ShaniFaye

First, I couldnt figure out where this subject fit best...so if a mod thinks it should be somewhere else, please move it.

I thought about the ladies lounge, but I want mens views as well

Ok, so Im on a wedding board full of "oh my e-ring better be at LEAST two months salary or I will make him give me another one" and "I'd better get at least 100 bucks per person as a wedding gift or I will be really insulted" and "why cant every body do what I want them to do, when/how I want them to do it...it's MYYYYY day an I wont compromise" kind of people.

The question comes up fairly reguarly about "allowing" their guys to go to strip clubs or hiring a stripper for their bachelor parties.

These women say things like.....
I will call off the wedding if he does
Im putting my foot down..he will NOT do this
how could he want to celebrate his marriage to me this way
if he cheats on me this way the relationship is over
and....well you get the idea.

There are those of us there that have no problem with it, me included. I told Dave he could do whatever he wanted...I only had two requests...#1, not the night before the wedding and #2 that they have a designated driver.

We get looked down on because we dont have an issue with it, and we dont see it as cheating.

My question for you guys and gals, since there is SUCH a varied type of people here is...

Pretend your getting married....your S/0 is having a stripper (or going to every strip club in town) at his or her party. What would your reaction be?

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f6twister

As a guy, I wouldn't have had a problem with my wife having a stripper at her party. I trust my wife completely and know that she would never have done anything more than watch, dance a little and maybe stuff a few dollars. Hardly something to even consider ending a relationship over. I also agree with your two terms, they both make very good sense.

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Redlemon

OK, I may be a dork, but I see absolutely no appeal in going to a strip club. I'm not interested in watching women pretend to be interested in me so that they can empty my wallet. Also, I don't see "one last fling" as an appropriate thing to do; either you are ready to settle down, or you aren't. Of course, I scored pretty low on the "ethical slut" test (no sharing), so that's where I'm coming from.

I didn't have a bachelor party. After the rehearsal dinner, I just hung out with whoever else was in the hotel where I was staying. I don't feel like I missed anything. The closest to a traditional bachelor party that I attended was a bunch of guys in a room, watching porn and drinking. That was pretty stupid and lame.

All that aside: I trust my SO to stay within the relationship boundaries that we have established. If she wanted to hit a strip club with the girls, she could.

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Sage

If I wasn't there with him I'd be disappointed!

Seriously tho, I can't picture myself without Martel, but my personal view on the whole batchelor's/batchelorette party thing is it's about the most god-awful dumb assed idea on earth (if it's one of those "traditional" things) :
My take on the "traditional" way people go about having these things is: "oh my God, you're going to be having sex with ONE PERSON for the rest of your life starting tommorow so tonight you should act like a complete SLUT and do whatever you want to!" Like, gee, it's so god-awful that you love someone enough to marry them and are then *ahem* STUCK with ONE set of T&A for the rest of your life. Stupid moronic assinine grumble grumble grumble....

BUT if you and Dave want to do something fun and special, GO FOR IT!!! All those girls on your wedding board will be shriveled up and leathery by the time they're thrity-five from all the tanning, smoking, drinking, and make-up they're wearing now. While you will still have that fab-u-lous ass and Dave will still be all like "does my baaaad girl deserve to be whipped? YES she does!!" But I still say that I'd be totally jealous if Martel got a hot stripper and didn't share. Or two hot strippers... or mebbe three... yeah, three is a good number.......

and I do mean women strippers

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Charlatan

How is a stripper in anyway cheating? Is watching porn cheating? Does having a physical precense somehow change the event?

I just don't understand people.

Myself, I didn't really have a bachelor party. I had a beer with a friend who said at one point in the evening, "Say! Aren't you getting married tomorrow?"

I also don't understand the whole need to get avaricious... My ring had better be worth 2 months salary... Gifts better be $100/head... etc.

How about don't fucking spend $100K on a wedding unless you (or your parents) can actually afford it?

