KirStang

In the past, i've noticed that whenever I directly asked a girl if there was any chemistry between us, it'd never work out, so here's the deal:

Take for example, a girl that you get along with (sorry gals...). She smiles when u talk to her, and conversation is good. You start to like her alot. She realizes this, and then becomes quiet when she's around you. So you're direct as The Original King suggests, thus forcing her to make the decision then and there, as to whether or not she'd ever consider you as more than a friend.

Therein lies the dilemma:

She has to make the decision there, and at that point, she is unsure, and is unready to make the committment, so she says "lets just be friends". However, what if you had played the game, and waited a couple more weeks....or months?

Because now she has said "no" she can not turn back on her decision and try being more than friends with you, but again, the question rises, what if you had decided to wait, or even better, to "put the game down" on her?


Something i've been thinking about....comments...?

Talk about things like..initial attraction..etc. etc?
[BTW this is just a generic scenario, i don't think other specifics come in to play]

Pragma

Well, if you "play the game" and wait a couple more weeks - or months - you spend the whole time going "does she like me as a friend or more?" It's a lot easier to get things out of the way fast and either have a friend or someone who's interested in going out (or at least hooking up) with you.

I don't think you'll really lose much in the way of girls who say no on the spot and later decide you're the one they want. Especially if you're meeting a girl with the intention of going out with her, you'd rather know sooner rather than in a month or two.

Kalnaur

It can't be an extreme. You can be direct, but not too direct. You can wait, but you shouldn't be a doormat. Find a middle ground, and you'll find where it's the safest and most rewarding.

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mandal

I think just flirting a lot and doing real nice things for her will usually get a girl going, but overall I think you can just feel the vibe. Lots of girls I know claim that they hate when a guy is too shy to ask them out or whatever, but I think just playful flirting and simple suggestions to just go out as friends will either lead to something or not.

As for being direct I don't think that's the way. Only makes the girl second guess your intentions and creates awkwardness between the two. also gives the girl too much power.

gentlesoul43

I will only be direct if: (a) I know she will say yes, or (b) I was desperate to get it out because there's someone else or there's no more time or its taking too bloody long.

If not under the above circumstances, I won't be direct. There's no point.. getting is the girl is by timing it right, not by showing your cards outright. If you do all the right things, she will get the idea that you're interested anyway, so there's no harm in that. She will respond if she is interested too.

Also, don't not be direct when the situation calls for it.. otherwise you could be labelled as someone who's flirtatious but not interested, ball-less or even simply clueless.

When I was in college, I met this girl and went out with her every few weeks. One time we went out, we spent 2 hours by the jetty chatting, and when I sent her back, I said "I'll call you again some other time" and she got pissed off and said that if that was all it was, then don't bother calling again. I was taken aback and after asking what that was about, she ended up my girlfriend for several years. *shrug*

gentlesoul43

Oh, here's another story about being direct:

When I was 18 in college, me and 2 buddies were in a car and were driving off when we saw this cute girl standing in front of the college waiting for her transport. My friend the driver decided to drive over and talk to her. Now he's a real direct, full of courage and in your face kinda guy. So here's how the conversation went:

Guy (winds down my window and spoke across my seat to the girl): "Hi how are you"
Girl (looks and then looks away)
Guy: "Where are you going?"
Girl: "Home"
Guy: "Can we give you a lift?"
Girl: "No thanks"
Guy: "How about we go for a drink?"
Girl: Shakes her head
Guy: "OK, maybe another day. How about another day?"
Girl: Ignores him
Guy: "What's your name?"
Girl: Ignores him
Crowd starts to gather. The other two of us are cringing in our seats.
Guy: "OK. Maybe we will see you again soon. Talk to you next week ok?"
Girl: Girl gets embarassed, smiles a little but ignoring us. No eye contact.

A week later, I find that they're going out and she's a real slut in bed. He couldn't handle her sexual demands. Damn!

Suave

Asking if there's chemistry or if she likes you is too blatant. You must approach her and say "If you show me yours, I'll show you mine." Gets 'em every time.

martinguerre

just how did you get your screenname then? proving the existance of Pure Irony?

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duxx0r

I think the trick is to not say anything and to play the game.. but to have a few on the go to stagger the results and improve your chances.

mirevolver

There are two girls that I can think of off hand. In the past four months, I used the direct route with both of them and I got a "not interested" from one and a "We're better off staying friends" from another. I backed off from both of them.

I see the "friends" girl at a lot of social situations since we have a couple of common friends, didn't talk to her much after that and then I found that she began to want to talk to me and even went as far as suggesting that we do a road trip together.

As for the "not interested" girl, I didn't see or talk to her for a couple of months. Then last week we saw eachother twice, the first time we politely said "hi" in passing. The second time I didn't even notice her and walked right past her before she stopped me and we had a brief conversation.

What have I learned? It seems that if you are interested in a girl and then suddenly back off, she either becomes interested in you or gains interest in you. In other words, women are way too confusing for me to figure them out.

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Painted

Sex is not the biggest thing for me to be concerned about.
Id rather have a few close female friends (with sex & a relationship as a distant possibility -ha!) than one female partner with steady sex.

Example: I called up a girl,michelle, a few hours ago
"Hey michelle, wanna kick it for an hour?"
"Okay, I'll meet you outside in a few"
"Alright"

We just spent an hour smoking cigs in front of a liqour store. No contact, no feelings. And now I got something to think about when I whack off later tonight.

