No Sex Cuddle Party?!?
 

When I read an article like the following from The Globe and Mail, I tend to get really surly. A handful of bohemian types in LA and New York getting (sort of) freaky together does not a hot trend make. Also, where's my invitation?

Would you attend this sort of event? First, I imagine being extremely awkward about initiating such intimate contact with strangers, and while I would be able to control my sexual urges, it would drive me crazy at the same time. I couldn't last the full 3 hours, that's for sure. I'm also curious how the gender balance affects the session.

<b>Loving spoonfuls</b>

<i>Call it the orgy for the 21st century. The sex-free cuddle party is the hottest trend from New York to L.A.
By MIKE MINER

Saturday, August 6, 2005 Page L2

The party starts more like a class you would sign up for at a gym. People arrive, duck out of the room to change into more comfortable clothes and then mill about waiting for things to get started. Our host points out the snack table, but beyond that, nobody has much to say. Everybody is grinning and pacing.
At the appointed hour, we sit on cushions and blankets in a circle and the cuddle party is under way.
Cuddle parties are exactly what they sound like. Men and women just like you or me, heading out for an evening of pyjama-clad embraces with whoever needs a hug.
The result looks like a rewriting of a Roman orgy for the purpose of teaching boundaries and manners to preschoolers. It's adults lounging across pillows and each other, but it's all please and thank you.
And it's raising equal parts contempt and fascination from L.A. to the U.K. In The Times of London, columnist Julie Burchill called it "a hideous American invention," saying the "set-up allows affluent Americans to pay $30 each to some sort of prissy procurer in order to use their apartment for a three-hour, strictly non-sexual grope-fest; touching, massaging, tickling, stroking, fondling and -- hang about, I'm really going to chuck now -- 'spooning.' "
Clearly, the cuddle party is not for everyone, and, we are emphatically told, it is not a sex party.
The rules are laid out at length at the beginning of each three-hour snuggle session. You must ask and receive permission before even the slightest contact. From there, it moves into more complex issues like hygiene (a must) and dry humping (verboten). Giggling and crying are encouraged, and consensual smooching is fine.
"The rules are worth going over because they work," says Cecilia Moorcroft, a Toronto-based cuddle party facilitator. "Everybody knows what goes and what doesn't. And this creates the safe environment we want."
There's no hard and fast rule about erections. According to cuddle party philosophy, erections just happen and aren't unusual in a cuddling situation. Just ignore it, no dry humping, and it will go away eventually. This was gone over at length at the party Moorcroft held last week, which was a special treat for me, the only man in the room.
In case things get out of hand, there's the bell.
"We have a cuddle buddy system," Moorcroft explains. "When I ring the bell, people stop what they're doing for a minute, find their partner and raise their hands."
And with good reason.
"They started to do cuddle parties in Alabama before going through the training," Moorcroft says. "A couple of people got a bit out of control and the facilitators didn't know how to stop it. No bell. Now, they have a huge cowbell and nobody wants to set that big thing off."
Moorcroft attended her first cuddle party in New York, after seeing an item on TV. "It spoke to what I'd already been feeling, which was a lack of affection."
She was initially "terrified," she says. "Most of my concerns are fairly typical cuddle party worries. What if nobody wants to cuddle with me? What if only ugly people show up?"
But the experience met her expectations. "When I first lay down to cuddle with somebody, my body let out this sigh. I left feeling totally blissed out. I've never been that high."
She signed up for a training course in Los Angeles, went back for more in Alabama, and returned to Canada a certified cuddle party facilitator. She works with a sidekick -- the "cuddle caddy" -- who helps with set-up and supervision, answers questions and enforces the rules.
To get in the door, you need $25 to $35 (it's a sliding scale) and a pair of pyjamas. The host takes care of music (Moorcroft avoids New Age), provides cushions and blankets and snacks. After that, people just flop around and do (almost) anything they want to do, and (almost) whatever others will let them.
Some parties throw stuffed toys or musical instruments into the mix. But at last week's party, it was mostly small talk and spooning. Everyone had a chance to set their boundaries. One woman didn't want to be touched on her ears and feet, because that was strictly the domain of her significant other. Others patrolled the perimeter and dove in only occasionally.
The cuddle caddy doled out foot rubs and another guest read palms. When the palmist finished with one guest, she summoned the next in line with a friendly swat on the butt, shattering the cardinal rule requiring consent before any contact. The group looked on in shock as she realized her mistake.
"Oh, crap," she said. "Sorry about that. May I swat you on the ass?"
The evening wrapped up with a puppy pile, where all the attendees stack on top of one another. My friend and I made our exit before that could happen, but the others were beaming and clearly in their element.
Special to The Globe and Mail</i>

I saw this in a magazine a few months ago -and thought it weird... they even have a website:
http://www.cuddleparty.com/

and a bunch of rules too... (which ic an't seem to get that page to come up)

A little too touchy feely strange for me... the puppy pile at the end would just send me over the edge-- that'd way way too much closeless...

