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Old 08-17-2005, 02:01 PM   #41 (permalink)
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im 19 and a virgin, i believe waitin would be best but then if things get weird in bed and ur married, waht else can u do but cry? lol
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Old 08-18-2005, 05:47 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Well you could always cheat or get a divorce.
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Old 08-21-2005, 12:05 AM   #43 (permalink)
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no regrets

How long you wait to have sex..... well it could be a personal choice or it could be obstacles in getting to that point with the opposite sex (have never had a problem with negoiating this which has probably gotten me into some trouble in the past) either way to those who wait I give you credit and am amazed you waited that long and some who are still waiting.

Personally I couldn't wait till after I married a person to find how the sex was gonna be ....sexual compatibilty is important to me. But hey thats just me...

I had sex for the first time when I was 16 and personally and have never regretted it once since. I mean there have been some interesting lessons learned along the way but at this point absolutely no regrets. I have had it while in love and in casual situations and I am glad I have had the chance to have plenty of it.

Last edited by justjt; 08-21-2005 at 12:08 AM..
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Old 08-21-2005, 04:36 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Old 08-23-2005, 12:32 AM   #45 (permalink)
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Yeah I know that my friend's still a virgin and wants to wait 'til after marriage. I see nothing wrong with that!
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Old 08-23-2005, 05:34 AM   #46 (permalink)
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People would be happier if they had more responsible sex.
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Old 08-23-2005, 10:36 AM   #47 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crvtec
OK!! Not to be a asshole, but are there really still virgins around now a days?
I mean somewhat normal if you start late like 18 or 19 maybe 20 but come on.
18 or 19 is starging late? In the sense of "later than a person should start" or in the sense of "later than most people do start"?

If the former, then I'd say that's nonsense. There is no specific age at which a person should start to have sex. People should start to have sex when they have reached the level of maturity at which they can handle the emotions and the potential consequences.

There's nothing wrong with a person reaching 40 and still being a virgin, and it doesn't indicate that there's something wrong with him/her.

If the latter, then certainly, it's later than most people start, but the age at which most people first do something is hardly indicative of when they should first do something.

Quote:
Again not trying to be a asshole but are there people still waiting for marriage?
Certainly. What's wrong with waiting for marriage?

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Old 08-24-2005, 10:59 AM   #48 (permalink)
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I guess I came off as a asshole! Sorry!

In todays society we push and push and show and show sex and skin. Without going into a long ass debait it seems hard to keep it. Again so many levels to this. Don't want to get into the complex levels of this topic.

I mean all my high school friends help each other get laid (American Pie style)
Girls clothes basicially fall off when they walk bye. Girls younger than my counsin, who is 14, have thongs.

I guess I am one of the weak people, But I love sex!!

Virgin people stay strong!!
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Old 08-24-2005, 11:44 AM   #49 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilda
There is no specific age at which a person should start to have sex. People should start to have sex when they have reached the level of maturity at which they can handle the emotions and the potential consequences.

There's nothing wrong with a person reaching 40 and still being a virgin, and it doesn't indicate that there's something wrong with him/her.
Well, if it takes someone 40 years to be mature enough to handle sex, I'd say that *could* be indicative of an underlying problem. Unassisted fertility rates drop dramatically for women past the age of 40. From a biological standpoint, the survival of our species depends, in part, upon women being able to procreate before they reach 40.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilda
What's wrong with waiting for marriage?
Nothing is wrong with waiting for marriage, if that's what one wants to do. However, it should be understood that there can be consequences of waiting for marriage, just like there can be consequences of having sex too early.
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Old 08-24-2005, 09:58 PM   #50 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vautrain
Well, if it takes someone 40 years to be mature enough to handle sex, I'd say that *could* be indicative of an underlying problem.
Or it could be indicative of a lack of desire or opportunity. Or a conscious choice that the potential consequences outweigh the poetential benefits. There are too many variables to assume that there's something wrong a person who is a virgin at any particular age.

