Cheating; is it statistically inevitable?
 

I've known about cheating ever since I was little. I wasn't even in kindergarten when I first heard that my father had cheated on my mother multiple times, and I was in 3rd grade, about four years after their divorce, when my mother unveiled that she had previously cheated on him with one of his best friends. All throughout my life, I've seen way too many movies that show someone cheating on their significant other. I was in high school when I heard about my brother's girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) cheating on him.

Every time I heard these stories, I felt a heart-wrenching feeling and always thought to myself: "If that ever happened to me, I'd be so devastated that I'd give up on love." I always thought that if you were good enough, or if you treated your significant other with enough respect, or if you simply just didn't deserve to be cheated on, then you could avoid it. Boy, was I wrong.

I had my first kiss in high school (I was a big prude all throughout my young'n days), and two weeks after we started going out, she cheated on me. Sure, I was devastated, but given our relationship wasn't serious at all, I was able to brush it off in due time. I fell in love for the first time in college with a girl I knew from high school. We were together for over a year, and throughout the time we were together, she had cheated on me multiple times. My love for her was (is) so serious that I stupidly gave her multiple chances, and she took advantage of each and every one. I've been broken up with her for quite some time, but even to this day it stings whenever I think about what she did.

I realized that no one deserves to be cheated on, and that there's no way to avoid it. You can't be super-boyfriend or super-husband and expect that your significant other won't cheat on you. It can happen at any time. And from the society I live in today, it seems that it happens more often than not.

Is this true? Is your significant other statistically bound to cheat on you some time or another? Also, if this is true, does that mean that YOU are statistically bound to cheat on your significant other? Well, let's find out.

Post here if you have ever been cheated on. Let's try not to discuss specific events in this thread, but rather concentrate on the numbers. Please, if you will, answer the following questions:
1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)?
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)?
3) Have you ever cheated?
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on?
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship?

I HOPE that I'm wrong. I HOPE that I'm just thinking negatively based upon my own experiences. But if I am correct; if people really are statistically bound to cheat on their significant others, then something REALLY needs to be done about our social integrity when it comes to relationships.

P.S. Please participate even if you would answer "No" and "N/A" to every question, as your addition to the statistics count towards the overall result.

Oh yeah, I'll start:
1) Have you ever been cheated on? - Yes
2) If so, by how many different people? - 2
3) Have you ever cheated? - No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - 1

Edit: Added "(that you know of)" to #'s 1 and 2 for a more accurate survey.

Wow, what a heart wrenching thread. Can you include another category - "Don't know". I mean, I would answer "I don't know", theres no way for me to tell.

#1 - ?
#2 - ?
#3 - No
#4 - N/A
#5 - N/A

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - Yes.
2) If so, by how many different people? - 2.
3) Have you ever cheated? - No.
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A.
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - Both.

I don't understand this at all. Just because a lot of assholes cheat on their SO's, that means it's inevitable that I will also cheat on someone?

I know plenty of people who never never cheated on anyone or had anyone cheat on them.. It's possible to not be an asshole and not cheat.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? ---- No
2) If so, by how many different people? ---- N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? ---- No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? ---- N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? ---- N/A

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - Yes
2) If so, by how many different people? - 3 that I know of
3) Have you ever cheated? - Sure have
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - 1
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - 0

Please note the word, "statistically."
In other words, you're right: Numbers don't mean crap when it comes to an individual person. But for society as a whole, well, that's a different story.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? YES
2) If so, by how many different people? Two
3) Have you ever cheated? NO
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? NA
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? In one instance, when I was cheated on, he was more serious than I was, and that was his excuse for cheating, that since I wasn't able to commit, then it was ok for him to cheat on me. It wasn't.

Yeah, there are tons of cheating assholes out there.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? YES
2) If so, by how many different people? 1
3) Have you ever cheated? YES
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 1
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship?

This is in a former marriage, she multiple times with many different partners, myself - twice, same girl each time (we are now 8-years married, while my ex anbd her husband are fucking around on each other.)

