crvtec

What's up people!

OK!! Not to be a asshole, but are there really still virgins around now a days?
I mean somewhat normal if you start late like 18 or 19 maybe 20 but come on.

Again not trying to be a asshole but are there people still waiting for marriage?

Many questions about subject but want to hear from some people first.

Jesse

joemc91

Yeah, my former roommate is waiting for marriage as are a few others I know. Myself, I'm not, I just suck at meeting women, so I'm a 22yr old virgin. And yes, you do sort of come off as an asshole when you end the start late bit with "but come on".

Cynthetiq

yes, there's plenty of people who do, may not be the large numbers, but it's still a percentage.

I have one good friend who is saving herself for marriage.

but onus is on the OP to put this together.... you need to frame it as a discussion not as a "who did it and ran."

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Zephyr66

I've never met anyone who'se openly stated that they're waiting before, but I'm sure there's plenty of people. I pensonally don't see the point in putting off something enjoyable, but I don't really need anyone explaining it to me either.

bobillydylan

Everybody has different opinions on life! wether it is buying a house or renting. It might be you like drinking beer and some people dont. You might like going on holiday, and some of us just like to stay where we are! then as in this subject some people like to wait for marriage before they have sex and some of us dont, i dont see the big deal! if someone is that way inclined then good on them.

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ColonelSpecial

There are entire movements, religiously tied and not, dedicated to supporting people in their decision to wait til marriage. The decision to wait isn't as odd as one might imagine. I prefer that choice over having sex at 13, 14, 16. I know for a fact, I wasn't/am not ready to handle the ramifications that come with having sex. I am still a virgin at 22 but don't see it as missing out on anything. While I don't know if I will ultimately wait until marriage before having sex, it is an ideal I like.

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ruggerp11

My only question/thought is...how do you know you aren't missing anything if you never do it? Also, what happenes if you and your married partner are completely sexually incompatible? Not just 'you go left and they go right' but what if sex is completely unsatisfying or even painfull mentally? I am not bagging on your decision but asking legitimate questions that I have regarding your decision.

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Sage

In a perfect world, everyone would have great sexual education before they got married. They'd be married to the perfect person, and would be able to talk freely and maturely about any issue between them. Sex would come naturally, as they were so in love and it was the cumulative act of expressing this love. There would be no incompatable libidos, and everyone would have an orgasm (or seven) every time.

This is not a perfect world.

If you want to "save yourself for marriage" then fine, just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. I lost my virginity because I didn't want to be a virgin when I went to college. REALLY BAD IDEA. Lost it to a guy that already had a kid. REALLY REALLY BAD IDEA. And the guy concieved the kid when he was 15 and high. REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD IDEA. And he later got kicked out of college. REALLY REALLY REALLY oh well you get what I'm saying. So, perhaps we should all do our younger friends a favor when they ask "What's sex like?" and pass on that it can be the greatest thing ever, and it can be a source of regret that you carry around like a boulder in a sack.

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Ustwo

My wife and I had sex on our third date.

No regrets

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sbscout

Well said, Sage.

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simivin

Not to be insensitive at all, but I was curious what that regret felt like. You said it is like a boulder in a sack that you carry around. Is it something you think about often? Do you regret sharing sex with someone you didn't care enough about? Do you regret that you didn't wait? Or treat sex differently? etc.

The reason I ask, as I said, isn't to be a prying, insensitive jerk. It's just that my girlfriend regrets losing her virginity when she did and to who, and her sexual history, and since I haven't had another partner, I can't completely grasp her perspective. And while I try, I'm always trying to be more empathetic.

And if my question is too probing, I completely understand if you don't want to.

noodle

I was a 27-year-old virgin until last year. Sometimes it's not about waiting for marriage. It's about waiting for someone who won't leave you with "a present" for the rest of your life, or someone that you trust enough. I have no regrets about waiting if it meant that I got to meet the person I did.

Or maybe it's from laughing so much at the imbiciles trying to pick you up at the bar, that no one ever takes you home. Oh, but I'm proud of that one.

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Siege

Kids are scolded for having sex too early, and adults are laughed at for having sex too late. Seems that people will never be happy with when others have sex.

I'm a 18 year old virgin. Does it bother me? Not really.

If losing your virginity is that important, just go find a prostitute.

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Suave

Sure. The reason there are less virgins than there may have been is there is a lot of social pressure to have sex. Sex drive is such a fundamental factor for so many people that most people don't understand how someone would be a virgin by choice. I also think the repression of sexual desires and sexual selves in North America has contributed to a more extreme swing in the way of sexual "rebellion" and wanting to have sex more, and at an earlier age.

rugger: If you don't feel that you are missing anything, then obviously you are not missing anything. Desire, enjoyment, and fulfilment are all in one's own mind, and an experience that one has not had cannot be missed, unless one builds up that experience in one's own mind (in which case he or she is likely to be disappointed).

Sage: I have two boulders in a sack, and I don't mind them.

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analog

I was a virgin until i was only a few weeks shy of my 18th birthday.

