CityOfAngels

I'm a 20 year old male. Throughout my life, I've always been attracted to girls and women of all shapes, colors, and ages. When I was in kindergarten, I was attracted to my brother's girlfriend, who was in the 2nd grade. As a freshman in high school, I was attracted to girls in all grades. When I was a senior in high school, I went out with a freshman girl. When I was 18, I lost my virginity to a 17 year old, and the second girl I had sex with was 16 (I was still 18 at the time).

But now I'm 20. I thought things would change by the time I reached the big 2-0. I thought that younger girls would look too young to me and I would only be attracted to women 18 and older. But such is not the case. Granted, according to my tastes, anyone under 16 is too young, but that's just my tastes. According to LAW, anyone under 18 is too young.

Before you go and call me a sicko, I just want to let you know I don't plan to have sexual relations with any underage girls. That would just be wrong. But I have to acknowledge the attraction I feel with some girls. It's not a fetish of mine or anything; I like women my age, and I'm even attracted to women much older than I. It's just I see a girl or woman that I'm attracted to, and that's that: I'm attracted to her.

What I'm asking is having these attractions grounds for seeing some sort of doctor about? Is it wrong to be attracted to a 17 year old girl when you're a 20 year old man?

To be more specific, here's my story: I have a lot of younger friends, since most I met while playing basketball or at church. When in high school, I had friends of all ages, and that's pretty much how it's always been. So one friend of mine, who is 18, has a very attractive 17 year old sister. I go to his house to hang out with him, and when I do, I literally have to force myself not to flirt with her. It feels wrong because based on society's standards, it IS wrong. I keep this attraction hidden because I fear what my friends would think of me if they knew I was attracted to a 17 year old girl. I mean, I know that my 18 year old friend thinks highly enough of me to accept me as his sister's boyfriend (if that ever were to happen, not that it is or has), but I can't seem to predict him NOT feeling wierd about the age difference.

Before I get way too ahead of myself, let me shy away from that story and go to other examples. My 26 year old friend was telling me a story about how his buddies always sit in these bleachers at their college because it gives them a great view of the high school cheerleaders who practice on their football field. My first response was, "Dude, you're sick! You're 26!" And his reply was, "Man, we may be getting older, but they don't get any less hot!" To an extent, he made a valid point there.

Also, I think about how age differences don't mean a thing as long as the 18 year milestone has been surpassed. My father, who is almost 60, has had an ongoing Playboy subscription for as long as I can remember. Playboy depicts nude women from ages 19-25! Society thinks that's acceptable, but then if you twist it around with math, that's like a 40 year old getting hot over a naked infant!

I know there are many different views on this subject, but I just wanted to know: Am I alone on this? Or are these attractions something that ALL men have to deal with? And a side question: If I were to have a non-sexual, yet emotionally intimate relationship with a 17 year old, would that be socially unacceptable?

Ah...the confusion. I hope this isn't too taboo for these boards.

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

gh0ti

Girls seem to act and seem older all the time. Attraction to a sexually developed person is normal. At 20, your still growing up man, a 17 year old is only 3 years apart from you. Flirt all you want. Practice makes perfect. ;-)

Where it starts becoming a touchy subject is when your attracted to a person who is not sexually mature. If you have sexual attraction towards children then you really need so learn to suppress those thoughts. A 16 or 17 year old is not a child, while you shouldn’t act upon your urges for obvious reasons, you shouldn’t feel ashamed or not normal for being attracted to them.

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Stompy

In the US, most states have an age of consent at 16. Not sure where the "under 18 is illegal" came from.

Emotional relationships with someone that young... generally not a good idea. There are exceptions to the rule, like if they are VERY mature, but considering people change a lot between 18 and 25, it's probably not a good choice.

A casual-sex type thing... legal under law as long as you abide by the age of consent. Would your friends give you shit? Probably. Socially unacceptable? Probably.

[edit]
To answer the question: <I> Is it wrong to be attracted to a 17 year old girl when you're a 20 year old man?</i>

...not really. That's only a 3 year difference. But like I said above, take into consideration the relationship as a whole. If it's an emotional one, they have to be mature (this is very rare). If it's a sexual attraction, they must be above age of consent.

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I love lamp.

the420star

i am 22 and i would say i feel the same way as you, i see lots of girl that i think look around the age of 18 and i find a great number of them attractive. I am sure some of those girls are younger with how old girls look today. But i agree that if you are attracted to girls that are undeveloped then you might have a problem. Otherwise i think its perfectly normal, a hot girl is a hot girl

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No, they arnt breasts, they are personalities, because its ok to like a girl for her personalities.

qweds

Ya, I'm with the 420. I'm 21 and it doesn't seem at all strange to me to be attracted toa 17 year old. GIrls that age can already be in college. Anyway I personally think it's much worse to be a 50 or 60 year old guy in a relationship with an 18 year old. The law was/is designed to prevent immature persons from being taken advantage of. If that's not what you're trying to do I don't think it's that big of a problem, if one at all.

