08-21-2005, 12:05 AM | #43 (permalink) |
Tilted
Location: O.C. California
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no regrets
How long you wait to have sex..... well it could be a personal choice or it could be obstacles in getting to that point with the opposite sex (have never had a problem with negoiating this which has probably gotten me into some trouble in the past) either way to those who wait I give you credit and am amazed you waited that long and some who are still waiting.
Personally I couldn't wait till after I married a person to find how the sex was gonna be ....sexual compatibilty is important to me. But hey thats just me... I had sex for the first time when I was 16 and personally and have never regretted it once since. I mean there have been some interesting lessons learned along the way but at this point absolutely no regrets. I have had it while in love and in casual situations and I am glad I have had the chance to have plenty of it. Last edited by justjt; 08-21-2005 at 12:08 AM.. |
08-23-2005, 10:36 AM | #47 (permalink) | ||
32 flavors and then some
Location: Out on a wire.
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If the former, then I'd say that's nonsense. There is no specific age at which a person should start to have sex. People should start to have sex when they have reached the level of maturity at which they can handle the emotions and the potential consequences. There's nothing wrong with a person reaching 40 and still being a virgin, and it doesn't indicate that there's something wrong with him/her. If the latter, then certainly, it's later than most people start, but the age at which most people first do something is hardly indicative of when they should first do something. Quote:
Gilda
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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert |
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08-24-2005, 10:59 AM | #48 (permalink) |
Upright
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I guess I came off as a asshole! Sorry!
In todays society we push and push and show and show sex and skin. Without going into a long ass debait it seems hard to keep it. Again so many levels to this. Don't want to get into the complex levels of this topic. I mean all my high school friends help each other get laid (American Pie style) Girls clothes basicially fall off when they walk bye. Girls younger than my counsin, who is 14, have thongs. I guess I am one of the weak people, But I love sex!! Virgin people stay strong!! |
08-24-2005, 11:44 AM | #49 (permalink) | ||
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08-24-2005, 09:58 PM | #50 (permalink) | |||
32 flavors and then some
Location: Out on a wire.
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Gilda
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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert |
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08-25-2005, 05:08 AM | #51 (permalink) |
Walking is Still Honest
Location: Seattle, WA
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21, male, virgin, waiting til marriage or at least a long-term relationship. Though I did have a different attitude in high school.
It's not really a religious thing anymore, either. Sex just isn't what I'm most interested in right now. Seriously.
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I wonder if we're stuck in Rome. |
08-25-2005, 08:14 AM | #52 (permalink) | ||||
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As I said, it's an individual choice, but one with consequences. I know a couple of people who will *only* ever eat at Olive Garden restaurants, when they go out to eat. The Olive Garden isn't a bad place to eat, but they are missing out on a lot of different culinary experiences, aren't they? Maybe that's a bad example. |
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08-25-2005, 09:36 AM | #53 (permalink) | |||
Twitterpated
Location: My own little world (also Canada)
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"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato |
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08-25-2005, 09:54 AM | #54 (permalink) | |||
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08-25-2005, 08:47 PM | #55 (permalink) |
Crazy
Location: Bowling Green, KY
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23, still a virgin. I would have done it any time to any one (woman or man) up until about 21. At that age I started to not give a fuck, and decided that I might as well wait until marriage since I've made it thus far.
Add to my might-as-well-wait when I have seen countless friends start relationships in the back of their car, and then split of two years later. ejempo: Me: why did you break up? Him: she's a psycho. Me: you've been dating her for two years, and you just found out she was a psycho? I've heard of love blinders, but pussy blinders are A LOT more common these days. I had a house mate that didn't like his girlfriend, but she fucked him and dropped off caseroles periodically. |
08-25-2005, 09:05 PM | #56 (permalink) | |||
32 flavors and then some
Location: Out on a wire.
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I then expanded on the idea in my subsequent post. Suave interpreted the context correctly. Quote:
Gilda
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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert |
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08-26-2005, 05:11 AM | #57 (permalink) | ||
Location: Iceland
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I think Gilda really sums it up for me here: Quote:
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
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08-26-2005, 08:24 AM | #58 (permalink) |
Upright
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I like to think of myself as still being a far cry from 40 , but at age 28 (29 next month), I am a man who has never had sexual intercourse. I guess for me it's been a combination of religious reasons and shyness/antisociality.