Cheating on a loved one is a nasty business and everyone loses, especially if it is a serious or a long term relationship.

It usually occurs for one of two reasons.
1) The love, feelings or caring is gone from your relationship, in which case get the hell out with some dignity and leave your partner his/her dignity also.
2) It is a selfish, one time, "no will know" attempt to try something new. Bullshit. It will never be as good as what you have at home. This is messing with the most base and primitive of human emotions. If a person does this they can be considered, plain and simple, a pig.

It can happen at any time, and it may happen more often than not in this society. But the trick is to build the trust and communication to sustain a good relationship. Make sure you're both on the same page as to how you value the relationship and where you'd like to go with it. It also helps that you don't seek out women that are predisposed to cheating or have a history of it.

I wouldn't say this is true for all people yet, even in our society. I have not been with anyone who has cheated on me, although I hate to admit that I have cheated on an ex. I would never cheat on my current boyfriend because I value our relationship more than anything else I've ever been in. I trust him. In fact, he's right here with me looking at this as I type. I'm much happier, whereas I was never happy in my previous relationship and never really wanted to be in it in the first place. Cheating was a consequence of alcohol, which is the worse excuse (you are still accountable for your choices to take alcohol), but many people use it as such.


1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? not that I know of
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? n/a
3) Have you ever cheated? yes, I kissed a friend.
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? just one. I had another chance to cheat again but didn't.
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? I wouldn't say the relationship was serious at the time.

You are just thinking negatively based on your own experiences. It seems like you've acquired a negative, perhaps cynical, viewpoint of relationships at an early age from your parents. This might have contributed to the cycles you find yourself in with girls that have cheated on you. Finding the same type of girls becomes a pattern.

cheating is just a symptom of other things that are wrong in a relationship. When a person thinks they have to search outward in a relationship, that means something isn't satisfying them.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - No
2) If so, by how many different people? - N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? - No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - N/A

Don\'t let any dark past haunt you, and don\'t give up trust and hope. Maybe something and someone honest and pure do exist. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, even if you think you might be in the gutter, you still gotta look at the stars.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 2
3) Have you ever cheated? No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1

#1 - no
#2 - n/a
#3 - no
#4 - n/a
#5 - n/a

However, I have been the "other guy" before. Once was with one of my friends Girlfriends, he was actually okay with it though, and we remained friends.

A few months later the same friend had a new girlfriend and we were all living together in a house...well, she cheated on him with me.

To this day me and him are still friends, he just doesn't intorduce any of his GF's to me.

i dont know exactly what you are trying to prove to yourself here? as long as MY wife doesnt cheat on ME, why should i be concerned about the rest of the world?

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - Yes
2) If so, by how many different people? - Many when just dating/ exclusive relationship. Never by my wife.
3) Have you ever cheated? - No, never. Not even when I knew my partner was doing it. Cheaters have no honor. They are walking wastes of skin.
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - Its been a while, but too often.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? yep
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 2
3) Have you ever cheated? yes
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 1
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? I was cheated on by my 'first love.' we were dating for about six months already she she decided to get down with a senior in high school (we were freshmen). I really thought I loved her, it turned out different after I looked at the situation when it was long since over with. and my cheating experience was from one bad situation to another. I had a girlfriend I pretty much didn't care about because I was just with her because I wanted companionship and I ended up cheating on her and eventually leaving her for another girl who I didn't care about either.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? - YES
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? - 1
3) Have you ever cheated? - YES
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - 1 (THE SAME PERSON AS IN #1)
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - 0

This took place in a high school relationship. I cheated first -- but what really constitutes cheating? I kissed another girl -- and felt like complete & utter shit about it. I told her, and she broke up with me.

We got back together after much goveling on my part, and then she went & cheated (SEX) on me...on purpose.

Since that time, I've never cheated.

