easily.
I don't know, however maybe a more determined look on your face would help a lot.

Gilda · 08-20-2005, 11:10 PM

Biznatch: I appreciate your advice.

If you are referring to Grace, she is my wife, and doesn't have a short temper, quite the opposite, in fact. The difference is that she has a great deal of physical confidence that I lack.

--------------------

I went to the hobby store today. Grace came along to help boost my confidence.

We arrived, and decided to get something to eat first. On the way to the hobby store, I saw an end of summer sale on summer dresses, and decided to stop in and see if I could pick up a bargain or two. Then I remembered that I wanted to get the new Astaire/Rogers dvd collection, so we headed over to Suncoast, to see what their price was compaed to Target. When I suggested maybe checking at Egghead to see if there were any new expansion packs for the Sims 2, Grace accused me of stalling. I was indignant. We were, after all, in the mall. Did she seriously expect me not to do any shopping? I wasn't stalling, I was just . . . prioritizing other activities.

Finally, finished with my other activities, about an hour later, I went to the store.

I had rehearsed with Grace what I was going to say, so I went up the clerk at the counter, and asked for the manager. The clerk went in back, and a guy who looked about 20 came out. I told him what I had rehearsed, that I had been groped in his store, described the boy who did it, and told him I wouldn't be patronizing his store any more as a result. His reaction when I described the guy who touched me seemed to indicate that he knew who I was talking about.

He said maybe it would be better if I talked to the owner, who would be in the shop on Monday, and asked for my name and phone number. I gave him a business card.

So that's where it stands. I now get to go back Monday, if I decide to, to talk to the owner, and tell still another person what happened to me.

This just keeps getting better and better.

Gilda

Redlemon · 08-21-2005, 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilda

This just keeps getting better and better.Gilda

I'm pretty sure you meant that with sarcasm, but I'm going to ignore the sarcasm and agree with you. It took you a bit to work up the guts, but you did it. And your complaint was taken seriously. And sure, you may end up having to tell your story to another stranger: hopefully, the more repetition, the more you can remove any guilt you feel, and put the blame on the idiot where it belongs. It gets better and better.

Menoman · 08-21-2005, 06:17 AM

You may not see the reasons why certain kids get made fun of more than the others, but there are reasons.

I'm sure as a kid you knew the reasons why "Zeke" got made fun of all the time. Maybe he farted one time in class? Someone started a rumor his first day of school? He walks funny?

There are reasons for all that stuff. Adults generally dismiss the rumors and forget about them, kids do not, they need to feel better than other kids, schools don't help this, gym class makes it even worst most of the time, no dress code is the worst of all that will cause this.

I was, and still to this day more than likely, am one of those people who makes fun/bullies people I feel I am superior to. Although I hardly act on my feelings like that anymore, I still feel that I'm better than certain people.

As for the groping, I think you read into it way too much, That's not to say that it was an "accident", of that I can't be sure.

But I don't think you should believe you're being singled out for this type of thing

Borla · 08-21-2005, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyrnel

Gilda, that was assault. You didn't invite it.

Damnit, I'd be staking out the store and filing a complaint if the guy shows again.

Hopefully he's a harmless idiot lost in his comic world, but I can't shake the feeling he could be escalating his encounters.

Argh, pisses me off.

I agree completely with this opinion.

I also am glad you went back to the shop, and think you SHOULD follow up with the owner. What that guy did was COMPLETELY inappropriate, to the point of actually being criminal. Obviously it is not your fault AT ALL that he did it, but possibly you speaking up and coming forward will prevent him from doing it again, or worse.

Wow.....what really goes through the mind of a guy who does that?!?! I've caught myself stealing glances at a cute girl somewhere or something, but to even CONSIDER touching them? No way............

biznatch · 08-21-2005, 12:07 PM

Anyway, whatever you do, never back down..As others said, don't even look down. Be aware that your body is not a public groping receptacle and let it show. Cursing the guy out really loudly helps a lot. a huge "what the fuck??!?!?" would be great.

Wingless · 08-21-2005, 08:00 PM

Stand strong - you definitely did the right thing by going back into the store and telling the worker there your story. An asshole like that deserves whatever he can get.

Kalnaur · 08-22-2005, 12:58 PM

From the short amount I've read, you broadcasted the fact that there would be little or no consequence for his actions. Not wanting to be seen,i.e. liking the invisibility factor should always be outweighed by personal preservation. Fight, not flight (or in this case, reporting the little freak to the owner) is the appropriate response.

To answer why some kids get picked on while others don't? The targets for bullies usually back down, or attempt flailingly to fight; they get really mad when picked on. I fixed this in school by becoming something of a comic; if the bully pushed me from behind, I'd flow with the direction, tumble forward and roll into a standing position again, then thank them for helping me demonstrate my agility. I would laugh at the insults they threw at me. Eventually they picked someone else who didn't have "fun" being picked on. My brother took bullies out because he was head and shoulders above them all, and he's my younger brother. We both dealt with it the only way we could, I with my humor, him with his power and size. Everyone has the strength to defend themselves in some way, you just need to look for yours, Gilda. Let them know you aren't a target, and you won't put up with anyone harrassing you in any way.

P.S. I know I'm small, but even as small as I am, if someone had decided to grab my balls or somethin', they would have gotten hurt. I have a sense of humor and everything, but that is my knee-jerk reaction when people invade my personal space without asking or having permission, dammit.