Quote:
Unassisted fertility rates drop dramatically for women past the age of 40. From a biological standpoint, the survival of our species depends, in part, upon women being able to procreate before they reach 40.
Irrelevant. The survival of the species is quite assured by those who are having sex at a fertile age.

Quote:
Nothing is wrong with waiting for marriage, if that's what one wants to do. However, it should be understood that there can be consequences of waiting for marriage, just like there can be consequences of having sex too early.
Consequences such as? Being a little inexperienced? Most people are initially married in their 20's, giving the women plenty of time to have a healthy child.

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Old 08-25-2005, 05:08 AM   #51 (permalink)
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21, male, virgin, waiting til marriage or at least a long-term relationship. Though I did have a different attitude in high school.

It's not really a religious thing anymore, either. Sex just isn't what I'm most interested in right now. Seriously.
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Old 08-25-2005, 08:14 AM   #52 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilda
Or it could be indicative of a lack of desire or opportunity. Or a conscious choice that the potential consequences outweigh the poetential benefits. There are too many variables to assume that there's something wrong a person who is a virgin at any particular age.
Wait a minute, I said "if it takes someone 40 years to be mature enough to handle sex...". This has nothing to do with the reasons you mention above. I was responding to your original statement which was (emphasis added):

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilda
People should start to have sex when they have reached the level of maturity at which they can handle the emotions and the potential consequences.
I still say, if someone at age 39 isn't mature enough to handle sex, there could be an underlying problem with that individual.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilda
Irrelevant. The survival of the species is quite assured by those who are having sex at a fertile age.
Agreed, but we're talking about 40 year old virgins, aren't we? Biologically, it's disadvantageous.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilda
Consequences such as? Being a little inexperienced?
Consequences such as not really knowing who you are as a sexual person, and not knowing whether there is any sexual compatibility between you and your spouse, prior to marriage. Being inexperienced is one consequence, yes. Some people who have only ever experienced one lover have been known to question whether there is better sex out there, or what sex with another lover would be like.

As I said, it's an individual choice, but one with consequences. I know a couple of people who will *only* ever eat at Olive Garden restaurants, when they go out to eat. The Olive Garden isn't a bad place to eat, but they are missing out on a lot of different culinary experiences, aren't they?

Maybe that's a bad example.
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Old 08-25-2005, 09:36 AM   #53 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vautrain
Wait a minute, I said "if it takes someone 40 years to be mature enough to handle sex...". This has nothing to do with the reasons you mention above. I was responding to your original statement which was (emphasis added):



I still say, if someone at age 39 isn't mature enough to handle sex, there could be an underlying problem with that individual.
Yes, but she's saying that the bare minimum age should be that at which the person is mature enough. Age of virginity can be extended through personal preferences and other outlying factors.


Quote:
Agreed, but we're talking about 40 year old virgins, aren't we? Biologically, it's disadvantageous.
This is also a very complex argument. At the moment, overpopulation is threatening to destroy our species. Procreation to advance the species is not a cut-and-dried issue, especially when looking at humans.

Quote:
As I said, it's an individual choice, but one with consequences. I know a couple of people who will *only* ever eat at Olive Garden restaurants, when they go out to eat. The Olive Garden isn't a bad place to eat, but they are missing out on a lot of different culinary experiences, aren't they?
But that only refers to people who wait until marriage, then don't get divorced. If someone just waits until they find someone they are into enough and have been with long enough, or wait until they have some sort of goal accomplished, or just wait until it finally falls into their lap (pardon the expression), then there's really no consequence that I can see. Besides, that type of consequence could be applied to pretty much everything in life, and everyone will have aspects of themselves that they do not know, or know well at least.
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Old 08-25-2005, 09:54 AM   #54 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Suave
Yes, but she's saying that the bare minimum age should be that at which the person is mature enough. Age of virginity can be extended through personal preferences and other outlying factors.
Yes, but that's not what she originally said.

