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Old 06-15-2005, 08:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: on the road to where I want to be...
I just met the girl I've been waiting for...and she's freaking me out

So, I post a lot on here when people ask for relationship advice, and a lot of times what I say comes off as kind of arrogant, shallow, know it all, etc. I'm a big believer in "The Game" and all that stuff. So anyways here is MY relationship dilemma, which I wouldn't say needs solving, per se, but I want to hear some opinions. So here goes....

This girl works in the gym I work out at. She's got an amazing body, she's the kind of girl who will work out in short shorts and a sporta bra on a hot day and make your workout last an extra half our because you spend so much time staring at her.

I've never really talked to this girl before the past 2 days, but I've seen her working at this gym for about a month and a half, since I started going again. I played the cool, I'm not too interested in you card, and it worked perfectly, because then when I started getting 'ins' to talk with her (she drives a car which has my college sticker, UMass on it, although her sister graduated from there and she went to arizona state). So I started chatting with her over a protein shake and really got to know her...she told me about pretty much all the shit going on in her life, how she just broke up with her psycho ex boyfriend, who was living with her and her family. How he's kicked out now, but still calls her like 7-8 times a day, sometimes crying on the phone. He's the kind of guy who would see another guy talking to her and would get super loud belligerent and try to fight anybody. Their break up is definitely over, I want to say...the kid is a cokehead alcoholic, who is violent and has the maturity of a 12 yr old...shouldnt be too hard to walk away from.

Meanwhile I'm talking with this girl about our views on US foreign policy, and we're still just flirting. I mean holy shit I've been struck by lightning, a drop dead gorgeous girl who also thinks on the same level I do...amazing. We get into talking about our partying habits and it comes out that we both smoke a lot of weed. So when our conversation kinda dies, and its on a weird topic (a major car crash she got into in high school), I'm like, on a lighter note, let's go smoke some buds, it's a beautiful night out and this sad talk is depressing.

Fast forward to an emptied country club I know of, amazing chill and get high spot. Good make out spot too, which im sure didn't go over her head. We're smoking a blunt, we're high as hell, and she starts showing me pictures on her phone. Her and her boyfriend....dude looks like a hairy slob. Whatever that's nice--then, another lightning bolt strikes. She shows me a picture of her with her face all goth'd out, as in black eye liner with crows feet, black lipstick, and shes in this dramatic pose against a wall with a giant knife over here head (held in her other hand) with her eyes looking all scary...she's like yeah i get this other side of me that comes out when I get high, that's why I do it. I get bored sometimes and I'll do shit like this.

WOAH WHAT? Holy crap. It gets better. Then she starts asking me about what I think of religion and god...and I'm like I have no belief in religion, but I believe in energy and ya da bla bla. And she's like, I have a performance I do for myself...it's the rebirth of energy. She thinks when you die you either move up a notch in the karma chain or you move down a notch, depending on how you lived your life. She does like 3 different phases of rebirth or something. I wasn't about to ask her to show me, but this just strikes me as being like...bizarre behavior? I had NO idea this was what I signing up for when I started flirting with the 'hot chick who works at the gym'.

Okay now because I'm an open minded individual and I feel like this doesn't make her a bad person, just a little quirky, I should let it slide. Honestly it's kind of a turn on--the thought of how she would be in bed, considering how perfect she is physically, and how she has all this crazy personality....well you can do the math.

So here are my worries....

First off is psycho ex boyfriend aka the typical 12 yr old meathead complex. The guy is violent, no doubts about it. If i get into something with this girl, and he sees me with her somewhere or finds out im with her and who I am, I'm going to have hell to pay. If he sees me with her, I'm not gonna have to fight him--he's going to fucking attack me. I'm not really so worried about that, I'm 6'2 190lbs work out, studied some martial arts, I can handle myself...but I'm worried he'll bring friends, or weapons or something and I'm gonna get myself in between a looney stalker ex boyfriend and his fixation.

Second is, if I am mainly subduing my 'wtf' alarms about this girl's freaky behavior (which is definitely a thing she keeps in the closet, I would never have known) mainly because a) I turn it around and view in a way that it becomes a turn on and b) she's just drop dead hot and I would probably want to have sex with her no matter how weird she was.