My $1.05

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tim(mah)

vanblah

My wife and I started dating when I was 22 and she was 17. She was out on her own and I had no idea how old she was. Not that it really mattered at that time.

We've been together for 13 years now (married for 6).

Your Playboy analogy is a little inaccurate. Remember that an 18-25 year old woman is physically mature (sort of). So a 60 year old male getting hot over that is no big deal ... that is NOT the same as a 40 year old getting hot over an infant. Children are not physically mature.

Aladdin Sane

Get real ma man. Your biological impulse is to breed. The impulse isn't automatically switched off on females until they reach a certain age. You are wired to respond to female secondary sexual characteristics. When you see a female who is sexually mature--meaning breasts and hips have become pronounced-- you are wired to respond. It matters not if her chronological age is 8 or 18. Now, you have the ability to choose if you will act upon your biological impulse, and this is where social taboos come in. Even though the cherry is ripe, and you desire it, you are constrained by social mores (and the law) not to pick it.
In short, there is nothing abnormal about you getting horny over a young babe who is sexually mature. On the other hand, if you are horny over a young girl who still looks like a child, then you need to seek psychological help.

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CityOfAngels

Everyone - Rest assured, I only like developed women. No, looking at an underdeveloped girl does NOT get me hot, lol. I'm glad that I'm not alone on this. As for age of consent, in California, it's 18. I reside in California. And as for the "Playboy analogy," notice how I used the words "if you twist it around with math," which suggested the outcome would be a twisted view. I know that when I'm 88, I'm gonna wish I was Hugh Hefner.

Well, if I'm not alone, maybe I'm not the only one out of my group of friends who feels this way. Maybe it has become such a social taboo that even they refrain from speaking of it.

As for maturity, I tend to go for mature women anyways. I can't stand immature women, and I know many immature women from age 16 up to 40. But one can't forget the social stigma that teenagers have: "All teenagers are immature." I didn't feel that way as a teenager, and I don't feel that way now. I know teenage girls who are more mature than I in many senses.

Thanks, all. Any further opinions to mix this up would be kinda cool.

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

powerclown

Dude, you're going to be attracted to 'younger' women for the rest of your life. Get used to it.

Redgirl

I don't think it's strange for you to be attracted to girls only 3 yrs younger. There may be a legal issue but I certainly don't think you need mental help. I'm a 28 yo woman and I see young 18ish guys all the time that I think are hot. I'm married, so I don't do anything but think it, but I don't think that makes me strange. Maybe it's different for females though, not such a social taboo because we aren't looked at as "taking advantage" of them like men are when they are with younger girls.

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Cimarron29414

I think the real problem here is that you would even THINK of going out with your friend's sister. Stick to the code, man!

Girls that are OFF limits
1) Ex's of your friends
2) Ex's of your brother/sister
3) sisters of your friends
4) Sisters <- Just to be sure I covered them all.

Now, if you break the code and ask your buddy if you can ask her out: it is your buddy's obligation to stick to the code and say "Yes." However, you never should have asked.

As to thinking that she is hot, you've had sex with a 16-year-old before. Why do you think it is wrong to have sex with a 17-year-old? It doesn't matter what age you were at the time. The older you get, the more props I will give you!

GraveTaker

I find that all of that stuff is comeplete BS because many of my friend's parents are about 10 or 9 years apart, i'm 20 and my gf is 17 and no one has a problem with that, her parents are about 5 years apart which is not too bad but everything today is based on what society and media portray which is why i think all of that stuff is BS. Why do people always have to judge other people for what they look like or who they go out with, when you fall in love with someone, it shouldn't matter what other people think because you are happy with that person and all of the other people have to learn how to just accept it instead of putting others down.

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GraveTaker

pocon1

It depends on what you want out of the relationship. Guys who actually date younger girls and have a respectful interest in them are better in my book. Some guys mature a little slower (not that you are immature, but everyone is different). If you dated younger girls because you were a loser, girls your age did not want to have anything to do with you and you took advantage of naive younger girls, then there would be a problem. So do you like her, or do you want to take advantage of her? That is the question. From the way it sounds, you actually like her and that is better.