Quote:
This is also a very complex argument. At the moment, overpopulation is threatening to destroy our species. Procreation to advance the species is not a cut-and-dried issue, especially when looking at humans.
I'm not sure this is really appropriate for this forum, but since I brought it up- I agree about overpopulation. But, we are not biologically built to control our own population. We are built to maximize our own population, and that's it. I'm not saying it's good, or that it's good policy, I'm just saying that's our biology.

Quote:
But that only refers to people who wait until marriage, then don't get divorced...
Again, I agree, but that's not what Gilda originally posted.
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Old 08-25-2005, 08:47 PM   #55 (permalink)
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23, still a virgin. I would have done it any time to any one (woman or man) up until about 21. At that age I started to not give a fuck, and decided that I might as well wait until marriage since I've made it thus far.

Add to my might-as-well-wait when I have seen countless friends start relationships in the back of their car, and then split of two years later.

ejempo:

Me: why did you break up?
Him: she's a psycho.
Me: you've been dating her for two years, and you just found out she was a psycho?

I've heard of love blinders, but pussy blinders are A LOT more common these days. I had a house mate that didn't like his girlfriend, but she fucked him and dropped off caseroles periodically.
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Old 08-25-2005, 09:05 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vautrain
Wait a minute, I said "if it takes someone 40 years to be mature enough to handle sex...". This has nothing to do with the reasons you mention above. I was responding to your original statement which was (emphasis added):
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilda
People should start to have sex when they have reached the level of maturity at which they can handle the emotions and the potential consequences.
Look at the whole thing in context. I also said that there is no specific age at which a person needs to start having sex and that there's nothing wrong with a person being a virgin at 40.

I then expanded on the idea in my subsequent post.

Suave interpreted the context correctly.

Quote:
I still say, if someone at age 39 isn't mature enough to handle sex, there could be an underlying problem with that individual.
That's true. It could also be a conscious choice for religious or moral reasons, a lack of opportunity, or a lack of desire. My point is that just because a person is a virgin at a particular age doesn't tell us anything about that person except that they haven't had sex yet.

Gilda
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Old 08-26-2005, 05:11 AM   #57 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Suave
Besides, that type of consequence could be applied to pretty much everything in life, and everyone will have aspects of themselves that they do not know, or know well at least.
Yep, I totally agree, unless you're the type that only knows yourself better through making as many mistakes as possible, which is fine but also a very painful way of living. I mean, learning through experience isn't bad, but I think most people know themselves a little better than that. Isn't it possible to just plain know what you want, and to be satisfied not exploring "possibilities" because you simply know what makes you happy without fucking things up (or fucking other people) 100 times before finding happiness with one person?

I think Gilda really sums it up for me here:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilda
My point is that just because a person is a virgin at a particular age doesn't tell us anything about that person except that they haven't had sex yet.
Any more than that is an assumption based on a very small aspect of their lives. It's as bad as judging someone based on their skin color or gender, if you ask me. Sure everyone has assumptions about "virgins," but until you actually sit down and talk with that individual, find out their whole story, instead of saying they're ignorant fools... until then you are just an asshole.
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Old 08-26-2005, 08:24 AM   #58 (permalink)
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I like to think of myself as still being a far cry from 40 , but at age 28 (29 next month), I am a man who has never had sexual intercourse. I guess for me it's been a combination of religious reasons and shyness/antisociality.

I've only ever had 2 girlfriends in my life. I dated the first one from the time she was 19 and I 21, until she broke up with me 2.5 years later. We "fooled around" a lot and basically did everything but intercourse, but never intercourse. The 2nd one, whom I'm with now, I've been dating for a year so far, though we dated for about 6 months a year prior to that. We wouldn't be doing anything more than kissing unless and until we get married, and while I'm pressing for marriage, she says she's not ready yet. She's only 6 months younger than me, so, not only am I running out of time to be able to say I had sex before I turned 30, I'm also running out of time when it comes to ever having had sex in my life with a girl who was younger than 29.