I've only ever had 2 girlfriends in my life. I dated the first one from the time she was 19 and I 21, until she broke up with me 2.5 years later. We "fooled around" a lot and basically did everything but intercourse, but never intercourse. The 2nd one, whom I'm with now, I've been dating for a year so far, though we dated for about 6 months a year prior to that. We wouldn't be doing anything more than kissing unless and until we get married, and while I'm pressing for marriage, she says she's not ready yet. She's only 6 months younger than me, so, not only am I running out of time to be able to say I had sex before I turned 30, I'm also running out of time when it comes to ever having had sex in my life with a girl who was younger than 29. I must admit, I've been feeling tinges of regret about that more and more. My first girlfriend and I always said we weren't having sex because we believed premarital sex was wrong, but looking back, I think it was mainly because I asserted early in our relationship that I didn't believe in premarital sex, and she just kind of went along with it. I think that if I had never brought the subject up, not only could I eventually have asked for sex and she would happily have consented, but she eventually would have asked for it. I regret it sometimes because by now I've pretty much passed the age where I could ever realistically have sex with a 19 year old girl--missed the boat there. Obviously, given my situation, I don't look down on people who are older than 18/19 and have never had sex. Because of my shyness, however, I am mystified by people who say they did or didn't have sex as a result of their own personal choice, as in "by the time I was 15, I really wanted to have sex, so I did it." I can't really quite grasp what it means for a guy to be able to make that statement, since it seems to neglect that little detail of finding a willing partner. I mean, an attractive girl can certainly get sex whenever she wants. And I suppose the studly captain of the football team can too. But, when I was a teenager, I couldn't even have begun to imagine how I might get anywhere near a girl I found attractive, let alone get as far as getting her to have sex with me. For many of us, sex doesn't just fall into our lap. Anyway, though I've said religious reasons were a factor for me, I can't honestly say what I'd have done if I had been in the position of the captain of the football team with girls throwing themselves at me. It's easy for me to sit here and say I didn't have sex because I thought it was wrong, when in reality I didn't even have the opportunity (at least in high school.) I might very well have given in if I'd had girls throwing themselves at me when I was 16. |
08-26-2005, 02:11 PM | #59 (permalink) |
Crazy
Location: not here.
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I was/am married at 22, my husband 25... both virgins.
I have to say that I think this idea of "sexual incompatability" is utter crap. Sure, you're going to be married and sexually inexperienced, but guess what... everyone is sexually inexperienced their first time. There is a lot more to marriage than sex, and if sexual incompatability comes up as a serious issues, it's probably not the only one. Another thing... the line between "virgin" and "not virgin" isn't such a personally defining issue as one might think. Now that I am not a virgin, I don't really feel that different. I wasn't issued any membership cards or given access to exclusive clubs. Yes it was a special occasion, but in the end, it wasn't that big of a deal! |
08-27-2005, 08:18 AM | #61 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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I waited -
In retrospect, I think I should have been less picky. The problem for us guys in my view, is that we have maximum sex drive at around 17 (apparently) at which time we are probably at our most idealistic. If I had my choice, I would have it the other way around. That way I could have bitter-sweet early longings and let-downs in my teens and early adulthood. A period of romance and mixed experiences during my middle years, and a twilight period in which depraved and uninhibited sex with anything and everyone was the order of the day. |
08-31-2005, 10:48 AM | #62 (permalink) |
Upright
Location: New York, NY
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I'm a firm believer in sex (before marriage, after marriage, during marriage, insteed of marriage, etc.)
Things were created for a reason. You'll never know until you try. What's the point of waiting if it's available for you. You only live once. And what happens if you get old without every trying it? You'll regret it forever. Apply this to anything: sex, drugs, love, skydiving, running, dancing, water sports. Don't knock it until you try it. By the way, I'm a try-sexual. I try everything at least once.
