I need advice in a major way.
 

This is basically asking for advice.

The situation in a nutshell.

I see this girl and I'm very interested. My heart skips a beat when she walks by me. She engages in conversation with me for no reason.

I tell my boss about this girl who works in the same company; but different branch. ( thus ok to date )

Boss tells their boss about how I feel. Their boss is shocked that I'm interested in the girl and tells me boss, that "she likes him too, she thinks he's very funny".

I take this a mixed bag; because even if a girl finds you funny, doesn't mean she likes you, the way you want her to.

I'll be honest with all of you. I haven't been since 1999. When my fiance was taken away from me in a automobile accident. I haven't really dated since, even though I have had non-sexual relationships with girls that were interested in me... even though I didn't get any kind of "vibe" from them.

I take a chance today and ask a co-worker of hers if there's a guy in the picture. The answer was "no, she's very single".

My friends offline think it's great that I'm interested in this girl, but there was only one thing holding me back. I didn't know her age.

I found out today...

She is 20 years old.

I'm 36. ( but look much younger, act much younger, and feel much younger )

:confused:

My beating heart suddenly started to slow. I'm very interested in this girl; but morally my mind is telling me how wrong it would be to date her. It's not that I would have a problem with it; but fear how others would look at the situation.

I need advice, please help me.

She's of legal age... well she can't get a drink, but she is a consenting adult... as are you... Why not ask her out and see where it goes...

If people give you crap about "robbing the cradle" then so what... if it's meant to be with her -- it's meant to be... I'm not sure you can pick who you fall in love wiht, sometimes love finds you... and cupid doesn't know about ages.,...

ASK HER OUT... otherwise you'll regret not doing it and wonder what might of been...

You lost one love to a car accident... don't lose another potential one because you wondered about what people who's opinions don't matter would think...

(wow, I'm sounding harsh here... I don't mean to..)

Go for it

You've already thoguht abou tit too much. Just be impulsive and do it.

Well, I think you're both past the point where you two can make your own decisions.

It seems that your friends are quite happy for you. This solves a major problem. That problem being the potential loss of everyone around you. Perhaps you should talk to this young lady about a possible relationship. Find out the feelings of her friends/family/whatever. Because even if she wanted a relationship, I would advise against pursuing it if it meant that her friends/family/whatever would forever hate her.

Best of luck.

I have to agree with Maleficent. She's of legal age. She seems to like you and you definitely like her. If you think you could be happy with this woman, it shouldn't matter what others might say.

I'm not worried in the least what my friends or family will say. They would understand fully and support me.

I would be more concerned with what happens with her friends and family ( to her, not to me )

I still don't know that much about her and right now I'm in the process of learning more about her. Right now it's more of a "vibe" that I get from her; but it's a major thing with me.

Cross that bridge when you come to it - but in order to get to that bridge you have to ask her out and see if there is anything to worry about iwht her family and friends.... and honestly, you are a decent guy, if you treat her right, why would they object to you...


The best way to get to know her is to ASK HER OUT!!! :D Really... Trust me..

so..... other than Maleficent wanting you to do this.... I would strongly agree. I was scared that same way for my girlfriend. But I just took a chance and it has worked out for the best. Good luck and take chances.

drop your inhibitions and ask her out already, dude. the worst that can happen is she'll say no, but then you can be happy knowing that people wont be snickering behind your back because of the age difference. i chalk this one up to 50/50: you'll be happy you asked her out and she says yes and you'll be fine if she says no.

[QUOTE=streak_56]other than Maleficent wanting you to do this.... QUOTE]

You say that like it's a negative... :icare: I'm showing my "beleive in love" side.. it doesnt come out to often...

You dont know what will happen unless you actually try to make something happen... :thumbsup:

I'm going to start getting more information about her and then I'll ask her out.

been there done that. I hope you have better luck dealing with people's hangups about age gaps. Be prepared to be called a pedophile to your face. An age gap of over 5 years is taboo for a lot of people and this is something I was painfully made aware of.

my opinion -> age isn't something we can control. It's all about how you feel about each other. If she's willing, take the chance. But be prepared for the backlash that WILL come.

Ok, I'm sorry... and I say this in the nicest possible way... but that seems a little junior highish - -are you going to pass her best friend a note? Does she like me? Check Yes or No...

If you want to impress this young woman, be direct, talk to her directly, ask her directly. Don't worry about the age right now... If shehas an interest in you, she will say yes, if she was just being nice, she will say no, and you can go on about your business....

Asking around about the person you are interested in... while cute in an 8th grade sort of way... I'm not sure if the best way to express your interest in a woman you are interested in an adult relationship with.

ok, this is me, why not just go for it???as the old cliche' goes "age aint nothing but a number." If you're worried about the maturity level, ...here comes another one..."you'll never know till you try." It's amazing the clarity you get from impulsive behaviour :crazy:

But on a more serious note, life is all about taking chances.you'll live better knowing that you at least asked the girl out.

Regret is part of life and its a real bummer to live with and one day you may wake up thinking "i cant believe i actually did that..." but at least you know you had the balls to take the chance.

Life goes on and i'm sorry to hear about your fiance but im sure she's looking down on you and telling you the same thing.i mean, i dont mean to talk about her because i didnt know her...but that would've been me had my bf been in your situation.

good luck my friend.i wish you all of the best.Remember in life, you regret more the things you didnt do than the things that you did. :thumbsup:

peace love and happiness. :icare:

20 <> 36. There's a problem?