I must admit, I've been feeling tinges of regret about that more and more. My first girlfriend and I always said we weren't having sex because we believed premarital sex was wrong, but looking back, I think it was mainly because I asserted early in our relationship that I didn't believe in premarital sex, and she just kind of went along with it. I think that if I had never brought the subject up, not only could I eventually have asked for sex and she would happily have consented, but she eventually would have asked for it. I regret it sometimes because by now I've pretty much passed the age where I could ever realistically have sex with a 19 year old girl--missed the boat there.

Obviously, given my situation, I don't look down on people who are older than 18/19 and have never had sex. Because of my shyness, however, I am mystified by people who say they did or didn't have sex as a result of their own personal choice, as in "by the time I was 15, I really wanted to have sex, so I did it." I can't really quite grasp what it means for a guy to be able to make that statement, since it seems to neglect that little detail of finding a willing partner. I mean, an attractive girl can certainly get sex whenever she wants. And I suppose the studly captain of the football team can too. But, when I was a teenager, I couldn't even have begun to imagine how I might get anywhere near a girl I found attractive, let alone get as far as getting her to have sex with me. For many of us, sex doesn't just fall into our lap.

Anyway, though I've said religious reasons were a factor for me, I can't honestly say what I'd have done if I had been in the position of the captain of the football team with girls throwing themselves at me. It's easy for me to sit here and say I didn't have sex because I thought it was wrong, when in reality I didn't even have the opportunity (at least in high school.) I might very well have given in if I'd had girls throwing themselves at me when I was 16.
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Old 08-26-2005, 02:11 PM   #59 (permalink)
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I was/am married at 22, my husband 25... both virgins.

I have to say that I think this idea of "sexual incompatability" is utter crap. Sure, you're going to be married and sexually inexperienced, but guess what... everyone is sexually inexperienced their first time. There is a lot more to marriage than sex, and if sexual incompatability comes up as a serious issues, it's probably not the only one.

Another thing... the line between "virgin" and "not virgin" isn't such a personally defining issue as one might think. Now that I am not a virgin, I don't really feel that different. I wasn't issued any membership cards or given access to exclusive clubs. Yes it was a special occasion, but in the end, it wasn't that big of a deal!
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Old 08-27-2005, 01:55 AM   #60 (permalink)
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Who would want to date a person that is a virgin at 40 when it isn't a choice made but cause the person never been in a relationship?
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Old 08-27-2005, 08:18 AM   #61 (permalink)
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I waited -

In retrospect, I think I should have been less picky. The problem for us guys in my view, is that we have maximum sex drive at around 17 (apparently) at which time we are probably at our most idealistic.

If I had my choice, I would have it the other way around. That way I could have bitter-sweet early longings and let-downs in my teens and early adulthood. A period of romance and mixed experiences during my middle years, and a twilight period in which depraved and uninhibited sex with anything and everyone was the order of the day.
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Old 08-31-2005, 10:48 AM   #62 (permalink)
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I'm a firm believer in sex (before marriage, after marriage, during marriage, insteed of marriage, etc.)

Things were created for a reason. You'll never know until you try. What's the point of waiting if it's available for you. You only live once. And what happens if you get old without every trying it? You'll regret it forever.

Apply this to anything: sex, drugs, love, skydiving, running, dancing, water sports. Don't knock it until you try it.

By the way, I'm a try-sexual. I try everything at least once.
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Old 09-15-2005, 06:14 AM   #63 (permalink)
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Some people just never get around to it because their skills with the opposite sex just are horrible. So they end up as middle-aged virgins because they give up trying after too many failures.
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Old 09-15-2005, 09:21 AM   #64 (permalink)
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I lost my virginity 4 months before my 20th birthday.
I had never masterbated, and had only been fingered a couple of times, although I never really enjoyed it. I'm glad I didn't wait until marriage because, as nice as it would've been to have majik be my one and only, a big part of my confidence is due to my growing sexuality.