After the little weird lapses she had, we talked about a lot of other stuff, and I mean deep shit...like energy, where it comes from, how we got here. Talked some about what we're doing in school...I have real conversations with this girl, so this situation becomes extremely grey. I'm not being purely superficial about her looks because she reaches opinions and uses logic just like I do...she's seriously like myself in female form (her birthday is 6 days after mine, March 27th, for those of you who like to know that kinda stuff. So both of us are Aries). But this other psychological side she has, this darkness, as well as this crazy situation with her ex boyfriend, who called like 5 times while we were hanging out...I'm not sure how to play this.

She wanted to hook up that night...she offered to go somewhere to 'chill' some more but I told her I had to work early, which surprised her I think. Don't think guys tell her No too often. So the plan today is I'm going over to her house to fix a computer thing for her at 10:30, she's out of work at 10, and after that...hanging out and pretty much no doubt getting something on. But once I do that I'm kinda past the point of no return...at least with psycho boyfriend and no longer bein able to say I haven't touched her.

So advice, suggestions, thoughts, bring it on.

Thanks =)
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Old 06-15-2005, 08:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Well.. If you can accept all the weird things about her and love her for them, then go for it.. but from what you write, it sounds like her intellictual side is "wtf" worthy, and that your really more interested in the hooking up. If thats the case, she seems like a open minded girl.. tell her how you feel, and hook up. I have a feeling its more about the hook up. Once the "game playing" and "hunt" is done see how you feel. Who knows, she may be using you as a rebound guy anyway.. How do you know she's not "playing" you??
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Old 06-15-2005, 09:09 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I supose it all matters on the kind of relationship you're looking for. I'd say maybe it would be wise to refrain from tapping it just so you can test the waters, but after waiting a month and a half, you sure wouldn't want to get stuck in friendsville. In regards to the boyfriend... I don't know. I would say screw him, go out with her anyways, but cover your ass as best you can to avoid a fight.

Blah. In short, I'd say go for it. It's rare you find that great mix of brains and beauty, and if it comes with a little kink, that's tollerable in my book.
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Old 06-15-2005, 09:17 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Well, I know she isn't playing me. She has been in constant relationships since she was 14 yr olds--that's what happens when you're hot girl I guess, guys never leave you alone once you hit puberty. She doesn't know how to play the game.

If she did, she would never have showed me the stuff in her phone. I could have showed her my phone, but I have tons of pics in it of hot girl aquaintances and I'm not gonna show her that shit becaue it would make her wonder how many girls I talk to. Again...playing the game. She would NEVER have told me the weird shit she did if she was playing at anything. She would be play things a lot more coy...she wouldn't have just let me know I could hook up with her if I wanted to, she would have made passing innuendo's to physical stuff but she wouldn't have been like, yeah we can go some place if you want.

Now the rebound guy, that I could definitely be. I'm the total opposite of everything her ex boyfriend is....I'm pretty sure considering how we both are I would hit it off with her anyways, but I guess the rebound factor couldn't be hurting me.

I guess you're right about the hook up vs relationship thing. I'm a weird sort of creature though. I don't want to just call her up and fuck her and leave her, I'd actually hang out with her and do mundane daily shit too, just because she's amazing to talk to. But then I start making her sound like wifey (that is slang for girlfriend) material...which I guess wouldn't be so bad. I haven't been in a 6 month + serious relationship since I was like 17...and I've changed a lot since then.

I guess I'll see how things go tonight, and the next day. If I still want more out of the cookie jar I guess that answers my questions about 'the hunt' being done and losing my motivation...
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Old 06-15-2005, 09:21 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kangaeru
She shows me a picture of her with her face all goth'd out, as in black eye liner with crows feet, black lipstick, and shes in this dramatic pose against a wall with a giant knife over here head (held in her other hand) with her eyes looking all scary...she's like yeah i get this other side of me that comes out when I get high, that's why I do it. I get bored sometimes and I'll do shit like this.



Thanks =)
you know....I dont wear my "mistress" face for everybody to see all the time. A lot of people have something about them that not everybody sees. Looking "goth" doesnt need to necessarily need to send off alarm bells.

how old is this girl? you mentioned she still lives at home with her parents
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Old 06-15-2005, 09:28 AM   #6 (permalink)
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dude if she is that hot....do it, and deal with all the other crap afterwards. You're putting way too much thought into it!
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Old 06-15-2005, 09:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hossified -- Yes, she is that hot. I am going for it, of course. But I'm sitting here at work till 6pm and then I can't go see what's up until 10:30 and I wanted to hear some opinions and talk about this here.