Ummmmm...ok...

I bet cuddle parties are the gateway party to swinging.

So....I pay you $25-35 to let me roll around on your floor and sexually frustrate myself with a group of strangers??? And you throw in music, pillows AND snacks?

Wow...well, sign me up, bubby.

But do I need any special qualifications to host a cuddle party, my cuddle friends?

Long and intense training? To watch folks writhe on the floor to music? Am I missing something here...?

Oh yeah...well, obviously you need a 'Cuddle Lifeguard' and they'd be happy to train you for $650 and two days of your time.

"certified cuddle party facilitator" and in Toronto no less?!?!

While I've never been in an orgy, I have been in some group sex situations and something about this just seems hilarious to me. Its hard to explain but I have a feeling there arn't many people at a 'cuddle' party who secretly don't wish they were naked.

These parties are supposed to be the big thing among nyc's 20 something set (makes me kinda glad I'm old) what I don't get - is why someone would pay for this party - -all ya have to do is get on a subway at rushhour and you can get all the groping and fondling that you can handle :) all for $2.00 and take the money that is left over and get yourself a drink and a shower :)

Yeah i did this all the time as a kid. But i called it a slumber party. I provided snacks and music and pillows and my mom was the Slumber Lifeguard. I asked my dad to be a slumber caddie, but he wouldnt. :(

Brother - what is the point??

I know it might sound stupid coming from someone who enjoys orgies and swinger clubs. Some of the others have voiced some of my questions already...
Why pay to just cuddle?
How do you enjoy just being cuddled by a stranger? - If he's a hottie I'd be so turned on that I'd want way more than a cuddle?


It seems like this group of people are pretending to be more liberated in their thinking while still keeping so many rules. The palm reader getting stared at for breaking a rule?? At swinger clubs, if I don't want to be touched by a guy I just excuse myself or say 'no thankyou' and I don't get offended by a single swat. For goodness sake - athletes swat each other all the time. Who cares? It just appears to me like a bunch of posers. If this was a doorway to getting into swinging I think hubby and I would probably avoid these groups. They seem a bit too stuffed with their 'rules' and CUDDLING.

I know I sound negative - rules at a swinger club are simple and clear. Each person is responsible for drawing their OWN lines. The rule is "No means no." It's simple and lets people enjoy themselves and show respect for each other at the same time.

I might be in to this...if I were 7 years old. Sounds like a good way to contract a terminal case of blueballs. I'd be too tempted to shout "orgy porgy" and get my self kicked out.

Seriously. This sounds like paying to get a bad case of Blueballs. Everyone there goes because there's a promise of no sex... yet they would spend the entire time wishing they could.

I'm a avid cuddler... with my husband... and this is odd.

Clearly, these people had a lack of slumber parties in their youths. Maybe this is a form of a support group for the cuddle-n-blue-ball deprived. They should get a big pillow as their podium to announce their names and addiction to cuddling. They could pass the pillow for permission to speak. Maybe later, they could play telephone. Oh, and make sure to freeze the underwear of the first person to fall asleep!! :rolleyes:

From the FAQ at the Cuddle Party website Maleficent gave us:

Can I get stoned at a Cuddle Party?
Illegal drug use of any kind at a Cuddle Party is not cuddly.

That made me giggle a lot.

Honestly, I kind of enjoy the idea, it seems really nice, my friends and I all really love cuddle-puddles, and these are just organized cuddle-puddles.

I saw this on Penn and Teller's Bullshit a while ago. It showed a couple that I can only assume run this thing. They stated that their favorite rule was "No dry humping". That gave me a chuckle, as I can't understand why that would be their favorite, but whatever...

I would never get into this kind of thing, but there are plenty of things that I wouldn't do that other people thoroughly enjoy. Good for them for finding something they like, and ripping other people off that dig it.

This is way too weird for me. Sounds like the cry parties that were popular with these same types back in the early 90's. If I attended one, I would probably react like John Candy and Steve Martin in Planes Trains, and Automobiles after they woke up in the spoon position. I get full body, icky shivers just thinking about it. Don't get me wrong, I love to spoon with my wife, but jeez, this is really strange. And to have to pay for the while experience to boot!

Cry parties?

(knows he shouldn't have asked)

Its a trick...
 

Ok fellas...run run...run for your lives its a trick...they know we are worthless after sex and your reaching if want some quality cuddle time. :hmm: The are trying to get the cuddling in advance....damn those little tricky vixens. ROFL :lol:

Not for me... especially when one would have to pay to get in.
I'm a big fan of cuddling with friends but cuddling with strangers would be freaky.