I think that cheating is a sign of either immaturity or abject unhappiness. It doesn't necessarily follow that it is a statistical certainty that you'll be cheated on...but I think that chances are good when we're younger. Part of that is due to the inclination to date just ONE person. I don't think this is necessarily a good thing for teenagers, and even in college! It creates a false sense of intimacy - especially sexual intimacy - that most teens aren't ready for.

In my opinion, dating just one person should probably be reserved for the step before engagement. Date many, date one, propose to one, marry one.

*shrug* But what do *I* know?

Some of the things that come into my mind is what is "cheating"? By cheating do you mean having sex with someone else, kissing someone else, touching someone else, etc? Do you mean been cheated on in a marriage or has your SO cheated on you whether or not you were married.

IMO, dating someone, going steady with them, whatever you wanna call it doesn't count. The reason being is that when you take marriage vows, I'm sure they vary, but in there it says forsaking all others. I know in non-marriage type relationships there are no vows taken, only a "common understanding" that you are supposed to be with each other. Nevertheless, there is no commitment that says you cannot be with someone else.

So to me cheating mostly counts only in marriage and when sex with another person other than your spouse is involved.

Now as to the questions:

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? No
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? NA
3) Have you ever cheated? NO
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? NA
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? NA

1) Yes
2) 1
3) No
4) N/A
5) 1

edit: for #5 the relationship was semi-serious. We weren't getting married or anything but we had been dating for about 2 years or so.

Sorry this can't work, too many confounding variables. If you want inferential stats then you need a random sampling of the population you want to study.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 2
3) Have you ever cheated? No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 0
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1

Unless you marry the first person you date, I think it is almost inevitable that you'll experience cheating. Think about it, if we each date 5 people before we get married, then only one in 5 has to be a cheater for the experience to be universal (assuming that cheating is a habitual action, which my observation supports). It sucks, but it makes trust a deliberate choice - and it is very wonderful when you can feel confidant in that choice.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? ---- No
2) If so, by how many different people? ---- N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? ---- No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? ---- N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? ---- N/A

1) Have you ever been cheated on? Not quite...one was up to some questionable business with a few of my friends involving some lack of clothes, but not cheating in the technical sense.
2) If so, by how many different people? just that instance I mentioned above (0?)
3) Have you ever cheated? No, but I have been the "other guy" once
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 0
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 0 (first thing I mentioned wasn't very serious...though I did get pretty mad at my friend)

...

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? NO
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? NO
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? N/A

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - No
2) If so, by how many different people? - N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? - No/NEVER will
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - N/A

1) Have you ever been cheated on? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people? 2
3) Have you ever cheated? I kissed a guy while we were on a break..does that count?
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 1
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1..we were sort of in a downward spiral heading nowhere..I know that is not an excuse.

Holy crap, that read like a really sad novel, City. Rough start, bud.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? I don't believe so.
2) If so, by how many different people? N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? No.
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? N/A

1) Yes.
2) 1
3) Nope
4) N/A
5) 1

How you're going to develop meaningful data out of this is a mystery to me. How many other relationships have I had? How many of those were "serious"? What [I]exactly[?i] is meant by "serious relationship" and "cheating"?

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes, my first 'real' boyfriend in high school.
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? Just one.
3) Have you ever cheated? Yes, but I'll never do it again. It's not really a nice feeling.
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? One.
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? See above.

not been cheated on... but she did have sex with other people.
agreed during long distance relationship to date other people.
I have never cheated on my SO, and don't plan on it.

1) kinda, yeah. Sorta hard to explain w/o going into serious detail
2) see above, 1
3) no
4) n/a
5) see #1 for difficulty in explaining

Gee, that's helpful of me, isn't it?

I disagree with this wholeheartedly. If you love and respect someone, and they love and respect you, cheating won't happen, period. I would posit that when cheating does happen some ingredient in that formula is missing.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? One
3) Have you ever cheated? No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? -
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? One

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? One
3) Have you ever cheated? No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? One

I could never cheat on someone knowing how much it hurt me and how much it fucks with your mind. Of course, that's just a personal preference, I'm not judging anyone else.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? NO
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? NO
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? N/A

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Not that I know of.
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? Never
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 0

Just like everyone, I definately suspect it with a few people that i've gone out with, but I guess i will never know.

