I've found that I attract a lot of girls with self confidence issues who use me as a stepping stone to a seemingly "better" state of existence. A lot of my ex girlfriends were first attracted to me because I was the "nice guy" and they felt safe with me. After being with me for several months, during which I tried to make them feel better about themselves, they would leave me without so much as a thank you. As sad as this sounds, I can't seem to break myself out of this cycle, as it looks like it's happening all over again right now with my current girlfriend.

Quit being nice.

Seriously.

When women know they can have you they look for something better.

Don't be a cock, but just keep her feeling a bit insecure. She will work to keep you interested in her, instead of the other way around.

I don't attract women at all. It's kinda of odd, really.

I tend to attract either very geeky guys, or very musically talented guys. Never the "popular" ones, but the guys that are smart and sweet.

All of the girls I've attracted have been kind of gothy or geeky... except for Sharlene. God I miss Sharlene. She was by far the hottest... *sigh*

I end up getting the sweat covered pale as bone nerd, the kind of guy who views me as a novelty because I love to LAN, and then promptly reminds me to get my butt back in the kitchen.

Thankfully, I've broken the cycle of getting closet sexists.

I don't recall...it's been a long time since I was hit on. Probably because of the ring on my finger.....

Codependants... seriousally :(

When I my ego was more inflated I would attract a few pretty girls that I was mutually interested in. Then I tried asking one of them out, and that totally blew up in my face...destroying whatever ego was there. Now that the ego has been decimated, I only get noticed by monsterously obese, semi-psychotic chicks. This does not help the ego any.

As far as I attract any girl at all, I seem to attract girls who are out of sync with reality somehow... not bad enough to need a shrink, but enough to make you go "Ummm... okay" a lot when talking to them.

I guess that's because I'm pretty much the same...
Don't you DARE say "Ummm... okay" now....

I nearly said "umm....okay," but decided against it.

Ha-ha! I'm probably the only person who got that! (You have very good Viewing tastes Guthmund)

I attract Asians, and short 'well built' chicks. But not what I want.

So you advocate playing mind games with women? Ustwo Ustwo Ustwo... Don't you know how much trouble that causes in the long run? What kind of bad reputation women have for playing said mind games...

:cries:

Ooooh I loathe mind games

Asta!!

Don't blame me for the female mind.

Most women don't want nice guys they want strong guys, alpha males if you will.

Took me until I was 20 to figure that out. Once I did I went from short term relationships and hookups, to dating three 'quailty' women at the same time. I ended up marrying one of them and we have been together for the last 13 years.

I could, as usual, go into my genetic theories on this, but the implication is pretty clear.

I've heard this same lament from many guys, be it on message boards or in person, and my advice is sound. I would say it causes no trouble in the long run, because as time passes you can be as attentive as you want, but durring that inital courtship phase, you need to prove to the woman you are worth persuing. If only I knew this when I was 16 :p

Lack of a backbone is just --- :shudders: no one wants that... (they all tend to show up at my doorstep) Nice guys can be strong guys - nice doesn't equal lack of a backbone... Nice is not a derogatory term (though it seems as it is these days)

Keeping someone a little insecure is not being a strong guy, it's still playing a mind game, and that's wrong (in my opinion)... I'm not seeing it any differently than women who use tears as a means to get what they want.

Maybe you and mrs ustwo have been married for 13 years because she was finally the right woman, and well she likes ya for you.. .Not because you keep her feeling a little insecure and wants to do stuff to keep you interested... :)

Mmmmm perhaps I need to be more clear by what I mean by 'insecure'.

What I mean is that the women should not be allowed to feel that she 'has' you 100%. The male must project to her that while he likes her, if she leaves he will get by just fine, and perhaps he is still looking. Is this a mind game? Sure, but I think it is needed as sex is a mind game, involving factors that are as old as life itself.

When I say stop being nice, what I mean is stop putting her as your number 1 priority. It doesn't mean do mean things but when guys think 'nice' they tend to be almost like supplicants (your no-backbone types).

