40 year old virgin
 

What's up people!

OK!! Not to be a asshole, but are there really still virgins around now a days?
I mean somewhat normal if you start late like 18 or 19 maybe 20 but come on.

Again not trying to be a asshole but are there people still waiting for marriage?

Many questions about subject but want to hear from some people first.

Jesse

Yeah, my former roommate is waiting for marriage as are a few others I know. Myself, I'm not, I just suck at meeting women, so I'm a 22yr old virgin. And yes, you do sort of come off as an asshole when you end the start late bit with "but come on".

yes, there's plenty of people who do, may not be the large numbers, but it's still a percentage.

I have one good friend who is saving herself for marriage.

but onus is on the OP to put this together.... you need to frame it as a discussion not as a "who did it and ran."

I've never met anyone who'se openly stated that they're waiting before, but I'm sure there's plenty of people. I pensonally don't see the point in putting off something enjoyable, but I don't really need anyone explaining it to me either.

Everybody has different opinions on life! wether it is buying a house or renting. It might be you like drinking beer and some people dont. You might like going on holiday, and some of us just like to stay where we are! then as in this subject some people like to wait for marriage before they have sex and some of us dont, i dont see the big deal! if someone is that way inclined then good on them.

There are entire movements, religiously tied and not, dedicated to supporting people in their decision to wait til marriage. The decision to wait isn't as odd as one might imagine. I prefer that choice over having sex at 13, 14, 16. I know for a fact, I wasn't/am not ready to handle the ramifications that come with having sex. I am still a virgin at 22 but don't see it as missing out on anything. While I don't know if I will ultimately wait until marriage before having sex, it is an ideal I like.

My only question/thought is...how do you know you aren't missing anything if you never do it? Also, what happenes if you and your married partner are completely sexually incompatible? Not just 'you go left and they go right' but what if sex is completely unsatisfying or even painfull mentally? I am not bagging on your decision but asking legitimate questions that I have regarding your decision.

In a perfect world, everyone would have great sexual education before they got married. They'd be married to the perfect person, and would be able to talk freely and maturely about any issue between them. Sex would come naturally, as they were so in love and it was the cumulative act of expressing this love. There would be no incompatable libidos, and everyone would have an orgasm (or seven) every time.

This is not a perfect world.

If you want to "save yourself for marriage" then fine, just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. I lost my virginity because I didn't want to be a virgin when I went to college. REALLY BAD IDEA. Lost it to a guy that already had a kid. REALLY REALLY BAD IDEA. And the guy concieved the kid when he was 15 and high. REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD IDEA. And he later got kicked out of college. REALLY REALLY REALLY oh well you get what I'm saying. So, perhaps we should all do our younger friends a favor when they ask "What's sex like?" and pass on that it can be the greatest thing ever, and it can be a source of regret that you carry around like a boulder in a sack.

My wife and I had sex on our third date.

No regrets :D

Well said, Sage.

Not to be insensitive at all, but I was curious what that regret felt like. You said it is like a boulder in a sack that you carry around. Is it something you think about often? Do you regret sharing sex with someone you didn't care enough about? Do you regret that you didn't wait? Or treat sex differently? etc.

The reason I ask, as I said, isn't to be a prying, insensitive jerk. It's just that my girlfriend regrets losing her virginity when she did and to who, and her sexual history, and since I haven't had another partner, I can't completely grasp her perspective. And while I try, I'm always trying to be more empathetic.

And if my question is too probing, I completely understand if you don't want to.

I was a 27-year-old virgin until last year. Sometimes it's not about waiting for marriage. It's about waiting for someone who won't leave you with "a present" for the rest of your life, or someone that you trust enough. I have no regrets about waiting if it meant that I got to meet the person I did.

Or maybe it's from laughing so much at the imbiciles trying to pick you up at the bar, that no one ever takes you home. Oh, but I'm proud of that one.

Kids are scolded for having sex too early, and adults are laughed at for having sex too late. Seems that people will never be happy with when others have sex.

I'm a 18 year old virgin. Does it bother me? Not really.

If losing your virginity is that important, just go find a prostitute.

Sure. The reason there are less virgins than there may have been is there is a lot of social pressure to have sex. Sex drive is such a fundamental factor for so many people that most people don't understand how someone would be a virgin by choice. I also think the repression of sexual desires and sexual selves in North America has contributed to a more extreme swing in the way of sexual "rebellion" and wanting to have sex more, and at an earlier age.

rugger: If you don't feel that you are missing anything, then obviously you are not missing anything. Desire, enjoyment, and fulfilment are all in one's own mind, and an experience that one has not had cannot be missed, unless one builds up that experience in one's own mind (in which case he or she is likely to be disappointed).