Was I DYING to get laid? No, I was busy with school and other things. I was enjoying my life at the time. Had a girlfriend dropped in my lap sooner, I'd likely have lost it earlier, but I don't care either way. Once I had sex, I realized how great it was and now I have it (like most people) as often as possible.

I personally know a couple of people who are waiting for marriage before having sex. I think it's awesome, I totally support it, that's one more bond they get to make on their wedding day/night (which if they're reading this, you know who you are, and I better be invited ).

astrahl

I was a virgin until Feb 14th 1999...three months before the wedding. I was 25. I TOTALLY regret waiting that long. I think the waiting for marriage thing that most women suffer with is a mental form of clitorectomy. Having known the one partner is something that I'm wrestling with now - I totally regret my "decision" to wait.

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abaya

Frst off, I think it's HIGHLY stupid to look down on someone just because of their sexual decisions, virgin or otherwise. This was something that bothered me a LOT when I was a virgin... how haughty people were about having lost their virginity, and that something was wrong with me for not having had sex.

I waited till I was 24, and so was my bf. While I am glad I didn't wait till marriage (was planning to do that until I was 23 or so), I am VERY glad that my bf and were pretty much each other's firsts... I was NOT emotionally ready to have sex before that age, and I would have thrown about twenty boulders in my sack if I had indulged before that time.

I think it's really crucial to wait until you are mature enough to handle the possibility of getting pregnant, getting STD's, etc. If you're ready at 18, then go for it. If not, wait until you AND your partner are ready. Personally, I turned down quite a few assholes who wanted to have sex with me, and I found out where their heart really was. It's a damn good test to see where someone's motives really are. So if you're 40 and a virgin, I don't really care... as long as it's your choice to be that way.

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bobophil

im waiting for marriage, I believe that people should be able to share something to express their love as a married couple. and also, i gets ya heaven points.

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superredhead

although some of my friends say "god , i cant believe i lost my virginity to that guy. i totally should have waited", i am ok with the fact that i lost my viriginity to someone that i didnt marry. sure it sucks to be in relationships that you are both emotionally and physically invested in and then have them fall apart, but i chalk it up to the learning process. i am so happy that i did have the experiences because it lets me know that what i have right now is truly special.

on the flip side, i have 2-3 friends waiting until marriage. i think thats great and totally support them. if you dont want to have sex, don't have it. if you want to, go for it! ultimately its up to your judgement what you can and can't handle.

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*yawn*

Jesus Pimp

How do you people who wait till marriage hold out so long? Do you masturbate a lot? What do you do to supress your sexual urges?

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Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

Average_Joe

This is exactly how my wife and I feel. I was 29 before I had sex for the first time. Before that I had a few opportunities to get laid, but my conscience somehow caused me to back off. Something didn't feel right with the one who was offering herself up or giving the signals.

The pressure can be enormous, as I sometimes felt like something was wrong with me for not having had sex. Listening to friends brag about their conquests and me having nothing to add was painful and embarrassing. Some of my friends even covertly assumed I was gay because I wasn't out there trying to get laid all the time. They couldn't understand that waiting was more comfortable to me than having the "virgin" label removed.

Yeah...a whole lot.

Willravel

Abstainence represents pure maturity and self control. I have nothing but total respect for those who choose to wait or not to do at all. To be honest there are a lot of people out there who SHOULD be abstaining. Like the Hiltons.

Lasereth

There's no such age at which it's embarassing to still be a virgin. Who cares. Honestly, who gives a damn? Does it make the person more or less of a human being if they haven't blew their load in a vagina? No. Having sex doesn't "change" you like most people think. It's just a form of pleasure with someone you find attractive/love. I wouldn't think down on a person that never had sex in their entire life. I also think more people are virgins than they would like you to think. I had sex the first time when I was 19, but that doesn't mean a damn thing.

-Lasereth

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Jinn

To be fair .. sex (among other things) dramatically and permanently changed my entire life. I realized how trivial certain things were, and finally felt "comfortable with myself" now that someone else had wholly err.. been comfortable with it as well.

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flobadon

I am at 21, still a virgin. People 'hold out' for a lot of different reasons, and that isn't really anything to be ashamed of. I have had plenty of opportunities to 'lose it', but never really felt right taking any of them. I'm not necessarily waiting for marriage, just waiting for the right person. I think intercourse has become a very impersonal act. Am I a joke of a person because I'm a 21 year old virgin? If that's the way society feels, so be it, I'll live my life they way I want to regardless.

Jesus Pimp

Well if you wait too long you'll end up like this 40 year old virgin who is suing the people behind the upcoming movie 40 Year Old Virgin

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Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

flobadon

I can't quite figure out of that article is real or not, but I certainly hope not.

That reminds me of an article in The Onion about a couple who waited until they were married to "share their love". Basically the entire article went on to describe how awkward and unsatisfying the sex was. Even though it's from The Onion, there is a lesson to be learned there. You never buy a car without kicking the tires first, do you?

