Sexual Assult - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

adam · 01-06-2005, 03:18 PM

Pretty much agree with everyone else: beating him up is a bad idea. Just, perhaps, but not at all smart. Let him know that you think he is a creep and is not welcome in your home and leave it at that -- your female friend is responsible for her own battles. (She _should_ file a complaint, but if she doesn't there isn't a lot you can do about it.)

NosVette · 01-06-2005, 06:15 PM

People, please read all the posts before posting questions. Yes, I have stated before that he admitted to doing it, she was not making it up, and he admitted she was asleep, she wasn't making that up either.And she did not sleep through all of it. She woke up when he stuck his fingers into her vagina, and that's when she went and got me.

gondath · 01-06-2005, 09:24 PM

It seems like she would rather you deal with it than do it herself. Don't play that game. It's not your issue.

bad jane · 01-07-2005, 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NosVette

Does no one here belive in punishment? Am I the only one who belives that retribution is a duty, and that forgiveness is a well guarded gift? If you saw someone being mugged would you all just walk by and think "It's not my problem. Maybe I'll comfort him after he gets robbed, but it's not my place to interfere"? I refuse to belive that. It is easy to sound like you know what to do, and to say what you would want to do under ideal situations, but I think that if you were in my shoes you would do everythign in your power to make sure that he knows exactly what happens when he crosses the line.

if i walked by and saw someone being mugged, i would intervene. but that isn't the situation you described. a more accurate comparison would be walking down the street and coming across someone who'd just been mugged. and in that case, i would not go running after the attacker--i would ensure the safety and comfort of the victim and assist and encourage them to get some help (police, medical, whatever the situation called for). which is the same advice most of us are offering to you.

your situation is not all that unique, sexual assualt is not a rare phenomenon. i'm sure many of us have encountered similiar situations in our own lives. there are laws in place to deal with things like this, which is exactly why you shouldn't.

i understand being angry with him. i understand feeling protective of her. and i wouldn't be a bit shocked if you felt a little bit responsible since it was your house and you invited him to be there (though it is in no way your fault anymore than it is hers). but in all honesty, what will beating the shit out of him accomplish? it won't change what happened, it won't make her feel empowered and safe, and it could land you in jail.

aside from making you feel better, what benefit would this have on the situation? do you really think it will prevent him from doing the same again? i don't. people who think it's acceptable to force themselves on someone else sexually are not the kind of people who learn from prison sentences--much less someone roughing them up a bit.

maleficent · 01-07-2005, 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NosVette

Does no one here belive in punishment?

Punishment, yes, as determined by the courts. Vigilante Justice, no way. If you decide to go beat this guy up to teach him a lesson, you will get arrested for battery, and probably assault, since you are over 18, you are not a minor, that's not something that just goes away because of youthful exuberance. It goes on your permanent record and will follow you when you apply for a job, look for an apartment, it affects your life.

Taking matters into your own hands, only affects, negatively, your future, it doesn't make your friend's problem any better, in fact it would compound it, because then she has to live with not only the memory of the sexual assualt, but that her friend, who tried to protect her "honor", changes his future forever.

01-07-2005, 06:54 AM

It's not like it's going to happen again is it? I mean is she likely to fall asleep with this guy around any time in the future?

Also, the tirade you made about punishment and being loved and feared and all that made you sound a little creepy. Maybe you are taking this a little too seriously, it sounds like maybe your feelings are stronger, or you are more caught up in them than might be appropriate. Would you like for you and this girl to be more than friends? Perhaps some of your desire to punish is repressed jealousy that's finding an alternate release.

NosVette · 01-07-2005, 08:57 AM

No, I have a girlfriend, and I am not sexually interested in this girl. I have a history of being very protective of my friends, and have faced this type of situation once before. Six years ago, my best friend was almost raped. She got away, but she came out of it with a black eye and a bruise on her stomach. I was 13, the guy who did it was 24. I was walking with the girl a few days later when we saw him downtown. He grabbed her arm and told me to get lost. He thaught I was just gonna let him get away, but I wasn't just going to let him hurt her again, so I took off my belt and swung the buckle into the back of his head, then broke his knee from the side with my foot. Then I beat him till someone pulled me off. He got out of the hospital a week later. The point of my story is to illustrate how protective of my friends I am. When i was 13 I put a 24 year old child-rapist into the hospital for a week. While he was in the hospital they found out why he was there, and my friend wasnt the only kid he'd done it to. He's gotta meet with a cop once a week, and I keep my eye on him. He hasn't touched a girl since. Tell em that "Vigilatne Justice" didn't work, and that it didn't help the girl who thanked me every day for a year for not letting him touch her again.

sillygirl · 01-07-2005, 10:30 AM

Ok. I think you have good intentions, but that you're also on a bit of a power trip. I also agree with someone who said it seems like she might want YOU to deal with this.

Beating the guy's ass will not fix a problem. Especially if he presses any charges against YOU. Then you're in jail, and he's free to do this again, while laughing in your face.