Before I had sex, I viewed it as a dirty thing, and I seriously didn't want anything to do with it. I've had lots of bad sexual experiences that I've needed therapy to get through (including being date-raped), but the great moments that I have had (either due to extreme lust, extreme love, or a combination of both), are what I choose to remember.
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Old 09-15-2005, 02:06 PM   #65 (permalink)
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People apply different implications to sex, which in turn measures their willingness to engage in it. If sex meant a lot to you (emotionally, spiritually, socially, physically) then, depending on WHAT it means, you would be more likely to chase after it or wait patiently for it to come to you exactly how you want it.

My own opinion...

It's a shame that people listen to the social implications more than the others. I mean, with any basic level of observation, one learns a simple truth in life and that is that people are DUMB. Why make your decisions by their standards?

My spiritual attachment to sex is nil. I am not spiritual or religious in the least. I am quite emotionally linked to sex, and thus I haven't yet had sex with anyone I did not care about. I have tried to do otherwise, but alas, my heart just wasn't in it. Physically, sex is where it's at, even with proper protection (concern for one's health). It's understandable that some people don't get the same satisfaction out of it that they would other things, though. Something tells me that has more to do with the previous mentioned aspects though.

So now that I've thoroughly complicated things...

I think sex is good.
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Old 09-15-2005, 03:00 PM   #66 (permalink)
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I have been cursed with two main things in my life: a baby face and an extremely overbearing conscience. I'm 19. Here's a list of things I haven't done:

-Intercourse
-Anal
-Oral (given nor recieved)
-Anything involving the word job.
-Any touching of boobs, crotchal region (to quote Ron Burgundy), or ass (on purpose); clothed or not.

I chalk these "non-experiences" up to the two things I've mentioned above. First off, it's pretty much a fact that no woman is attracted to a guy who looks 15 when he's actually 19. So that's one thing that's preventative. Now, the conscience is a bit more complex issue. If ever I was directly confronted with the choice to fuck or not to fuck, I can say that I would be hesitant at best. Most of that comes from this grand ingrained idea that sex is the end all, be all of human accomplishment. I was always given the impression as a child that the correct progression of life is birth, school, dating, voting, college, and then house, career, sex and marriage almost at the same time. Not only was this the right way to do life, it was the only way to achieve the ultimate goal of success, which seemed to be when you got sex. I've only fully realized the possibility of going about things in a different way in the past year. Since then, I started drinking, and smoked my first joint 2 weeks ago. I still have my reservations about sex, and never anticipate being a mindless fucker (if you will), but I don't see it being far off. I realize that I have a lot to bring to the table as far as great skills (like bowhunting and computer hacking skills) and a totally unique perspective on life. I just want my first time to be special. That's all.
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Old 09-20-2005, 12:28 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Hello my name is Kelley, and I'm addicted to booty! HA! I totally think its great if someone is still a virgin at 40. Seriously, I was almost 20 when I lost mine and I was technically saving myself for marriage. Hmmm yeah, that didn't last. It gets the best of us! 40 year old virgins are super stars and o yeah, that movie was freakin' hilarious! I almost peed, I laughed so hard! haha
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Old 09-20-2005, 12:35 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EULA
I had a house mate that didn't like his girlfriend, but she fucked him and dropped off caseroles periodically.
She was no psycho. She was a genius.
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Old 09-20-2005, 01:14 PM   #69 (permalink)
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I grew up in a very religious (Conservative Southern Baptist--because regular Baptists, and even Southern Bapatists, weren't conservative enough) home/community, even went to a religious college. So I am well familiar with the save yourself till marriage idea (I also wasn't allowed to dance, heh!).

I saw many young couples in college form unholy alliences (bad marriages) in part because they were "burning with desire", and that was the only way to get any. I have to say that I think it's better to deal with the potential regret of a bad lay than legally bind yourself to someone for "morally acceptable" sex.