Sage: I have two boulders in a sack, and I don't mind them. :D

I was a virgin until i was only a few weeks shy of my 18th birthday.

Was I DYING to get laid? No, I was busy with school and other things. I was enjoying my life at the time. Had a girlfriend dropped in my lap sooner, I'd likely have lost it earlier, but I don't care either way. Once I had sex, I realized how great it was and now I have it (like most people) as often as possible.

I personally know a couple of people who are waiting for marriage before having sex. I think it's awesome, I totally support it, that's one more bond they get to make on their wedding day/night (which if they're reading this, you know who you are, and I better be invited :) ).

I was a virgin until Feb 14th 1999...three months before the wedding. I was 25. I TOTALLY regret waiting that long. I think the waiting for marriage thing that most women suffer with is a mental form of clitorectomy. Having known the one partner is something that I'm wrestling with now - I totally regret my "decision" to wait.

Frst off, I think it's HIGHLY stupid to look down on someone just because of their sexual decisions, virgin or otherwise. This was something that bothered me a LOT when I was a virgin... how haughty people were about having lost their virginity, and that something was wrong with me for not having had sex.

I waited till I was 24, and so was my bf. While I am glad I didn't wait till marriage (was planning to do that until I was 23 or so), I am VERY glad that my bf and were pretty much each other's firsts... I was NOT emotionally ready to have sex before that age, and I would have thrown about twenty boulders in my sack if I had indulged before that time.

I think it's really crucial to wait until you are mature enough to handle the possibility of getting pregnant, getting STD's, etc. If you're ready at 18, then go for it. If not, wait until you AND your partner are ready. Personally, I turned down quite a few assholes who wanted to have sex with me, and I found out where their heart really was. It's a damn good test to see where someone's motives really are. So if you're 40 and a virgin, I don't really care... as long as it's your choice to be that way.

im waiting for marriage, I believe that people should be able to share something to express their love as a married couple. and also, i gets ya heaven points.

although some of my friends say "god , i cant believe i lost my virginity to that guy. i totally should have waited", i am ok with the fact that i lost my viriginity to someone that i didnt marry. sure it sucks to be in relationships that you are both emotionally and physically invested in and then have them fall apart, but i chalk it up to the learning process. i am so happy that i did have the experiences because it lets me know that what i have right now is truly special.

on the flip side, i have 2-3 friends waiting until marriage. i think thats great and totally support them. if you dont want to have sex, don't have it. if you want to, go for it! ultimately its up to your judgement what you can and can't handle.

How do you people who wait till marriage hold out so long? Do you masturbate a lot? What do you do to supress your sexual urges?

This is exactly how my wife and I feel. I was 29 before I had sex for the first time. Before that I had a few opportunities to get laid, but my conscience somehow caused me to back off. Something didn't feel right with the one who was offering herself up or giving the signals.

The pressure can be enormous, as I sometimes felt like something was wrong with me for not having had sex. Listening to friends brag about their conquests and me having nothing to add was painful and embarrassing. Some of my friends even covertly assumed I was gay because I wasn't out there trying to get laid all the time. They couldn't understand that waiting was more comfortable to me than having the "virgin" label removed.

Yeah...a whole lot.:)

Abstainence represents pure maturity and self control. I have nothing but total respect for those who choose to wait or not to do at all. To be honest there are a lot of people out there who SHOULD be abstaining. Like the Hiltons.

There's no such age at which it's embarassing to still be a virgin. Who cares. Honestly, who gives a damn? Does it make the person more or less of a human being if they haven't blew their load in a vagina? No. Having sex doesn't "change" you like most people think. It's just a form of pleasure with someone you find attractive/love. I wouldn't think down on a person that never had sex in their entire life. I also think more people are virgins than they would like you to think. I had sex the first time when I was 19, but that doesn't mean a damn thing.

-Lasereth

To be fair .. sex (among other things) dramatically and permanently changed my entire life. I realized how trivial certain things were, and finally felt "comfortable with myself" now that someone else had wholly err.. been comfortable with it as well.

I am at 21, still a virgin. People 'hold out' for a lot of different reasons, and that isn't really anything to be ashamed of. I have had plenty of opportunities to 'lose it', but never really felt right taking any of them. I'm not necessarily waiting for marriage, just waiting for the right person. I think intercourse has become a very impersonal act. Am I a joke of a person because I'm a 21 year old virgin? If that's the way society feels, so be it, I'll live my life they way I want to regardless.

