I need some advice... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

exponent_doobie · 03-12-2005, 11:41 AM

I've been going out with this girl for awihle and it's a nice relationship. The thing is, she's a "good" girl" as in she's not very intimate or sexual. I'll get in a few kisses here and there but that's all I can get.

The problem is that she leaves in a couple of months for the summer and I won't be able to see her for 4 months. I've been really sexually frustrated these last few weeks and I really don't know what to do or say to her... She's really not the type to talk about this kind of thing too...

Should I just grow some balls and talk to her about it and risk messing things up? Or should I wait and see how these next few months go?

slimcr · 03-12-2005, 11:58 AM

is there a reason why things just never seem to progress to the sexual level?

has she herself said anything about intimacy?

doncalypso · 03-12-2005, 12:23 PM

Tell her straight-up that you want sex.... don't pretend not to want it.

maleficent · 03-12-2005, 12:34 PM

If you aren't mature enough to talk to her about what you are thinking about regarding sex, you aren't mature enough for a sexual relationship with her.

Talk to her and ask her what her hesitations are.
How old is she?

She might not just be ready, don't push her into it.

(Don't pull the "I'll break up with you unless you have sex with me" crap that some guys have been known to do. Sex out of guilt isn't good sex, or she could just walk on you completely.

Blackthorn · 03-12-2005, 02:41 PM

I should have known mal-e would have beaten me to a good level headed reply

She's spot on here though. If you can have a mature conversation with her about this topic then by all means you should talk to her. If your intent is to press her into something she's seemingly not ready for then rethink your motives and your approach.

absorbentishe · 03-12-2005, 02:53 PM

You have to ask yourself, how would you like for someone to talk to you about this? Do the same as you'd like. If you do talk to her about it, you may be surprised and she is on the same page as you... Then again, she might be "saving" herself for marriage, in that case, I'd run (unless that's what you want).

william · 03-12-2005, 04:24 PM

Communication is key. Don't be afraid to talk to her now - or how would yould expect to talk to her after she's been gone for four months. Think w/the big head, and go w/that. If it's meant to be, it will be.

jhkayakr · 03-12-2005, 04:26 PM

What makes you think she's gonna "give it up" when she gets back? Better talk to her now before she leaves.

Sawfmonkey · 03-14-2005, 07:19 AM

Definitely ask her about it. Don't say "I want" but ask if she would like to. She's more likely to give you a straight answer if the reference is to her. I know I'm a very sexual person, but lately I've taken to the innocent girl phase cus I'm sick of horny assholes hitting on me (and its worked in finding guys still...hmmm...could be something there). Who knows, maybe its just all penned up inside her!

MEAD · 03-15-2005, 06:43 PM

Yes, you two better settle this now before the distance and time apart complicates teh matter further, and if you really cara bout her you will ask her about her feelings regarding sex, talk about it maturely, and wait if she is not ready.

ironmaiden7o7 · 03-15-2005, 06:52 PM

Comminication is really important in a relationship, I know that I've probably said this about a thousand times, but it's true. You need to speak to her about this, asking us will only give you so much details but you need to know her reasons for not wanting this. Has she done is before? It could be from her past/childhood. If she doesn't want to talk about it after you bring it up, just leave it alone and see where it leads. It's more than apparent that she doesn't want to be bothered with this, so try not to pressure her or make her feel that sex is all you want. Whether she is going away or not, just let her know that you are willing to wait, let her understand that you will be with her whether she is ready or not. I wouldn't worry about this so much. I wasn't opened about sex with my boyfriend until after 2 years into our relationship and that's because I wanted to wait for personal reasons. She could have her reasons too, just speak to her about it. Good luck.

