darkangel

Bear with me if this has been posted before.. but I'm a newbie and thought up this question a few minutes ago.

How does a virgin know if they're going to be hot in bed with a partner? What makes a girl hot in bed? Does it have to do primarily with personality?

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hu-man

no matter how hard you try, the first time will always be awkward and weird.
you'll have plenty of time to practise being 'hot in bed', don't worry.
ask your partner what he/she wants, and try to live up to that while still maintaining your limits and inhibitions.

*Nikki*

I agree. No matter how much experience that me or my partner had the "first time" was weird and awkward, and definately don't judge a person's performace on the first time!!

ratbastid

Yeah, and it's not just your first time ever that will be weird. First times with this particular partner are weird too. You can't go by that at all.

ironmaiden7o7

I think it's all about being creative and open minded to try new and different things. A girl's first time is some what emotional and nerve wrecking but even prior to her first time, I think she knows whether she is going to be hot in bed or not judging from her imagination and how much of it she wants to explore.

pig

Ummm...from your post I'm sort of assuming you're a virgin female. I think the question is : how badly does this other person want you? If the answer is super-bad, then relax. You don't have to really do shit - you'll be all kinds of hot. If the answer is less super-bad, but still pretty badly - just do it like you mean it. Everything else will work itself out. Don't worry, you were kind of built to do this stuff. We all are.

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maleficent

It doesn't necessarily have to do anything with personality, it does have a lot to do with self-image. If you are nekkid with a another person, and are so busy adjusting the sheets to keep those imagined body flaws covered, you're not going to be as "hot" as the person who just is all about just having fun. Naked is good. Naked is fun. No one, outside of the person with the imagined flaws, really sees them or cares about them.

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pig

word, double word, and lo and behold Harketh! Triple word. I've been there, I've seen that, it stank. Hot girl instantly => oh my god this is the most awfulest thing ever.

Go with what you've got, and make it count.

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darkangel

Thanks for your replies. Yes I am a virigin female, and not that close to that "first time" yet just because I've never been even near a serious relationship. I was just wondering last night because I'm a pretty shy and anxious person, but I don't want to be all "weird" in bed. I know that typically when that time comes to get your groove on, the guy really doesn't care if there's some extra pudge or you say the wrong thing, right? Or am I all wrong

..Looking forward to that awkwardness for sure

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"I'm gonna die when it's time for me to die.. so let me live my life the way I want to." - Jimi Hendrix

pig

Don't worry about it - the more you worry about it, the more awkward it becomes.

How are you going to say the wrong thing? For example, let's say you say:

"Oh my god, fuck me like an elephant!" Not the best thing, but probably can be overcome. Not really a wrong thing to say, just maybe not the most romantic/sexy metaphor.

on the other hand
"When this is over, I'm getting all praying mantis on you. Seriously, I'm going to fucking kill you tonight."

Now, that's just the wrong thing to say. Things are almost definately going to be very awkward after that.

As far as the pudge, depends on the guy's attitudes and your self-confidence, mostly.

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Glory's Sun

most of the time us guys are just as nervous as the girl. We worry about if we're doing this right or that right or am I big enough or whatever. Some worry can be a good thing as it can help build adrenaline but like pigglet said "the more you worry about it, the more akward it will become". In the heat of the moment you won't have to worry about if the guy thinks you're hot or not.. you'll be able to tell.. trust me So no worries .. just go with the flow and when you do have it.. have fun

snowy

My first time was just a couple years ago and I remember it pretty vividly. My biggest piece of advice is to wait for someone you're comfortable with--completely comfortable with, and someone you know will be sensitive about your first time. Though it's not the same for all women, my first time hurt like a bitch.

My mom used to say I'd be a great lover because I "read about it in Cosmo so much." (snicker snicker) The underlying point there was that there's only so much reading you can do...good sexual technique takes practice. Practice takes time. Your first time is going to be awkward and weird. Your first time with any new partner is going to be awkward and weird.

You just have to accept that and get over it.

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pig

You know, maybe I'm just a weirdo or something, but I'm not getting all the And God hath said "Thy first time, each time, must be awkward and weird...sacrifice me a goat" stuff from everyone. I think it can be awkward and weird, but I'm so much more thinking about terms like "fun" and "interesting" and "man I could barely wait for that to go down" and "when can we do it again, if ever" and "yippee" etc. I don't see why getting your swerve on for the first time with someone has to be like going to the dentist - I kind of like to think about it more along the lines of going to an amusement park ride you've not been on yet...but you've been on one kind of like it, and you're raring to go. maybe it's just me.

edit: For the Real Deal Holyfield first time, I can see how it easily could be very awkward...

ps. edit: for what it's worth, my mommy never conjectured about my potential future prowess, or lack thereof, in using my pee pee in the classic hunt. maybe i'd feel a little more awkward if i thought i had to live up to some sort of maternal expectations. hold on, i think it just saw sigmund freud walking down the hall...back in a flash!