I never understood it. If people are 21 and 81 years old, and in love, it's cool. There isn't enough love on this planet, to begin with.

Weeeelll normally I'd say this is too much of a gap.

But hey, if it works out, it works out.

When you talked to her you enjoyed her without knowing her age so we all know you're not a creep looking for someone to control. (Whish is SOMETIMES the case in a relationship with a large age gap)

Just, ask her out for something casual, like coffee. If she says yes, you're well on your way.

Storm. Talk to her to get the information. Ask her out for coffee and then gently explore the likes and dislikes you share. If you get information about her behind her back then it might backfire on you. as said in starsky and hutch :DO IT:

For goodness sake, date her!

It is simple.

Don't overthink this.

Stop looking for excuses and ask her out.

Now!

That's my advice. If I were within range, I'd slap you to your senses. Because if you continue to fanny about, you'll lose out on what could be the best thing in your life. You are afraid of losing someone, so you put arbitrary obstacles in your way in order to prevent others from stepping into your life. That is understandable after losing someone you cared deeply about so many years ago - but don't let those events ruin the rest of your life. Now is the time to change - get with this girl. Please!

Worst case scenario.. you both agree it isn't going to work out and go your own seperate ways..

Best case scenario... .. .. .

Definitely ask her out and see what happens. Otherwise you will likely miss out and just spend many nights wondering what could have been; and you have no reason to put yourself in that situation when you can make it a reality.

Please, for the love of all things holy, get over yourself, get over there and tap that ass!

just be sure to keep us updated...one thing that bugs me is people help...then don't hear the next step

not too many 30+ year olds get to date 20 yr olds.
enjoy it while you can.

i agree with those say don't ask around... ask her yourself.

I know people who have married with a 13 year difference, him being the older. Works for them, could work for you!

I'd say go for it if there is this much mutual attraction...

This sounds like my situation. I'm 21 and the guy I have been hanging out with is 36. He does not look or act 36. When he asked me out for dinner I thought he was 28 so I agreed. I found out his age later, but since I was already attracted to him I couldn't let the age gap stand in the way. I don't want a relationship with him because I will be moving soon and I don't think we are in the same place in our lives. But, it can't hurt to ask her out and get to know her better.

I don't have much to add except to agree with what everyone else is telling you - go for it! It sounds like your love life has been on hold for the past 7 years because of your loss. So if you look at it one way, you're only 29 in 'love years'! A slightly easier gap to cross. :-)

So, go for it. Do not pass Go, do not collection more information, or no $200. Ask her out at the next reasonable opportunity.

And let us know what happens!

The information I'll be seeking is her likes and dislikes. I want to find out a little more about what she's into. That's all I meant by that comment.

Why not just ask her what her likes and dislikes are... it wil lgive yo something to talk about.. .WHEN YOU ASK HER OUT>>> :)

Come on humor an old lady :)

Yes, by all means Go for It!!! Or at least go to lunch sometime (no biggie there, right?) and enjoy being friends. Geez, So many of my friends have large gaps in age & most find that it's not a big deal at all, in fact - it seems easier esp. when the man is the older in a relationship. So what if you both like different music or movies...viva la difference! She'll keep you young. :)

Lots of young ladies look to and prefer older men. Most of the time, I do...

I didn't see her today; but this sounds like the best advice yet.

Go for it! You only have but one life. Live it! The more you wait the less chance you have.

WELL....... Its been a weak whats happe'n

What happened...

After not seeing her for a few days... something happened.

Long story short.

Went out with my boss & staff to see "Charlie and The Chocolate Factory". ( GREAT MOVIE )

Boss invites the girl that I like; but she had other plans.

I told the girl, that I would have liked for her to go with us; because I like her.

Her reaction.... was shocked and flattered. I didn't get enough time to talk to her; because I did it on a whim. I was half naked in a pool and she leaned down as I said this to her.

I hope that tomorrow brings a shimmer of light to this situation. Either that or I can move on with my life.

That was yesterday. Once again today I didn't see her at all; but at least now she knows that I have feelings for her. I'm really growing frustrated at this point; because whenever I feel like talking to her... we're both too busy to chat.

And now what? Waiting can be a nice precurser to a good moment & c'mon , make a date dude! Why wait?

Make sure you follow up, she might be one who likes the attention of being 'chased'. I'm glad you let her know, I know when I was younger I passed up a number of chances I had by overthinking things. Now, I don't decide not to do things out of fear, and my life is way better for it. The consequences of a bad decision almost never outweigh the joy of a good one.

Definitely followup just make sure it isn't in some weird stalker type. A friend of my wifes married a guy 15 years older than she. Don't worry about it, if you like eachother that's all that matters today.

I was 35 and my now was was 19 for the first 2 weeks of our relationship.

Don't dally, as I honestly believe this could be oppurtunity knocking with both hands.

Life is too short to question your feelings. Age is a number, thats it. Go for it and I'm sure you'll do great! Besides, in my own opinion older guys are always a much better pick anyway! Good Luck! :)

I like the way you think HoneyPot!

It's been 16 days - where's our update?????
We want to know!

I know a lot of couples who married with a broad age difference. My fiance's and also my college roommate's parents are that far apart. It is no problem...women are actually designed to look for an older man and find maturity appealing (at least, more often than not) from an evolutionary standpoint, because an adult, mature man can provide better and is less likely to run off and die in battle.