Gilda · 08-22-2005, 10:35 PM

I went by the hobby shop today, and talked to the owner.

I was wearing typical summer clothes, a straight tan cotton skirt, a bit short of the knee, with a white camisole top and matching tennies. I mention this because it came up in the conversation.

He seemed irritated at me, and asked what I expected him to do about it. I told him that perhaps he could look out for the guy who groped me, or keep an eye on the female customers who come into the store. He said they don't get many girls in there and asked how old I was. I told him, 28, and he said maybe if I dressed and acted my age this kind of thing wouldn't happen, but he'd keep an eye out. The manner in which he said this left me doubting that much effort would be put forth, and I got the impression that he'd be happy if women never came in his store. I left.

I don't know what he meant by "acting my age," and I don't think I was dressed any differently from most of the 20-something women in the mall, and in any case, neither of those things has anything to do with what happened. I serously doubt the guy thought, "That woman is dressed like a college student, therefore it is acceptible for me to touch her in an intimate way. However, if she were dressed like a woman her age, that would make such behavior offensive, therefore I will restrain myself."

I don't know if any good came of this at all, but I do feel a lot better now that it's over.

Gilda

Gilda · 08-22-2005, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kalnaur

From the short amount I've read, you broadcasted the fact that there would be little or no consequence for his actions. Not wanting to be seen,i.e. liking the invisibility factor should always be outweighed by personal preservation. Fight, not flight (or in this case, reporting the little freak to the owner) is the appropriate response.

Trying to be invisible attracts attention? I'm not sure how that could work.

As it turns out, reporting him would have produced little consequence.

What doesn't make sense to me is that if he found me attractive, why do something that is likely to produce only a negative result? In this case, I left the store. Others might have hit him. If what some have been saying about bullies here is true, maybe he wanted me to hit him so that he'd have an excuse to hurt me.

If he found me attractive, and it's hard to tell from his behavior, what he did was the worst possible thing he could have done for him. I left the store. He drove me away. Maybe he saw me as invading his turf, and wanted me to leave?

It's still confusing. Maybe I should just go with Sissy's explanation of why people do things like this. "Some people are jerks. The act like jerks because that's what they are. You can't change or predict them, all you can do is protect yourself. Don't expect them to act in a reasonable way or even do what is best for themselves. Assholes act that way because they enjoy it. It isn't reasonable or logical, it's just the way it is."

Gilda

FngKestrel · 08-22-2005, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilda

I went by the hobby shop today, and talked to the owner.

I was wearing typical summer clothes, a straight tan cotton skirt, a bit short of the knee, with a white camisole top and matching tennies. I mention this because it came up in the conversation.

He seemed irritated at me, and asked what I expected him to do about it. I told him that perhaps he could look out for the guy who groped me, or keep an eye on the female customers who come into the store. He said they don't get many girls in there and asked how old I was. I told him, 28, and he said maybe if I dressed and acted my age this kind of thing wouldn't happen, but he'd keep an eye out. The manner in which he said this left me doubting that much effort would be put forth, and I got the impression that he'd be happy if women never came in his store. I left.

I don't know what he meant by "acting my age," and I don't think I was dressed any differently from most of the 20-something women in the mall, and in any case, neither of those things has anything to do with what happened. I serously doubt the guy thought, "That woman is dressed like a college student, therefore it is acceptible for me to touch her in an intimate way. However, if she were dressed like a woman her age, that would make such behavior offensive, therefore I will restrain myself."

I don't know if any good came of this at all, but I do feel a lot better now that it's over.

Gilda

Somehow I'm not surprised. Some comic book owners are just more entrepreneurial forms of the mouth breather that felt you up. When I worked in a card and comic book store, the owner was a jerk too.

But you did the right thing in making your displeasure known.

And as for the "acting my age" comment. That's total bullshit, but you know that.

Martian · 08-22-2005, 11:51 PM

Gilda - Sissy got it right. The guy figured he could cop a feel without you fighting back, so he did. I wish I could say that all men are gentlemanly, but unfortunately it's just not so.

And the problem with trying to be invisible is that unless you're Sue Richards and not telling us (if you are, Reed deserves an explanation) you can't actually turn invisible. When or if somebody does notice you, you come off as timid by trying not to call attention to yourself. I'm not trying to preach here, just explaining what you didn't seem clear on.

In any case, best of luck and I hope you're feeling better.

Inquiring Mind · 08-25-2005, 06:14 PM

So the jury seems pretty solid on this now Gilda- you did nothing to invite the attention of this embarrassment to mankind except be you. That doesn't mean that you should change who you are... well with the exception of take some of the advice you've received and be encouraged by the support- especially from us blokes who are outraged by this kind of treatment of women. It's an unfortunate thing that predators can sense those who are less likely to fight back, so wherever you are turn on your spidey senses, work on that 'don't mess with me motherfucker' look and learn how to punch/knee a bloke in the nuts while screaming. Law of the jungle stuff. And find out exactly what to say and do from a legal perspective. Leave the arsehole in no doubt that you can/will fuck him up with the law too, something to think about while he's nursing a bruised ego and balls. My sociopath profiler skills come from TV, but maybe it might make a difference for him to have a record of assault.