Shani -- I consider myself a very open minded person...but I can be judgemental. I have never been exposed to anyone with any kind of 'mistress' face, which, now that you mention it, sounds much more accurate to describe the picture and pose than my lumping it in as being 'goth' . I honestly just have no experience with this kind of thing, I've never dealt with anybody who had this kind of secret personality they would let out from inside them.

I guess on one level im a bit scared, since I haven't seen behavior like this, but it's kind of exciting too. Honestly these reasons I listed aren't enough to stop me from testing out what things will be with her, but if you could post here or even PM me about what a 'mistress face' means to you...it might help me understand better.

Oh, also, this girl is 20 years old, I'm 20 years old. I'm 6 days older, at March 21. She went to arizona state for 2 years, quit last semester after she got sick in march and had to come home to be hospitalized or something. I think she had a breakdown or something and isn't ready to tell me about it, because it sounds like she loathed / hated the school. She's changing her major from communications to sports medicine / athelitc clinical stuff, and college searching right now. She may even end up at mine, since the program is so good.

Last edited by kangaeru; 06-15-2005 at 09:36 AM..
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Old 06-15-2005, 09:33 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hossified
dude if she is that hot....do it, and deal with all the other crap afterwards. You're putting way too much thought into it!

yeah.. I could second that!
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Old 06-15-2005, 09:42 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kangaeru
Hossified -- Yes, she is that hot. I am going for it, of course. But I'm sitting here at work till 6pm and then I can't go see what's up until 10:30 and I wanted to hear some opinions and talk about this here.

Shani -- I consider myself a very open minded person...but I can be judgemental. I have never been exposed to anyone with any kind of 'mistress' face, which, now that you mention it, sounds much more accurate to describe the picture and pose than my lumping it in as being 'goth' . I honestly just have no experience with this kind of thing, I've never dealt with anybody who had this kind of secret personality they would let out from inside them.

I guess on one level im a bit scared, since I haven't seen behavior like this, but it's kind of exciting too. Honestly these reasons I listed aren't enough to stop me from testing out what things will be with her, but if you could post here or even PM me about what a 'mistress face' means to you...it might help me understand better.

what I mean by my "mistress" face, is that I dont come to work every day, or go to the grocery store, or run into walmart or go to the gym, wearing leather and chains and carrying my flogger around. That kind of thing is reserved for certain kinds of get togethers and at home. Its not a secret personality at all, but there are people that dont need to necessarily know that I live a BDSM lifestyle, I also dont think that potraying that type of person is appropriate in some places. I could just see the little kids at wal mart running screaming cause I'm going down the shampoo aisle wielding a flogger in one hand

Unless you are a person that has to have attention at any or all costs....its not necessary to "advertise" everything about you 24/7....does that help explain it a little?
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Old 06-15-2005, 09:45 AM   #10 (permalink)
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It just sounds like she's into trying different stuff. Why don't you ASK her about the picture? You really don't want to start something with someone (potentally) this amazing and be worried about certian things, now do you? And as for the "OMG I've not been 'serious' with anyone since I was 17" well, perhaps you need to do a bit of growing up. Who knows where this will go? Perhaps she's crazy in the head from having a steady stream of boyfriends for most of her adolesent and "adult" years. Or, perhaps she's just one of those girls that HAS to have a boyfriend to feel validated and acceptable. Or, perhaps she's really really great and is perfect for you- at this point you don't know. Just chill out, let things develop how they develop, and be mature and open about the whole thing. I mean, if you've been having "drunken frat boy sex" for however long, perhaps this chick will be the instructor you need to learn new, different, fun, kinky ways of having sex. Just remember- TALK about things, and if she suggests something you're not ready for, tell her!!
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Old 06-15-2005, 09:49 AM   #11 (permalink)
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man, the control games in here are hurting my head.

you think she's hot, she's obviously interested in you. so if you're up for a little fling, go for it! she sounds interesting, kink/weirdness is always fun. but in my opinion you should drop this "game" stuff and just go for it.
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Old 06-15-2005, 09:54 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Playing the game is simply knowing when to hold back and when to push forward....how to sell yourself, I guess. Nothing about being fake or being something you're not in there. The game is part of the fun for me, since I get to sit around all day and plan out how im gonna make all this stuff happen Playing the game is how i started talking to her in the first place...

yeah basic jist im getting from everyone is go for it, which I was already, but I feel better about it now. Any little quirkiness I'm sure will grow on me, considering how sweet this package is as a whole.