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New York is my pulse... without it, I die. |
09-15-2005, 06:14 AM | #63 (permalink) |
TFP Mad Scientist
Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Some people just never get around to it because their skills with the opposite sex just are horrible. So they end up as middle-aged virgins because they give up trying after too many failures.
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Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation |
09-15-2005, 09:21 AM | #64 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: West Virginia
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I lost my virginity 4 months before my 20th birthday.
I had never masterbated, and had only been fingered a couple of times, although I never really enjoyed it. I'm glad I didn't wait until marriage because, as nice as it would've been to have majik be my one and only, a big part of my confidence is due to my growing sexuality. Before I had sex, I viewed it as a dirty thing, and I seriously didn't want anything to do with it. I've had lots of bad sexual experiences that I've needed therapy to get through (including being date-raped), but the great moments that I have had (either due to extreme lust, extreme love, or a combination of both), are what I choose to remember.
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~*~* He with a sharp tongue slits his own throat *~*~ |
09-15-2005, 02:06 PM | #65 (permalink) |
Please touch this.
Owner/Admin
Location: Manhattan
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People apply different implications to sex, which in turn measures their willingness to engage in it. If sex meant a lot to you (emotionally, spiritually, socially, physically) then, depending on WHAT it means, you would be more likely to chase after it or wait patiently for it to come to you exactly how you want it.
My own opinion... It's a shame that people listen to the social implications more than the others. I mean, with any basic level of observation, one learns a simple truth in life and that is that people are DUMB. Why make your decisions by their standards? My spiritual attachment to sex is nil. I am not spiritual or religious in the least. I am quite emotionally linked to sex, and thus I haven't yet had sex with anyone I did not care about. I have tried to do otherwise, but alas, my heart just wasn't in it. Physically, sex is where it's at, even with proper protection (concern for one's health). It's understandable that some people don't get the same satisfaction out of it that they would other things, though. Something tells me that has more to do with the previous mentioned aspects though. So now that I've thoroughly complicated things... I think sex is good.
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You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals] |
09-15-2005, 03:00 PM | #66 (permalink) |
Fuckin' A
Location: Lex Vegas
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I have been cursed with two main things in my life: a baby face and an extremely overbearing conscience. I'm 19. Here's a list of things I haven't done:
-Intercourse -Anal -Oral (given nor recieved) -Anything involving the word job. -Any touching of boobs, crotchal region (to quote Ron Burgundy), or ass (on purpose); clothed or not. I chalk these "non-experiences" up to the two things I've mentioned above. First off, it's pretty much a fact that no woman is attracted to a guy who looks 15 when he's actually 19. So that's one thing that's preventative. Now, the conscience is a bit more complex issue. If ever I was directly confronted with the choice to fuck or not to fuck, I can say that I would be hesitant at best. Most of that comes from this grand ingrained idea that sex is the end all, be all of human accomplishment. I was always given the impression as a child that the correct progression of life is birth, school, dating, voting, college, and then house, career, sex and marriage almost at the same time. Not only was this the right way to do life, it was the only way to achieve the ultimate goal of success, which seemed to be when you got sex. I've only fully realized the possibility of going about things in a different way in the past year. Since then, I started drinking, and smoked my first joint 2 weeks ago. I still have my reservations about sex, and never anticipate being a mindless fucker (if you will), but I don't see it being far off. I realize that I have a lot to bring to the table as far as great skills (like bowhunting and computer hacking skills) and a totally unique perspective on life. I just want my first time to be special. That's all.
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"I'm telling you, we need to get rid of a few people or a million." -Maddox |
09-20-2005, 12:28 PM | #67 (permalink) |
Crazy
Location: Nunya
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Hello my name is Kelley, and I'm addicted to booty! HA! I totally think its great if someone is still a virgin at 40. Seriously, I was almost 20 when I lost mine and I was technically saving myself for marriage. Hmmm yeah, that didn't last. It gets the best of us! 40 year old virgins are super stars and o yeah, that movie was freakin' hilarious! I almost peed, I laughed so hard! haha
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Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder. |
09-20-2005, 12:35 PM | #68 (permalink) | |
You had me at hello
Location: DC/Coastal VA
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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet |
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09-20-2005, 01:14 PM | #69 (permalink) |
Falling Angel
Location: L.A. L.A. land
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I grew up in a very religious (Conservative Southern Baptist--because regular Baptists, and even Southern Bapatists, weren't conservative enough) home/community, even went to a religious college. So I am well familiar with the save yourself till marriage idea (I also wasn't allowed to dance, heh!).