What I had to say had nothing to do with the other person loving and respecting you. It had soley to do with you loving and respecting that person.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 3
3) Have you ever cheated? Yes
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 4
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 3

I agree that this can't be taken seriously for statistics. You must also consider how many people I dated but did not cheat on, and how many of those that I did go out with that did not cheat on me. Then maybe, you can infer that maybe I have only cheated 20% of the time. :P

How that makes it better, I dont know.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 1
3) Have you ever cheated? yes
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 2
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 2

Hence the missing ingredient.

Of course if you only look at a sample excluding mutually loving, respectful relationships cheating will occur. What else would you expect? That should be obvious. And on the flip side you could just as easily put forth that monogamy is statistically inevitable when you only look at loving, respectful relationships. Both are loaded questions.

I think that it is statistically inevitable that one will end up being directly involved with cheating eventually, whether it is they who are cheating, their partner who is cheating on them, or the person they are currently involved with is cheating on their partner (whether they've been told or not). This isn't a total inevitability, as there are always people who fall outside of these things, but I'd presume it's accurate 95% of the time.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - No
2) If so, by how many different people? - N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? - No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - N/A

Note: Only had one serious relationship. So, it may be that I just got lucky.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? YES
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 1
3) Have you ever cheated? NO
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1


It hurts having someone that you are in a serious relationship with cheat on you, and i know how it feels.. not to good, so thats why i will never cheat on ANYONE!

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 1
3) Have you ever cheated? nope
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? NA
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship-1

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? - No
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? -
3) Have you ever cheated? Yes
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 1.
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1.

Take the number of times you've been cheated on and multiply it by about four for an accurate number. If you reported that you've never been cheated on (that you're aware of), it’s probably statistically significant to suggest that it’s happened at least once outside of your awareness.

1) not to my knowledge
2) N/A
3) no
4) N/A
5) N/A

1. Ever been cheated on? Yes
2. If so by how many different people? Too many times to recall, many years and many times.
3. Have you ever cheated? No, Never.
4. If so how many did you cheat on? N/A
5. How many occured in a serious relationship? 4

I'm thirty seven years old, started dating at fifteen and just got married last September so I've had many relationships during my life. I've dated a lot and been cheated on a lot. When I was younger it happened more often. Girls in their teens up to mid twenties seemed more likely to cheat. As I got older and dated older women the incidents of cheating decreased a great deal. With girls in shorter term relationships the cheating didn't hurt as much. I'd get mad and be a little hurt but I knew I wasn't going to marry the girl so I thought at least I wasn't losing much. A cheater isn't worth having as a partner anyway. The more serious relationships that involved cheating left me more hurt and mystified as well. In a serious relationship you at least at one time cared deeply for the other person so why risk hurting them by cheating? If you want out at least be honorable and break up before fooling around with someone else. I've never cheated because I see no honor in it and respect the people I choose as my partners too much to disrespect them in this way. I have grown disenchanted with relationships and broken up with women but there is never a reason to cheat. Succumbing to temptation and cheating is just selfish and indicitive of a weak character. I have no patience for such weakness.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - Yes.
2) If so, by how many different people? - 1.
3) Have you ever cheated? - No.
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A.
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - None

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - Yes
2) If so, by how many different people? - 2
3) Have you ever cheated? - Sorta
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - 1
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - 1

Why did you get these ideas from? Do you have any data to back up your assertions? Even if these relationships exist, I seriously doubt they are as strong as you suggest. Even if you did find significant effects, those effects would allow you to make conclusions about groups, not individuals. Finally, regarding the whole thread, NOTHING is a statistical inevitability- not even your own death.

EDIT: My comments are not meant as an attack. I just see a lot of people throwing around "statistics" without any evidence and sometimes without an understanding of what statistics mean. CityOfAngels, if you are interested in empirical studies examining sexual and emotional infidelity, PM me and I can send you a few references.

Don't bother throwing stones...
 

1. Yes. A few times, sadly.
2. 1 definitely; 4 + suspected with or without reason, no proof.
3. Yes. Are you sure you want to read the answers to #4 and #5??
4. Um, the last 5-6 relationships have been Cheat Free!
5. I cheated on every relationship I had until I was 19 years old - total: 9 - 12 +

Thank you, Thefictionweliv, for that very ignorant statement. Do you actually try to think before you speak or have you always been happy to open your mouth and spray your share of ignorance everywhere? I happen to be a former cheater - who could still possibly cheat again in the future! - and I'm also the victim or "receiving party" in two abusive relationships.

I know that you didn't mean that those who cheat ARE abusive, however, some who cheat are not cheating to harm their SO and death isn't a concern with a cheating partner as it is with an abusive one. The feeling that a person gets when they see, or find out, that their SO has been unfaithful is a very horrible one (one I care NEVER to feel again) - I absolutely refuse to be in abusive one EVER again. There is a different...they are both horrible in their own catagory...some may say that they aren't even on the same level. I'm not here to argue this.

If I'm come across aggressively or annoyed, it's because I am. However, in a calmer manner, I will say that I do believe in Karma. When I was younger, I didn't think about things. It was easier to be blind to what I was doing to the "guy of the moment". I had long-term relationships but, over a time, grew bored with them or "opportunity knocked" during them, and in the end - I moved on with little thought about my actions. I was a hopeless romantic, addicted to total infatuation (butterflies, first kisses, first experiences), and was on a constant search for "Mr. Right" (i.e. the love of my life, my husband, my best match) and was fearful that I would miss him while I was in another relationship or that he would pass me by...and it got bad.

One time, I was with my boyfriend, cheating on him by dating another and having sex with a third - each guy didn't know about the other two. I was eventually honest with my boyfriend. Now that I think of it - Yuck. But back then, what the hell did I know?

I was young, narcissistic, naive and yes, selfish, even spoiled. Karma kicked my ass - believe me. I don't cheat anymore, and don't plan to ever again...I don't even wish it on my enemies.

However, SO's make mistakes - some realize and are truly sorry and worthy of forgiveness, and some aren't, continuously blind to what they are doing - remember we are only human.

Just because I've cheated A LOT before DOESN'T mean I will cheat again.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - No
2) If so, by how many different people? - N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? - No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - N/A



What a good thread, but I've never cheated, nor would I like to. I think cheating takes too much effort, and besides, I am truly in awe with the person that I am with and I find it difficult to be with someone else.

1) no
2) n/a
3) no
4) n/a
5) n/a

But then again, I was never in a serious, long-term relationship. I hear they're nice.

And here's an essay on cheating: http://www.catb.org/~esr/writings/promiscuity.html The statistics are some what alarming, and I'm not sure what they mean by "low-status" males and females. Could it mean poor people? Ugly people?

I think it would be interesting to get even a basic understanding of why people cheat...personally I don't understand at all. It's so lame. But its alarming that so many people cheat so often...

Also I think a poll on what people think is cheating would be interesting. I consider any occasion where you have an "intimate" moment (meaning not between friends or such, but a romantically intimate moment) with someone else (other than your current SO - someone you have a commitment of some sort with), then you may be cheating.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 1
3) Have you ever cheated? No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 1
3) Have you ever cheated? No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 0
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1

1) No
2) N/A
3) No
4) N/A
5) N/A

1) NO
2) n/a
3) NO
4) n/a
5) n/a

1)No(that I know of and I'm fairly certain I have not been)
2)N/A
3)No and I never will
4)Do not apply
5) Do not apply

What makes me wonder is do some people feel justified in cheating after they've been cheated upon? Upon reading just this few replies and knowing about certain relationships of people close to me this seems to be a common and very childish trend.
Akin to the 4th grade thinking of you hit me first so I get a free punch.