And thank you Shani...that definitely helped me understand better.
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Old 06-15-2005, 02:31 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I'd be most worried about the boyfriend. Kink is the spice of life. I'd also be more worried about the fact she was with her ex at all as well, can't be too smart if you'd stay with such a looser.

I'd recommend carrying at least mace around with you. Im in az too, and our laws are pretty loose here. You can carry a folding knife the size of a sword, so long as it folds, its legal.

Edit: Rereading part of it Im not sure if you are in az, anyways Ill leave it up if you are.
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Old 06-15-2005, 03:38 PM   #14 (permalink)
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so...

how'd it go???
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Old 06-15-2005, 04:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeraph
I'd be most worried about the boyfriend.
...
I'd recommend carrying at least mace around with you.
Can everyone stop recommending self-defense sprays that work 30% of the time, at best? Unless you're carrying around military surplus tear gas canisters, you're eventually going to get fucked up by an angry, pepper-soaked assailant who will not only beat you down, but also rub pepper spray in the gaping holes he leaves in you face. If you're going to defend yourself, do something that has a decent chance of stopping whoever is attacking you.
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Old 06-15-2005, 04:26 PM   #16 (permalink)
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So, did ya fuck her yet?

You're thinking too much man. If the's that fucking hot I'd go for it. Psyco ex-boyfriend or not. Just learn how to defend yourself. I agree with the others that if she comes with a little kink then so be it. It'll put some excitement in your life.

Spice is good.
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Old 06-16-2005, 03:51 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Ishmal
so...

how'd it go???
Yeah, post something, so that we know you didn't get sacrificed to the moon god last night or something...
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Old 06-16-2005, 06:23 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Jesus Christ... all you people and your evil down-talk because he said she took a fucking "goth" picture. Even if she's not "goth", but likes to dress up at times, everyone plays dress-up in some way- either on the outside, or by acting like a different person.

FIRST of all. If she's even remotely goth, you thank your lucky stars she's interested in you, because they are great in bed, more often than not, and wilder than any non-goth i've been with/experienced. If she is, and her friends are, you'll likely fall into a world i can't describe but can honestly hope you can handle. They tend to be very open, sexually, and especially with other girls. I talk from experience. Plenty of it. If you can't handle it, move on. Otherwise, hang on and have some fun.

SECOND, since when is being in touch with your own spirituality a turn-off? Unless she's planning on sacrificing something (that you disagree with) or her religion contradicts your own sensibilities or otherwise offends you, stop worrying about it. You're young still, act like it. Have a great fling with this girl, see where (if anywhere) things go from there. Don't be afraid to live life like it's supposed to be fun- it IS supposed to be fun. So have fun, man!
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Old 06-16-2005, 06:44 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I've got alarm bells going off all over the place. Dude, a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do, but be ready for some mindfuck before it's done.
This girl's got issues. Proceed with caution. And watch out for that mental case that calls her 12 times a day. He's serious trouble for sure.
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Old 06-16-2005, 06:46 PM   #20 (permalink)
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This girl's got issues. Proceed with caution.
Why does she suddenly have issues?
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Old 06-17-2005, 03:18 AM   #21 (permalink)
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yeah I'd like to know you get that shes got "issues" too Aladdin. I have to 2nd what Analog said.....girls like us are great (and I cant ever remember a time where I've called a guy 12 times a day)
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Old 06-17-2005, 06:17 AM   #22 (permalink)
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(I'm worried about the ex-boyfriend, not the girl.)
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Old 06-17-2005, 08:22 AM   #23 (permalink)
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The suspense is killing me!!
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Old 06-17-2005, 08:57 AM   #24 (permalink)
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damn -- looks like I read this post too late. i was going to tell him to RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN ..take a breath and RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN from this train to crazytown. Motivation for sex is one thing, but if he wants to have a long term relationship, he won't get it here. If he comes back alive, I'm sure he'll have a story about how she wasn't that bad but she kept talking about her ex-boyfriend. I'm sure she'll have made him even more uncomfortable that she still is attached to this crazy drug-dealing eight-phonecalls-a-day pyscho. It has nothing to do with being Gothic, and that didn't even phase me. There's a million red flags for pyschological problems before you get into the interesting pyschology of wanting to cause or feel pain. Did she not see this happening? He was living with her, she had to know he was doing drugs and getting worse. Came home becuase she got hospitalized? Maybe you should find out if that was from slitting her wrists or overdosing on OxyCoton. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong... but the Fight or Flight response is taking over, and this girl has trouble coming for our poor fellow board patron.

