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Old 07-24-2005, 03:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
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ME NEED HELP!(PLZ READ)

Ok. I have liked a girl for almost 2 years now. I met her when I was a senior in High School. I know hwo she really is outside of school & stuff, but when she is around her friends, she is totally a different person. Her friends have caused ALOT of problems for me & her. We have never officially dated, because of this stuff. One of her "Best friends", IMO, I think the girl that she is friends with is a two timing piece of sh*t! But, anyways, her friends are always telling her who to see, etc. & she goes along & agrees with them, even when past people that she has dated because her friends have set her up, have told her that she should think for herself & not always listens to her friends, but her friends will always butt in & take control.

Now, this girl & I started a friendship on our own. She fell in love with me & I fell in love with her. But, her friends then got involved & crewed everything up. But, I know deep down & HAVE SEEN IT...that the girl still likes me & yes, I still like her. But, her parents are kinda strict & wacky..& are cautious about who she sees...& yes, I know them both & because of the girl's friends getting involved...lets just say that the parents HATE me. But, their daughter still likes me.

Now, the girl had recently broken up with a 22 year old, whom IMO, is a jerkoff. Now, their relationship was all started by being setup by...yep, you guessed it..the girl's "best friends". But, the guy ended up raping her, near the end of their relationship, then soon, the girl's "friends" got involved & started harassing me & threatening me over the internet & telling me all this crap that I didnt care about..I only cared about one person throughout the whole ordeal & that was this one girl. But, the girl's "friends" pushed to the point where this girl & the 22 year old, broke up & went their seperate ways.

*sighs*

Ok.

Now, I need to know what I should do, because obviously this girl has not clue how I really feel & what I am really thinking...& going over to her house & trying to talk to her might work, then again, her parents might shoot me or something...but well...PLZ HELP ME! I know everyone has been in this SAME scenario. Give a pro wrestler, a chance to love someone he has loved for, going on 2 years.

Thx.
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Old 07-24-2005, 04:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Is there any way you can call her or get in touch with her without going to her house or catching up with her while she's with her friends?? If so I'd try catching her then.

Otherwise, Have a talk with her parents. If they unjustly think you're a jerk they should hear your side of the story. Let them know that you care about her but that you are aware she's just ended a very unhappy relationship. Let them know that you are not interested in being a rebound boyfriend or using her but that you'd like to maintain your friendship with her with their blessing.

I would not pursue a dating relationship yet with her. I would make it known that you would like to pursue that when she's ready but that you are aware that she very well may not be ready. Do NOT tell her that you are aware of the rape. If she asks directly, don't lie, but also don't bring it up. That sort of information is very personal (I'm not sure how you found out) and would not be pleasant to have known as general knowledge.

I wish you good luck with this.
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Old 07-24-2005, 06:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
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How old are you two that her dating a 22 year old is such a big deal?
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Old 07-24-2005, 07:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
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While many may to say "oh, who cares what her parents think or what her friends say?" reality steps in and demands to be noticed. Fact is, you are NEVER going to be her whole world, even if you eventually marry, and if the opinions of those people influence her thinking now, it's not going to get any better later in life.

Bottomline: She knows how you feel, and you know what you feel, but this may be a case where "us against the world" will wind up with the world winning. Not a very romantic observation, but it's true all too often.
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Old 07-25-2005, 09:05 AM   #5 (permalink)
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She's a lemming. A blind follower, if you will. Give it up and forget about her, because she'll never have enough self-confidence or assurance to do anything that she wants to do.

There is nothing attractive about a female (or male) that allows herself to be dragged around and stepped on all their life. Forgive the term, but she needs to grow a pair and stand up for what she wants.
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Old 07-25-2005, 11:39 AM   #6 (permalink)
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TM875 said a mouthful there. And he's exactly right. This girl cares more about what society, her friends, her parents or some random dude on the street thinks about her and her image than reality. Maybe she does like you deep down, maybe not. Either way, you would just be arm candy to her but only if your image is what these other people think you "should be."

Truth be told, 2 years is a long time to just hang around waiting for this girl to make up her own mind. It may be several more before she realizes who she really is and why she shouldn't keep doing what her friends want her to do. Cut her loose and ask out some other girl that you know, but have only met once or twice. If that doesn't work out, try again. Eventually you'll connect with someone.