Bob Biter · 08-25-2005, 10:14 PM

There's an old Shaolin saying: "Avoid rather than check, check rather than hurt, hurt rather than maim, maim rather than kill." Even kung fu masters know that violence is never the first answer. While Gilda didn't confront the creep, she didn't get herself into more trouble either, and I think everyone who suggested violence should stop and consider that. None of us can know what the guy's state of mind was, so none of us can know with utmost certainty what would've happened if Gilda clocked the guy or even just yelled at him. Her instinct was to move away. It's the most natural to her and the one she can choose most easily.

My suggestion, should an unfortunate situation like that happen again in a public place, would be to move away (not leave the store) and seek out staff. She wouldn't need to report the guy, just ask a random question about something. If she notices the guy still lingering, then she can either leave the store or point him out. At that point, she would be aware of the situation (not as surprised as she was before) and hopefully more able to deal with it.

I understand Sissy's comment about both Gilda's confidence at school and her dependance on Grace. Since a teacher requires enough self-confidence to MAINTAIN the authority given by the school, one would expect that kind of person to have the same behaviour/self-confidence outside. However, talking to kids one sees everyday, and going through one's teaching routine, isn't the same thing as dealing with some random person who SUDDENLY invades one's personal space. I was a teacher in Japan for 2 years and I still get rattled if I get accosted by some punks on the street.

As for dependance on Grace, well that's just the dynamic of the relationship. If Grace disappeared tomorrow and never came back, then Gilda would most certainly be affected. Would she develop her self-confidence more? Would she find another strong person to protect her? Who knows? The point is that she can count on Grace NOW. Only Gilda knows how to empower herself further and if she needs that power. Once she finds herself truly needing it, she'll get it.

shakran · 08-26-2005, 05:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bob Biter

There's an old Shaolin saying: "Avoid rather than check, check rather than hurt, hurt rather than maim, maim rather than kill." Even kung fu masters know that violence is never the first answer. While Gilda didn't confront the creep, she didn't get herself into more trouble either, and I think everyone who suggested violence should stop and consider that.

Agreed. There are a LOT of nuts out there these days. That's why it always floors me when people yell shit at me while I'm driving or walking around. They don't have any idea that I'm not a psycho with a gun - they're begging to die when they pull shit like that.

If Gilda had smacked him or kicked him in the crotch, for all she knew he had a knife or gun and would have used it. No matter what the harm to your dignity, it's not worth the risk of getting hurt or killed over.

You have to keep in mind when stuff like this happens that it's not your fault, and it does NOT degrade you as a person in any way whatsoever. The guy is the sleazeball here - you cannot have your "purity," for want of a better word, compromised by the smarmy actions of others.

toxic515 · 08-26-2005, 10:42 AM

Gilda,
I've read this thread from the start now, and not commented, simply because I had nothing new or unique to say. I find at the moment that is no longer true. You deserve to hear the same thing repeated again if it is true, and so I shall...

1: an individual is responsible for their own actions, not those of another. You did nothing wrong.

2: There is no excuse for a predator that makes this okay, and I am sure you know it, but I will say as well, not all men, not all sci-fi or comic fans are lousy worthless people... you had the misfortune to have encountered at least 2 of them in this single incident..

3: There are ways to help protect yourself, and you may be well advised for your own security and safety to adopt some of the techiques.. being observant, looking people in the eye and being prepared for possible confrontations, projecting confidence, etc. It's unfortunate that you may need to do this, but also reality.

None of this is your fault. Dressing and acting your age??? does that indicate that the manager thinks that it is appropriate to molest a teenage girl with a midriff baring shirt? probably not, she'd prolly kick him in the nuts. Idiots don't THINK before they form the stupidity that came out of his mouth. I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this at all. Bob Biter made a good statement in reference to the kung fu ideology, and I have a bit to add to that.. My thoughts on it are that I simply wish to ensure that is does not ever happen again. If that can be accomplished with a word, then so be it. If it must be taken to the next level, or to an extreme, I am willing to do that to defend my rights, my person and my property. If I perceive that I am unable to do so, I may elect not to, or to involve others.

I hope this helps in some small way. (or large, I dunno.) I hate that a nice person gets shat upon and abused.

match000 · 09-01-2005, 02:28 AM

So I've skimmed the thread, and like, WTF?!!!!

Isn't this like sexual assault or something. You should at least scream very loud, get the guy apprehended, and let the police deal with it!

At the very least, women that get groped should report it to the police. What's all this "self-defense", "punch-him-in-the-face" crap. "Send-him-to-jail" sounds more like it...

denim · 09-01-2005, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilda

I don't know if any good came of this at all, but I do feel a lot better now that it's over.

Then some good came from it. Also, you gained some experience in standing up for yourself. AND you found that the store in which it happened needs to be sued. Maybe then the owner will take it seriously.

As soon as he blamed the victim (you) for not DRESSING PROPERLY, your volume should have gone through the roof as you excoriated his sorry ass for his attitude. I'd speak with a lawyer.

denim · 09-01-2005, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilda

Trying to be invisible attracts attention? I'm not sure how that could work.

Of course it attracts attention. What, you think you literally disappear? The only way you're going to be invisible in some location is to NOT BE THERE. If you're there, you're going to be visible. You've GOT to learn how to handle this. I'm sorry.

pivman · 09-01-2005, 04:46 PM

For your safty. DO NOT punch or kick a guy in the balls. I am 6'2" and weigh 215 pounds. I've trained in martial arts for 4 years and can take a punch in the balls. I gotten in some fights and when someone punches me in the balls, I will not hesitate to beat their head into a wall. Most men can take even the hardest hit(or wear a cup) and then harm you severely. Just walk away.

xepherys · 09-02-2005, 08:53 AM

Wow! I could never imagine just walking over to a girl a grabbing her boob. I mean, I'm a guy, and I personally LOVE boobs... but still. Wow! Personally, the number one reason why I wouldn't do such a thing is because it's a disgusting lecherous thing to do. A close second would be fear of the girl slapping the crap out of me. Third would be her boyfriend kicking my ass.

Honestly, I'm stocky and the military has helped keep my strength up over the years. I have short buzzed hair and look more like a jock than the geek I really am. I go to hobby shops and gaming stores on a semi-regular basis and when I do, often my wife will go in and browse about to prevent boredom. If some dweeby guy sidled up next to her and grabbed her boob, he would be in for the fright of his life, I assure you.

As for what to do about it? Be more assertive. You have it in you if you're able to use the "hello" defense, which is basically a mild scare tactic. You could use the Gaz tactic (from Invader Zim) and just ooze personality. That'll scare all but the staunchest pervert away. Also it may attract people of a similar mindset, which isn't a wholly bad thing.

Gilda · 09-02-2005, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by match000

You should at least scream very loud, get the guy apprehended, and let the police deal with it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by denim

As soon as he blamed the victim (you) for not DRESSING PROPERLY, your volume should have gone through the roof as you excoriated his sorry ass for his attitude.

Of course it attracts attention. What, you think you literally disappear? The only way you're going to be invisible in some location is to NOT BE THERE. If you're there, you're going to be visible. You've GOT to learn how to handle this. I'm sorry.

When I say "be invisible," I mean that in a figurative sense. There's a reason Shrinking Violet is my avatar. My goal when I'm in a public place is not to be noticed until it's time for me to be served, or I'm ready to buy. I avoid shopping in places where they "pride themselves on customer service," as I'd just prefer to pick out what I want and bring it to the cashier when I'm done shopping.

Attracting attention to myself is absolutely the last thing I'm going to do in a situation like this. Having a dozen people turning to watch us had I hit or slapped, or yelled or otherwise made a scene would have been as bad as what happened in the first place.

I have learned how to handle it. I left the situation, and wasn't harmed further. It won't happen again because I won't go back there. I play it safe whenever I can by avoiding potentially dangerous situations and by not going out by myself the vast majority of the time.

Gilda

Anxst · 09-02-2005, 05:19 PM

Gilda-

I'm very glad that you feel better about it, and that you got up the courage to speak to the store owner about it, even if he is a weeb who may not take any actions based on your complaint.

I hope such things never happen to you again. In fact, I hope such things never happen to anyone, but sadly I know otherwise.

GoldenOuroboros · 09-02-2005, 07:20 PM

As people have said you were in a comic book store, in their territory so to speak, a woman in a comic book store is an unusual sight and this guy probably didn't know how to handle it >_< I'm not defending him, this definetly shouldn't have happened, you should have stood your ground and made a scene. By succumbing to such an act you let him acheive what he wanted over you and that was power. He made YOU feel small and that's what he wanted. If this ever happens again stare at him and yell out for him to get his hand off your breast, let the world know what he's just done. Make him feels small.

I would also talk to your friend Grace about what she trains in, ask her if it's not too much trouble to teach you some basic techniques that will disable a person quickly. You would be suprised how much just bending back a single finger in the wrong direction causes someone to submit. If you are of a smaller frame and don't wish to do anything violent, I would suggest looking into a style like Aikido, I personally have practiced this style and can tell you that there is basically no effort required on the person defending themselves, it is based on using a person energy against them (Going with the flow and bending joints the way they aren't supposed to go). This choice I leave purely up to you

Take Care

Inquiring Mind · 10-11-2005, 06:13 AM

Gilda. Good has come from your courage to share your experience- I learnt stuff, some of which I'll pass on to my own daughter when she's old enough to be in public by herself. Thank you and may your world be a safer place despite the idiots.

Poppinjay · 10-11-2005, 06:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charlatan

When I was a little kid I used to get perverts every once in a while. Nowhere near what my girl friends would relate but from time to time the horny old man with a penchant for little blue-eyed, blonde boys would make a pass at me.

No one ever completely groped me but I a lot of accidental brushing against.

<img src="http://www.planet-familyguy.com/pfg/images/characters/oldman_tn.jpg">I've got a nice shiny nickle in my pocket...

I'm a little angry. I was a petite, blonde, blue eyed boy and nobody groped me. I was a damn hot little boy.

In my teens, I did get groped by girls a couple of times. I'm sure it's entirely not the same as having a tenth ton hobby store geek grope an adult woman.

Unlike shoolyard bullies, this groper most likely didn't want any noise made whatsoever, so it would be a great time to yell. It would embarass him, hopefully enough so that he doesn't do it to others. I wouldn't recommend any violence. Adult altercations tend to end up in court. If he's slimy enough to get his jollies out of groping, he'd no doubt take it to court if you knee'd him.

The owner? an unbelievable asshat. As posted above, people who own these kinds of stores are pretty much like the clients - aka Comic Book Store Guy - worst. social graces. EVER.

Mugzy6 · 10-15-2005, 10:05 PM

If anyone really accidentally rubs up on you, usually they apologize. If they don't usually they're a pervert.

infamous13 · 10-16-2005, 11:11 AM

well as a man our so called kryptonite is the balls. for some reason women cant comprehend how much it hurts to be hit here. all it would take was a fist to them to make me crumple on the ground. also as a man sex or women come into our mind about every thirty seconds or so. we may fantasize about doing somthing like this, but in any way shape or form it is not appropriate and can be very damaging. i do see thaat you had a very emotional reaction to it, i think that is this guy so what it did to you he wouldnt have. but the world is so fucked up today who knows.

highthief · 10-16-2005, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilda

Or maybe it is all incidental, and I'm imagining it because I'm oversensitive to such things.

That's my guess. Sorry, not very flattering or appealing but while my wife (and ex-wife) both have had it happen, it's not common they say and both are good looking girls.

cptgreedle · 10-17-2005, 07:31 AM

Not only is that assault, it's sexual assault. You could complain to the comic store owner, or have the police investigate. As a man and comic lover myself, I feel completely degraded that someone would pull such a thing. I have seen the number of girls looking at comics rising lately, especially with manga and anime. My fiance is an avid comic reader. I feel that any guy who thnks a cute girl looking at comics (or anything considered "male territory") is out of place or inviting guys to look at her are idiots. A man who assaults a lady in any way, especially sexual assault, has lost his right to be called a man, and is not a monster/animal. Seriously, that guy should be in jail. Maybe his new room mate "Bubba" will scare it out of him.
I really feel sorry for you. I've known another friend who was felt up in public and it is a hard thing to get over. It is easier to console in a loved one.
As for the size problem... I am a martial artist and I know that it is very very easy for a small, gentle girl to control a large strong man, without having to resort to his "package". By pulling back on his middle finger and twisting his hand, you can bring him to the ground with extremem ease. Be careful though, if you go too far, you can break his hand and arm, and that can lead to other problems.
Take it a step at a time and remember you are a good person, and he was merely scum.

08-19-2005, 12:37 PM	#81 (permalink)
5757 Insane Location: Vegas!!	GRRRR Well, I hope next time you dont just walk away. Do something about it. Perhaps call the security people over... embarrass him (atleast!) The other day I was walking along Pier 39... (San Fran Awesome) and 3 teenage kids came running right by me, hands out.. smacking my rear quite hard. I was in shock for a good minute or so. If they weren't running, they would have been laying flat very quickly. I would have grabbed the nearest man available and kindly asked the favor.

08-19-2005, 10:10 PM	#88 (permalink)
Gilda 32 flavors and then some Location: Out on a wire.	One last note. I got into to see my therapist today and talk about what happened, and he had much the same advice as many of the people in the thread were giving me--don't behave like a victim, erect firm barriers, try to project an aura of confidence even if you don't feel it, etc. He also gently pointed out that several of the things I'd done in response--retreat to a place of safety, obsessive cleaning, getting my hair cut short--are all common reactions in women who've been sexually assaulted. The weird thing is that I knew this, but didn't realize that that's why I was doing these things. I have "homework" now. I'm supposed to go back to the store, by myself if possible, find the manager and tell him what happened and give a description of the boy who fondled me so that he can watch for this in the future, and tell him about my decision not to patronize his store any more as a result. Grace can come with me, but if she does, she's supposed to wait outside in the concourse. My hairdresser, by the way, wouldn't let me get a butch hair cut, so I ended up with something a lot like in my profile picture. Gilda __________________ I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert

08-20-2005, 05:49 AM	#90 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Good luck Gilda. I'm pulling for you. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

08-20-2005, 11:10 PM	#92 (permalink)
Gilda 32 flavors and then some Location: Out on a wire.	Biznatch: I appreciate your advice. If you are referring to Grace, she is my wife, and doesn't have a short temper, quite the opposite, in fact. The difference is that she has a great deal of physical confidence that I lack. -------------------- I went to the hobby store today. Grace came along to help boost my confidence. We arrived, and decided to get something to eat first. On the way to the hobby store, I saw an end of summer sale on summer dresses, and decided to stop in and see if I could pick up a bargain or two. Then I remembered that I wanted to get the new Astaire/Rogers dvd collection, so we headed over to Suncoast, to see what their price was compaed to Target. When I suggested maybe checking at Egghead to see if there were any new expansion packs for the Sims 2, Grace accused me of stalling. I was indignant. We were, after all, in the mall. Did she seriously expect me not to do any shopping? I wasn't stalling, I was just . . . prioritizing other activities. Finally, finished with my other activities, about an hour later, I went to the store. I had rehearsed with Grace what I was going to say, so I went up the clerk at the counter, and asked for the manager. The clerk went in back, and a guy who looked about 20 came out. I told him what I had rehearsed, that I had been groped in his store, described the boy who did it, and told him I wouldn't be patronizing his store any more as a result. His reaction when I described the guy who touched me seemed to indicate that he knew who I was talking about. He said maybe it would be better if I talked to the owner, who would be in the shop on Monday, and asked for my name and phone number. I gave him a business card. So that's where it stands. I now get to go back Monday, if I decide to, to talk to the owner, and tell still another person what happened to me. This just keeps getting better and better. Gilda __________________ I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert

08-21-2005, 08:00 PM	#97 (permalink)
Wingless Psycho Location: Metro Detroit, Mich, USA	Stand strong - you definitely did the right thing by going back into the store and telling the worker there your story. An asshole like that deserves whatever he can get. __________________ Tommy Nibs is a funny word. So here I am, above palm trees, so straight and tall... You are, smaller getting smaller, but I still see... you. Jimmy Eat World - Goodbye Sky Harbor

08-19-2005, 05:49 PM	#82 (permalink)
blahblah454 Let's put a smile on that face Location: On the road...	I dont think hitting him would be the best answer. I wouldnt take being hit too well, but then again there is NO WAY IN HELL I would ever even consider doing that to someone! I have a little more respect than that (okay, a lot more). You should have given him a huge tounge lashing, just take control of the situation and use you're mind to fight him.

08-19-2005, 06:45 PM	#83 (permalink)
NeverBorn I'm a pepper bitch..	That sounds like a punching, speaking from someone who spends time in a comic book shop thats over the line. I know there are ALOT of socially inept and awkward people in there buts that no excuse or free inventation to grope you. In ANY situation thats not even cool, so you should have just laid him flat acrossed the face..

08-19-2005, 07:01 PM	#84 (permalink)
Lead543 Registered User Location: Calgary	This happened to me when I was 15. You know how teenaged boys can be. I turned around and slapped him so hard I thought I heard something snap. It was in front of his friends and I think it was enough to embrass him into never doing something like that again. Being prepared to be aggressive in a situation like that helps. And I also think it can help cut these petty "men"down to size.

08-19-2005, 10:27 PM	#89 (permalink)
FngKestrel Junkie	You want your students to do their homework and we definitely want you to do your homework. Keep us posted.

08-20-2005, 08:49 AM	#91 (permalink)
biznatch Junkie Location: France	I think the way you described yourself...knee lenght skirt, canvas shoes, normal shirt gives off the impression of a more "weak" woman..Walking in that store, you probably felt unconfortable, seeing all those scary geeks, and it showed that you weren't so confident... However, your friend dresses sexy, displaying that she's very self confident and has a strong temper..which doesn't seem like something they could get away so easily. I don't know, however maybe a more determined look on your face would help a lot.

08-21-2005, 12:07 PM	#96 (permalink)
biznatch Junkie Location: France	Anyway, whatever you do, never back down..As others said, don't even look down. Be aware that your body is not a public groping receptacle and let it show. Cursing the guy out really loudly helps a lot. a huge "what the fuck??!?!?" would be great.

08-22-2005, 12:58 PM	#98 (permalink)
Kalnaur Psycho Location: Portland, Oregon	From the short amount I've read, you broadcasted the fact that there would be little or no consequence for his actions. Not wanting to be seen,i.e. liking the invisibility factor should always be outweighed by personal preservation. Fight, not flight (or in this case, reporting the little freak to the owner) is the appropriate response. To answer why some kids get picked on while others don't? The targets for bullies usually back down, or attempt flailingly to fight; they get really mad when picked on. I fixed this in school by becoming something of a comic; if the bully pushed me from behind, I'd flow with the direction, tumble forward and roll into a standing position again, then thank them for helping me demonstrate my agility. I would laugh at the insults they threw at me. Eventually they picked someone else who didn't have "fun" being picked on. My brother took bullies out because he was head and shoulders above them all, and he's my younger brother. We both dealt with it the only way we could, I with my humor, him with his power and size. Everyone has the strength to defend themselves in some way, you just need to look for yours, Gilda. Let them know you aren't a target, and you won't put up with anyone harrassing you in any way. P.S. I know I'm small, but even as small as I am, if someone had decided to grab my balls or somethin', they would have gotten hurt. I have a sense of humor and everything, but that is my knee-jerk reaction when people invade my personal space without asking or having permission, dammit. __________________ PC: Can you help me out here HK? HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags. PC: And the other 2 percent? HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

08-22-2005, 10:35 PM	#99 (permalink)
Gilda 32 flavors and then some Location: Out on a wire.	I went by the hobby shop today, and talked to the owner. I was wearing typical summer clothes, a straight tan cotton skirt, a bit short of the knee, with a white camisole top and matching tennies. I mention this because it came up in the conversation. He seemed irritated at me, and asked what I expected him to do about it. I told him that perhaps he could look out for the guy who groped me, or keep an eye on the female customers who come into the store. He said they don't get many girls in there and asked how old I was. I told him, 28, and he said maybe if I dressed and acted my age this kind of thing wouldn't happen, but he'd keep an eye out. The manner in which he said this left me doubting that much effort would be put forth, and I got the impression that he'd be happy if women never came in his store. I left. I don't know what he meant by "acting my age," and I don't think I was dressed any differently from most of the 20-something women in the mall, and in any case, neither of those things has anything to do with what happened. I serously doubt the guy thought, "That woman is dressed like a college student, therefore it is acceptible for me to touch her in an intimate way. However, if she were dressed like a woman her age, that would make such behavior offensive, therefore I will restrain myself." I don't know if any good came of this at all, but I do feel a lot better now that it's over. Gilda __________________ I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert

08-22-2005, 11:51 PM	#102 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	Gilda - Sissy got it right. The guy figured he could cop a feel without you fighting back, so he did. I wish I could say that all men are gentlemanly, but unfortunately it's just not so. And the problem with trying to be invisible is that unless you're Sue Richards and not telling us (if you are, Reed deserves an explanation) you can't actually turn invisible. When or if somebody does notice you, you come off as timid by trying not to call attention to yourself. I'm not trying to preach here, just explaining what you didn't seem clear on. In any case, best of luck and I hope you're feeling better. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

08-25-2005, 06:14 PM	#103 (permalink)
Inquiring Mind Upright Location: The Land Of Manna-AKA Australia!	So the jury seems pretty solid on this now Gilda- you did nothing to invite the attention of this embarrassment to mankind except be you. That doesn't mean that you should change who you are... well with the exception of take some of the advice you've received and be encouraged by the support- especially from us blokes who are outraged by this kind of treatment of women. It's an unfortunate thing that predators can sense those who are less likely to fight back, so wherever you are turn on your spidey senses, work on that 'don't mess with me motherfucker' look and learn how to punch/knee a bloke in the nuts while screaming. Law of the jungle stuff. And find out exactly what to say and do from a legal perspective. Leave the arsehole in no doubt that you can/will fuck him up with the law too, something to think about while he's nursing a bruised ego and balls. My sociopath profiler skills come from TV, but maybe it might make a difference for him to have a record of assault. __________________ But why??

08-25-2005, 10:14 PM	#104 (permalink)
Bob Biter Non-smokers die everyday Location: Montreal	There's an old Shaolin saying: "Avoid rather than check, check rather than hurt, hurt rather than maim, maim rather than kill." Even kung fu masters know that violence is never the first answer. While Gilda didn't confront the creep, she didn't get herself into more trouble either, and I think everyone who suggested violence should stop and consider that. None of us can know what the guy's state of mind was, so none of us can know with utmost certainty what would've happened if Gilda clocked the guy or even just yelled at him. Her instinct was to move away. It's the most natural to her and the one she can choose most easily. My suggestion, should an unfortunate situation like that happen again in a public place, would be to move away (not leave the store) and seek out staff. She wouldn't need to report the guy, just ask a random question about something. If she notices the guy still lingering, then she can either leave the store or point him out. At that point, she would be aware of the situation (not as surprised as she was before) and hopefully more able to deal with it. I understand Sissy's comment about both Gilda's confidence at school and her dependance on Grace. Since a teacher requires enough self-confidence to MAINTAIN the authority given by the school, one would expect that kind of person to have the same behaviour/self-confidence outside. However, talking to kids one sees everyday, and going through one's teaching routine, isn't the same thing as dealing with some random person who SUDDENLY invades one's personal space. I was a teacher in Japan for 2 years and I still get rattled if I get accosted by some punks on the street. As for dependance on Grace, well that's just the dynamic of the relationship. If Grace disappeared tomorrow and never came back, then Gilda would most certainly be affected. Would she develop her self-confidence more? Would she find another strong person to protect her? Who knows? The point is that she can count on Grace NOW. Only Gilda knows how to empower herself further and if she needs that power. Once she finds herself truly needing it, she'll get it. __________________ A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.

08-26-2005, 10:42 AM	#106 (permalink)
toxic515 Addict Location: Texas	Gilda, I've read this thread from the start now, and not commented, simply because I had nothing new or unique to say. I find at the moment that is no longer true. You deserve to hear the same thing repeated again if it is true, and so I shall... 1: an individual is responsible for their own actions, not those of another. You did nothing wrong. 2: There is no excuse for a predator that makes this okay, and I am sure you know it, but I will say as well, not all men, not all sci-fi or comic fans are lousy worthless people... you had the misfortune to have encountered at least 2 of them in this single incident.. 3: There are ways to help protect yourself, and you may be well advised for your own security and safety to adopt some of the techiques.. being observant, looking people in the eye and being prepared for possible confrontations, projecting confidence, etc. It's unfortunate that you may need to do this, but also reality. None of this is your fault. Dressing and acting your age??? does that indicate that the manager thinks that it is appropriate to molest a teenage girl with a midriff baring shirt? probably not, she'd prolly kick him in the nuts. Idiots don't THINK before they form the stupidity that came out of his mouth. I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this at all. Bob Biter made a good statement in reference to the kung fu ideology, and I have a bit to add to that.. My thoughts on it are that I simply wish to ensure that is does not ever happen again. If that can be accomplished with a word, then so be it. If it must be taken to the next level, or to an extreme, I am willing to do that to defend my rights, my person and my property. If I perceive that I am unable to do so, I may elect not to, or to involve others. I hope this helps in some small way. (or large, I dunno.) I hate that a nice person gets shat upon and abused. __________________ Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

09-01-2005, 02:28 AM	#107 (permalink)
match000 Psycho	So I've skimmed the thread, and like, WTF?!!!! Isn't this like sexual assault or something. You should at least scream very loud, get the guy apprehended, and let the police deal with it! At the very least, women that get groped should report it to the police. What's all this "self-defense", "punch-him-in-the-face" crap. "Send-him-to-jail" sounds more like it...

09-01-2005, 04:46 PM	#110 (permalink)
pivman Upright	For your safty. DO NOT punch or kick a guy in the balls. I am 6'2" and weigh 215 pounds. I've trained in martial arts for 4 years and can take a punch in the balls. I gotten in some fights and when someone punches me in the balls, I will not hesitate to beat their head into a wall. Most men can take even the hardest hit(or wear a cup) and then harm you severely. Just walk away.

09-02-2005, 08:53 AM	#111 (permalink)
xepherys <3 TFP Location: 17TLH2445607250	Wow! I could never imagine just walking over to a girl a grabbing her boob. I mean, I'm a guy, and I personally LOVE boobs... but still. Wow! Personally, the number one reason why I wouldn't do such a thing is because it's a disgusting lecherous thing to do. A close second would be fear of the girl slapping the crap out of me. Third would be her boyfriend kicking my ass. Honestly, I'm stocky and the military has helped keep my strength up over the years. I have short buzzed hair and look more like a jock than the geek I really am. I go to hobby shops and gaming stores on a semi-regular basis and when I do, often my wife will go in and browse about to prevent boredom. If some dweeby guy sidled up next to her and grabbed her boob, he would be in for the fright of his life, I assure you. As for what to do about it? Be more assertive. You have it in you if you're able to use the "hello" defense, which is basically a mild scare tactic. You could use the Gaz tactic (from Invader Zim) and just ooze personality. That'll scare all but the staunchest pervert away. Also it may attract people of a similar mindset, which isn't a wholly bad thing.

09-02-2005, 05:19 PM	#113 (permalink)
Anxst Condensing fact from the vapor of nuance. Location: Madison, WI	Gilda- I'm very glad that you feel better about it, and that you got up the courage to speak to the store owner about it, even if he is a weeb who may not take any actions based on your complaint. I hope such things never happen to you again. In fact, I hope such things never happen to anyone, but sadly I know otherwise. __________________ Don't mind me. I'm just releasing the insanity pressure from my headvalves.

09-02-2005, 07:20 PM	#114 (permalink)
GoldenOuroboros The Cheshire Grin... Location: An Aussie Outback	As people have said you were in a comic book store, in their territory so to speak, a woman in a comic book store is an unusual sight and this guy probably didn't know how to handle it >_< I'm not defending him, this definetly shouldn't have happened, you should have stood your ground and made a scene. By succumbing to such an act you let him acheive what he wanted over you and that was power. He made YOU feel small and that's what he wanted. If this ever happens again stare at him and yell out for him to get his hand off your breast, let the world know what he's just done. Make him feels small. I would also talk to your friend Grace about what she trains in, ask her if it's not too much trouble to teach you some basic techniques that will disable a person quickly. You would be suprised how much just bending back a single finger in the wrong direction causes someone to submit. If you are of a smaller frame and don't wish to do anything violent, I would suggest looking into a style like Aikido, I personally have practiced this style and can tell you that there is basically no effort required on the person defending themselves, it is based on using a person energy against them (Going with the flow and bending joints the way they aren't supposed to go). This choice I leave purely up to you Take Care __________________ Can you see me grin grin grrriiiiinnnning?!

10-11-2005, 06:13 AM	#115 (permalink)
Inquiring Mind Upright Location: The Land Of Manna-AKA Australia!	Gilda. Good has come from your courage to share your experience- I learnt stuff, some of which I'll pass on to my own daughter when she's old enough to be in public by herself. Thank you and may your world be a safer place despite the idiots. __________________ But why??

10-15-2005, 10:05 PM	#117 (permalink)
Mugzy6 Tilted Location: North Carolina	If anyone really accidentally rubs up on you, usually they apologize. If they don't usually they're a pervert.

10-16-2005, 11:11 AM	#118 (permalink)
infamous13 Upright	well as a man our so called kryptonite is the balls. for some reason women cant comprehend how much it hurts to be hit here. all it would take was a fist to them to make me crumple on the ground. also as a man sex or women come into our mind about every thirty seconds or so. we may fantasize about doing somthing like this, but in any way shape or form it is not appropriate and can be very damaging. i do see thaat you had a very emotional reaction to it, i think that is this guy so what it did to you he wouldnt have. but the world is so fucked up today who knows.

10-17-2005, 07:31 AM	#120 (permalink)
cptgreedle Upright Location: Earth	Not only is that assault, it's sexual assault. You could complain to the comic store owner, or have the police investigate. As a man and comic lover myself, I feel completely degraded that someone would pull such a thing. I have seen the number of girls looking at comics rising lately, especially with manga and anime. My fiance is an avid comic reader. I feel that any guy who thnks a cute girl looking at comics (or anything considered "male territory") is out of place or inviting guys to look at her are idiots. A man who assaults a lady in any way, especially sexual assault, has lost his right to be called a man, and is not a monster/animal. Seriously, that guy should be in jail. Maybe his new room mate "Bubba" will scare it out of him. I really feel sorry for you. I've known another friend who was felt up in public and it is a hard thing to get over. It is easier to console in a loved one. As for the size problem... I am a martial artist and I know that it is very very easy for a small, gentle girl to control a large strong man, without having to resort to his "package". By pulling back on his middle finger and twisting his hand, you can bring him to the ground with extremem ease. Be careful though, if you go too far, you can break his hand and arm, and that can lead to other problems. Take it a step at a time and remember you are a good person, and he was merely scum.