Quote:
Second is, if I am mainly subduing my 'wtf' alarms about this girl's freaky behavior
Most people's "this isn't right" sense is very keen, and you should have a damn good reason for ignoring it.

Unless you have a good reason..

Quote:
a) I turn it around and view in a way that it becomes a turn on and b) she's just drop dead hot and I would probably want to have sex with her no matter how weird she was.
..thats not a good reason. And for crissake man -- you said it yourself.. dating since 14? Sex drive like you say? Better wrap up. Being afraid of her now, having a kid with her and having to be afraid of her for 18 years would be quite the "mindfuck"...


Oy man.. I hope you come back alive, at least.
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Old 06-17-2005, 10:04 AM   #25 (permalink)
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I think the either he passed out from the night of weird hot sex or the ex b/f came in with a glock handy. If I were him carry some sort of weapon for self-defense if this guy is liable to do something.
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Old 06-17-2005, 01:24 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Hey guys,

Sorry for not updating you for a while. No, I was not killed by the psycho ex-boyfriend--yet =P

Hmm so I guess some of you want to know...what DID happen? =) Well that night I ended up going to her house, getting high, started watching a movie and eating some ice cream, typical stoner shit, and the 'what do we really want to do' atmosphere was completely palpable...so I ask her if she wants a back rub. Corny, yes, overused--maybe, but it worked. From there it was just a matter of going from massage to teasing her and pushing some buttons and I had her ready to go.

So we go to her room and she starts talking about how she really wants to be with me but she feels guilty with having just broken up with her boyfriend. Little more info on that...things hadn't been good for a while with them, but his appendix burst, he had no family, dad gone, mom in jail, no insurance or income, so he moved into her house. Things weren't great at that point but she felt obligated to take care of him. So anyways all his clothes are still in her room...she was saying she felt guilty. I can see this, as she was in an intense physical relationship with somebody for so long and now all of a sudden she's getting with someone different, only a week after they broke up.Well, we ended up talking a lot, fooling around some (shirts off, dry humping...pretty PG), I go home at like 5:20 am.

So last night she came over and there were limits at first...don't take her pants off. Well I was 'petting' her and teased the hell out of her and got her real horny and good to go and she told me she was worried about getting involved in something, especially after just getting single after being with her crazy boyfriend. I told her look...first off I'm no barfly, we relate on a lot of levels and have talked about a lot of shit even though we've only just met. We're just very open / honest / open minded. I also told her...I realize she's only just finally become single again, and I don't want to pin her down. But while I have her attention, I don't want to have any regrets, and I'm willing to give to her whatever she wants from me. I realise at any moment she could just lose interest, find somebody else, and there would be nothing I could do and I want to show her everything I've got to give her....so basically I offered to let her be a fuck buddy if she wanted, and I wouldn't hold her down with a relationship. Honestly I was stupid for ever worrying that she was too 'weird' for me, she's really opened my eyes to the fact that the ideal person I was always looking for but thought didn't exist, actually does. Where I don't feel like I have to play any kind of games for her to stay with me.

So after all this talking, came the sex. Clawing, biting, nail digging, body shaking, animal sex. It was awesome...amazing passionate sex. Like 10 different positions, got her to come twice before I let myself finish. I wanted to show her what I had and I think I made a pretty good impression. I had to go to work in the morning and I got in an hour late but it was well worth it. It was her day off so she went home...and I'm callin her when I get out of work.

So now I guess the dilemma is this...we're definitely not fuck buddy material. We're already at a much deeper level emotionally than that. But she wants to see what it's like being single...or so she says. I feel like i've found my other half, but I don't want to hold her down and pull her into a relationship she doesn't want to be in.

So, I'm going to see how things go. We'll keep doin whatever it is we're gonna feel like doin, and I'll leave it up to her if she wants to try to graze greener pastures. I know she won't find any, but its perogative if she wants to wander.

So that's that for now, I'm basically completely off of my original post. Girl isn't weird at all...she's spontaneous and crazy and the sexiest thing I've ever seen Haha oh man I'm beginning to sound whipped...kinda a fun feeling.