On the other hand, I'm sure that stance saved more than a few immature but sexually desireous youngsters from unwanted pregnancies, STDs, etc.
It's a bit extreme, though.

I guess overall I would just hope that folks are making their own decisions about this area, rather than just going with what someone else decided for them...
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Old 09-20-2005, 03:07 PM   #70 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sultana
I saw many young couples in college form unholy alliences (bad marriages) in part because they were "burning with desire", and that was the only way to get any. I have to say that I think it's better to deal with the potential regret of a bad lay than legally bind yourself to someone for "morally acceptable" sex.

On the other hand, I'm sure that stance saved more than a few immature but sexually desireous youngsters from unwanted pregnancies, STDs, etc.
It's a bit extreme, though.

I guess overall I would just hope that folks are making their own decisions about this area, rather than just going with what someone else decided for them...
Sultana, I agree with you on all three points. I grew up in a thoroughly pluralistic/agnostic home, and only became a die-hard evangelical in my teen years... also went to an evang. university and saw the same things you did.

But I don't think people consciously got married to have sex... it was more to (unconsciously) save themselves from the guilt of having any kind of lay (bad or good) outside of marriage. Guilt is a nasty monster to deal with, and I think most people would rather feel pure and holy than just plain human. I did, for a long time, until I realized guilt has nothing to do with God and everything to do with religious socialization.

But yeah, saving sex until adulthood definitely saved me from unwanted pregnancies, STD's, emotional stress from having sex when I was too immature or with someone who would've hurt me... so I can't say what's better. It comes down to the individual's choice. If someone is 40 years old and deciding to be a virgin because he/she just never felt right about it with anyone, well, that's cool with me. If they're a virgin because of some ideology, that's not cool.

I'm glad I did what I did, and that in the end, I chose to have sex with someone in a long-term relationship. I don't think one has to wait till marriage, but at least be emotionally mature and ready to handle unexpected pregnancies, break-ups, etc.
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Old 09-21-2005, 07:16 AM   #71 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tspikes51
I have been cursed with two main things in my life: a baby face and an extremely overbearing conscience. I'm 19. Here's a list of things I haven't done:

-Intercourse
-Anal
-Oral (given nor recieved)
-Anything involving the word job.
-Any touching of boobs, crotchal region (to quote Ron Burgundy), or ass (on purpose); clothed or not.

I chalk these "non-experiences" up to the two things I've mentioned above. First off, it's pretty much a fact that no woman is attracted to a guy who looks 15 when he's actually 19. So that's one thing that's preventative. Now, the conscience is a bit more complex issue. If ever I was directly confronted with the choice to fuck or not to fuck, I can say that I would be hesitant at best. Most of that comes from this grand ingrained idea that sex is the end all, be all of human accomplishment. I was always given the impression as a child that the correct progression of life is birth, school, dating, voting, college, and then house, career, sex and marriage almost at the same time. Not only was this the right way to do life, it was the only way to achieve the ultimate goal of success, which seemed to be when you got sex. I've only fully realized the possibility of going about things in a different way in the past year. Since then, I started drinking, and smoked my first joint 2 weeks ago. I still have my reservations about sex, and never anticipate being a mindless fucker (if you will), but I don't see it being far off. I realize that I have a lot to bring to the table as far as great skills (like bowhunting and computer hacking skills) and a totally unique perspective on life. I just want my first time to be special. That's all.
im fairly like you, except im done all those except anal.
it comes from overthinking everything you do and being too damn critical all the time. sometimes you just gotta let the good times roll and it falls into your lap.
although ive been doing the drinking and occasional smoking for a while, so i guess it would put me in more open situations, ill still refuse a chick if shes stupid drunk.
i will say one thing though, i never really cared much about sex until i had it. and now, i crave sex when i dont have it.
All i can say really is just keep chuggin along and eventually youll find it, get to do most (if not all) the things on your list and itll be really great and youll be happy you waited for that person.
but sometimes a floozy will satisfy a good urge.
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Old 09-21-2005, 06:32 PM   #72 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by crvtec
I mean somewhat normal if you start late like 18 or 19 maybe 20 but come on.
i actually dont think that 18 is late, but that maybe cause i was 19 or 20 when i lost mine. tho i wasnt married i was pretty much married imo, engaged to my one and only so i guess u could say i waited til mariage but skipped ahead a few years
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Old 09-21-2005, 07:34 PM   #73 (permalink)
 
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engaged to my one and only so i guess u could say i waited til mariage but skipped ahead a few years
nickel, I laughed at this... I like your perspective. Even though I'm not married either, my bf and I both waited till we were 24 (that's when we met), and the way things are going, we won't have sex with other people after this. And we're totally fine with that.
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Old 10-10-2005, 08:27 AM   #74 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ruggerp11
Also, what happenes if you and your married partner are completely sexually incompatible?
I really don't think that's possible. In terms of physically fitting together, that is definitely possible in every situation if you're willing to get together to figure out what works. In terms of preferences, however, there might be differences from small to great, but as long as both parties are willing to compromise, ends can always be met.

Quote:
Originally Posted by simivin
You said it is like a boulder in a sack that you carry around. Is it something you think about often? Do you regret sharing sex with someone you didn't care enough about? Do you regret that you didn't wait? Or treat sex differently? etc.
For me, I find I recall bad experiences when I'm daydreaming or not really paying attention to the direction of my meanderings. Then, I cringe, shake it out, and think of something else. It has changed my approach to sex in that I try to be more cautious about my decisions. It's a lot like when you think back about what you did that day, then think of the things you should have said or could've done, but it's too late, and then you get over it. No harm done.


Also, last time I checked, the statistics show that despite social pressures for everyone to have sex, you'll find the majority is abstinent or still virgin. (Remember: In the US, the majority population is religious, and usually one of several major religions that preaches abstinence.) The only reason statistics for STIs and things are increasing is not because more people of having sex than what used to be "normal," but because those persons who were already having sex are just not practicing safe sex.
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Old 10-17-2005, 09:04 AM   #75 (permalink)
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I am truely offended by the first statment. I don't mean people who have sex before marriage... just those who can't understand people like me, and my choice not to have sex until i am married. I am a 24 y.o. virgin, yes. I said it. It is not embarrasing. In fact, i doubt any of you who have not also made this choice could hold out for so long.
I decided I wanted my first time to be special, with the person I am destined to be with forever. (I know I am a romantic sometimes). When I met my fiance, we both agreed we wanted to wait until marriage. There are many reasons for this. The strongest is that we do not want an "accident" and end up with a child before we are ready.
I am perfectly happy not having sex, but that does not mean that I don't want to. I must admit, everytime we make out, I want to go further and take the plunge, but I hold back and resist. She says that she also feel the urge at times. (I'm not totally sure since we are both still new at this, but I think I might have made her have a small orgasm when we make out sometimes without any serious touching). We have discussed this and don't find any advantage in having sex now, we might as well just waiting till our wedding.
Now I don't care if other ppl have sex, it's just that i don't like ppl who can't understand those who Choose not to. This does not mean I'm "asexual" either (no interest in sex). I know a lot of ppl who find it amazing that we can resist having sex, especially when they see how into each other we are. We are almost always together and we used to makeout in public... thank god we got over that :P.
And there is another thing... we are still warry about the side-effects of most birthcontrol products. The pills can cause stroke, blood clot, heart attacks.... in other words... 3 different kinds of painful death. Just for a little sex. And condoms can be awkward and only 95% effective. That last 5%, even when used properly, still exists and means pregnancy. Still looking into contraceptive devices....
It has been hard actually... I am trying to set up a life for us before we get married, and it involves the marriage, moving out and in together, possibly moving to another state (too expensive here), finding work, finding a grad school, etc... Kids don't enter into this yet.
As for sexual incompatability... I've read many things saying it is really only in your head and doesn't really exist, and others that say marriages fail due to this. I think that if a marriage is based only off sex, then you should not get married, it is bound to end when your drive ends. Communication and willingness to experiment and such with your partner should be able to overcome any "incompatibility" issues.
Some people say that if we don't have sex, we should do other things that don't involve penetration. But I say, we want to experiment on that stuff when we are ready, and when we know we can go all the way. Why tempt yourself like that... we might fail to resist for once and have a kid. Besides, anticipation is a great thing. It's like Christmas.... waiting and counting down to the day you can open the presents under the tree, you;ve counted them all up and kow the weight and size and rattling noises they make, then you finally get to open it. Knowing that we have only so many months/weeks away till we can indulge is really exciting.
I guess we're weird this way. We do talk about sex and even do some research (you can learn alot of things school doesn't teach you). We look forward to out first night of passion together, especially with all the ideas we find online