Well if you wait too long you'll end up like this 40 year old virgin who is suing the people behind the upcoming movie 40 Year Old Virgin :lol:

http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.ya...n_bigfinal.jpg

I can't quite figure out of that article is real or not, but I certainly hope not. :)

That reminds me of an article in The Onion about a couple who waited until they were married to "share their love". Basically the entire article went on to describe how awkward and unsatisfying the sex was. Even though it's from The Onion, there is a lesson to be learned there. You never buy a car without kicking the tires first, do you? :)

I know a number of people who are still waiting. Also know someone who waited til 34, then went to a bar told every gal there he was a virgin until he wasn't.

i know people waiting. but honestly, who cares? and beyond that--who would know if you didn't tell them? not like you can look at someone and tell if they've had sex or not...

That article was funny as hell. It isn't true though.
"I was so devastated I couldn’t even watch the new episode of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ that night. My life has been a nightmare. I haven’t felt this bad since ‘Episode I."

I know some 'old' virgins, but its not cos they're waiting, its because they feel they are 'undesirable' and don't have the confidence to actually go out and meet someone.

Virginity is overrated. So is having sex by a particular time. Rather than worry about what other people think we should be doing, we should be doing what's comfortable to us. I had sex kinda early (15), but I have no regrets. Someone else in the same situation might have had HUGE regrets (otherwise known as boulders, :lol: ). To each their own... really.

Hee hee... boulders...

nice to see that caught on.... PM me if you want the backstory.

Anywho, I've sorta been thinking about this lately, and for me it's a double sided coin. On the one hand, if you have sex, you *might* end up regretting it later. On the other hand, if you don't have sex, you *might* be insanely sexually incompatable when you get married. I think that, in some cases, the sexual incompatability comes from ignorance and not because one is a virgin. I think that if people were educated about ALL aspects of sex once they "came of age" (could be from school, parents, church, whatever) then they'd be more likely to make a sane, rational decision and have real REASONS to back that decision up.

Now, I'm not saying that "because the Bible says so" isn't a valid reason, it's just that... well, I'd like to think when your'e talking about something as important as your sex life (and I mean important in the scope of the happiness of the marriage/relationship) you'd make the decision to stay a virgin until you were married because you KNEW what you'd be "missing out on" and KNEW you didn't want to do all that stuff with anyone but your spouse. Personally, if my parents had been more forthcoming about sex, why it's so great, why it's such a bond, why it's so special etc etc etc I totally WOULDN'T have lost my virginity just to lose my virginity.

Hmmmm. I recognize the difficulties in the issue.

My position (which I haven't always lived up to) is to not sleep with anyone with whom I'm not prepared to raise a child with. There's always a chance that a child can result (being a man, I'm bound by law to my partner's decisions), and I couldn't live knowing that I have a child out there being raised without me.

As such, I think that's a huge burden, and which is why I've (tried to) wait for those I really care about. Waiting for love? Yes. Waiting for marriage? Perhaps, but maybe not if we could raise the child apart.

Wow, this is a phenomenally mature statement. Even if you say you haven't always lived up to it, that's quite a principle to have. :thumbsup: I think this is really what being mature enough to have sex boils down to... can you take care of a child, as a consequence of intercourse?

I did not have sex until I knew I would be prepare to handle a pregnancy and child, since I know I couldn't go through with an abortion (though I support other women's decisions to do so). I really believe people should abstain from sex until they are emotionally ready to deal with whatever consequences may result... HIV, other STD's, pregnancy, etc... if that means being a virgin until you're 40, I respect that self-knowledge. (But that's just my opinion, obviously, since I realize most people don't subscribe to that philosophy.)

:stands and claps:
bravo!!!!

That is EXACTLY the reason why I was very careful of where I stuck my dick in my youth, and to this day (of course being married has it's own issues)

If I'm not prepared to raise a child with the person whom my dick is inserted, then it's not going to be inserted even if she's totally hot.

Cyn, I'm glad to hear you agree... though I must say, I cracked up at your phrasing. Not to mention at first glance, I read "where I stuck my dick in my mouth." :lol:

My first wife ....waited for Marriage, or close enough to it (six months before) , she was 26 and so was I. It was a "pleasant" enough relationship sexually for a few years , then she decided (for religious reasons) that sex was a Duty, and not a loving act. Once she told me that, we never made love(or had sex) again...we were divorced within a year.
My point is, I do find it likely that if she had experienced sex before this relationship, things would have been different. Either she would have seen it was not for her, and we would have never married. Or she would have a better understanding (in my opinion) of what sex can be, allowing the frigid nature of our last year to have never occured. Either way, it would have been far better for us both.

i'm 21 and am still a virgin...I'm kinda tipsy on the issue....i could wait till i got married, but if I was in a relationship where i trusted the other person and was loved by the other person as much as they loved me, I would do it. *shrug* it's an interesting issue and i'm not entirely sure where i stand on the issue.