Anyways feel free to keep giving me advice, I'll keep ya'll updated.
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Old 06-17-2005, 01:35 PM   #27 (permalink)
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"I'm sorry, but kangaeru can't come to the phone right now. He is tied to a bed in a double-wide trailer in the middle of the Arizona desert. When Snake, the wild-eyed crackhead ex-boyfriend, finishes sodomizing him (while psycho, wrist-slitting, work-out girl films it), kangaeru will call you right back. However, if you don't hear from him within 48 hours, bring the cadaver dogs to Latitude 23.785 N, Longitude 76.296."
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Old 06-17-2005, 01:41 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Location: on the road to where I want to be...
Haha Cimarron, totally off base, except her boyfriend will try to kill me most likely if he finds out.
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Old 06-17-2005, 03:13 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Kang,

I read this post...I was worried that something bad mighta happened to you too..but is sounds like good news!!

so you got some o that toned fine looking ars did yah? well go for you...now RUN RUN RUN RUN away...

I've seen what you are dealing with and in the end it was only missory...

let me tell you this...

I had a cat names (appropriately) Voltas...

I no longer have that cat because a phyco girl like yours... she was good in bed though...but it wasn't worth it in the end.
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Old 06-17-2005, 05:50 PM   #30 (permalink)
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There are all sorts of things that people tell you to do and not do in these situations. One thing that having a little life experience has told me is that many things happen for a reason. If you are true to yourself and your beliefs and act natural, it will either work out or it won't. There are too many things in life to get hung up over the exact move to make or the right/wrong thing to say. I was in fucked up relationship after fucked up relationship until I basically accidentally met my wife. We had one of those 4 or 5 hour talk sessions on our 2nd data that sealed the deal for me. The relationship was never hard. Good luck with this and hopefuly it will work out like it is meant to.
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Old 06-17-2005, 08:03 PM   #31 (permalink)
hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005
 
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I'm in with skysooner- you bounce from bad idea to bad idea until the *perfect* person for you comes along. If this girl is for you, then man, nothing will keep you two apart. But if she's not for you, then eventually you're going to go your seperate ways. BUT the point is, you're with her NOW, you care for her NOW, and NOW is when you have fun!!!

oh, and PS, you might want to figure out what this psycho ex looks like, so you can make sure to steer clear of him if you happen to run across him/get stalked by him. just a suggestion
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Old 06-18-2005, 08:12 PM   #32 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: on the road to where I want to be...
Thanks for the advice, Sage, everyone....


So right now the update is basically my last post. We had sex, and now I figured things are going to shake up and I'm going to find out her serious she is about anything with me. Either she was on the rebound and looking for sex, or maybe she really likes me. We're doing the phone tag game, right now I called her last at 8:15pm to see what she was doing (after i left dave matthews band tailgating party) and as of now, 12:11am, she hasn't called me. I assume she went out with her friends, which is good for her. However now I can't call her till she calls me, so we'll see what happens and if she decides to call at all tomorrow.

If she doesn't, I guess I can call her monday afternoon, but anything before that and I'm showing desperation...which would be too bad. I hope she doesn't go about it like that, but we'll see...

As always, updates will ensue.
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Old 06-22-2005, 11:08 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Location: on the road to where I want to be...
Update, for those interested.

I called her on Monday, she didn't get back to me. I saw her in the gym and we made small talk but I was kind of like ehh whatever why are you trying to act like everything is normal when you know something is up. She said she might go to a party on the beach with some friends this weekend and she would let me know..I said call me if you want to, I'm not gonna hound you about it and left it at that. So she doesn't call me monday or tuesday, and then I see her again at the gym today when I head in. I'm was pretty curt with her, she tried to talk to me a bit and I was just like yeah, blah blah blah, as soon as someone needed her attention I was like "keep it real" and I left. I went out to my car, pulled out my cell phone and erased her number from my contacts, figuring this was a done deal and I might as well just settle in for some akward gym visits for a while.

Then she called me, at like 10:45. I picked up the phone and was like, 'woah, i almost had a heart attack, I didn't expect to see you calling me again' and she's like I know I'm sorry I haven't called, I just have never done this casual dating thing before and I don't really know what to say after what happened. I was like, just be honest with me. Don't tell me you want to go hang out with me on a weekend then disappear on and flake out on me. Just keep me in the loop, you can have anything from me you want, but decide what it is so I know. I don't let anybody play around with me like that.

