Mugzy6

I know parents are supposed to be the ones to talk to you about sex or those sex ed videos in school are supposed to be your first lesson on the subject. However, those videos didn't really explain anything at all and, in my own experience, my mother gave me the talk after the fact. You learn so much more about sex from your peers and through the media (more pointedly porn), so really, is the "talk" really necessary anymore, especially when it's usually given too late?

Edit: I meant a more trustworthy group of peers, like those that have had sex already. Hehe, and for some people even the TFP. I also only meant porn because it shows the insertion and whatnot, unlike the school sex ed videos.

Zeraph

Yes, because if nothing else it helps open up communication between the child and parents.

Ace_O_Spades

I think that the "talk" is unneccessary, I never got the "talk" and I think I know more about sex, the human body, and all that other fun stuff, than many many other people I know.

So no, I don't think you need the "talk"

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Feh.

CandleInTheDark

The "talk" should happen before puberty. Before their equally ignorant peers start horrible myths about sexual activity.

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maleficent

Let's see - -learning about sex from your peers -- what'd I hear when I was young -- you can't get pregnant if you do it standing up, you can't get pregnant if you jump around afterwards, you never get pregnant your first time. Lockerroom talk about who did what to whom when... most of which is made up crap... Porn? Hardly realistic.

Parents have a responsibility to educate their children with the facts about sex, and to do it honestly. If they are uncomfortable doing so, tough shit, they should not have become parents. It's their job to do so, especially at a young age.

That being said, I'm 2 days away from 40 years old, and I'm still waiting for my mother to have the talk with me - last time I brought it up, I got a don't be fresh from my mother

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ShaniFaye

I have always answered my daughters questions...without offering much detail..ex..how did I get in your tummy...Your daddy put you there (asked about age 7) if she said ok and dropped it I did not elaborate....as she has gotten older she has wanted to know more detail...I answer with as much as she asks.

She is 11 now and "developing" so we have been talking a lot. My mother never did this with me...she depended on the sex ed videos. I got SO much misinformation from my peers it wasnt funny. I want my child to be informed so I will tell her anything she inquires about.

It is NOT up to me to let others educate her on this...it is my responsibility. And if she asks me something I do not know then she and I will look it up together. I want her to know that she can talk to me about ANY subject, including one as sensitive as this one, and get facts...so that when her friends tell her green m & m's make you horny she will not only know that that is BS but she will know what "horny" means (unlike me who was 15 before I knew, 3 years after I'd been hearing it day in and out in school)

oh...and I will not do what my mother did and call everyone in the family and within a 6 house radius and tell them that she started her period

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thesupermikey

I dont mean to take anything away from this convorsation. I would like to take a moment to post a link to a Vintage Christian sex instruction mp3s.

http://www.boingboing.net/2004/10/14...istian_se.html

I would imagin this is not the best way to teach ones kids about sex.

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la petite moi

The talk is necessary, only because there are so many false and 'bad' messages on the TV. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking that they have to have huge, fake breasts/ a huge penis in order to be sex-worthy? Or do you want them to think that unprotected sex is okay? (A lot of porn is unprotected, I've noticed.)

Going to school and learning from your peers is stupid too. For the longest time, (hilariously) I thought that a girl pooped her baby out-- Yes, that's right...pooped. Also, like Mal said, there are all these ways kids (and ignorant adults) think that you can abort an unwanted baby. Without the talk, so many misconceptions go on without correction.

The talk should be between a parent and their child, so that if there is a problem (sex wise) that your child has, they know they can come to the parents to talk about it.

welshbyte

Having learnt all i needed to know about sex before the event from a whole bunch of sources....
Actually, i'll list them:

- Magazines and newspapers (normal, but with agony aunt sections)
- TV
- Radio (late night agony aunt sessions)
- Internet (Wow, what a resource when you're trying to learn about sex)
- Books (fiction)
- Peers (Generally mixed opinions and ambiguous facts, sometimes contradictions)
- School (Good sex ed from even before high school)

...i never really had "the talk" from my parents, and when it finally came around to that conversation i remember my mother saying to my Dad "Why don't you have a chat to your son about the birds and the bees?" and i answered "Why? What does Dad want to know?".

It's kind of a running joke now, we re-enact it now and then.

Anyway, personally, i didn't miss "the talk" at all from my parents because i was lucky enough to have a whole range of resources from which to learn the theory. Plus i was curious about it enough since puberty to search out the information for myself from things like my older sister's girlie magazines and the internet.