Why repress yourselves?

because the few moments of pleasure could be a lifetime of headaches from a child and dealing with the demanding mother and legal system.

dead beat dads suck... and the legal system treats them as such. when you get your wages assessed for child support.. you're paying that until the child is 18 even if you lose your job, get a lower paying job, get married and have another kid...

a headache that I'm not willing to deal with for 15 minutes of pussy. No pussy is good enough to have dealt with that risk...

im 19 and a virgin, i believe waitin would be best but then if things get weird in bed and ur married, waht else can u do but cry? lol

Well you could always cheat or get a divorce.

no regrets
 

How long you wait to have sex..... well it could be a personal choice or it could be obstacles in getting to that point with the opposite sex :hmm: (have never had a problem with negoiating this which has probably gotten me into some trouble in the past) either way to those who wait I give you credit and am amazed you waited that long and some who are still waiting.

Personally I couldn't wait till after I married a person to find how the sex was gonna be :hmm: ....sexual compatibilty is important to me. But hey thats just me...

I had sex for the first time when I was 16 and personally and have never regretted it once since. I mean there have been some interesting lessons learned along the way but at this point absolutely no regrets. I have had it while in love and in casual situations and I am glad I have had the chance to have plenty of it. :thumbsup:

Some people just don't do the socialize thing down well.

Yeah I know that my friend's still a virgin and wants to wait 'til after marriage. I see nothing wrong with that!

People would be happier if they had more responsible sex.

18 or 19 is starging late? In the sense of "later than a person should start" or in the sense of "later than most people do start"?

If the former, then I'd say that's nonsense. There is no specific age at which a person should start to have sex. People should start to have sex when they have reached the level of maturity at which they can handle the emotions and the potential consequences.

There's nothing wrong with a person reaching 40 and still being a virgin, and it doesn't indicate that there's something wrong with him/her.

If the latter, then certainly, it's later than most people start, but the age at which most people first do something is hardly indicative of when they should first do something.

Certainly. What's wrong with waiting for marriage?

Gilda

I guess I came off as a asshole! Sorry!

In todays society we push and push and show and show sex and skin. Without going into a long ass debait it seems hard to keep it. Again so many levels to this. Don't want to get into the complex levels of this topic.

I mean all my high school friends help each other get laid (American Pie style)
Girls clothes basicially fall off when they walk bye. Girls younger than my counsin, who is 14, have thongs.

I guess I am one of the weak people, But I love sex!!

Virgin people stay strong!!

Well, if it takes someone 40 years to be mature enough to handle sex, I'd say that *could* be indicative of an underlying problem. Unassisted fertility rates drop dramatically for women past the age of 40. From a biological standpoint, the survival of our species depends, in part, upon women being able to procreate before they reach 40.

Nothing is wrong with waiting for marriage, if that's what one wants to do. However, it should be understood that there can be consequences of waiting for marriage, just like there can be consequences of having sex too early.

Or it could be indicative of a lack of desire or opportunity. Or a conscious choice that the potential consequences outweigh the poetential benefits. There are too many variables to assume that there's something wrong a person who is a virgin at any particular age.

Irrelevant. The survival of the species is quite assured by those who are having sex at a fertile age.

Consequences such as? Being a little inexperienced? Most people are initially married in their 20's, giving the women plenty of time to have a healthy child.

Gilda

21, male, virgin, waiting til marriage or at least a long-term relationship. Though I did have a different attitude in high school.

It's not really a religious thing anymore, either. Sex just isn't what I'm most interested in right now. Seriously.

Wait a minute, I said "if it takes someone 40 years to be mature enough to handle sex...". This has nothing to do with the reasons you mention above. I was responding to your original statement which was (emphasis added):

I still say, if someone at age 39 isn't mature enough to handle sex, there could be an underlying problem with that individual.

Agreed, but we're talking about 40 year old virgins, aren't we? Biologically, it's disadvantageous.

Consequences such as not really knowing who you are as a sexual person, and not knowing whether there is any sexual compatibility between you and your spouse, prior to marriage. Being inexperienced is one consequence, yes. Some people who have only ever experienced one lover have been known to question whether there is better sex out there, or what sex with another lover would be like.

As I said, it's an individual choice, but one with consequences. I know a couple of people who will *only* ever eat at Olive Garden restaurants, when they go out to eat. The Olive Garden isn't a bad place to eat, but they are missing out on a lot of different culinary experiences, aren't they?

Maybe that's a bad example. :hmm:

Yes, but she's saying that the bare minimum age should be that at which the person is mature enough. Age of virginity can be extended through personal preferences and other outlying factors.


This is also a very complex argument. At the moment, overpopulation is threatening to destroy our species. Procreation to advance the species is not a cut-and-dried issue, especially when looking at humans.

But that only refers to people who wait until marriage, then don't get divorced. If someone just waits until they find someone they are into enough and have been with long enough, or wait until they have some sort of goal accomplished, or just wait until it finally falls into their lap (pardon the expression), then there's really no consequence that I can see. Besides, that type of consequence could be applied to pretty much everything in life, and everyone will have aspects of themselves that they do not know, or know well at least.

Yes, but that's not what she originally said.

I'm not sure this is really appropriate for this forum, but since I brought it up- I agree about overpopulation. But, we are not biologically built to control our own population. We are built to maximize our own population, and that's it. I'm not saying it's good, or that it's good policy, I'm just saying that's our biology.

Again, I agree, but that's not what Gilda originally posted. :)

23, still a virgin. I would have done it any time to any one (woman or man) up until about 21. At that age I started to not give a fuck, and decided that I might as well wait until marriage since I've made it thus far.

Add to my might-as-well-wait when I have seen countless friends start relationships in the back of their car, and then split of two years later.

ejempo:

Me: why did you break up?
Him: she's a psycho.
Me: you've been dating her for two years, and you just found out she was a psycho?

I've heard of love blinders, but pussy blinders are A LOT more common these days. I had a house mate that didn't like his girlfriend, but she fucked him and dropped off caseroles periodically.

Look at the whole thing in context. I also said that there is no specific age at which a person needs to start having sex and that there's nothing wrong with a person being a virgin at 40.

I then expanded on the idea in my subsequent post.

Suave interpreted the context correctly.

That's true. It could also be a conscious choice for religious or moral reasons, a lack of opportunity, or a lack of desire. My point is that just because a person is a virgin at a particular age doesn't tell us anything about that person except that they haven't had sex yet.

Gilda

Yep, I totally agree, unless you're the type that only knows yourself better through making as many mistakes as possible, which is fine but also a very painful way of living. I mean, learning through experience isn't bad, but I think most people know themselves a little better than that. Isn't it possible to just plain know what you want, and to be satisfied not exploring "possibilities" because you simply know what makes you happy without fucking things up (or fucking other people) 100 times before finding happiness with one person?

I think Gilda really sums it up for me here: Any more than that is an assumption based on a very small aspect of their lives. It's as bad as judging someone based on their skin color or gender, if you ask me. Sure everyone has assumptions about "virgins," but until you actually sit down and talk with that individual, find out their whole story, instead of saying they're ignorant fools... until then you are just an asshole.

I like to think of myself as still being a far cry from 40 ;), but at age 28 (29 next month), I am a man who has never had sexual intercourse. I guess for me it's been a combination of religious reasons and shyness/antisociality.

I've only ever had 2 girlfriends in my life. I dated the first one from the time she was 19 and I 21, until she broke up with me 2.5 years later. We "fooled around" a lot and basically did everything but intercourse, but never intercourse. The 2nd one, whom I'm with now, I've been dating for a year so far, though we dated for about 6 months a year prior to that. We wouldn't be doing anything more than kissing unless and until we get married, and while I'm pressing for marriage, she says she's not ready yet. She's only 6 months younger than me, so, not only am I running out of time to be able to say I had sex before I turned 30, I'm also running out of time when it comes to ever having had sex in my life with a girl who was younger than 29.

I must admit, I've been feeling tinges of regret about that more and more. My first girlfriend and I always said we weren't having sex because we believed premarital sex was wrong, but looking back, I think it was mainly because I asserted early in our relationship that I didn't believe in premarital sex, and she just kind of went along with it. I think that if I had never brought the subject up, not only could I eventually have asked for sex and she would happily have consented, but she eventually would have asked for it. I regret it sometimes because by now I've pretty much passed the age where I could ever realistically have sex with a 19 year old girl--missed the boat there.

Obviously, given my situation, I don't look down on people who are older than 18/19 and have never had sex. Because of my shyness, however, I am mystified by people who say they did or didn't have sex as a result of their own personal choice, as in "by the time I was 15, I really wanted to have sex, so I did it." I can't really quite grasp what it means for a guy to be able to make that statement, since it seems to neglect that little detail of finding a willing partner. I mean, an attractive girl can certainly get sex whenever she wants. And I suppose the studly captain of the football team can too. But, when I was a teenager, I couldn't even have begun to imagine how I might get anywhere near a girl I found attractive, let alone get as far as getting her to have sex with me. For many of us, sex doesn't just fall into our lap.

Anyway, though I've said religious reasons were a factor for me, I can't honestly say what I'd have done if I had been in the position of the captain of the football team with girls throwing themselves at me. It's easy for me to sit here and say I didn't have sex because I thought it was wrong, when in reality I didn't even have the opportunity (at least in high school.) I might very well have given in if I'd had girls throwing themselves at me when I was 16.

I was/am married at 22, my husband 25... both virgins.

I have to say that I think this idea of "sexual incompatability" is utter crap. Sure, you're going to be married and sexually inexperienced, but guess what... everyone is sexually inexperienced their first time. There is a lot more to marriage than sex, and if sexual incompatability comes up as a serious issues, it's probably not the only one.

Another thing... the line between "virgin" and "not virgin" isn't such a personally defining issue as one might think. Now that I am not a virgin, I don't really feel that different. I wasn't issued any membership cards or given access to exclusive clubs. Yes it was a special occasion, but in the end, it wasn't that big of a deal!

Who would want to date a person that is a virgin at 40 when it isn't a choice made but cause the person never been in a relationship?

I waited -

In retrospect, I think I should have been less picky. The problem for us guys in my view, is that we have maximum sex drive at around 17 (apparently) at which time we are probably at our most idealistic.

If I had my choice, I would have it the other way around. That way I could have bitter-sweet early longings and let-downs in my teens and early adulthood. A period of romance and mixed experiences during my middle years, and a twilight period in which depraved and uninhibited sex with anything and everyone was the order of the day.

I'm a firm believer in sex (before marriage, after marriage, during marriage, insteed of marriage, etc.)

Things were created for a reason. You'll never know until you try. What's the point of waiting if it's available for you. You only live once. And what happens if you get old without every trying it? You'll regret it forever.

Apply this to anything: sex, drugs, love, skydiving, running, dancing, water sports. Don't knock it until you try it.

By the way, I'm a try-sexual. I try everything at least once. :thumbsup:

Some people just never get around to it because their skills with the opposite sex just are horrible. So they end up as middle-aged virgins because they give up trying after too many failures.

I lost my virginity 4 months before my 20th birthday.
I had never masterbated, and had only been fingered a couple of times, although I never really enjoyed it. I'm glad I didn't wait until marriage because, as nice as it would've been to have majik be my one and only, a big part of my confidence is due to my growing sexuality.

Before I had sex, I viewed it as a dirty thing, and I seriously didn't want anything to do with it. I've had lots of bad sexual experiences that I've needed therapy to get through (including being date-raped), but the great moments that I have had (either due to extreme lust, extreme love, or a combination of both), are what I choose to remember.

People apply different implications to sex, which in turn measures their willingness to engage in it. If sex meant a lot to you (emotionally, spiritually, socially, physically) then, depending on WHAT it means, you would be more likely to chase after it or wait patiently for it to come to you exactly how you want it.

My own opinion...

It's a shame that people listen to the social implications more than the others. I mean, with any basic level of observation, one learns a simple truth in life and that is that people are DUMB. Why make your decisions by their standards?

My spiritual attachment to sex is nil. I am not spiritual or religious in the least. I am quite emotionally linked to sex, and thus I haven't yet had sex with anyone I did not care about. I have tried to do otherwise, but alas, my heart just wasn't in it. Physically, sex is where it's at, even with proper protection (concern for one's health). It's understandable that some people don't get the same satisfaction out of it that they would other things, though. Something tells me that has more to do with the previous mentioned aspects though.

So now that I've thoroughly complicated things...

I think sex is good.

I have been cursed with two main things in my life: a baby face and an extremely overbearing conscience. I'm 19. Here's a list of things I haven't done:

-Intercourse
-Anal
-Oral (given nor recieved)
-Anything involving the word job.
-Any touching of boobs, crotchal region (to quote Ron Burgundy), or ass (on purpose); clothed or not.

I chalk these "non-experiences" up to the two things I've mentioned above. First off, it's pretty much a fact that no woman is attracted to a guy who looks 15 when he's actually 19. So that's one thing that's preventative. Now, the conscience is a bit more complex issue. If ever I was directly confronted with the choice to fuck or not to fuck, I can say that I would be hesitant at best. Most of that comes from this grand ingrained idea that sex is the end all, be all of human accomplishment. I was always given the impression as a child that the correct progression of life is birth, school, dating, voting, college, and then house, career, sex and marriage almost at the same time. Not only was this the right way to do life, it was the only way to achieve the ultimate goal of success, which seemed to be when you got sex. I've only fully realized the possibility of going about things in a different way in the past year. Since then, I started drinking, and smoked my first joint 2 weeks ago. I still have my reservations about sex, and never anticipate being a mindless fucker (if you will), but I don't see it being far off. I realize that I have a lot to bring to the table as far as great skills (like bowhunting and computer hacking skills) and a totally unique perspective on life. I just want my first time to be special. That's all.

Hello my name is Kelley, and I'm addicted to booty! HA! I totally think its great if someone is still a virgin at 40. Seriously, I was almost 20 when I lost mine and I was technically saving myself for marriage. Hmmm yeah, that didn't last. It gets the best of us! 40 year old virgins are super stars and o yeah, that movie was freakin' hilarious! I almost peed, I laughed so hard! haha

She was no psycho. She was a genius.

I grew up in a very religious (Conservative Southern Baptist--because regular Baptists, and even Southern Bapatists, weren't conservative enough) home/community, even went to a religious college. So I am well familiar with the save yourself till marriage idea (I also wasn't allowed to dance, heh!).

I saw many young couples in college form unholy alliences (bad marriages) in part because they were "burning with desire", and that was the only way to get any. I have to say that I think it's better to deal with the potential regret of a bad lay than legally bind yourself to someone for "morally acceptable" sex.

On the other hand, I'm sure that stance saved more than a few immature but sexually desireous youngsters from unwanted pregnancies, STDs, etc.
It's a bit extreme, though.

I guess overall I would just hope that folks are making their own decisions about this area, rather than just going with what someone else decided for them...

Sultana, I agree with you on all three points. I grew up in a thoroughly pluralistic/agnostic home, and only became a die-hard evangelical in my teen years... also went to an evang. university and saw the same things you did.

But I don't think people consciously got married to have sex... it was more to (unconsciously) save themselves from the guilt of having any kind of lay (bad or good) outside of marriage. Guilt is a nasty monster to deal with, and I think most people would rather feel pure and holy than just plain human. I did, for a long time, until I realized guilt has nothing to do with God and everything to do with religious socialization.

But yeah, saving sex until adulthood definitely saved me from unwanted pregnancies, STD's, emotional stress from having sex when I was too immature or with someone who would've hurt me... so I can't say what's better. It comes down to the individual's choice. If someone is 40 years old and deciding to be a virgin because he/she just never felt right about it with anyone, well, that's cool with me. If they're a virgin because of some ideology, that's not cool.

I'm glad I did what I did, and that in the end, I chose to have sex with someone in a long-term relationship. I don't think one has to wait till marriage, but at least be emotionally mature and ready to handle unexpected pregnancies, break-ups, etc.

im fairly like you, except im done all those except anal.
it comes from overthinking everything you do and being too damn critical all the time. sometimes you just gotta let the good times roll and it falls into your lap.
although ive been doing the drinking and occasional smoking for a while, so i guess it would put me in more open situations, ill still refuse a chick if shes stupid drunk.
i will say one thing though, i never really cared much about sex until i had it. and now, i crave sex when i dont have it.
All i can say really is just keep chuggin along and eventually youll find it, get to do most (if not all) the things on your list and itll be really great and youll be happy you waited for that person.
but sometimes a floozy will satisfy a good urge. :thumbsup:

i actually dont think that 18 is late, but that maybe cause i was 19 or 20 when i lost mine. tho i wasnt married i was pretty much married imo, engaged to my one and only so i guess u could say i waited til mariage but skipped ahead a few years :p

nickel, I laughed at this... I like your perspective. Even though I'm not married either, my bf and I both waited till we were 24 (that's when we met), and the way things are going, we won't have sex with other people after this. :icare: And we're totally fine with that. :D :thumbsup:

I really don't think that's possible. In terms of physically fitting together, that is definitely possible in every situation if you're willing to get together to figure out what works. In terms of preferences, however, there might be differences from small to great, but as long as both parties are willing to compromise, ends can always be met.

For me, I find I recall bad experiences when I'm daydreaming or not really paying attention to the direction of my meanderings. Then, I cringe, shake it out, and think of something else. It has changed my approach to sex in that I try to be more cautious about my decisions. It's a lot like when you think back about what you did that day, then think of the things you should have said or could've done, but it's too late, and then you get over it. No harm done.


Also, last time I checked, the statistics show that despite social pressures for everyone to have sex, you'll find the majority is abstinent or still virgin. (Remember: In the US, the majority population is religious, and usually one of several major religions that preaches abstinence.) The only reason statistics for STIs and things are increasing is not because more people of having sex than what used to be "normal," but because those persons who were already having sex are just not practicing safe sex.