So basically we talked for like 15 minutes and settled on the fact that she likes me a lot, we have a connection, but she's single now for the first time in her life, and she loves the freedom, and wants to explore it. I was like hey listen, not to sound arrogant, but you're never going to find anybody better than me. You can go out all you want and get hit on by scumbags at the bar but you're going to find it as empty as I have. We can be whatever you want us to be, I can deal with us hooking up and when you want to go out and have your fun with your girls you can go ahead and do whatever you want, because I know you won't find something better that you want to hold on to.

So the conversation ended kind of on an open note...basically we're not sure if we're going to be friends, fuck buddies, or have a relationship. It's totally up in the air, at this point.

Now personally, I've been single for like 2 years, I'm ready for a relationship. All I can think of at this point is we'll hang out as friends, with some sexual tension hanging in the air, and whenever we party or get under some influences we'll end up fucking. So at least I don't fall into the friend zone. I'm not sure I can handle just being her friend if I have to watch her fall another guy...that I couldn't handle. Didn't say that though.

I expect she'll enjoy being single for a month or two and then she'll have hung around with me enough that she'll want to committ to something. I just need to walk a tight rope until that point comes...

Any suggestions?
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Old 06-22-2005, 11:17 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Honestly, I think that you're already in the friend zone. She's keeping you as her cock in a bottle. With the "in case of emergency break glass" label on it. I can understand that she wants to explore a little bit just becoming single and all, but I think that she'll just keep you around until she finds somebody better. Either that, or she runs back to her ex with the glock. I've been there man, and I've wasted more than enough time on chicks like these. They can't get their shit together, they don't know what they want and they're a waste of time because they just string you along while giving you that tiny glimmer of hope of something more when in reality, she has no real intention of starting a relationship. I think that she just wants to fuck. So as far as you're concerned, since she's as hot as you say, have fun fucking her brains out and when it ends, it ends.

Overall, don't waste your time man. Tell her want you want and if she can't figure it out then leave things open. Let her come to you. If she doesn't, it wasn't meant to be anyway.
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Old 06-23-2005, 08:49 PM   #35 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: on the road to where I want to be...
Juicy

Haha you know what man, I'm stoned and I just had the sickest idea, so I have to follow you up on that.

As to being her cock in a bottle, no. I'm going to give her a lot of space, not going to call her or hang out with her except maybe once every week and a half, im guessing. Probably 2. But when I do hang out with her, I am going to make it doing exciting shit. Like sky diving. Or trail riding on horses. I'll make it out there and interesting every time. I am going to give her so much adventure on a platter, i'll be the most intriguing person she's ever met.

And then what is she doing after all that adventuring all day? Kiss me on the cheek and see ya at the gym? Doubtful...movie time I think? Yeah, so probably won't be so friend zone.

I don't know, call me crazy. In general, wouldn't any women find it romantic that someone would do something like that? I go back to college in 2 months and a week. I can't sit around on my ass if I want to make anything happen, because if nothing does by then we will end up never seeing each other again.
So I am gonna try and pull some crazy stuff. Call it a project.

Oh, and one more thing. There are definitely no worries about running back to the ex. It's more about having the freedom to be single. To enjoy thinking in the shower on a friday evening about how sick you're going to party in only an hour or two. You can do anything.

I'll let her keep that. I won't call her or talk to her except on the days we do this shit. I'll do regular gym chat with her cause she works there but it'll be the same short bla bla flirt flirt stuff it is now. Then, after she's had her 2 months and 1 week, it'll be a crossroads. We'll see what happens.

Thanks for visiting my stoned rambling mind,

Kangaeru
(Fyi, my name does not mean kangaroo. It is the japanese plain form verb for to think. It was bugging me the other when I was bored at work when it occurred to me it could be misread that way. So, anyways there it is for anyone who ever wondered :P)

Last edited by kangaeru; 06-23-2005 at 09:02 PM..
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Old 06-23-2005, 11:25 PM   #36 (permalink)
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I am totally impressed (seriously, Kangaeru) with your last post. If it all works out great, and if it doesn't then the next amazing lady in your life will benefit that much quicker from what you've gone through here. Excellent, good luck, and have a great summer.

ps thanks for the user name info - I had wondered what it meant but had no prejudgment or anything - figured I'd find out, and here you go then
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Old 07-02-2005, 08:49 AM   #37 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: on the road to where I want to be...
UPDATE FOR KRAMUS:: the only one still reading this!!!