2 years is too long of a time in your youth to waste on someone like that. WAY too many fish in the sea... Someday this chick will come to her sences, and you'll have moved on. Her loss.
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Old 07-25-2005, 05:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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great advice, man. But, still I don't like the fact that I was harassed by her "friends" when I was never around her. They called me a rapist, stalker, etc. I never done not one thing to them or her for that matter, but hey, it ain't no biggie. You guys are right. I think she will finally see it, someday.

Any last thoughts?
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Old 07-25-2005, 07:53 PM   #8 (permalink)
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In the words of Richard Feynman: "What do you care what other people think?"

Great book, great advice.
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Old 07-25-2005, 07:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
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are you two the same age? it sounds like you're the same age, which is why you're unhappy about the situation. :/
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Old 08-02-2005, 08:49 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Ok. Analog, I am gonna tell you this. I am almost 20 & she is 16. I know that my saying her dating a 22 year old is a big deal, but this guy has a history of lying to his girlfriends about his age, etc. She developed a crush on me, on her own & we started to develop a relationship..we quickly developed a relationship over a small period of time due to we had so much in common & had gained a bond of trust. We talked about "seeing each other" or in this day & age.."dating". But, along the way, something happened in which I stil will never figure out. All I know is that her friends got her upset, during the time in which her & I hung out..she never spoke with them or had anything to do with them. All of a sudden, she is turned against me..in like a week or so. So, if anyone has the synopsis on how THIS little sequence happened, maybe you can shed some light on it.

Thx.

Last edited by NetFreak0485; 08-02-2005 at 11:24 AM..
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Old 08-02-2005, 09:33 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Um, if you're almost 20 and she's 16, I think there are laws that pretty much keep you apart, sexually speaking. She's 16 - at that age, it's perfectly normal, if not necessarily healthy, for a girl to care what other people think and be very impressionable and easily led. Which is why there are laws keeping 16-year-olds from dating 22-year-olds. And 20-year-olds, for that matter.

I say go meet someone your own age. 4 years is not a big age difference when you're a little older, but at this point you're in completely different places, developmentally speaking. And your being involved with her is not good for her, or for you. In fact, it's a little creepy, IMHO.
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Old 08-02-2005, 11:29 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Oh, I amost forgot to add this in. I am not like the guys this girl has dated, who have been out for sex & have gotten it, by either raping her or whichever you wanna come up with. I know the age is kinda a big difference, but her parents are somewhat strict, yet they don't care of who she dates & at times they do. But, her friends had more to do with us not being a couple right now, than her parents or herself.
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Old 08-02-2005, 11:39 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NetFreak0485
Oh, I amost forgot to add this in. I am not like the guys this girl has dated, who have been out for sex & have gotten it, by either raping her or whichever you wanna come up with. I know the age is kinda a big difference, but her parents are somewhat strict, yet they don't care of who she dates & at times they do. But, her friends had more to do with us not being a couple right now, than her parents or herself.
Whatever your intentions, the fact remains that you are of age for legal consent and she is not. Regardless of what her parents or friends think or advise or allow her to do, it should be up to you as an adult to exercise some judgment in this situation. If this girl sounded like she was mature and had a good head on her shoulders, I might advise you to pursue a non-sexual (JAILBAIT!!!) relationship with her till she's old enough to have sex with you legally. However, it sounds like she's not mature, not capable of making responsible choices, and not ready to have a relationship with a 20-year-old! You should do both of you a favor and wish her well, and move on. What do you foresee as the result of you becoming "a couple"? Would you have sex with her? Would you date her for 2 years chastely before having sex? Do you want to marry her?

Listen, this girl has been through a lot, and it sounds like the best you could do for her is to offer her support and friendship and NOTHING else. Remove your own motivations and wants and needs from the situation (which is what adults do for children, which is what she is) and search for a romantic relationship among the adult population.
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Old 08-02-2005, 12:01 PM   #14 (permalink)
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uhm... she is 16. you are 20... not to offend, but the two of you are in totally different places. at 16, a girl is going to be very influenced by her friends. that is just a fact of life and part of the package. get out and meet some girls your own age (or maybe even older). besides, it is too early for you and definately her to be in a SERIOUS relationship. get out and enjoy life and the women that might come your way.
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Old 08-02-2005, 12:14 PM   #15 (permalink)
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You know, aside from backing up the advice above concerning age difference and etc...you mentioned one other thing that sort of caught my attention. Small thing, really...but...

her previous boyfriend, age 22, raped her?