Oh and about the cheaters being akin to abusiveness...I have to agree. Cheating is possibly one of the lowest most evil things you could do to somebody. Not saying it's worse but in my book it's as bad. I'm not afraid that any woman I'm with would be physically abusive towards me unless she is she's a psycho, as I tend to easily be close to a foot taller and over a hundred lbs heavier, and if she tried she wouldn't get far in succeeding in the goal. But violating the trust between us would be the one way she could strike me and that is one bruise or cut that will never heal. I could never ever trust anybody who cheated on me. To know that I meant that little to you that you could put somebody else before me would be worse than any punch or kick I could get. And saying death can't be a direct result from a cheating loved one I've witnessed no fewer than 3 people turn suicidal over the stuff. Thank God they didn't go through with it(or succeed in one case)but cheating most DEFINATELY can be ultimately as damagingl or more so than physical abuse.

Lockjaw -
Yeah, some people do feel "justified" by cheating on the person who has cheated on them...Maybe only on a subconscious level...they still do it, regardless.

Granted, an abuser and a cheater both destroy trust and show a great lack of respect for the person that they are hurting.

However, Lockjaw, if you are taller by almost a foot with over 100 lbs in weight on them, you don't fear your SO - you haven't been trapped in a relationship with someone you love very deeply who CAN overtake you and literally beat it into (and out of) you why you are to stay in the relationship, do exactly as you are told and find happiness (even though you can't) within it.

You haven't had the experience - in neither an abusive relationship nor one of unfaithfulness. Therefore, with all due respect, your statements about the subject are ones based on imagination; an uneducated imagination and opinion on the comparison of the pain cheating vs. abuse.

People have become suicidal from infidelity AND abusive relationships. You mean little to the person in both types of relationships.
- A person who cheats usually feels something is missing or there is something wrong in the relationship and cannot or chooses to not express it vocally/talk it out or is unable/unwilling to end the relationship.
- A person who is abusive is insecure, possessive and, in some cases, insane. Victims in these types of relationships become a statistic: murder victim, suicide victim; many don't live to talk about what the abusive person did to them.

Pain is pain. I agree with that. However, you're able to move on with your life when someone is unfaithful - giving yourself time to heal, and grow. When you are in an abusive one - you're not sure if tomorrow will come.

I'll respond to this as briefly as possible as to not send this thread even further down an unintended tangent.
But my experiences with people who have been in those relationships are real and my opinions are not based on "imaginary" things. You are saying they can't be compared based upon your experiences and that's fine but based on my experiences and based upon my values they are on the same level of vileness. You wouldn't think to kindly if I came on here and say "Yeah I was abusive at one point in my life and I might be abusive in the future, and I've been cheated on and the cheaters are worse. They can't even be compared."

At the end of the day death is death and violated trust is violated trust. I know people who were abused who were then later cheated upon and that haunted them longer than any abuser. When they talked about their regrets in life they didn't talk about the abuse. They talked about the cheating. Not saying this is going to be the case for everybody as different people will have different reactions and different opinions, but just because you yourself cheated in the past and were in turn abused has no bearing on others opinions and views on who they think are dastardly human beings. As there are some people who abuse and are abused who do not think abuse is that "big of a deal".

Feel free to start another thread or PM if you want to continue discussing the matter but I just ask that if you do that you try to reign in that undertone of insulting and confrontationalism in your posts. It's coming across as kind of hostile for little reason.

I'm very happy with the responses to this thread. Thank you all so much for your participation. While I agree that discussion within' this survey is inevitable, let's do our best not to get too personal with each other. It is agreed that many of us disagree, but please don't get this thread locked by fighting. I understand that you're not fighting yet, but I felt that I needed to say this in order to prevent it. Thanks!

Keep up the good work, people! This is just another step toward human understanding.

1-No
2-N/A
3-No
4-N/A
5-N/A

No. I need to put in at least ten characters or the board won't let me post.