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tacobaal

i would have no problem with her going at all /hiring a stripper, but the fact that she would cut my balls off if i went.... no way shes going anywhere like that.

Ustwo

Heh, I pity those men marrying that kind of women, though I think a lot of what women do with this kind of thing is what they are expected to do. They are taught you need to be jealous and he should only have eyes for you etc etc, and react accordingly without much thought into it.

While I think stripclubs are not very fun since its just an expensive tease, I know my wife would have NO problem with me going to one. I often joke that if my current line of work doesn't work out I can always open a strip club.

Stripclubs are quite tame compared to what my wife and I do

But as a side note I used to post on a board (no longer with us) where there were long threads by women complaining about their husbands internet porn addiction, and how they were secretly monitoring him etc.

My wife read them and thought the women were all nuts. My wife knows that if I look at someone on the net that doesn't mean I don't love her, or that if I go to a strip club I'm still comming home. Insecurity seems to play a huge part in it.

Also if my wife were going to some male strip club I'd tell her to have a good time.

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Meditrina

My husband had a bachelor party about 1 week before our wedding. While he was enjoying himself, my friends took me out drinking and dancing (because that is what I liked to do). It did not bother me that the boys went to a strip place. I have never stopped my husband from doing anything. I felt that if I "put my foot down" like those girls were saying, he would just do it behind my back and perhaps it would be worse.

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Redlemon

I think the line is between "stripper in a strip club" and "stripper hired at apartment"; the latter could become "prostitute".

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Ustwo

From what I understand they become prostitutes at the clubs too at times.

I think the only issue here is trust and insecurity (with yourself). If you trust your partner and you are secure in your looks I can't see how this should be an issue for anyone.

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ShaniFaye

Thats true...BUT would you being marrying someone that you couldnt trust to be around a naked man/woman and not fuck them? (unless that is an ok thing to do in the type of relationship that you have)

Lets face it, Bachelor parties are just as much for the friends as they are the groom.....I realize not all guys are into that kind of thing. Dave honestly doesnt care if he has a bachelor party or not and he doesnt care what type of party it is. I have no desire myself to have a naked man at any party I might have....mainly cause I'd laugh myself off the furniture at how ridiculous they look when they are dancing.....but if thats what my g/f's wanna do its fine with me.

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Ustwo

Exactly.

If you can't trust your SO with this, odds are you shouldn't be married.

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tres

Women that require rings to be a certain amount of money, and expect a certain amount from people at the wedding are in it for 2 things... THE DIAMONDS, THE MONEY, THE WEDDING, and then the control when they "put their foot down". IMO they are not worth marrying... they are so caught up in having the ring, and the wedding they always dreamed of since they were kids, that they lose the real meaning, a comming together with the person that you supposedly love and want to spend the rest of your life with. If my woman ever "put her foot down" about something I thought was unresasonable... it would so be over.. I don't need that control, I'm not a child. As long as I'm being faithful, not lying, and fulfilling the relationship requirements (ie: spending time with her/helping around the house) then and SO should not have any say in where I go and what I do. My girl doesent prefer that I look at other women on the net, so she let me take pics of her, so I woulnt have to. I totally don't understand people (men or women) that let their SO control them...

Now, just to keep on topic..as far as bachleor parties go.... again.. as long as people remain faithful then great... but sex is definetly out...

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Martian

I'm the same as everyone here. I wouldn't be asking someone to marry me (or agreeing to marry someone, it is the 21st century) without loving and trusting that someone completely. If she wants a stripper then so be it; I'd trust her not to get out of hand.

As to my own, I don't think I'd be interested. I'd rather hang out with my friends, drink some beer and shoot some pool and a stripper in that situation isn't likely to do more than mess up my bank shot.

Cynthetiq

Skogafoss didn't have any plans, I asked JustJess to take her to see some strippers....

it was then I learned the terms "showers" and "growers"

don't have any problem with strippers and neither does Skogafoss. She just thinks they are like going to the casino, expensive and a waste of money.