Well as with this relationship, it always seems to have a plot twist. So last night my parents are gone on a weekend getaway, im chilling at home smoking weed, and guess who calls me. This girl. She wanted to come chill. I didn't expect it or anything--I had mentioned my sky diving idea to her and she was like yeah yeah i want to but it's expensive bla bla bla...so my prior plan wasn't quite happening yet. Can't force it if it's not there. So anyways last night she comes over and we hang out chill smoke talk a lot. Talked a lot about our relationship actually...and she tells me she is fucking the abercrombie poster boy from the gym! Regularly! Supposedly they're , 'in the same place', because they both JUST got out of long term relationships and say they don't want something long term serious...yet I get her naked last night and then she wouldn't have sex because she'd feel guilty..like she was cheating on him. So I was like well you can't do that to me, I'm not going to be your cock in a bottle. Not happening. I've been prepared this whole time to walk my separate way and not talk to you, because yeah it would suck, but whatever we have is so fragile I can't put any kind of investment into it, because it could just poof, and I have to walk away from that.

So what does she tell me then? That I should hang out with her best friend Leah. She's like the minute I saw you I thought you would be good for her before myself...

So I was kind of like..hmm...but that makes me look less to you, because I'm just flip flopping to your friend. But on the other hand, you're going to lose me from your life completely otherwise, because I'm not sticking around. I told her you're lying to yourself if you think you're single but you feel guilty being with other guys. You're already back in a relationship. "well he's going back to college in the fall so then it'll end" -- okay, sure. We'll see.

--On a side rant--, I was annoyed at first that this other guy would get chosen over me. Because I think I'm better. So i asked her why him, and she was basically like a) we just got over long term relationships and b) I can't figure him out. He's mysterious. Not to mention he probably is a little better looking than me. Not by much but in all honesty he could be on an abercrombie poster. So basically this girl likes that complex...he plays subtle games basically, can't talk about anything like we can. So that demystifies me, I'm all figured out. Boring =P To her anyways, some people want that and some don't, I don't, so maybe when I find someone who doesn't want that kind of bullshit, i'll be satisfied. Maybe it'll be her friend, I dunno whatever, but I'll have to go back into thinking of what angles to play and what to say right all the time, and not be myself, because I won't know her.

But according to this girl I'm with her friend is gorgeous, but then she's hyping her up so I don't know. I guess I'll go out with her once and see how things go. Can't hurt.

So random, but whatever, gotta roll with it.
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Old 07-02-2005, 09:46 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Location: in a padded room.
IMO, she isn't worth your time.

The only problem with people who are mysterious, is that sooner or later they will become unveiled, and then she will "figure him out" putting him in the same place as you, while it may be a strong attraction in the begining it can't last.

Sounds like you had fun with her, and probably would have treated her like a queen, but she doesn't seem to want it - Time to offer your goods to someone else who would be more appreciative.


Good luck man.
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Old 07-02-2005, 09:47 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Doesn't sound like you're doing so bad to me. Hell, fuck all her friends.
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Old 07-02-2005, 10:27 AM   #40 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: on the road to where I want to be...
I kind of agree with both of you. I really never got attached to her emotionally because I always knew i'd have to be ready to drop her at a moment's notice and walk away from the whole thing.

So if she wants to introduce me to her best friend...sure. I'll see what's there, cause you never know. Worse comes to worse, i'll go out with her once and see that there wasn't anything there and move on. But who knows what i'll find when I open up this new present =P

p.s. -- I would just like to note that i let myself be figured out. I have posted here many times before about how to play the dating game and in the end I decided it's something I have to be in the mood to do. With this girl, I just don't feel like doing it. If it's someone more shallow / looking for only a fling, I could be right up there with anybody. But I just kind of know what I want more at this point.

Honestly I think I will never get into a LTR with anyone who was raised in America. My best friend is in Hong Kong right now, one of his good friends up at college is chinese and he lives in a family of entrepreneurs in hong kong / shenzen china. He was telling me about the massage he got in his buddy's family's mansion. They went to a baller club where you pick a hot girl to wait on you with food, drink, basically treat you like a king. Then you head off to the private showers, wash each other, do what you wanna do, then shower again. He said he fell in love with the girl who was with him and he is 100% positive he wants to learn mandarin now. I dunno, that sounds like more of something I would be into. America has so many social rules and everyone plays games, just getting to do something like that would be infinitely more pleasurable to me than a 1 night stand where I have to work for it all night, only to feel bored and guilty the next day. The Chinese know how to do it right.
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Last edited by kangaeru; 07-02-2005 at 10:31 AM..
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