Willravel

You are NOT a sicko. It is perfectly normal to be attracted to people. You know when you're 22, the 16 year olds will be 18. So long as you doin't brake any laws, just go about your life as you are comfortable. Guess what? 16 year olds are dressing a lot like prostitues now-a-days (never when I was in school though, damn it). You see an MTV generation girl in hot shorts and a tank top with no bra running around in the mall, your first impulse is to look. If she didn't want attention, she wouldn't be wearing that.

cimarron29414- do you have a hot sister or something? Jk.

shred_head

I don't think it's wrong at all. Hell, I'm 22 now and I talk with my friends that so and so looks hot, even if they're like 15-16. Granted, from what I've been told, I can't place a girl's age so when I think she's like 15 my friends tend to say she's more in the range of 18. But even still, we still find those girls hot but we'd never do anymore than just that...talk about them. Now, I tend to find all high school age girls extremely annoying and immature and would never consider doing anything with them because I just can't put up with them, they drive me crazy. However, that doesn't stop me from just looking.

And yeah, that's just a 3 year age difference, that's not much at all. I'd say you're in the clear. And if you're friends ride you about it then they're probably just saying that so it'll make them look better, even though I'm sure they still find girls that young hot.

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neekap

I see no problem with it. Heck, I'm 23 and I don't remember my female classmates my freshman and sophomore years of high school looking that good. I think girls are physically maturing earlier now than they were before. I've seen a 14 year old stand next to a 19 year old and pass for being older. It's almost scary.

If you are going to play that field, be sure to check ID to keep yourself out of hot water!

Ananas

Just remember: 15 will get you 20.

...and your choice of salad dressing.

Ruse

I dont see any problems... if the girl is legal and consenting and you act on it there is nothing against it. If the girl isnt legal and you arnt acting on it, wheres the crime?

Jay Francis

At 20, you're still pretty young enough to think about girls in their teens. I suspect that as you move into your 30's, you'll start finding girls in their 20's to be attractive. I wouldn't worry about it.

maleficent

If you were 35 and looking at 17 year old girls, I'd wonder why you were afraid of women your own age... but at 20, you are barely out of your teens, so it's natural for you to look at girls 2 -3 years younger or older than you are.

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Seaver

Yeah, nothing out of the ordinary.

When I was in HS I only dated college chicks (I liked the maturity).

Now that I'm in college I've dated girls ranging from just graduated (17 is legal in texas) to my current girl who's 28.

Age doesnt matter, as long as both are mature enough to know what they're doing. If she's an upper classman she's wise enough IMO.

Aladdin Sane

Did no one read what I wrote?
I repeat: Sexually mature men are attracted to females who appear sexually mature. Human physiology gives a rats ass about chronological age.
I hate to break it to you people, but men of all ages are sexually attracted to females of all ages who appear sexually ripe. Fourty-five year old men are attracted to and lust after 17 year old females. It's a fact of nature and all the social taboos on the planet cannot stop it.

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pattycakes

i might be called a sick but on certain days 14 (some) year olds look hot... but then again they are all whored out to look like they are 17. I am 20 and yes sometimes i think someone way to young is hot... but what i think and what i act on are two different things.

CityOfAngels

Thanks everybody! This is why I love the TFP; it expands my understanding. You all have really helped.

So yeah, I've decided not to act upon my attraction unless:
a) She shows blatant interest in me,
b) She and I get closer than we are now; right now we're chummy, but not "Let's hang out" buddies.
c) She gets older.

Reason for a is because, despite what you all say, I don't want to be looked upon as some older guy preying on a young girl. If she wants to show interest in me, fine, I can dig that. If not, there are many other, legal, women out there who I can go howlin' after. Reason for b is obvious; I don't want to take advantage of her in any way. I know that by my initiating conversation pertaining to this matter, my mere age can have an affect on her, which wouldn't have the same affect if we were the same age. In other words, if anything between her and I happen, I don't want to be the "leader" so to speak. I feel that mutual friends who know each other well can act mutually a lot better than an older guy and a girl who's excited to be with an older guy. I know her, but I don't know her THAT well yet. Reason for c? As soon as she turns 18, if I'm still single, and if I still show interest in her, I'm spilling the beans.

I'm a patient guy. I don't need her or any other woman. Plus, as I said, there are many more women out there to choose from.

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

soshi_aroso

That post by itself pretty much clinches that fact that there is nothing wrong with your attraction.

Strange Famous

in the UK the age of consent is 16. Maybe you should live here? While I agree that a girl under 18 or even 15 might be attractive, I do think thinking that way would feel to me if I knew their age - I would pretty much limit myself to over 18 (even though in this country a 50 year old can have sex with a 16 year old perfectly legally) just because its what I feel comfortable with.

But no, I dont think it is abnormal for a 20 year old to be attracted to a 17 year old, or for people of those ages to date, My parents met when my dad was 24 and my mum was 17, and they got married when she was 18, and were together 26 years before they split up.

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FallenAvatar

I'm not sure how to really approach this subject. In theory for me the agelimit comes down to seriously one deciding factor. Love. If you can say you love them, and they're 18 or whatever I could agree with it. For me love is the key. If you can sit there and just try and have fun with her and seriously not care about trying to get into her pants then you've got a friendship, if you can get past that to make it stronger then maybe you should be with her?

phuzzy

I would have to say that no you are not a sicko. the woman that i'm dateing is only 20 yrs old, me being 30. When we statred to hook up i did not know her age, and now have no issues with it. none of my friends have any problems with the age diff either. so if you are truly attracted to her emotinaly then go for it.

