The_Dunedan

OK, here's my situation. I need you guys' advice.

I'm currently "Seeing" a terrific girl. I've known her for years, and we've dated before. I say "Seeing" because we've decided not to label it anything officially. There's a lot of snuggling, some sex, alot of spending time together, but it's very low-maintainance and low-stress. Lots of fun, but certainly operating on a deeper level than "fuckbuddies." We share similar tastes in damn near everything, agree politically/socially, and generally have a splendid time together.

The oddity comes in here; this lady is encouraging me to date other people. Not just to date them, but apparently to date them with an eye towards forming long-term relationships...with her as well as with them. She's quite openly told me that she supports the Muslim/Jewish ideal of one man having four wives in his household, and told me that if anyone needed such an arrangement, it was me. She thinks it's an exceedingly practical, self-reinforcing sort of thing, and from an anthropological standpoint I agree. I have -zero- idea where that idea came from, but it's been clearly articulated on a number of occaisions.

Example; a few days ago, I mentioned to her that I had encountered an extremely good-looking acquiantance at my workplace. I gave her a brief description, and her immidiate ( and somewhat irritated ) response was "And WHY didn't you ask her out?!" How does one respond to that?!

I must admit that the idea is somewhat attractive ( stereotypical male, I know ) but it just seems so bloody COMPLICATED. What do you guys think?

lurkette

Yes, it's attractive, and yes, it's complicated, and yes, you should go for it, if it's something that appeals to you. As someone in a semi-open relationship (we have some pretty clear ground rules and lots of communication) I can say that the hassle and complications are worth the reward if everyone is willing to deal absolutely openly and honestly with the inevitable issues that will come up.

Read "The Ethical Slut" - I've heard it's a good primer on making non-monogamy work.

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feelgood

Yeah it's attractive but you gotta keep this in mind, the other person might not find it attractive.

How many people, especially women, do you really know that support the idea of having 4 wives for each husbands? Not very many.

So, what I'm saying is that the person you're interested in might not support the idea of having a 3 way relationship and instead, wants you all to herself.

I think it's a awesome relationship you're having but right now in today's society, the whole concept of gf/bf/wives/husbands exchanges is still practically an underground concept and is not as widely open as people read about it on the net.

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The_Dunedan

That's the thing...in this case, it -is- "the other person" who finds it attractive. I don't know what to think of it, but this person seems at least somewhat interested in the idea. I'm not at all sure how to proceed from here.

Seeker

I honestly believe that if you are confident within yourself, you can have multiple partners or be a part of a multiple relationship... I see it as an extention of friendships. It allows for various relationships without the 'ownership' factor...

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Martian

My way of looking at it is that while it's not for everyone, it can work if you want to put the time and effort into it. The only thing to remember is that everyone needs to know exactly what this is going in and be okay with it. The fact that you seem a bit weirded out by the whole thing may indicate that you need more time to consider it before you're ready or that it may not be right for you at all. Don't do this to make her happy or try to fulfill the typical male image, do it because you think it's right and want to do it.

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Martel

Maybe she's just got a thing for having a three/four/fivesome with you and some other girls?

That's pretty much every guy's dream, right? Hell, if you can make that happen, I say go for it!

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dlish

so did you have to convert?

i personally know of someone here in sydney whos in a polyganous relationship. its a tough task, and jealousy becomes a big factor.

good luck, but if i were you id stay wayyyy out of it

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