One Night Stands and Regret
 

http://theedge.bostonherald.com/life...rticleid=84306

My own take on this is that women generally are very non-committal. This whole "regret" issue is a smokescreen method of detatching themselves from their behavior. I believe that these women generally think that they are 'too good' for the men that they sleep with -and that the only time that they won't regret it is if their partner is some famous athlete or a movie star or something.

Nice double standard.....

If that's truly what you believe then you obviously don't know a lot about women. Sorry, but that's the truth.

Most women are incapable of separating emotion and sex. One night stands that aren't the result of too much alcohol are usually done not because a woman wants sex but because she wants to feel validated--these kinds of one night stands usually happen following a break-up. A woman wants to know after she's been dumped that she's still attractive and still working her mojo--that validation is an emotional reason to have sex whether she realizes it or not, and being unable to seperate the two often leads to regret the next morning. It's not about the man or being "too good" for him. It's about the behavior. The man has very little, if anything at all, to do with it--he was just a convenient means to an end. A hollow end, but an end nonetheless. I think the majority of women would regret a one night stand regardless of who their partner was--be it Orlando Bloom or Colin Farrell or whatever, simply because of the circumstances it took place in.

Perhaps, if a woman can go into a one night stand with the attitude of being there to enjoy the sex, then she might not regret it. But the fact remains that most women regret most one night stands :) and it has nothing to do with the partner they chose.

eh .. been there, done that ...

more than once.

no regrets, perhaps an 'embarrasement' or two ... and a couple of times where i just got lucky and should've regretted it perhaps.

:shrug:

i think i somehow some reason approached the whole thing with a fairly 'male' mind ...

and even though it's been a few years since i've done such things, i still don't 'regret' it.

To be honest, I've always wanted to try the one night stand thing. Have one night of unattached sex, then leave before the other person even wakes up, leaving nothing but a note. It seems like good fun, as long as everyone's using protection and so forth.

But as I have yet to do this (There's a chance I never will) I don't know what my true feelings would be after.

had many, never regretted it, I enjoy sex, its not an "attachment" thing for me.

Dave was supposed to be a one nite stand ahahahahaha it didnt turn out that way though

Some women, myself included, are capable of such a thing.

But we are a rare breed it seems.

I want to be one of the men that enjoy one-night stands, but I can't say that I do.
I have had one and while I don't regret it. It really wasn't satisfying.
I plan on trying a couple more if I ever get the chance, but i shy away from the possibility because I usually need some time of connection with the person.
I guess I would rather have fuck-buddies then one night stands.
However, people are often not mature engough to handle a fuck-buddy relationship. Hell I don't know if I could handle a such relationship.

Just my .02 dollars

You see there's really two ways of looking at this. There is the way things truly are and then there is the way that others would have me perceive them.


Falsity, false false FALSE. Women like any other mammal go through a monthly phase called estrous. Do you really think it's an accident that the majority of women (who have one-nighters) have "one-night stands once a month". Hmmm -they ovulate once a month -hmmm.

There are other studies: (http://www.americanscientist.org/tem.../assetid/17215) showing that women are more attracted to masculine faces while they are at or near ovulation.

So this obsession with masculinity is a passing fancy. The overjustification effect kicks in and the same reward/drive just isn't there (until next month). So the women "regret" the incident but they don't learn from it.

How come these women don't plan ahead and have steady boyfriends? There are certainly plenty of "nice" guys around in between ovulations. So why don't they hook up with one of those nice guys instead of banging mr. creepy next month? -Because they think they are TOO GOOD for the guys around them.

It's a simple fact of life. Furthermore it's nothing to be ashamed of... -I'm too good for many of the scary chicks that appear in my life. In fact the only chance I ever have of getting some is in some regrettable one night stand. So if anything I know exactly how these chicks feel (minus the estrous).

i can't have a one night stand...

I regret I didn't have more one night stands when I had the chance :)

I think ONS's are healthy for you.

I think the regret for some people vary. Some people have One Night Stands with friends and they regret how the relationship is going to affected. Some people have one night stands because of intoxication, and they regret doubly over a hangover. Some people just regret because hindsite is 20/20 and now they are left alone rather in the passion of the moment and their irrationality takes control.

I know a girl that regretted having a one night stand because of her christian upbrining, and I know another one that regretted she didn't hit the sack with some guy because now he's wanting commitment before they do the naughty. It varies, just have fun I say and USE PROTECTION.

never had one..i dont think i could before i knew someone

I don't think regretting one night stands are a gender specific thing, I think it is more common with women however.

Women who have multiple sexual partners are more likely to be deemed a "slut" or "whore" whereas the man redeems the title of "pimp" or "player" (I'm down with the lingo haha). I think deep down some women really believe this, spurring on guilty feelings after a one night stand.

Double standards are so annoying.

I'm not big on regret. Things play out how they will.



My last one night stand was 27 years ago and she's still here. Funny how that worked out.

I have never regretted a one night stand, but I would MUCH rather have sex with someone I cared a lot about.

Come to think of it, I have never had a sober one night stand. Not sure if that means anything.

I'm with Cynthetiq. :(

I was one of these women who didn't think much of women that had one night stands. That changed when I had one! I've not had the necessity to do it again though..