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Seaver

Ok, women and men tend to take a long time to become "hot" in bed. Why? because the man usually takes a long time to learn that forplay is king in the bedroom, and women need to first learn how to relax, and then to stop thinking about it and do what feels good.

Now, as everyone said, your first time will suck looking back. You're nervous, you're thinking about what the other person is liking, and your mind is going a million miles an hour. By about your dozenth time you're beginning to relax and maybe then start trying new things, you'll learn what you like, and what you dont like.

former newt

let me give you a guy's perspective: if he really wants you, there'll be a good chance that he'll be more focused on maintaining his poise than on analyzing you (other than the hotness he sees in you.) in other words, its very possible that he'll be so analytical of his own actions that he'll miss anything you do that you may think is awkward. just don't do or say something that would make him think he's an idiot. if he really wants you, he'll be satisfied if you just do it like you mean it and make him feel like he did ok. my advice: just relax and realize that in most cases, the girl's in charge. he'll be trying to please you, so just sit back and encourage him. most likely, he'll think you're great, and even if you know you aren't he'll think its his problem.

just telling you as a guy what i'd be feeling. go get him!

Charlatan

Practice makes you hot. Lot's of practice.

Also, if you are too hot, take off your socks.

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snowy

My first time was decidedly worse than going to the dentist, pain-wise. But because I chose the right person to be with it wasn't as weird and awkward as it could have been.

Sex really didn't become "fun" and "interesting" until about a month after my first time...when everything finally stretched out to the point of being pain-free.

Now it's always fun and interesting...so that's something to look forward to.

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doncalypso

One good thing about the Internet is that there is a lot of information available out there on sex. Look up info on oral sex and foreplay and read as much as you can about it so that you will have an idea as to what the hell you're doing when you finally get to sex. The more theory you have down the better you'll be off in practice.

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minyn

ExPECT, and ACCEPT disastor. its not about being hot, its not about getting it over, its about somethign more. at least it should be. as for the girl, its gonna hurt.

if it has anything to do with personality, its being adventurous, and evern having htat quality will not make it good.

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pig

you know, based on your experiences and a lot of other ones i've heard / read about, i am even more convinced that i have no hangups about having sex with a virgin. seems like a lot of guys have that fantasy - i've never had that experience, and i don't know if i could handle hurting my lady friend that way. i think i would go limp.

but then again, maybe not. i can be a little bastard too...

i can't remember how long it took to really get used to it. i always had fun - girl was smoking hot and i was so in love i probably made other people nauseous - but that's different from having any idea what the hell you're doing. i remember unrolling condoms before putting them on for a while. try getting one on that way. actually, don't. actually, you don't have a penis.

and that's how it should be. so would you suggest our virgin lady here just concentrate on trying not to seem like she's in foo-manchu-style-flaming-vagina-stretch pain? Or to just try to find a mild sadist for her first?

etc.

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snowy

No, I would recommend her being honest with her partner and letting him know it's causing her pain. There are things he can do to help her out--take her mind off of it, etc. Honesty is the best policy in the bedroom--ALWAYS.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

sammy776

there is no way of telling and dont worrie you wont be but every time to do it, it will get better. both of you will be nervious so dont worry about it. the more you get nervious the more things are going to get strange

NegativeNine

Lol. Thanks for making me piss my pants.

abaya

My question is, do you masturbate or use toys? If so, how do you feel when you do that? It might be a good reflection of how you'll feel about sex, and how confident you'll be in bed. If you haven't started masturbating (I was a late bloomer myself), I highly recommend it for building confidence before actually having another person in there!

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for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
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Suave

What if you're in mid-thrust, and you suddenly have a craving for a sandwich? Is it best to go "Ya know, I could REALLY use a sandwich right now."?

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snowy

That would certainly be a good way to make her laugh...though that might make it hurt worse...

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pig

Hey, it worked for George Costanza. Bring the sandwich to the bed, or the sex to the kitchen. What girl doesn't want to get some 9-1/2 weeks action on her first time? Plus, sex pain + food = awesome diet plan.

Yeah, that's exactly what I would do if I heard that too...only might not be in pants at the time. If that doesn't kill a stiffy, I don't know what would.

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ktspktsp

Anyway, ei555 just relax and enjoy your first time, don't focus on orgasms / looking hot and just have fun

Acetylene

Awkward and weird is a given, but you will still want to do it again.

I think the best thing to consider is your partner. He almost certainly feels weirder than you, because men are all told that they must be sexual powerhouses or they are no good. Focus on showing your partner how good he is, and how much he turns you on, and you will reap the rewards of a confident lover!

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mokle

Most guys will thnk you're hot in bed when you're lying there naked

it's when you're finally comfortable enough to try some kinky things that you really blow their socks off.

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"Your hands can't hit what your eyes can't see" -Ali

darkangel

Thanks everyone for all your comments

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"I'm gonna die when it's time for me to die.. so let me live my life the way I want to." - Jimi Hendrix

macmanmike6100

virgins always seem to overanalyze the first time. my suggestion is just to go for it and learn what it means for you personally to be hot in bed. good luck and have fun!