This is really about plain old self confidence. You have to realize you have something to offer women even if you are not the 'pretty boy' type and that its as much about them deserving you as you deserving them.

I've spoken to several women about this and the reactions have been kinda funny at times. My favorite was when I was in a group of men and women, (was in my early 20's at the time) and the two women of course said I was wrong. Then after words one of them comes up and tells me I'm 100% correct but she didn't want to say it in front of the other guys and give them the wrong impression. Most do tend to agree but I'm sure its a point I make better in person than in text form.

Edit:Speeling

The Rebel I think had a pretty good handle on what attracted women, I think. Anyway...

I have to agree with maleficient on this. I've no trouble with women and I'm not a mean guy by any indication. Granted I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder, but I don't qualify that as being mean.

I've also had no problem attracting other women. I think what it takes is more confidence than anythign else, something I have in spades. I know who I am, I know my strengths and weaknesses and I have no problem in believing I can do something. If you're sure enough about something the other party will buy into it too. It's true in sales and also in dating, except in dating the thing you need to be sure about is yourself.

Or that's my experience, anyway. It's worked for me.

EDIT - Gotta love the quoting system here. I had no idea James Dean hung out at TFP.

Exactly my situation...and stiLL is.....

siGhz.. i always worry him, no matter what i do, and where.. ....something like being overprotective i think.... :hmm:

I agree with Ustwo in that whether you are male or female, if you lock onto somebody with the "you are my world" mentality it becomes unattractive. There is nothing wrong maintaining individual interests, individual opinions, and a regard for yourself that supersedes the relationship. Letting somebody know that you worthy and desirable inside or outside of the relationship keeps SO's from taking each other for granted.

I imagine in 13 years together, Ustwo's wife must display a bit of this as well, which is not a "mind game" but rather self confidence.

I'm with Irishsean on this one... I attract all the girls with emotional problems... and it usually goes really well, untill I'm in a bad way, and I need help through a problem. At that point i realize they arent there for me and can't be bothered with my problems... Then get fed up, try to break up with them and then they proceede to turn into psychos who want to commit suicide, and tell me I'm just like every other guy they have dated... Even my fiance now... she has been abused by her last b/f and has put her emotional security in her dog... but...shes changing.... and always there for me when I need her.

Intelligent, artistic, beautiful, heroic, strong, well-rounded, stimulating and sexy, adorable, hot, sweet, romantic, love-of-my-life, my husband.

That's who... :)

in my teen years I unfortunately seemed to attract all the weird, nerdy, semi-genius types and it was very scary.

After that I have attracted mainly intelligent, nice, good-looking, medium-built guys who make friends easily and are generally independent and driven, and have a few family troubles usually, but who despite being loving are lacking in the romance department at times...which is a minor flaw I deal with. All in all I think I'm doing alright.

while somewhat reserved... i have a very strong personality (read: decisive and independent) with a (too?) caustic wit. add a mild shade of sexism and chivalrous upbringing and you'll see that i'm to feminist-types as kryptonite is to superman. if any of those women are initially attracted to me, the illusion soon passes.

i often attract women who like 'strong' men. they are often demure and traditional, at least when around me.

they are usually very pretty, but seldom the stunning turn-your-head-as-they-walk-by sort. those girls tend to expect people to take more crap from them than i will take.

i know i sound like a bit of a jerk. to be sure, i am sometimes. you'd like me though, really.

I... attract... girls?

That would be something new.

So I guess it's the nonexistant ones. Le sigh.

Don't sell yourself short, man. You sound like a huge jerk.

We all love you anyway. :D

Due to a lack of effort, I have not been attracting much of anyone lately. Maybe I'll try if anyone at school catches my eye this coming semester.