Suave

The law surrounding it is SO much more complex than that though. I can only speak for Canadian law (what I remember of it), but I'll give sort of a break-down of our "age of consent".

The age of consent is 14, meaning that sex between people (I believe the legal term was "young people") within the age group between 14 and 18 is legal. Sex of any kind between persons of any age below that is completely an utterly illegal.

If one of the two persons in the sexual relationship is of the age of majority, they may not have sex with a "young person", except under the circumstance that there are no more than two years in age difference between them. This effectively raises the age of consent to 16 for 18 year olds, 17 for 19 year olds, and after that it's adults only.

Those are just some paraphrasings of major pertinent points. There is a lot more written regarding sexual conduct and age, and I may have gotten some specifics a little off, but the general idea is still sound.

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"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

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K-Wise

Here in Texas the legal age is 17. Your parents can actually call the cops to kick you out of the house by that age apparently. Knew a guy who musta been 24 or so who had an apartment with his 17 year old girlfriend.

I think I'm not so much in the same boat as you...I think they're attractive at that age because of course they're developing. I'm 20 also. I consider it taboo though and try to look for girls my own age...my only problem is I don't look my age. Most people think I'm still in highschool Which is ridiculous really. I don't think I look that young but apparently I do. So imagine all the girls my age think that too and assume I'm too young. It seems like only the underage girls like me these days. I guess cause they think I'm a lot closer to their age than they think...either that or they just don't care. I've noticed the younger girls aren't shy at ALL. If they think you're hot they come right out and tell you they do. I gotta love that but I can't help but wish it was someone my age telling me that.

It seems almost as if right now I'd have to get a girlfriend who was underage because they seem to be the only ones interested. Rarely do I see a girl who at least looks my age give me a look...The numbers of them are growing these days but still not as much as I'd like. My parents and my family don't seem too against the idea of me going out with a younger girl either thats whats so crazy. I don't think I would though...I mean maybe if she was really bad ass but more so I'd rather have someone my own age or at least a legal adult.

Asta!!

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discotequi

when I was 17 I had a girlfriend who was 22... my parents didn't like it much, but my friends sure thought it was cool.

In retrospect (it's been about 13 years... damn that sounds like a long time) I think she was a little immature for her age, so it worked.

milian

My girlfriend is 16, a junior in high school. I am 19, a sophmore in college. She looks older than me. My parents hate the idea of our age difference but her parents dont mind at all. In fact, they love her having an older, more responsible boyfriend. Personally, I find nothing wrong with our age difference.

I agree that chronological age and maturity are two completely different things.

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anti fishstick

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. 16 is still only a 4 year difference. Those age differences won't matter so much in time.

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slimshaydee

I'm 20 and I'm going out with a 17 year old. I don't think there's anything at all wrong with that.

monkey boy

there's nothing to be ashamed about. Most older people I know are attracted to young women throughout their life. But maybe I just know a lot of dirty old men..

vvveronica

Hey Im 24 and I date older guys all the time. When I was 16 & 17 I was dating guys in their 20's Now if your interested in younger girls that are tooooo young, that is wrong, but, geesh three years younger, I rarely date anyone who is only 3 years older..

johnsimon885

If being a 20 year old guy attracted to a 17 year old is wrong...well, we'd have an overflowing prison system (or psychiatric waiting list) in NO time. I mean, look at all the movies out today. They're practically FORCING us to! A lot of the up and coming sexual icons (girls, anyway) are under 18...and then to attatch some stigma on going after that is pretty backwards, in my opinion.

That said, I'm a sucker and I would feel a little out of place dating someone in high school. But I think there's so much mental maturity that takes place afterwards I would be dating someone too young in their mind, even if their body is giving...misleading information.

Val_1

I'm 32. We just got a new 18 year old secretary at work. Even though I can admit she is a gorgous girl, I'm not really attacted to her and I think it's because of her age. I'm not consciously trying to back off, she just looks too young to me. I am a little ashamed of this and now officially feel old.

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johnsimon885

So Val....where do you work?

CityOfAngels

Update: I had my information wrong. Get this people; she's 15. Ouch! I just assumed she was 17 because the entire time I've known her, she seemed like a very mature person, and the only thing keeping me from thinking she was the same age as I was the fact that she was my friend's younger sister (my friend is 19). Just great; I've been flirting with a 15 year old. And to think I was contemplating spilling the beans to her bro, just to vent some steam. On top of it all, I'm still attracted to her and still have those small, budding feelings for her.

I guess all I can do now is back away.

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.