I am truely offended by the first statment. I don't mean people who have sex before marriage... just those who can't understand people like me, and my choice not to have sex until i am married. I am a 24 y.o. virgin, yes. I said it. It is not embarrasing. In fact, i doubt any of you who have not also made this choice could hold out for so long.
I decided I wanted my first time to be special, with the person I am destined to be with forever. (I know I am a romantic sometimes). When I met my fiance, we both agreed we wanted to wait until marriage. There are many reasons for this. The strongest is that we do not want an "accident" and end up with a child before we are ready.
I am perfectly happy not having sex, but that does not mean that I don't want to. I must admit, everytime we make out, I want to go further and take the plunge, but I hold back and resist. She says that she also feel the urge at times. (I'm not totally sure since we are both still new at this, but I think I might have made her have a small orgasm when we make out sometimes without any serious touching). We have discussed this and don't find any advantage in having sex now, we might as well just waiting till our wedding.
Now I don't care if other ppl have sex, it's just that i don't like ppl who can't understand those who Choose not to. This does not mean I'm "asexual" either (no interest in sex). I know a lot of ppl who find it amazing that we can resist having sex, especially when they see how into each other we are. We are almost always together and we used to makeout in public... thank god we got over that :P.
And there is another thing... we are still warry about the side-effects of most birthcontrol products. The pills can cause stroke, blood clot, heart attacks.... in other words... 3 different kinds of painful death. Just for a little sex. And condoms can be awkward and only 95% effective. That last 5%, even when used properly, still exists and means pregnancy. Still looking into contraceptive devices....
It has been hard actually... I am trying to set up a life for us before we get married, and it involves the marriage, moving out and in together, possibly moving to another state (too expensive here), finding work, finding a grad school, etc... Kids don't enter into this yet.
As for sexual incompatability... I've read many things saying it is really only in your head and doesn't really exist, and others that say marriages fail due to this. I think that if a marriage is based only off sex, then you should not get married, it is bound to end when your drive ends. Communication and willingness to experiment and such with your partner should be able to overcome any "incompatibility" issues.
Some people say that if we don't have sex, we should do other things that don't involve penetration. But I say, we want to experiment on that stuff when we are ready, and when we know we can go all the way. Why tempt yourself like that... we might fail to resist for once and have a kid. Besides, anticipation is a great thing. It's like Christmas.... waiting and counting down to the day you can open the presents under the tree, you;ve counted them all up and kow the weight and size and rattling noises they make, then you finally get to open it. Knowing that we have only so many months/weeks away till we can indulge is really exciting.
I guess we're weird this way. We do talk about sex and even do some research (you can learn alot of things school doesn't teach you). We look forward to out first night of passion together, especially with all the ideas we find online ;)

[QUOTE=cptgreedle]
As for sexual incompatability... I've read many things saying it is really only in your head and doesn't really exist, and others that say marriages fail due to this. I think that if a marriage is based only off sex, then you should not get married, it is bound to end when your drive ends. Communication and willingness to experiment and such with your partner should be able to overcome any "incompatibility" issues.
QUOTE]

The last line is crucial, and if the partner isn't willing? Then you truly are incompatible, which did happen to a friend of mine when she decided that she wanted to explore BDSM and he wasn't interested. I told her she would be divorced in a year if they could not rectify their differences.

He wasn't interested in exploring BDSM would it have been right to force him? Of course not. But you need to have some reality in your "romanticising" of what you think and how you think it all works.

People are people and they surprise you each and every day.

Sorry if this is blunt, but it sounds like you are a little judgemental yourself of people who didn't "hold out for so long." I'm sorry you were offended, but please try not to talk down in return.

I don't want to repeat the several posts I have made on this thread (have you read all of them?), but I think you should know that not everyone looks down on those who wait until marriage. I used to be a wait-till-marriage type, too, and I don't make fun of those who choose to wait. Please be careful of who you are responding to, here on TFP... not everyone is against you.

As for this line...
Sorry to say it, but there's a good chance that that "first night of passion" will be rather awkward and very likely painful (for her). I highly recommend not building up too many expectations for that first night, or even the first few weeks/months... just take it slow and explore each other. Almost all of my friends who waited till marriage had a rude awakening that first night, when they discovered that sex wasn't all that "natural" or easy.

By the way, what lies behind your decision to wait? Just wondering, since you didn't mention anything religious in your post, and most people who wait do so because of religion.

I think it's best to wait until it'S good. I mean what's the point of doing it at 15 when it obviously won't be good for either parties. It most often hurts for the girl, since the boy is like totally unaware of his partner's pleasure. And it usually doesn't last long since the boy doesn't know how to control himself. It just makes a bad memory. I'm 20 and I lost mine three weeks ago and it was really nice and sweet. She was more experienced, and I was aware of much more things than I would have been a few years ago. I wanted to give her pleasure and at the same time it was pleasurable for me too. It was a nice experience... Now we do it all the time...

I dont think there are many 40 yr. old virgins around these days, years ago maybe but not now.

crvtec, that is pretty shallow, I think it is the norm for it to happen now days, but if a person truely wants to wait, that is very respectable. More women for the rest of us :)