I'm with MrSelfDestruct on this one. It's been over a year since i've even been on a date. :(

But before that...
All the girls i've been with have had completely and utterly differant personalities, and can't really think of any similarities in that department. But strangely enough, all of them have had red/dirty blonde hair, freckles, and have been pretty short.

Maybe that just the type you're attracted to?

I went through high school happily oblivious to the fact that a large number of the girls in my class seemed to find me rather attractive. The ones I noticed were the ones I was attracted to; I was too young and ignorant to realize that anyone else was attracted to me as well.

most of my girlfriends have been kind of similar in personality, but i can't really put a finger on their type, per se.

Immature psychos. And one lesbian. She was the end of me. Altho, it did get kind of confusing for our friends, as noone thought that it would, um, "work."

when i look really nice, i attract nice-looking jerks, which really frustrates me. as far as my personality goes, i attract nerds (which are cool!) and creeps (not so cool), but its hard to convince anyone to date me really, lol! usually as people start to find out more about me, they start to not like me as much and they dump me. oh well.

as far as physical attributes, i attract brown haired, brown eyed guys, which doesn't bother me a bit cuz i sorta have a thing for brown eyes ;)

^ (have brown eyes)

Same as todd and Mr. SelfDis. Need to get out more. But for a time, I'd get social out casts and depressed girls. Lately, well... There's this gal in the office next to me...

i attract the shallow materialistic girls for some reason and they also seem to be short as well and i am a tall guy

That's a good question!

I have never really paid that much attention to what type of girls i attract, I do know though..They have always been brunnette's, Good personality's, Love to have fun, Not into themselves..

I'm more attracted to older girls, But i attract girls who are usually about 5 years younger than me.

Most girls that have been attracted to me have been just a bit too explicit about wanting to get physical. Subsequently I decided that they were not suitable candidates for a relationship.

Those that have expressed no interest - well who knows what they think. I don't talk to them much. When I do, they seem to get the impression that I'm trying to bed them.

: >

I wish I had ALMOSTAUGUST's problem
 

Nothing but psychos here, psychos-R-us. I have not had a single 'normal' g-friend. All are on a steady dose of baggage and remorse. I become this knight in shinning armor to the tune of lifting them out of the mess they never seem to be able to figure out how they got themselves into. And it seem to extend past g-friends, my reg friends both male and female it seems i am always bailing them out of this or that, its tough but rerwarding. Somthes you might be glad for the type you do have AUGUST. its not greenier on this side of the pasture. lol.

I get the sense that the women who are attracted to me are also intimidated by me. I'm kinda difficult to get to know, If you were to look at me, I'd prob emit a vibe that says, "Fuck off, I don't need you". So the kind I attract are women who are terribly interested in my mystery. Curious, stubborn, unqiue girls.

Before I met hubby it seemed like I attracted mostly bad boys. I know I have a strong personality, I am extremely outgoing and willing to step out first to do things. I think this intimidated a lot of the "nice" guys. I've been told (and I'm glad to hear it. lol) that I exude a certain sexuality though not overt. In the religious circles that I ran in a sexual undertone is feared by many guys so I attracted very few of those.

Now that hubby and I swing I tend to attract a lot of guys, young and old. Many seem like a badboy type. But then again in a swinger lifestyle, many of the participants are risk takers in the first place.

My first boyfriend was an abuser but my second was actually quite submissive in a way. So I find it hard to catagorize the kind that I find.

I know that "type" in the context of this thread is referring to personality rather than race, but I seem to get a disproportionate amount of attention from Asian and hispanic women. Personality-wise, I seem to get all types: nice, not nice, liberal, conservative, apolitical, intellectual, non-intellectual, etc.

As my job requires it, I have to talk to pretty much individual that comes into the store. Unfortunately, many people see this as me hitting on them and consequently, I get all sorts of people somewhat interested in me. I don’t even know why, I’m not even attractive heh.

Out of the work environment, I seem to attract girls with just as many issues as me. The last girl for example, has the biggest drinking problem in that she drinks to the point of passing out EVERY night.