some advice needed...
 

hey all...new member here with a situation..was hoping for some advice :)


So...I've finally started dating this girl. I've known her for about 2 years though. We both like Spongebob Squarepants, action movies, etc. She's really cool and her whole family is really cool. And she's ASIAN! :thumbsup:

The thing is, her past is...well not exactly golden. She has had sex with several boyfriends before, she's done drugs before (not anymore) and everyone is saying I can do better.

I like her though. If she tested negative on all uh..diseases it would be awesome, but I dunno it's..iffy.

What would you all do in this situation?

not sure what the issue is?

if you like her, does it matter that she has had sex with past boyfriends? That doesnt sound abnormal or iffy to me? As for drugs, again, maybe not the best thing in the world depending on your view, but hardly abnormal behaviour for a young person.

If you genuinely suspect she might have a disease, which I assume is what youre hinting at, you know, you can just date and take things easy.

"I like her though"

There's your answer, cut and dry. Go for it.

[sarcasm]She's had sex before? Oh no. Never get with a girl who's had sex.[/sarcasm]



Are you kidding? The older you get the harder it is to find a girl that's never sex. Fuck I can't find a girl that hasn't had threesomes, been raped, done internet porn, had kids, been married... Such is life. Drop the hang ups and go for it.

I agree with all. If you like her then that's the only thing that matters, please yourself before you please others.

If she is drug free and this makes you happy then this is a good thing. If she has several boyfriends then thats normal. Always thought it was funny than as men we spend all our time trying to lose the one thing we want our wife to have.

That's a good response...
:D

Thanks for the advice...other peoples opinions are always helpful

I like the way you put that, it's a good way of wording it :cool:

McFrosticles - you don't have to answer this to us, but have you had sex with a past girlfriend before? If you haven't had sex before then that might be a reason you're hesitant about this but if you take a look around the forums here you'll find a number of questions like this where people are worried about their partners (usually women) having more experience than them. And I think 90 per cent of the responses to those qestions say that past experience doesn't mean a loose woman... past experience more often means a strong woman, one who knows what she wants and doesn't want any silly teenage awkwardness - if this girl you're dating has had sex before then chances are she knows how to have good sex. If she's free of disease, what's bad about that? I'd say you've got everything to gain and nothing to lose with a woman who knows what she's doing. You don't have to worry about her fumbling around cluelessly.

So if you haven't had sex before then take it really slowly, just keep this dating fun and casual and see how it goes, and if you both decide to sleep with each other get tested for STDs (do NOT mention her past, just say it's something you would prefer to do and anybody who refuses to get tested is someone to keep well clear of).

The double standard of experienced men being normal, and experienced women being loose and dirty is often around but its up to individuals to go against that and see her for the person she is now. If she hasn't made a habit of cheating on her partners in the past then you don't have anything to worry about. If you think she's dirty for having sex before you then that's a fairly common feeling among some guys, but just because its common doesn't mean its ok to express because if you sit down and really think about it you'll find that she's not dirty, instead she's been commited to her past boyfriends. If you're her boyfriend now then it seems like what you've got to look forward to is:

- spending time with a woman who has similar interests
- spending time with her cool family
- having sex with a hot Asian chick who you can call your girlfriend

See mate, nothing to lose!

Take it easy from now on, take it slowly and have an awesome time and if the time comes to have sex with her, get tested and wear a condom, let the good times roll and be happy that you made the right decisions all along the way.

As for friends saying you could do better, that may or not be true, but mate, that's your call and you won't get a real answer until you get to know her. If she's really not a great person you'll find out soon enough and you'll be able to walk away then saying 'She wasn't the right person' instead of walking away now asking 'Could she have been the right person?'

As for drugs, most people have tried some. If you haven't then that's nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be intimidated by. If she had one joint when she was sixteen and never did anything again, her non-user friends will spread the word that she's 'on drugs'. If she smoked a bit during high school just to see what it was like, or just for fun, then you can decide whether that conflicts with your morals but until you know if she had one joint at a party once, or if she used to have a heroin habit, it's really not something to worry about if she's quit that now.

Sorry for the great big long post, I had a bit to say and I know I always appreciate big responses :)

ummm..i'm not clear on the issue..cant she just get an std test?

The last thing you wanna do is put yourself in a situation where you'll find yourself...
http://www.moviequotequiz.com/reviews/ChasingAmyBig.gif

K-Wise that was brilliantly..umm..said! Like everyone else here has said...I think you should at least give it a go. You don't want to pass up a girl who likes spongebob and action movies!

Do a lot of guys have things for hot asian chicks? Just curious...my roomie is Korean and she'd get a kick outta this

It might feel a little strange going out with a girl that has had more experience than you but if you like her and she makes you happy, wheres the problem?

Go for it. Take it slow if you must but atleast take it.

I understand your di·lem·ma. I'm not one to judge how you should chose a girlfriend, and I don't believe your inquiry is about a double-standard.

It sounds to me like you have doubts, or at least you are concerned that your friends have doubts. Your friends say you can do better. Have you asked them what they mean by this? Are they aware of your girl's past experiences? In what sense do they think you can do better?

Here's were the rubber meets the road: you know what's important to you in a girlfriend. If you are looking for a long term relationship, it is wise to look at a person's past to get an idea about who they are today. The choices a person makes are a good indication of what the person values. Does her family seem healthy? Growing up in a chaotic or unstable environment sets a pattern that is hard to break. Drug use and sexual prom·is·cu·i·ty might be an indication that this girl did not have a stable family life growing up. Is it possible for people to change? Sure, but most don't, especially those fundamental patterns set when they were children.

If her past is troublesome to you, don't rush into anything. Get to know her better and see if she has a healthy personality and lifestyle. Look before you leap.

Thanks for the advice. Her family is healthy. Her mom and dad are both funny and down to earth.

As for people saying I can do better, I have figured out why. RUMORS! I took her out for dinner tonight and I found out a whole lot that was not true about the rumors. It's great! :thumbsup:

Rlyss: You figured me out there. I'm not afraid to admit it, I haven't had sex before and I've never done drugs or smoked. That's why the past can seem odd for me. But when I realize she doesn't do it anymore, it's much better.
:thumbsup:

PS: Sorry for double post :hmm: