Charlatan

I love Chuck Palahniuk...

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Janey

I'm curious about who ate the oatmeal afterwards.... I would have expected some brown sugar with it at the very least!

Charlatan

I can't remember if I ate it or threw it away... probably the latter.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

vox_rox

Um, Janey, you should be careful what you wish for!

Or as Pinkie would say, would you like some plantain with that?

Peace,

Pierre

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There is no such thing as strong coffee - only weak people.
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paulskinback

Omega, thanks for the lovely animation - unfortunately I think it'll stick in my mind forever

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'Everything that can be invented has been invented.- - 1899, Charles Duell, U.S. Office of Patents.

'There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.' - Ken Olson, 1977, Digital Equipment Corporation

frankx

While drunk, I've stuck my peepee into several strange things (of the human variety, that is!) over the years

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Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunken Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

avhg1

Not really weird but, one time my wife was sleeping and her mouth was hanging wide open. While I was looking at her, the little light bulb went on. You all know what my plan was. Well, I decided to stick my finger in her mouth first to see what her reaction would be. CLAMP! Holy crap! She was biting so hard I couldn't get my finger out. My finger was bleeding by the time I managed to pry it loose. She never woke up and I'm sure she wasn't awake because I told her about it the next day and she thought it was hilarious. It was very scary and I learned my leason. I was almost minus my most valuable member.

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I shake the devil's hand daily... I'd do it hourly, but my hand gets tired.

xxSquirtxx

Oh my...on the one hand, I'd say that would be awful, but on the other hand, I'd say that would serve you right.

Ouchie.

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RogueHunter65

Vacum cleaner (would not recomend....ever), Super soaker water fill hole, and a watermelon.

I kinda liked the watermelon but you need to make sure you make the hole the right size. It is also very sticky...I am not sure if I want to put this into writing but hey give it a try if it sounds interesting.

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I suffer from amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I have forgotten this before

Kodega

I shouldn't have to say this, but I will as a pubilic servive anouncement. Always exercise extreme caution if you are going to microwave some fruit for humping. They can get *very* hot. I would suggest sticking your thumb into the hole first. The last thing one want is burns on his penis.

Also, there is too much friction to use tube socks plain. Stick a latex glove (you can get a box of 100 gloves for like $10.) in the middle of the sock. The fold the glove down over the sides of the sock and pour a little lube in it and you're good to go.

The strangest thing I've used however... A fake rabbit fur.

AquaFox

omg... i can't believe i read that....


::cringes and turns away from pc::

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...AquaFox...

impulse03

i tried to warn you.

once you started though, you couldnt stop could you? i know i couldnt...it is mesmerizing.

prefect

Ever notice how it seems that every bottle that has ever been manufactured is never the right size? Its like a safety feature they never mention.

Anywho, I found a juice bottle thingy (soft plastic, screw on lid), and top top is shorta shaped like >< with a cap on top
so you cut off the part with the threads, making sure you wont get caught on anything, then you poke a hole in the bottom of the container, giving it just enough suction to make it interesting.

Yeah, us guys are crazy.

Homey_V

A vagina...

What? Vaginas are weird...

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You did what with a duck?

Jonsgirl

......I...can't believe...I read that. That's...horrible...and... a really well written story...and just horrible.
I always knew there was something wrog with those guys from the Navy....

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Someday, someone will best me.
But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

Redlemon

(very early, unreleased Weird Al lyric)

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Phant84

i would have to agree with the couple that said their ex-girlfriend. she was the most strangest thing that i've stuck my pipi in.

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Phant

Irrationality is the square root of all evil

longbough

their best friends

monkey boy

a sock, and I tried a folded pillow once, the orgasm was good, but it took ages, and made a lot of noise.

drakers

A vacuum cleaner?? WOW!! Wouldn't try it even if I was paid.

omega2K4

holy shit. That "guts" story was gross. My stomach is hurting from just reading it.

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"Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form."- Karl Marx

WS6_KID

Yeah it is. I cant say i've done any raw chickens, just stuck with the hand so far but who knows maybe i'll find myself alone with a raw chicken one night.

Jay You Dee

Heh... the hole in a computer subwoofer when I was like 14. Turn the bass on high and start some loud music. Ahhhhh...

milian

A hollow banana peel works GREAT!


I also tried: vacume cleaner, orange, bananna, cantelope, between the couch cushions, there probally was more, but I cant think of them now

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Lenny Bruce is not afraid.

K-Wise

^ Just for shits n giggles last time I was at the grocery store I looked at all the banana's. Not a one of them looked big enough for me to actually fit my dick in it without it peeling open even if I wanted to. I don't see how guys can do that.

Asta!!

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"I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project

It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys! - Asta!!

Astrocloud

Light Socket

Coppertop

And here I thought that the carrot was bad. Then I got to the end. Ugh.

neddy65

that story was un-fucking-believable!! cool!

Hand guy myself but to each his own I guess.

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If you're travelling at the speed of light, and you turn the headlights on, do they do anything?

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die!

Drink Dickens' Hard Cider because nothing makes a girl smile like a Hard DIckens' Cider!

todd

I'm allergic to bananas

georges

goddamn. Didn't it get clogged up?

hambone

just read that article.

I am at work and honestly I think I am gonna throw up. I am turning all red and sweating trying not to.

ugh.

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"Like liquid white from fallen glass,
Nothing to cry over"

lunchbox

Guts is so great. I read that about a year ago. i love that story...and just for the record, its not THAT sick. He was reading that to promote one of his books (diary i think...) and they were having people pass out at nearly every reading, by the end of the tour he'd have to give a disclaimer and then on top of that stop before the really bad parts and warn people and tell them that it was their chance to leave.

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jonjon42

ah yes guts....hee
I love chuck
choke is another place where he tells some less sick masterbation legends although it probably is my least favorite work of his.(one has to do with a vacuum cleaner.)

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A damn dirty hippie without the dirty part....

ironmaiden7o7

Lol, I couldn't help but to laugh while reading these posts. Very interesting, too bad I don't have a penis. But if I were a man and had a penis, I think I'd use one of those gelly candles in the cup, those feel almost like the real thing. I'd go to the store and always stick my fingers into them, just can't help it. :-p

The Magic

A dog.




Don't worry, it was dead.

beaco

I guess there is a bigger world out there......

I think I'll stick to the pussy and hand.

kutulu

I stuck my dick in my wife's wine glass. It took a creative way to stand but she was able to go down on me and lick wine off of me at the same time. It felt great and she loved it.

Hardknock

Some wild stories on here....

AS for myself, can't say that I've stuck it into any wierd places. My hand and vaginas for me.

Interesting reading though.

minyn

oh god, i laughed to hard, my sides hurt.

this takes the cake on TFP! congrats!

i feel compelled to start a thread now!

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"Woke up this morning with a blue moon in my eye"
~A3 "woke up this morning"

"Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got." -Janis Joplin

theguyondacouch

A rubber chicken.

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"Lick my frozen metal ass!"