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oberon

Man. Where do I find women like Sage? But then I wouldn't have a problem with male strippers, as long as they don't try to fuck me.

Also, to stay on topic. My thoughts: WTF are you marrying them for? The wedding? Or because you love and trust them?

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Zegel

I had my bachelor party two weeks and a day ago, and had quite a bit of this drama there.

With my groomsmen it was pretty obvious that there would be a stripper, and my Wife wasnt too pleased by that fact. We were due to get married two days later to me spending the night with strippers when we were so close to getting married didnt sit to well. Not exactly a shocking revelation there. I didnt end up feeling too much heat on the subject though, since my groomsmen took the route of "you dont have any say in whatever we're planning". She ended up pissed at them for a while though .

And honestly, I guess it depends on the groom, but I wasnt very interested in having strippers at my bachelor party either. As Redlemon said, I'm not really interested in women pretending to be interested in me. Especially two days from my wedding, when I would have much perferred to be staying home with my fiancee where the interest is real (and can lead to a lot more fun ).

I guess it showed in the end, because one of the strippers eventually asked me "what was going on down there?". Hah. I wasnt into it at all, just the whole idea of it seemed pretty stupid. It wasnt just me either, pretty much everyone there except my bestman is in a long term relationship, so desipte the hollaring and crazy antics, no one seemed all that interested. Dumb tradition if you ask me.

Hardknock

First of all, (and this is my personal preference) I can't stand selfish women like that. They want a ring that's two months salary or they're breaking it off? Fuck that. Not all of us are daddy warbucks.

Anyway, to answer your question, I don't give a damn about strip clubs. It's all in good fun. So what if my SO and her friends went to see some guy in a g-string prance around for a few hours? I don't have a problem with it. If the guy is fucking everybody at the party then that's another issue. But club hopping, I don't care.

SiN

yuck. /me vomits.


I dunno ... i suppose I could understand it if it's what his friends planned for him ... and would probably agree with you Shani that the night before is not cool ... but otherwise whatever.

but otherwise ... i dunno, i'm not a huge fan of this 'tradition', it's just not my kind of thing, I don't know if I would be in such a situation ...

nevermind me, i'm just bitchy and bitter lately.

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StanT

I have no interest in going to a strip club, but if my wife or wife to be told me I couldn't, I'd be there ASAP. I really don't care if she goes to one. Our only rule is you can't take them home with you.

absorbentishe

I tried to get my wife to have a bachelorette(sp?) party with strippers, etc. She wouldn't. She's had opportunity to go see men strip, but won't go. I encourage her to do it. IMHO, I don't have a problem going to see strippers, or letting her see them is she wanted to.

As for the rings and the gifts, that's all hogwash, it's what ever can be afforded, don't put yourself in hock from the get go just for a ring.

Daniel_

I have no problem if she wants to see a stripper - but we just had a chat about it, and both of us pretty much agree that why would anyone want to see someone else take their kit off, when for the same money we could take each other's kit off, after a nice romantic dinner, or something else good.

Strippers for married/nearly married people REALLY seems to be like owning a vinyard, but going out to the offlicence and buying the cheapest, nastiest plonk you can find, pouring it out, and then LOOKING AT IT!

And not even drinking it.

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ALBINO

If my girlfriend was having a bachelorette party I'd be more worried about what the strippers are doing to her rather than what she was doing to them.

Sweetpea

I'm going to have to agree with what redlemon said here. and echo his sentiments.
my husband's bacholar party was as exciting as going to the movies and getting some burgers with his best man. and i just had a girly movie night with my friends . . .
I really don't understand the whole need to see someone else naked as a way to celebrate a wedding, it just seems cheap to me and unnessasary.

If my SO had wanted to do that for his bacholar party and wanted to employ a stripper, i wouldn't have been marrying him anyway because he would be a completely different person than he is.

but as far as what i think for other people . . . as long as a couple communicates about what they feel is appropriate, people can do whatever they want, anything goes in my book as long as they are respecting whatever boundaries they and their partner have set.