Last edited by cptgreedle; 10-17-2005 at 09:42 AM..
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Old 10-17-2005, 12:52 PM   #76 (permalink)
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[QUOTE=cptgreedle]
As for sexual incompatability... I've read many things saying it is really only in your head and doesn't really exist, and others that say marriages fail due to this. I think that if a marriage is based only off sex, then you should not get married, it is bound to end when your drive ends. Communication and willingness to experiment and such with your partner should be able to overcome any "incompatibility" issues.
QUOTE]

The last line is crucial, and if the partner isn't willing? Then you truly are incompatible, which did happen to a friend of mine when she decided that she wanted to explore BDSM and he wasn't interested. I told her she would be divorced in a year if they could not rectify their differences.

He wasn't interested in exploring BDSM would it have been right to force him? Of course not. But you need to have some reality in your "romanticising" of what you think and how you think it all works.

People are people and they surprise you each and every day.
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Old 10-17-2005, 05:19 PM   #77 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cptgreedle
I am truely offended by the first statment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cptgreedle
In fact, i doubt any of you who have not also made this choice could hold out for so long.
Sorry if this is blunt, but it sounds like you are a little judgemental yourself of people who didn't "hold out for so long." I'm sorry you were offended, but please try not to talk down in return.

I don't want to repeat the several posts I have made on this thread (have you read all of them?), but I think you should know that not everyone looks down on those who wait until marriage. I used to be a wait-till-marriage type, too, and I don't make fun of those who choose to wait. Please be careful of who you are responding to, here on TFP... not everyone is against you.

As for this line...
Quote:
Originally Posted by cptgreedle
We look forward to out first night of passion together, especially with all the ideas we find online
Sorry to say it, but there's a good chance that that "first night of passion" will be rather awkward and very likely painful (for her). I highly recommend not building up too many expectations for that first night, or even the first few weeks/months... just take it slow and explore each other. Almost all of my friends who waited till marriage had a rude awakening that first night, when they discovered that sex wasn't all that "natural" or easy.

By the way, what lies behind your decision to wait? Just wondering, since you didn't mention anything religious in your post, and most people who wait do so because of religion.
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Old 10-17-2005, 06:16 PM   #78 (permalink)
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I think it's best to wait until it'S good. I mean what's the point of doing it at 15 when it obviously won't be good for either parties. It most often hurts for the girl, since the boy is like totally unaware of his partner's pleasure. And it usually doesn't last long since the boy doesn't know how to control himself. It just makes a bad memory. I'm 20 and I lost mine three weeks ago and it was really nice and sweet. She was more experienced, and I was aware of much more things than I would have been a few years ago. I wanted to give her pleasure and at the same time it was pleasurable for me too. It was a nice experience... Now we do it all the time...
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Old 10-22-2005, 09:37 AM   #79 (permalink)
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I dont think there are many 40 yr. old virgins around these days, years ago maybe but not now.
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Old 11-03-2005, 01:14 PM   #80 (permalink)
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crvtec, that is pretty shallow, I think it is the norm for it to happen now days, but if a person truely wants to wait, that is very respectable. More women for the rest of us
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