I saw many young couples in college form unholy alliences (bad marriages) in part because they were "burning with desire", and that was the only way to get any. I have to say that I think it's better to deal with the potential regret of a bad lay than legally bind yourself to someone for "morally acceptable" sex. On the other hand, I'm sure that stance saved more than a few immature but sexually desireous youngsters from unwanted pregnancies, STDs, etc. It's a bit extreme, though. I guess overall I would just hope that folks are making their own decisions about this area, rather than just going with what someone else decided for them...
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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential. |
09-20-2005, 03:07 PM | #70 (permalink) | |
Location: Iceland
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But I don't think people consciously got married to have sex... it was more to (unconsciously) save themselves from the guilt of having any kind of lay (bad or good) outside of marriage. Guilt is a nasty monster to deal with, and I think most people would rather feel pure and holy than just plain human. I did, for a long time, until I realized guilt has nothing to do with God and everything to do with religious socialization. But yeah, saving sex until adulthood definitely saved me from unwanted pregnancies, STD's, emotional stress from having sex when I was too immature or with someone who would've hurt me... so I can't say what's better. It comes down to the individual's choice. If someone is 40 years old and deciding to be a virgin because he/she just never felt right about it with anyone, well, that's cool with me. If they're a virgin because of some ideology, that's not cool. I'm glad I did what I did, and that in the end, I chose to have sex with someone in a long-term relationship. I don't think one has to wait till marriage, but at least be emotionally mature and ready to handle unexpected pregnancies, break-ups, etc.
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
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09-21-2005, 07:16 AM | #71 (permalink) | |
Addict ed to smack
Location: Seattle
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it comes from overthinking everything you do and being too damn critical all the time. sometimes you just gotta let the good times roll and it falls into your lap. although ive been doing the drinking and occasional smoking for a while, so i guess it would put me in more open situations, ill still refuse a chick if shes stupid drunk. i will say one thing though, i never really cared much about sex until i had it. and now, i crave sex when i dont have it. All i can say really is just keep chuggin along and eventually youll find it, get to do most (if not all) the things on your list and itll be really great and youll be happy you waited for that person. but sometimes a floozy will satisfy a good urge. |
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09-21-2005, 06:32 PM | #72 (permalink) | |
Addict
Location: Central PA
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What type of... "Parents have forgotten how to be parents" Aaron Lewis "Get your ass back here, your a white boy walking thru the ghetto" - at the end of a bachalor party said to the bachalor while walking home. |
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09-21-2005, 07:34 PM | #73 (permalink) | |
Location: Iceland
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
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10-10-2005, 08:27 AM | #74 (permalink) | ||
Hiya Puddin'! Miss me?
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
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Also, last time I checked, the statistics show that despite social pressures for everyone to have sex, you'll find the majority is abstinent or still virgin. (Remember: In the US, the majority population is religious, and usually one of several major religions that preaches abstinence.) The only reason statistics for STIs and things are increasing is not because more people of having sex than what used to be "normal," but because those persons who were already having sex are just not practicing safe sex.
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=^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.) Last edited by motdakasha; 10-10-2005 at 08:51 AM.. |
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10-17-2005, 09:04 AM | #75 (permalink) |
Upright
Location: Earth
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I am truely offended by the first statment. I don't mean people who have sex before marriage... just those who can't understand people like me, and my choice not to have sex until i am married. I am a 24 y.o. virgin, yes. I said it. It is not embarrasing. In fact, i doubt any of you who have not also made this choice could hold out for so long.