I must have been too busy being a workaholic? Cry party? I know of key parties.... but cry parties? Everyone is handed an onion and a box of Kleenex? Or is the the type of place where I could be given the opportunity to make people cry... NOW That would be fun. :)

this seems like a very crude and contrived way to satisfy emotional needs without bothersome things like "intimacy" crowding the situation.

This is strange. I only cuddle with girls I really like!

Moreover, although sex is not allowed per Cuddle Party Rule 3(A); "Kissing and nuzzling, as well as other forms of touch, are allowed." But there's a fine line between "sex" and "other forms of touch." I presume the line is activities that tend to lead to orgasm versus those that do not. But that may only lead to male discomfort.

In short, I think that anonymous cuddling is more "morally troublesome" that anonymous sex in this culture. It's far more emotionally dishonest, and it's kinda uneventful.

Hi, my name is Doug, and I am a Certified Cuddle Party Facilitator. This thread just came up on Google News (sometimes they aren't real fast to get stuff indexed), and even though it's been while since the last posting, I thought I'd throw out a few thoughts.

As background, I attended the weekend training in Santa Monica in Feb 2004 and was formally certified in June 2004. Since then I've hosted 1 or 2 parties per month at my apartment.

There are lots of negative comments here, and almost none positive, which is typical when people who have never been to a Cuddle Party start talking about Cuddle Parties.

Money always comes up as a topic. Why pay $30 to cuddle? Well, typical attendance is 10-20 people, which works out to $600, right? Not exactly. The assistant gets some money. Returning guests often get a discount. The food bill usually runs somewhere between $50 and $75. Many facilitators are paying rent for a Yoga studio or the like. Website hosting costs money. There are some annual licensing fees to the cuddleparty.com folks (which provides a lot of on-going support, monthly conference calls, etc.) In short, lots of costs come out of the money that is collected from the guests. Plus, by the time the party starts, I probably have 20 hours of prep for a 3.5 hour party. Lots of time goes into newsletters, and website updates, and lots of time goes into setting up the reservations and answering questions. Net pay (after completely ignoring the initial training and investment in blankets and pillows), is generally less than minimum wage. No one hosting Cuddle Parties is making very much money on them (although we are having fun).

But it's still $20 to $30, right? So what do you get for the money? A gender-balanced and age-balanced group of people, a comfortable area for the party, lots of food, and most importantly, a facilitator who is committed to safety and comfort for all of the guests, who has the training that keeps the party flowing smoothly and keeps things from becoming problems.

Many of the guys who come might be happy to see the party become a sexual event (though the structure is very effective at preventing that from even getting started). On the other hand, most of the women aren't at all interested in getting laid. (It's too easy for a woman to pick up a guy at a bar for her to want to pay money to come to a Cuddle Party that's (accurately) billed as a non-sexual event.) Creating an environment where women get what they want and continue to return is ... well ... pretty magical. (All credit goes to REiD and Marcia, who came up with the concept and fine-tuned it with 100 parties before starting to train others.)

Is it really worth the money? Glad you asked. Yes! Absolutely! I am one of several Facilitators who offer a no-strings, complete-satisfaction guarantee, and not one single person has ever asked for a refund. Which is to say that every person who has ever attended one of my Cuddle Parties apparently thought they got their money's worth.

Rather than address all of the other specific concerns here, I invite everyone to take a look at my web site:

http://www.oc-cuddle.com

There are pages that talk about what really happens at a Cuddle Party (hint: innocent touching among those interested, with lots of back rubs, after a 45-minute welcome circle that sets the party up to be comfortable, safe and fun), and there is a FAQ that addresses almost all of the concerns that have come up here. Also, a bunch of real testamonials.

Or better yet, how 'bout just trying a party. In case you are wondering, the rules say that you don't have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever, and that's for real. You are also free to leave at any time (in many locations with a full refund).

Hope that helps a little, and I'd love to answer any specific questions.

-- Doug :D

Well, being still relatively new to the area, and not finding it easy to make friends in person, and having my bf working nights again, there are times when I just want someone to cuddle with. Times when I miss home, miss my family, miss my friends, and just want someone to share friendly affection with. I can see (of course, I have a California mentality) how this would be a popular thing, because this way, everyone knows in advance that the limit is cuddling, so there's nothing sexual about it. Glad to know it's not just me. Almost wish there was something like this in Florida. Or a good sex club... but that's for another forum... :D

"When one Panda touches another Panda's "panda" it makes me a very sad Panda."

The only way a cuddle party makes sense to me is if everyone is on xtc.

And while xtc is something I would never try because I'm scared of it, it makes sense. They don't call it liquid happiness for no reason. :)