I assume that she's reported this, or that you and her friends have advised her to report this. Because, and I might be wrong here, but 'round these parts - that's sort of a big deal. Raped at 16. By her 22 year old stalker-ass boyfriend.

Just curious.
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Old 08-02-2005, 12:25 PM   #16 (permalink)
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ok......you have known her for almost 2 years....and she is 16 now.

The simple fact that you fell for a 14 yr old raises so fucking many red flags I could bullfight. My opinion.....let the whole thing go.....and think about what you are saving BOTH of you from.
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Old 08-02-2005, 12:42 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Be Honest.

Tell her the truth.


Duh...
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Old 08-02-2005, 12:55 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Oi. Sorry bud, love can be tough some times when it catches you.

I have to agree with the many others on this thread that say to let it go. Later on in life four years difference wont mean a thing (hell, I married a woman 7 years my senior), but when she is 16 and you are 20 the difference is astounding.

She's in highschool. Her friends opinions matter more to her than any relationship that she might get involved in. If her circle does not approve, she. will. not. date. you. No matter how much she likes you - she wont accept being an outcast of her circle just for the chance of a good relationship with you. That might sound stupid to you, but I'm sure it makes perfect sense to a 16 year old.

On another note, and excuse me if I'm jumping to conclusions, but I've had other friends that were heavily involved in school sports (mostly wrestlers like yourself). They always seemed to have trouble moving on from highschool as well, since so much of their life revolved around it for four years. It didnt help that most of the girls they knew were from highschool as well, making it easy for them to stay stuck in the same rut long after they had graduated. In my opinion, you need to not only move on from this girl, but also move on from highschool. Start living life with people your age and you'll find the relationship you're looking for. If you dont, then go back to this girl in a few years and maybe she'll be ready for something real instead of an "older-boyfriend status-symbol".

Good luck.
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Old 08-02-2005, 02:03 PM   #19 (permalink)
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The wrestling I do, is TOTALLY different from what you guys do(in school). I am sure that you people prolly already know what I do is "fake".

Anyways, as far as this goes...I have come up with a reasonable solution & yes, I thank all of you for your thoughts & advice.
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Old 08-02-2005, 02:46 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bparker805
uhm... she is 16. you are 20... not to offend, but the two of you are in totally different places. at 16, a girl is going to be very influenced by her friends. that is just a fact of life and part of the package. get out and meet some girls your own age (or maybe even older). besides, it is too early for you and definately her to be in a SERIOUS relationship. get out and enjoy life and the women that might come your way.
Ditto. You should be out enjoying the freedom you have. Move on, start dating girls closer to your age. Have some fun, and hopefully you will see it's a big world out there.
She is too young to know what she wants. She would be more interested in pleasing her friends, then you or herself.

Usually I would say age doesn't matter, but with her being that young, it does.

Quote:
Anyways, as far as this goes...I have come up with a reasonable solution & yes, I thank all of you for your thoughts & advice.
Hope it works out for ya!
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Old 08-02-2005, 02:55 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tecoyah
ok......you have known her for almost 2 years....and she is 16 now.

The simple fact that you fell for a 14 yr old raises so fucking many red flags I could bullfight. My opinion.....let the whole thing go.....and think about what you are saving BOTH of you from.
Yes that hit the nail on the head for me!!! stay well away and move on for the sake of both of you!!!!!!!!!
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Old 08-02-2005, 09:30 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Oh boy...

I would advise you to listen to many of the responces here. So far you haven't painted a pritty picture of your relationship or of the girl you are pursuing. I think you should do some serious thinking about your motives to pursue this girl.
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Old 08-03-2005, 12:19 PM   #23 (permalink)
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The picture WAS pretty until her friends messed it all up. Her parents actually thought I was a mature & kind individual...then all of a sudden, it broke down & boom, I was an instant bad guy.

But, yeah. this picture cannot never be redone..it's happened & so, it shall stand as another reminder of life's harsh lessons.
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