Xazy

I know a number of people who are still waiting. Also know someone who waited til 34, then went to a bar told every gal there he was a virgin until he wasn't.

bad jane

i know people waiting. but honestly, who cares? and beyond that--who would know if you didn't tell them? not like you can look at someone and tell if they've had sex or not...

djflish

That article was funny as hell. It isn't true though.
"I was so devastated I couldn’t even watch the new episode of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ that night. My life has been a nightmare. I haven’t felt this bad since ‘Episode I."

I know some 'old' virgins, but its not cos they're waiting, its because they feel they are 'undesirable' and don't have the confidence to actually go out and meet someone.

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JustJess

Virginity is overrated. So is having sex by a particular time. Rather than worry about what other people think we should be doing, we should be doing what's comfortable to us. I had sex kinda early (15), but I have no regrets. Someone else in the same situation might have had HUGE regrets (otherwise known as boulders, ). To each their own... really.

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Sage

Hee hee... boulders...

nice to see that caught on.... PM me if you want the backstory.

Anywho, I've sorta been thinking about this lately, and for me it's a double sided coin. On the one hand, if you have sex, you *might* end up regretting it later. On the other hand, if you don't have sex, you *might* be insanely sexually incompatable when you get married. I think that, in some cases, the sexual incompatability comes from ignorance and not because one is a virgin. I think that if people were educated about ALL aspects of sex once they "came of age" (could be from school, parents, church, whatever) then they'd be more likely to make a sane, rational decision and have real REASONS to back that decision up.

Now, I'm not saying that "because the Bible says so" isn't a valid reason, it's just that... well, I'd like to think when your'e talking about something as important as your sex life (and I mean important in the scope of the happiness of the marriage/relationship) you'd make the decision to stay a virgin until you were married because you KNEW what you'd be "missing out on" and KNEW you didn't want to do all that stuff with anyone but your spouse. Personally, if my parents had been more forthcoming about sex, why it's so great, why it's such a bond, why it's so special etc etc etc I totally WOULDN'T have lost my virginity just to lose my virginity.

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RusCrimson

Hmmmm. I recognize the difficulties in the issue.

My position (which I haven't always lived up to) is to not sleep with anyone with whom I'm not prepared to raise a child with. There's always a chance that a child can result (being a man, I'm bound by law to my partner's decisions), and I couldn't live knowing that I have a child out there being raised without me.

As such, I think that's a huge burden, and which is why I've (tried to) wait for those I really care about. Waiting for love? Yes. Waiting for marriage? Perhaps, but maybe not if we could raise the child apart.

abaya

Wow, this is a phenomenally mature statement. Even if you say you haven't always lived up to it, that's quite a principle to have. I think this is really what being mature enough to have sex boils down to... can you take care of a child, as a consequence of intercourse?

I did not have sex until I knew I would be prepare to handle a pregnancy and child, since I know I couldn't go through with an abortion (though I support other women's decisions to do so). I really believe people should abstain from sex until they are emotionally ready to deal with whatever consequences may result... HIV, other STD's, pregnancy, etc... if that means being a virgin until you're 40, I respect that self-knowledge. (But that's just my opinion, obviously, since I realize most people don't subscribe to that philosophy.)

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
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Cynthetiq

:stands and claps:
bravo!!!!

That is EXACTLY the reason why I was very careful of where I stuck my dick in my youth, and to this day (of course being married has it's own issues)

If I'm not prepared to raise a child with the person whom my dick is inserted, then it's not going to be inserted even if she's totally hot.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

abaya

Cyn, I'm glad to hear you agree... though I must say, I cracked up at your phrasing. Not to mention at first glance, I read "where I stuck my dick in my mouth."

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

tecoyah

My first wife ....waited for Marriage, or close enough to it (six months before) , she was 26 and so was I. It was a "pleasant" enough relationship sexually for a few years , then she decided (for religious reasons) that sex was a Duty, and not a loving act. Once she told me that, we never made love(or had sex) again...we were divorced within a year.
My point is, I do find it likely that if she had experienced sex before this relationship, things would have been different. Either she would have seen it was not for her, and we would have never married. Or she would have a better understanding (in my opinion) of what sex can be, allowing the frigid nature of our last year to have never occured. Either way, it would have been far better for us both.

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bettaa

i'm 21 and am still a virgin...I'm kinda tipsy on the issue....i could wait till i got married, but if I was in a relationship where i trusted the other person and was loved by the other person as much as they loved me, I would do it. *shrug* it's an interesting issue and i'm not entirely sure where i stand on the issue.

Jesus Pimp

Why repress yourselves?

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Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

Cynthetiq

because the few moments of pleasure could be a lifetime of headaches from a child and dealing with the demanding mother and legal system.

dead beat dads suck... and the legal system treats them as such. when you get your wages assessed for child support.. you're paying that until the child is 18 even if you lose your job, get a lower paying job, get married and have another kid...

a headache that I'm not willing to deal with for 15 minutes of pussy. No pussy is good enough to have dealt with that risk...

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.