03-12-2005, 11:41 AM	#1 (permalink)
exponent_doobie Tilted	I need some advice... I've been going out with this girl for awihle and it's a nice relationship. The thing is, she's a "good" girl" as in she's not very intimate or sexual. I'll get in a few kisses here and there but that's all I can get. The problem is that she leaves in a couple of months for the summer and I won't be able to see her for 4 months. I've been really sexually frustrated these last few weeks and I really don't know what to do or say to her... She's really not the type to talk about this kind of thing too... Should I just grow some balls and talk to her about it and risk messing things up? Or should I wait and see how these next few months go?

03-12-2005, 12:23 PM	#3 (permalink)
doncalypso TFP Mad Scientist Location: Philadelphia, PA	Tell her straight-up that you want sex.... don't pretend not to want it. __________________ Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

03-12-2005, 12:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	If you aren't mature enough to talk to her about what you are thinking about regarding sex, you aren't mature enough for a sexual relationship with her. Talk to her and ask her what her hesitations are. How old is she? She might not just be ready, don't push her into it. (Don't pull the "I'll break up with you unless you have sex with me" crap that some guys have been known to do. Sex out of guilt isn't good sex, or she could just walk on you completely. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

03-12-2005, 02:41 PM	#5 (permalink)
Blackthorn Beware the Mad Irish Location: Wish I was on the N17...	I should have known mal-e would have beaten me to a good level headed reply She's spot on here though. If you can have a mature conversation with her about this topic then by all means you should talk to her. If your intent is to press her into something she's seemingly not ready for then rethink your motives and your approach. __________________ What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want?

03-12-2005, 04:26 PM	#8 (permalink)
jhkayakr Insane Location: under the skirt	What makes you think she's gonna "give it up" when she gets back? Better talk to her now before she leaves. __________________ ........gotta need for speed....

03-12-2005, 11:58 AM	#2 (permalink)
slimcr Insane	is there a reason why things just never seem to progress to the sexual level? has she herself said anything about intimacy?

03-12-2005, 02:53 PM	#6 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	You have to ask yourself, how would you like for someone to talk to you about this? Do the same as you'd like. If you do talk to her about it, you may be surprised and she is on the same page as you... Then again, she might be "saving" herself for marriage, in that case, I'd run (unless that's what you want).

03-12-2005, 04:24 PM	#7 (permalink)
william Psycho	Communication is key. Don't be afraid to talk to her now - or how would yould expect to talk to her after she's been gone for four months. Think w/the big head, and go w/that. If it's meant to be, it will be.

03-14-2005, 07:19 AM	#9 (permalink)
Sawfmonkey Tilted Location: Boulder, CO	Definitely ask her about it. Don't say "I want" but ask if she would like to. She's more likely to give you a straight answer if the reference is to her. I know I'm a very sexual person, but lately I've taken to the innocent girl phase cus I'm sick of horny assholes hitting on me (and its worked in finding guys still...hmmm...could be something there). Who knows, maybe its just all penned up inside her! __________________ "Those who do not feel the music think the dancer mad." ~Anon.

03-15-2005, 06:43 PM	#10 (permalink)
MEAD Insane Location: South Florida	Yes, you two better settle this now before the distance and time apart complicates teh matter further, and if you really cara bout her you will ask her about her feelings regarding sex, talk about it maturely, and wait if she is not ready. __________________ Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die. "That's it, send out the ninjas!" "So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

03-15-2005, 06:52 PM	#11 (permalink)
ironmaiden7o7 Insane Location: NYC	Comminication is really important in a relationship, I know that I've probably said this about a thousand times, but it's true. You need to speak to her about this, asking us will only give you so much details but you need to know her reasons for not wanting this. Has she done is before? It could be from her past/childhood. If she doesn't want to talk about it after you bring it up, just leave it alone and see where it leads. It's more than apparent that she doesn't want to be bothered with this, so try not to pressure her or make her feel that sex is all you want. Whether she is going away or not, just let her know that you are willing to wait, let her understand that you will be with her whether she is ready or not. I wouldn't worry about this so much. I wasn't opened about sex with my boyfriend until after 2 years into our relationship and that's because I wanted to wait for personal reasons. She could have her reasons too, just speak to her about it. Good luck.