I've been that girl. It was a friend I had trusted and considered one of my GOOD friends. He was stone sober after I was so drunk I couldn't walk and wanted to pass out. It wasn't just trying to finger me. I guess that night people kinda saw what was going on and still didn't do anything. Took me a while the next day to remember everything that had gone on, after people had told me what they'd seen.

There were plenty of people who wanted to just kick his ass. People who could've done it and not been found or caught. I called the cops, but didn't file a report. Just asked questions. I should've filed a report. I should've taken his ass to court. But ya know what? I didn't. And he's disappeared. The large amount of friends we shared pretty much told him to fuck off. I don't think anyone knows where he is. Not sure. Did he learn anything? I don't know. But he's not here anymore.

Go with the people who are saying confront him if you want, but about the issues you have of not trusting him. IF you do it in a public place, make sure that people are willing to back YOU up if he tries anything. Otherwise, tell him you want to have a mature talk about what happened, and KEEP it mature.

01-06-2005, 06:15 PM	#42 (permalink)
NosVette Upright Location: Santa Cruz!!!	People, please read all the posts before posting questions. Yes, I have stated before that he admitted to doing it, she was not making it up, and he admitted she was asleep, she wasn't making that up either.And she did not sleep through all of it. She woke up when he stuck his fingers into her vagina, and that's when she went and got me. __________________ "The government of man by man is oppression. Who who lays a hand on me to opress me is a tyrant and a usurper, and I declare him to be my enemy"

01-07-2005, 08:57 AM	#47 (permalink)
NosVette Upright Location: Santa Cruz!!!	No, I have a girlfriend, and I am not sexually interested in this girl. I have a history of being very protective of my friends, and have faced this type of situation once before. Six years ago, my best friend was almost raped. She got away, but she came out of it with a black eye and a bruise on her stomach. I was 13, the guy who did it was 24. I was walking with the girl a few days later when we saw him downtown. He grabbed her arm and told me to get lost. He thaught I was just gonna let him get away, but I wasn't just going to let him hurt her again, so I took off my belt and swung the buckle into the back of his head, then broke his knee from the side with my foot. Then I beat him till someone pulled me off. He got out of the hospital a week later. The point of my story is to illustrate how protective of my friends I am. When i was 13 I put a 24 year old child-rapist into the hospital for a week. While he was in the hospital they found out why he was there, and my friend wasnt the only kid he'd done it to. He's gotta meet with a cop once a week, and I keep my eye on him. He hasn't touched a girl since. Tell em that "Vigilatne Justice" didn't work, and that it didn't help the girl who thanked me every day for a year for not letting him touch her again. __________________ "The government of man by man is oppression. Who who lays a hand on me to opress me is a tyrant and a usurper, and I declare him to be my enemy" Last edited by NosVette; 01-07-2005 at 08:59 AM.. Reason: Mis Spelled "Gotta"

01-07-2005, 10:30 AM	#48 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	Ok. I think you have good intentions, but that you're also on a bit of a power trip. I also agree with someone who said it seems like she might want YOU to deal with this. Beating the guy's ass will not fix a problem. Especially if he presses any charges against YOU. Then you're in jail, and he's free to do this again, while laughing in your face. I've been that girl. It was a friend I had trusted and considered one of my GOOD friends. He was stone sober after I was so drunk I couldn't walk and wanted to pass out. It wasn't just trying to finger me. I guess that night people kinda saw what was going on and still didn't do anything. Took me a while the next day to remember everything that had gone on, after people had told me what they'd seen. There were plenty of people who wanted to just kick his ass. People who could've done it and not been found or caught. I called the cops, but didn't file a report. Just asked questions. I should've filed a report. I should've taken his ass to court. But ya know what? I didn't. And he's disappeared. The large amount of friends we shared pretty much told him to fuck off. I don't think anyone knows where he is. Not sure. Did he learn anything? I don't know. But he's not here anymore. Go with the people who are saying confront him if you want, but about the issues you have of not trusting him. IF you do it in a public place, make sure that people are willing to back YOU up if he tries anything. Otherwise, tell him you want to have a mature talk about what happened, and KEEP it mature. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

01-06-2005, 03:18 PM	#41 (permalink)
adam Insane	Pretty much agree with everyone else: beating him up is a bad idea. Just, perhaps, but not at all smart. Let him know that you think he is a creep and is not welcome in your home and leave it at that -- your female friend is responsible for her own battles. (She _should_ file a complaint, but if she doesn't there isn't a lot you can do about it.)

01-06-2005, 09:24 PM	#43 (permalink)
gondath Insane Location: Alton, IL	It seems like she would rather you deal with it than do it herself. Don't play that game. It's not your issue.

01-07-2005, 06:54 AM	#46 (permalink)
zen_tom Guest	It's not like it's going to happen again is it? I mean is she likely to fall asleep with this guy around any time in the future? Also, the tirade you made about punishment and being loved and feared and all that made you sound a little creepy. Maybe you are taking this a little too seriously, it sounds like maybe your feelings are stronger, or you are more caught up in them than might be appropriate. Would you like for you and this girl to be more than friends? Perhaps some of your desire to punish is repressed jealousy that's finding an alternate release.