For kids who aren't as lucky as i was, i imagine that "the talk" would be very important to them. Maybe for girls in particular it is important to have that kind of comunication with their mothers since IMHO there are more issues for girls on the whole subject of sex. Do you (ladies) agree with that?

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maleficent

Part of "the talk" for both sexes should be to remember to treat the other person with respect. And about respecting yourself. From things I've seen and conversations I have overheard that discussion and that idea is completely lacking. The talk shouldn't just be about mechanics, that part is easy, it's the emotional issues that go along with sex and even with puberty that is tough for people.

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absorbentishe

My wife and I had the talk with our 11 year old, last year when he was 10. I think it was important, he knows if he has questions, where to get the real answers from, not made up crap. Neither my wife or I, had a talk with our parents. The closest I came was my dad telling me to keep it zipped. My sister explained a lot, and we still talk. It's mainly the open communication thing that this talk helps!

welshbyte

Just another thought: The important thing isn't so much "the talk" or just one conversation about sex. But the reassurance and openness between the parents and children so that the children know who to ask questions as and when they occur and feel comfortable in doing so.

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Grasshopper Green

I never had "the talk" with my mom, the closest thing was when I had my first boyfriend she told me "don't get pregnant". I grew up in a very conservative area and kids rarely talked about it, just giggled. No sex ed, no anything, so when the time rolled around for me to actually start having sex, I didn't know a damn thing. Yeah, "the talk" is important in my opinion. Even if there is a wealth of knowledge out there, how do you know your child is accessing the right stuff or lies/misinformation? This should come from the parent, not the interenet or next door neighbor kid.

vox_rox

Actually, my persepctive is that there shouldn't be the one "sit-down" talk as it once was. It seems to me that if you were open and honest with your children, and the mutual respect created good communication on an ongoing basis, then eventually you would cover all the bases and whatever topic needed to be talked about would be talked about.

As for the necessity, I think if you read the the posts already in thie thread, especially from "la petite moi" and "maleficent" you ca nsee why you absolutely MUST be part of the education process.

Really, pooped out? Since I was told it was in the "tummy" I though that the only way it come out was back up out of the mouth, so I was quite confused about labour pains for a long time, as you can imagine!

Peace,

Pierre

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snowy

I have to agree with everyone who has said the talk is necessary to prevent miscommunication and misinformation. Children are becoming sexualized at a younger and younger age due to pressure from the media and society; it is up to parents to educate and guide their children through that tricky time in their lives. I especially have to agree with those who have said it is better to open up the lines of communication and let your children know you are comfortable discussing the issue with them at any time. This is especially important because while public schools do try to pick up the slack they are still only teaching abstinence-based education in the United States and children do not learn about birth control besides abstinence until nearly the 9th grade. Public health needs dictate that we teach our children about safe sex at a younger age as research suggests that children are engaging in sexual activities beyond intercourse at a younger age than before. Thirteen year olds are engaging in oral sex because they think it's safe, which shows just how little effect abstinence based education has, and how much misinformation they receive even from our own education system.

You cannot and should not rely on the education system to do something you yourself should do. If you do not feel you cannot educate your children in an effective manner on sex, sexual intercourse, STDs and the dangers of pregnancy, perhaps you should reconsider having children. Having a good relationship with your child dictates that you communicate with them about all manner of uncomfortable subjects. So either get over it, or don't have kids.

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Val_1

Great job, onesnowyowl. You gave a very well written and well thought out response. I agree with you. Do not trust other people (including the education system) to educate your children about sex. And, by talking to them yourself, you open the lines of communication with your children so that they feel comforable asking you questions.

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Dirty

I never got the talk, but I learned a lot from school and various other places. The school tried to tell me that sex was bad. I never believed it, but went on with it. When I have kids I will have the "talk".

Rlyss

I was never given the talk, I vaguely remember my parents answering a couple of questions when I was very young, but there was never any big talk. (I do rememebr once asking my mother if women could be gay.) I learned everything from TV, and other kids, and the Internet when I was younger. I think most of it I just picked up here and there and I'd say I've never really had any confusion. I don't think I'm a typical example though since most people have such misconceptions.

By the way, thesupermikey, those recordings are great! Gee, golly, gosh, it's all there!

AquaFox

i strongly think school sex-ed needs to be better... it's not good enough.. atleast when i went though it. expecially when it came to anatomy...

i honestly believed i was un-circumsized up till my freshman year in college when i let a girl see it for the first time.... the images of comparing intact to cut penises in sex-ed were poor... i used to think the gland part was the foreskin.... it really did throw some odd emotions on me.... plus having to have a girl tell me that i was curcumsized was kind of embarassing.... i ended up having to research the topic on the internet to varify it in disbelief... it was like a part of me just walked off

...plus sex ed taught us nothing about female anatomy....

schools and or parents need to teach masterbation... guys and girls should be taught how to do it safely and that it is normal to do

MSD

I was left in the dark until 5th grade sex ed. Until then, I didn't even know that males had anything to do with producing children, I thought it was a coin toss thing that either happened or didn't (and my mom wondered why I was so confused when I couldn't understand why she was telling me it's a sin to have a baby before getting married )

When my brother was 15, my father had been dead for a while, and my mom thought it might be a good idea for me to talk to him about it. My exact words were these:

"In her typical clueless state, mom thinks that you're still an innocent, sheltered kid, and wants me to give you [finger quotes in the air] "the talk." I think she wants me to give you the basic idea of how tab a fits into slot b and the whole bit about sex before marriage being evil and a ticket to hell. So since you pretty much know the mechanics of it and don'ot believe in hell, I'll just tell you two things that I want you to remember: Always wear a condom, and learn to give good oral. That's all you need to know."

He doesn't talk about it much, but he's assured me that he's been following my advice

gentlesoul43

I never got the talk. I got it from my friends and there's a lot of crap there.

One guy told me that when you insert the penis into the vagina, your foreskin will slide back as you enter. That was scary shit and I wondered why people talked about sex so much.

And I've asked the "Is it in yet?" question.

You live and learn.

Livia Regina

I didn't get the talk either and grew up thinking that sex was inherently evil, only bad people did it, my parents had not had sex, and masterbation was a sin.

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Brooke

I got books - went to the library and did research - I was young and cute and the librarian thought I was to be encouraged and introduced me to adult books...then I did more "research"

I still do "research"......

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ColonelSpecial

Nope, no "talk" here. I wasn't too interested in sex until my third year of college (I am now in my fourth year). I was going through my 'prude stage'. I knew enough that it didn't interest me but my parents were there to answer any questions I did have. I am glad that parents are more willing (it seems) to talk with their children about sex and their bodies, etc.

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splck

I didn't get the one shot "talk" the way some kids did, but rather, it was an ongoing dialog with my parents (mostly my mom).
My eight year old girls know more about how babies are born and the correct names of body parts than most teenagers. They say words like penis and vagina without the slightest cringe or embarrassment. By the time sex-ed comes along, while other kids are all embarrassed and acting silly, they'll be able to check off the facts of life as things they already know.

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nice line eh?

hiro-acid

When I was 4 I asked where babies came from, and my parents, being ever the hippies, bought me the book "Where Did I Come From?" and followed sometime before puberty with "What's Happening To Me?" - both of which combined humour, simple honesty, and fun cartoons (I can still remember the cartoon sperm in the jacket inlay) in a way that helped ground me in my body, to find beauty in it and all of it's processes, and as a result I think I've had a lot less sexual hangups to work through than most people of my generation and similar environ/background.

Anyways, both good books to teach children about their bodies, sexuality, and terminology; even if they are somewhat outdated in their attitudes towards sexuality (heterosexuality is stated simply as norm, without any mention of the diverse spectrum of human sexuality and desires). I'ld hyperlink, but I'm lazy.. just go amazon it.. and if you do, you can be sure to read such wonderful reviews as: "My aunt recently gave an old copy of this, along with some other books, to my 4 year old daughter. I didn't see it until after she'd already looked at it, and I'm not happy. There is a cartoon of a man & woman having sex, not something I think a 4 year old needs to see (or anyone, really)." ..oh my, poor pathetic woman.. afraid of a little cartoon representing honest love.. and to be fair, they're under the covers even!

portereight

I never got the talk. The closest I came was one day my father gave me a pamphlet he picked up at the drugstore. He also said I would probably start shaving soon. The only other talk I received was the day I woke up with him sitting on the side of my bed telling me that one day I would most likely be bald.
Now that's some parenting.

Furry

I can't remember getting any specific "talk" - rather, it was a more drawn-out, open and ongoing dialogue aided by a couple of good books. I was privately educated, so there was no sex education to be had at school - they were hiding behind the "catholic" label. Quite frankly it's a shame. If other schools are offering sex ed. then all of them should make the effort to do so and not hide behind religion. That said, nothing replaces importance of the input of your parents.

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Dostoevsky

Yeah, I think it's still important for a man to get that talk from his pops to kind of establish that role-model type relationship. This initial talk opens the door for more candid conversations later on if and when the kid needs advice about relationships.