But there is a downside, in that the friendship will never grow. But, if she shows interest ("Okay, I'll meet you outside in a few" instead of "Oh.. umm.. sorry I'm a little busy") and you show interest ("Hey michelle, wanna kick it for a few hours?" 3 times/week instead of one measly phone call a week) something has to come out of it.

I guess what I'm getting at is that yes, wait a while, and if something clicks, it will.

KamikaziManiac

From experiance, I've killed myself over wondering if she liked me or not. Usually, I wait too long, and she's not interested in me anymore by the time I ask. Only tried the direct approach once, and she agreed to see me, but after 3 dates she decided she didn't wanna see me anymore. At least in that situation, my emotions didn't lead me to be very depressed afterward.

Suave

Yes, no, and maybe. Now that I think about it, my monicker on here is pretty ironic. The truth is, I READ IT OFF MY SHAMPOO BOTTLE. In fact, I think I'll put that as my title when it becomes customisable.

Dostoevsky

I think you have to be direct, but don't be weird about it. You have to be comfortable and confident. Keep good eye contact, smile, be interesting. Instead of saying something like "I like you," or "will you go out with me," ask her to do something with you that implicitly establishes a date without being so formal and stiff about the whole thing. If a conversation is going well, just ask her if she wants to do something with you later. It doesn't have to be anything big, it can be a DVD rental at your place or something. Just be cool and remain comfortable, you can scare a girl off by being "too direct."

embo

My advice: Do it. Ask.

Here's a story. There's this woman I've been friends with for years. I had a thing for her back in college, but got over it, and we've remained very close friends. In the last year or so, I've realized I still have feelings for her. We've been talking more lately, and so the other night, I just flat out said it. "Is there ever a chance that there will be anything more between us?" She said, "I don't know. Honestly, I just don't know."

This actually made the next step even easier for me. If she had said "no", then it's obvious. If she had said "yes", then it's pretty obvious as well. But with her reply, I simply told her, "OK, look...you know how I feel about you. I can't NOT feel that way. But I can't make you have feelings for me either. I would love to have a relationship with you, but I'm not going to wait around forever for you to magically have feelings for me. You know my stand, and either way you will always be one of my closest friends. Let me know if anything ever changes."

I've gotten an email or call from her every day since.

Life is short. Ask. Force the issue. Don't fuck around.

Vincentt

I agree with embo.

Do not waste time “playing the game”; the girl is not going to change during this time.
If she is interested, then she is interested and waiting for you to make a move. Otherwise, she thinks of you as a friend. The sooner you find out, and move on, the better.

Now you should be more subtle then “do you love me?!?!!?”
I am sure you will think of something clever.

johnsimon885

gentlesoul: maybe it's just me, but I HATE guys like that! I have to end up meeting girls through antiquated, less efficient means. Like "meeting them somewhere", and "becoming friends with them." If only life were so easy?

paulskinback

Play the game as long as the game is flirtatious looks, touches and comments. being direct, to me, is doing things like complimenting a girl on her nice shoes, or her hair, just passing comments with a smile, not too over the top blatant. leave out comments about her body initially. you need them to know you're interested - as they say men are from mars, women from venus - both sexes talk different sexual attraction body language.

If i see her playing with her hair or flicking it or showing her neck while she talks to me I go for the kill - and pop a question. sure, she has a choice, but if you've read the body language well enough, there will be only one answer.

i'm nothing like The Fonz in Happy Days but this has allowed me to be bed 28 women

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KirStang

Lol, I was going to avoid specifics, but here's a really short version of my story:

I had a crush on this girl for like 8 months, and we had a really good flirtatious, easy going, yet friendly relationship. I ended up taking her to prom. 3 months after prom, after things got akward between us, i asked her what was up. She said she just wanted to be friends, and there she wasn't over her 'ex.' (yea...right..?). I then asked her, if I will ever have a chance, to which she replied that she could only see us as friends.

But lately, after i stopped talking to her (cuz i just couldn't stand being around her anymore, you know the feeling of being really emotional around that certain person), she's been coming around, with shit like, "she misses me," or whatnot.

I was just wondering if i had played it cool, like acted like it was no big deal and remained a close person to her, we'd eventually have something. Or maybe she just realized that nobody has as good of a package as me .

As for being direct or just playing the game, i guess one would have to vibe it out on which route to take. It seems like the stories are pretty inconsistent. I mean, everybody's different, so there's no one standard formula to use eh?

Seaver

The best analogy I can make for guys on being direct...

Think of fishing.

You have to have your hook and baited, which mean you have to show confidence.
You have to have your hook in the water, which means you actually have to talk to women.
You dont reel it in on the first nibble, which means dont ask "do you like me?" or anything like that. It makes them think you dont have confidence and puts them on the spot.
Wait until a good hard bite to reel in, wait for her to get attached to you.

Look women get hit on EVERY DAY. If you pull too hard too early she'll just ditch you and her and her friends will always refer to you as the weirdo. Just relax, make her laugh, show your confidence, and she'll be yours (if not, tell yourself that to boost your ego).

Being direct is great, when go up to women often I tell them "I'm going to take you to the park this weekend". Simple, I look them in the eyes, with a half smile. It's only not worked once (she had a bf who was in the restroom at the time). You can be direct when saying where you're going to take her, when, or anything like that. But dont put them on the spot of anything "relationship wise" without her being WELL prepared for it. Women will always say no at that instant, so it's a failure if you do. But if you let them think about it for a while, especially on those lonely nights she'll suddenly see more of the good in you.