He was considerably younger than me and he was great! Even with safe-sex.. I was impressed :D

I found it a very freeing experience.. you didn't have to worry about how you performed.. this person was never likely to see you again so whatever thoughts may have come from it didn't really matter. It really helped me to remember what sex was like and it can be fun. Just good sex for the sake of sex.

I have only had a couple, and quite honestly it was only because the women were the aggressors. Sex with strangers has always been a bit uncomfortable for me, if I don't really know you I don't want to worry about you in my space. In my opinion nothing is better than locking away for an afternoon with someone you know... it's comfortable, fun, and intimate - that is when the real fun starts!

I have had a couple, it was not the best sex, I don't regret them. I wouldn't do it again, it was uncomfortable and basically unenjoyable, so why would I? Putting blame on something like that justs gives it more importance than it was, in my opinion.

Considering Cosmopolitan Magazine's postioin as the ultimate authority on everything sex-related, we must accept this article as absolutely true, reflecting a perfect sample of the female population, and without any sort of factual or procedural error made in the research and analysis.

Everyone is different, and it's absurd to categorize people like this. Some women have a tendency to go out and fuck for the wrong reasons and therefore regret it. Some men do the same thing. On the other hand, many men and women can separate sex and the emotional strings and therefore be able to do it repeatedly guilt-free.

i almost did, but wouldn't let myself because i knew i would regret it. i had just gotten over a break up as well. i had a bit of a history with the guy i was looking towards and not giving in to a one night stand with him (and ending my ties with him forever) was more empowering than a night of better sex than my previous relationship ever gave.

Ouch! I hope hope hope that I never live to hear the words "Not fucking you was the best sex I ever had!!"
On the other hand, I am looking forward to using it myself! That's a riot :p

:lol: :lol: :lol:

? Maybe you misunderstood me or I'm misunderstanding you. I didn't literally tell him not fucking you was the best sex I ever had. I just knew that if I gave in to his woos again, it would lead to sex and I wasn't ready to go that route without clear boundaries. We had kissed before but were never in a relationship (I hoped it would lead to one) and then weeks later he gets another girlfriend. I was hurt. So I knew if I played his game again, I probably wouldn't get what I really wanted (a committed, serious relationship) so I just told him "I'm not ready for a relationship right now". He never contacted me again, even when a couple days beforehand, he was giving me lines on how he didn't ever want to lose contact of me because he considers me a good friend. Yeah, whatever. He just wanted some ass.

Rejecting him then was one of the most empowering things I've ever done. I ended the weird power games he had over me since highschool. And I probably ended his weird fascination of me as well... adoring me as the "fantasy" girl whenever his other relationships got too boring. So I believe it was a good move for both our sakes. :P

Hey fishstick - I didn't mean to make light of what you wrote, I am sorry. Believe me, the fact that I looked at your post and that's what popped into my mind says much more about me and the women I have ended up with than about your situation! :o

I completely understand what you mean and have gone through a similar experience. It is amazing how easily we fall into the trap of somebody's affection that is always held just outside our grasp. I felt like such a sucker!

Seems like it. It took me a while even after I left to realize the guilt games the were being played to keep me around. One day I just realized that I hadn't felt guilty about anything for 2 weeks, and it freaked me out. I looked back to phone calls and tears and how the harder I tried the worse it got. I was too close to see it at the time, obviously. It just seems so obvious now. I think that is why in my earlier post in this thread I mentioned that one night stands aren't my thing. I doesn't have to be a long relationship that I am in, but I have to feel I know the person pretty well because my 1 promise to myself was to not let anyone creep up out of the blue and do that again.

(well, that and I really don't like having strangers at my place - I keep expecting them to steal something!! I don't know why.)

Congrats on reclaiming yourself!

And... What a great signature you have!

Are you really 100% sure of his motives? Sounds to me like you rejected him and he was hurt by it. Yeah, rejection hurts -even for us guys.

Not 100% sure of course. I can't read his mind. But I do know his history of relationships and he's had a lot of them. I never really trusted his intentions and I decided to go for my intuition this time instead of my more immediate wants.

rofls How dare you insinuate that every woman is not exactly the same in every way and that the full range of human emotion is not expressible in a 265 word Cosmo blurb! lolz

you have to admit it's a good topic to riff on though

Notably, however, the desire for validation does not have a break-up as a prerequisite. Interestingly, those who are looking for validation are those that I (sometimes) feel most physically passionate for.

I've had a few one night stands and they were okay but I certainly prefer sex with someone I've gotten to know and care about. In some situations like when I'm travelling, the ONS is sort of a given and part of the adventure.

Some people use the ONS as a way to hook a new boyfriend/girlfriend and I almost fell into that trap with one woman. Then I realized that she'd probably fuck anyone and that's what she did once we broke up. Just a 30 year old party girl.

Sorry in advance for saying this but... I won't have ANY relationship with a woman who'll sleep with me without getting to know me first. Just like I don't like people who lie or put other people down. It's a pattern of behavior that you have to recognize.

There's nothing wrong w/a female having a 1 night stand. Why should there be? If she's not in a commited relationship, why should she be any different from a guy?