In other words . . . rock on shani



Sweetpea

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*Nikki*

I just got married abount a month ago now and this was not even an issue at all. Neither one of us cared about having any kind of party.

I think one night I went out to eat with like 8 girlfriends and he had his best friend from out of town stay with him and they went to the beach and to dinner.

We both had fun in our own ways. I think that doing something that would upset your SO right before THE DAY is pretty fucking stupid. There is already enough stress during that time. Just keep it low key.

oblar

personally I can see the appeal for some people, but personally, I think it is more just having either a guys' night out or a girls' night out. Just hanging out with some of your friends..

knowing many of my close friends, it would involve lots of alcohol and meat... possibly video games and movies playing in the background.. but generally just alcohol and the grill going the entire time.. to me that is more enjoyable than any stripper could ever be.. If I wanted to have female companionship at that time I would want it to be with my fiancee, but I can understand the just having your fun seperatley before hand...

i think it would probably be better to have the parties on the same night so you don't leave one of you at home while the other is out having fun with friends, but personally, it isn't that big of a deal for me.

snowy

It wouldn't bother me if that's what my SO wanted to do provided they were cool with me doing the same.

However, I have no desire for a male stripper the night before the wedding. I would like to have something fun, though. But I'm not going to hold my lack of a stripper against them.

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ophelia783

Personally, I don't really have an issue with majik going to a strip club; I've taken him to one myself.

I do have a bit of a problem with hiring a stripper for a bachelor party; I know of too many that have got out of hand, and while I trust majik, the last thing I want to do the week or whatever before our wedding is whether he was 100% faithful.

We were actually talking about our bachelor/bachelorette parties, and we'll probably have a joint one, going out with all of our friends (seeing as we live in 2 different countries, that probably won't happen often).

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boredom

I dont see why you just cant have sex with the fiance instead. sheesh last day bieng free my ass

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ShaniFaye

Id like to point out, my point was not having sex with said stripper....it was seeing one at all.

I personally have always loved going to strip clubs, mainly to laugh at all the skinny women with fake body parts. The best club I ever went to was one outside of Atlanta that actually hired real women, with big butts, a little tummy here and there.

anyway.....I realize its not a lot of peoples idea of a good time...hell I dont give two hoots about a male stripper, their floppy weenies waggling around make me die laughing and I find nothing sexy about a man with tons of muscles and 6 pack abs (as Dave says....you mean you'd really rather have my pony keg abs?") I honestly have every belief that our parties will be with both of us and not seperate (as I have only two female friends that I'd want to hang out with lol)

It just really gets me that some people automatically thing stripper=automatic sex with the stripper

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Seeker

If my partner wanted a stripper I'd live with it. I think I'd know enough about my partner before marriage, therefore if it was something that was up his ally he could have it..

As others have mentioned before me, if you're getting married there would be nothing to be insecure about because one would hope the commitment and communication would already be there. If not, why the hell would you want or expect marriage to fix it?

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embo

I'm male, and here's my take. I am recently divorced, but when I got married, I had a bachelor party. Not really so much because I wanted it, but because my friends wanted an excuse to go to the strip joint. I agree completely with the previous poster who said they are not interested in watching naked women pretend to be interested in them just so they can empty my wallet.

If I ever get married again, I would like to have a bachelor party. But it will not involve a strip club, mostly because they do absolutely nothing for me. Trust me, I love naked women, but I really don't need the act of looking at naked women turning into a business transaction...this is what removes all fun from stip clubs for me.

My next bachelor party will be something like a long weekend in Chicago, golfing and going to a Cubs game, or spending a week in Colorado hanging out in a resort somewhere. Or maybe a week long fishing trip to Canada. Of course there will be some booze and some fun. But I want something classier than stuffing dollar bills into some crack whore's g-string. I want a bachelor party that can be the kind of thing I can still do with the guys AFTER I'm married.