I decided I wanted my first time to be special, with the person I am destined to be with forever. (I know I am a romantic sometimes). When I met my fiance, we both agreed we wanted to wait until marriage. There are many reasons for this. The strongest is that we do not want an "accident" and end up with a child before we are ready. I am perfectly happy not having sex, but that does not mean that I don't want to. I must admit, everytime we make out, I want to go further and take the plunge, but I hold back and resist. She says that she also feel the urge at times. (I'm not totally sure since we are both still new at this, but I think I might have made her have a small orgasm when we make out sometimes without any serious touching). We have discussed this and don't find any advantage in having sex now, we might as well just waiting till our wedding. Now I don't care if other ppl have sex, it's just that i don't like ppl who can't understand those who Choose not to. This does not mean I'm "asexual" either (no interest in sex). I know a lot of ppl who find it amazing that we can resist having sex, especially when they see how into each other we are. We are almost always together and we used to makeout in public... thank god we got over that :P. And there is another thing... we are still warry about the side-effects of most birthcontrol products. The pills can cause stroke, blood clot, heart attacks.... in other words... 3 different kinds of painful death. Just for a little sex. And condoms can be awkward and only 95% effective. That last 5%, even when used properly, still exists and means pregnancy. Still looking into contraceptive devices.... It has been hard actually... I am trying to set up a life for us before we get married, and it involves the marriage, moving out and in together, possibly moving to another state (too expensive here), finding work, finding a grad school, etc... Kids don't enter into this yet. As for sexual incompatability... I've read many things saying it is really only in your head and doesn't really exist, and others that say marriages fail due to this. I think that if a marriage is based only off sex, then you should not get married, it is bound to end when your drive ends. Communication and willingness to experiment and such with your partner should be able to overcome any "incompatibility" issues. Some people say that if we don't have sex, we should do other things that don't involve penetration. But I say, we want to experiment on that stuff when we are ready, and when we know we can go all the way. Why tempt yourself like that... we might fail to resist for once and have a kid. Besides, anticipation is a great thing. It's like Christmas.... waiting and counting down to the day you can open the presents under the tree, you;ve counted them all up and kow the weight and size and rattling noises they make, then you finally get to open it. Knowing that we have only so many months/weeks away till we can indulge is really exciting. I guess we're weird this way. We do talk about sex and even do some research (you can learn alot of things school doesn't teach you). We look forward to out first night of passion together, especially with all the ideas we find online Last edited by cptgreedle; 10-17-2005 at 09:42 AM.. |
10-17-2005, 12:52 PM | #76 (permalink) |
Tilted Cat Head
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
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[QUOTE=cptgreedle]
As for sexual incompatability... I've read many things saying it is really only in your head and doesn't really exist, and others that say marriages fail due to this. I think that if a marriage is based only off sex, then you should not get married, it is bound to end when your drive ends. Communication and willingness to experiment and such with your partner should be able to overcome any "incompatibility" issues. QUOTE] The last line is crucial, and if the partner isn't willing? Then you truly are incompatible, which did happen to a friend of mine when she decided that she wanted to explore BDSM and he wasn't interested. I told her she would be divorced in a year if they could not rectify their differences. He wasn't interested in exploring BDSM would it have been right to force him? Of course not. But you need to have some reality in your "romanticising" of what you think and how you think it all works. People are people and they surprise you each and every day.
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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. |
10-17-2005, 05:19 PM | #77 (permalink) | |||
Location: Iceland
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I don't want to repeat the several posts I have made on this thread (have you read all of them?), but I think you should know that not everyone looks down on those who wait until marriage. I used to be a wait-till-marriage type, too, and I don't make fun of those who choose to wait. Please be careful of who you are responding to, here on TFP... not everyone is against you. As for this line... Quote:
By the way, what lies behind your decision to wait? Just wondering, since you didn't mention anything religious in your post, and most people who wait do so because of religion.
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
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10-17-2005, 06:16 PM | #78 (permalink) |
Crazy
Location: Kyoto
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I think it's best to wait until it'S good. I mean what's the point of doing it at 15 when it obviously won't be good for either parties. It most often hurts for the girl, since the boy is like totally unaware of his partner's pleasure. And it usually doesn't last long since the boy doesn't know how to control himself. It just makes a bad memory. I'm 20 and I lost mine three weeks ago and it was really nice and sweet. She was more experienced, and I was aware of much more things than I would have been a few years ago. I wanted to give her pleasure and at the same time it was pleasurable for me too. It was a nice experience... Now we do it all the time...
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