greyeyes

OK, I finally found a girl (a beautiful girl with gorgeous blue eyes and wonderful red and blonde locks) and she is awesome. She really gives the best head I've ever had and I like to return the favour as well. There, however, is something bothering me. We haven't had sex, I'm not in any rush (we could have done the deed the first night but I just didn't want to rush into anything so I claimed that I had no condom) and I have heard that the longer you wait the better (or something like that). I was wondering, how true the waiting thing is, and also how long might be too long to wait. Thanks in advance

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lindseylatch

Well, first off, congrats on finding a beautiful and wonderful woman!
Would this be the first time having sex for either of you?
Have you talked to her about it?
How long have you guys been dating?

Me and my SO waited until we were sure we weren't just having a fling thing, before going all the way. We were both virgins, and we didn't want to just sort of "throw it away" on something that wasn't serious.

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777

Well, one thing you two should know about each other is where you stand when it comes to sex. For the most part, there are five views on the subject:

1. Sex is a dirty, nasty, sinful act and no one should have any part of it.

2. Sex only after marriage.

3. Sex only with a partner who you've had a long term relationship with.

4. Sex with anyone you know are are getting to know and it's not something you rush into.

5. Sex with anyone and everyone! One, two or three at a time. Promistuity? What's that?.

So it helps to talk about it. And it may turn her on too

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SparklingDot

I was with my SO for 4 years before we slept together. I am not telling you to wait 4 yaers, but I am trying to say that you should only have sex once you are both comfortable enough with yourselves, each other, and any and all possible consequences. Sex is a great thing to talk about in depth, with complete honesty. Learn what that level of intimacy means to the other person. Open communication is necessary to keep a relationship going. Decide together.

And the quote Oprah (because nothing else is on here at 4pm) "Doubt means don't."

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MEAD

I waited to have sex with my SO for a few months after we were together. I know its crazy for a guy to say he wanted to wait, but that was my first time and I wasnt just looking to hand it out to any chick. So I waited till we said that we loved each other.

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abaya

Is she a virgin, too? This might make a difference.

I'd say wait until she brings it up, or at least until you feel comfortable enough that if you bring it up, she won't feel put off.

How long have you known each other?

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for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
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streak_56

The same thing has happened with my girlfriend and I, we're waiting till we know its right. But it when you both feel comfortable with it, and it depends on either of your views on sex. Whether its just a purely physical thing, or if its an expression of how much you love eachother. Just talk about it, if you "love" eachother then you should feel comfortable talking about it.

Janey

um, in my books, and I thought everybody else's, giving head IS sex. A very big part of sex. Just because you haven't had actual Intercourse, doesn't mean you haven't had sex. It too, is just a part of the package.

there are many times that we explore only parts of the sexual realm, and are quite satisfied.

snowy

Wait for comfort. Wait until it feels RIGHT. Otherwise you just end up with regrets, and who wants those?

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Rinndalir

The rule is there is no rule, I had one gf that I thought was THE ONE (silly high school days) and we dated for at least 9 months before did anything more than kiss. I mean, we completely kept our hands off each other, there wasn't even any groping going on. It was probably another year after that before we actually had intercourse, though we slowly led up to it by doing everything else. My wife though, jumped me on our 3rd date, told me I had way too many clothes on and that she was going to rape me unless I kicked her out of my apartment (I didn't, no brainer there ). We had known each other for not even a week. That was 5 years and one kid ago.

JamesB

I agree w/ onesnowyowl - what are you BOTH comfortable with? Let that be your guide!

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Johnny Rotten

Getting awesome oral sex from a beautiful girl on a regular basis... Dude, I wouldn't worry about waiting Sex is cool, but it can be awkward if you don't wait till you're ready. Let that come in time--er, so to speak. If it doesn't, you'll always have awesome oral sex from a beautiful girl to look back on. And if that don't make you smile, then you're not livin.

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snowy

I have to agree with what Rinndalir said. There are no hard and fast rules on how long you should wait. You should just wait until it feels RIGHT, as I said before. I mean, there have been relationships where I had sex after only a couple dates and there have been relationships where we waited a lot longer. In the relationship where I lost my virginity, we had been together for two months when I slept with him for the first time. While later we broke up, I don't regret what we did because 1) I was comfortable with him and 2) it felt right.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Cimarron29414

Knowing when to have sex with someone is like knowing when to ask someone to marry you - you just know.

I have to punt on this one, but don't over think this issue. Here are my "wait periods" in order: 3 months, 8 months, 1 month, 1 month. Each time it was different, each time it was the right time.

Don't spoil this time, you will look back on it and wish longingly for it: anticipation is incredibly erotic.

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greyeyes

OK, first off I'm definately not a virgin, and I really dont believe that she is either. We have talked about sex and both agree that it's a fun experience and important part of a healthy life. The thing is, I've had sex a number of times but I have never had it with a SO and only one time with someone that I cared about. I was hoping that this relationship would last longer than my past experiences so I thought it would be a good idea to wait for a little while. I really dont want to wait too long and make her bored with anything.

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I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.
- Zach Braff

Acetylene

Wait until you can deal with the consequences. Ask youself, "what would I do if we had a child and she didn't want to abort?" If the answer is "I would stay and help raise it, and do a damn good job too" then you are ready. I say this not only because it is the responsible thing to do, but because if you love someone enough to stick with them even when faced with this sort of difficult decision, then you love them enough for anything.

With my first boyfriend, I waited 4 years because I met him when I was only 14. Once I had graduated high school, I felt like I could handle the consequences and I was ready, so I got my birth control and began my sexual life. But this guy I was with turned out to be a spineless twerp once out of his protective childhood bubble, so we broke up.

With my second (current) boyfriend, I had known him as a friend for several months and already knew he was rock-solid. There was no doubt in my mind whatsoever that he deserved my trust. We also fell deeply in love very quickly and in less than a month after our first "date" I felt closer to him than I had to my ex after 5 years. I saw no reason to arbitrarily postpone sex so we went right ahead.

These are just examples to show how different relationships go different ways, while the principle remains the same: love, trust, and personal responsibility are the requirements. If you've got all three, why wait?

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