Bachelor parties don't have to be bad. They can be a chance for guys to bond and just hang out and be guys, like "they used to do".

cellophanedeity

I'd be fine with it if he wanted to go to a strip club for an evening. I agree with Shani when she says "not the night before" but I'm okay with strip clubs, as long as it doesn't become habitual. To be honest, we're talking about going to a strip club for my 19th. You know, just to say that we did. (Imagine telling your kids "for my 19th birthday mommy's boyfriend took mommy to see naked ladies dance!)

I'd rather just not have the pre-party, and save all of the money for the after party. Tell the guys that instead of taking you out to see naked ladies that they can chip in to pay for the open bar!

SparklingDot

My SO and I have talked about it. He told me that all he wants is a soda and movie night with the guys. While it may change when he actually has a party, I don't care if he goes to a club or the guys hire a stripper, so long as he comes home to me afterward. And we both know and accept that my friends will plan something off the wall for me. I'm fine with whatever happens (assuming there is not sex with strippers, as Shani said) so long as we can tell each other about it afterwards. Call it a bonding experience.

I really like how lots of people have thrown the "one last fling" mentality out the window. There's no point in getting married if one feels the need to have a wild night before settling down.

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BCD

I have a bit hypocritical view of things. I actually did some stripping in college, including for bachelorette parties. I think bachelor and bachelorette parties are acceptable, provided there isn't any over-the-top sexual contact. I don't mean slapping ass or having genitals stuck in your face. I'm talking more along the lines of blowjobs, handjobs / fingering, and sex. Stuff where the attendees start thinking you're being inappropriate and disrespectful to your future spouse, and where, if your future spouse found out, you know they would totally lose their mind.

It wasn't uncommon for women to give me a blowjob at the bachelorette parties. While these women were usually not the bride to be, sometimes they were. Looking back at it, I feel pretty bad that I permitted / encouraged this with these bachelorettes. It would be one thing if they were open and honest with their fiance about it and otherwise had their consent, but I'm certain almost every one did not tell their fiance, did not have their fiance's consent, and probably felt somewhat guilty about it. This is not a good way to start a marriage, which needs to be based on trust and boundaries.

MSD

The third comment makes me roll my eyes, the second one makes my brain hurt, and the first one makes me want to slap someone for being a snobby bitch.

I have no intention of getting married because I see it as an archaic tradition, etc, but that's not what I want to discuss here. If I do end up finding someone who I'm willing to agree to be with for the rest of my life (unlikely, as I don't think that humans are biologically programmed to do that,) I'll get a marriage license, get a prenup signed (not an optimist) and have a friend who I can trust to keep their mouth shut go to one of those websites taht ordain you over the internet and get the proper credentials to perform the ceremony. There will be exactly three people there, and after the wedding, everyone will hear that we had a small, private ceremony and we wanted to keep it secret. If I find someone who's a perfect enough match for me to marry, that's all she'll want, too.

Sweetpea

BCD, I just wanted to say thank you for bringing in your personal experiences and sharing them with us. you made some very good points about trust and boundaries.

Sweetpea

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Ustwo

The best thing about being a guy when getting married is all you are expected to do is show up

One thing apparent here is that most TFPers don't seem to care for strip clubs, makes you wonder how they make their money heh.

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Acetylene

I couldn't care less if my fiancee went to every strip club in town. I wouldn't even mind if he got dances. I would not, however, want him to get stumbling drunk and spend the next day hung-over--that is, to my mind, far more destructive than a nice visual experience.

Of course, I'm not on the same board as your friends--if he spent 2 month's salary I would be furious--if he wants to spend several thousand dollars, get me something useful like a new computer and a puppy!!!

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ShaniFaye

I dont see the point in spending that much money on a ring.....its totally insane to me. My E-ring was 80 dollars (well actually we havent gotten it yet lol, when we do get it, it will be 80 bucks)

If Im gonna spend that much money Im gonna buy me a friggin bondage bed

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