Am I really so different? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Cyphrspwn · 11-10-2004, 06:35 PM

Ok...I'm a 19 yr old college student, who just recently in past months gave up my virginity. I finally got tired of the pressure from friends, media, and the like. So I gave it up to my gf of 4 months. Hmmm...major mistake. It felt weird after, that something had changed. Even after more encounters, I still felt empty. So I broke off the relationship. The following weekend I went to a party , got shit-faced, and ended up sleeping with some chick that I had known for 2 hours. So I guess my question is...why the f*ck aren't I happy having sex?

Aladdin Sane · 11-10-2004, 06:44 PM

Were you raised in a religious home? Have you been taught that sex before marriage is a sin? If so, it is obvious why you feel unhappy having sex. You are acting in opposition to your own moral values. You can either refrain from sex or somehow change your beliefs about sex. Not easy, but that's the choice before you.

metalgeek · 11-10-2004, 06:53 PM

Sex does not equate happiness.
Do you feel empty, or feel exactly the same?
Sex will not make you a better person, it will not make you cool, it will not fill a void in your life.

Irishsean · 11-10-2004, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by metalgeek

Sex will not make you a better person, it will not make you cool, it will not fill a void in your life.

Yep, wish more people would look at this with an open mind. Its not your views about sex that make you who you are. If you only have sex with one person, or 100,000, or none, it does not define you as a person.

CityOfAngels · 11-10-2004, 07:39 PM

Ask yourself these questions:
1) Did you actually want to have sex when you did?
2) Were you as calm as you possibly could be during the encounters?
3) Did you focus on the pleasure that sex brings during the encounters, instead of moral issues?
4) Once again, did you actually want to have sex when you did?

If you answer "no" to any of these questions, then that's your answer. Make 'em all "yes"s and then come back to us, telling us how you feel about sex then.

lunchbox · 11-10-2004, 07:51 PM

sometimes people take sex as a serious thing and it ends up not really doing a whole lot for them because of the fact that they think they have to be all businessy about it. maybe if you haven't already, just try lighten up, have fun with it, it can be silly, it can be whatever you want it to be.

soloist124 · 11-10-2004, 07:52 PM

no offense but maybe you are gay..

MEAD · 11-10-2004, 07:58 PM

I think the way he wrote this tells much about why he feels this way. he "gave his viginity up" he held onto it with value and then he just felt like he tossed it out with little or no care. he did it because of pressure not because he loved the person he was with and wanted to be closer to them. He did it for the wrong reasons and he feels bad about it, that negativity is being passed on to the act of sex and making feel empty without love. I suggest you just refrain from sex again till you find a person you truly love and take the time to get to love them so deeply that the only way you can become closer is it make love to them, you might not feel as empty then.

K-Wise · 11-10-2004, 08:43 PM

^ Sounds like sound advice

Asta!!

SparklingDot · 11-10-2004, 09:29 PM

Sex is just sex unless you care about the person. Peer pressure isn't the best reason to lose your virginity. I was with my SO for nearly 4 years before we slept together. With us, sex didn't change anything about our relationship. And we wouldn't have had it any other way. So feeling empty and unfulfilled could just be a lack of emotional connection with your partner. It doesn't mean that something's wrong. IMO, it means that you're going to make some woman very happy someday. You should be able to tell when it feels right. Try to go with that.

MSD · 11-11-2004, 05:31 AM

You got it right in your first post. You felt pressured to do it. If it doesn't feel right for you, saying 'no' doesnt make you any less of a man, or mean there's anything wrong with you. I'm almost 21 and I haven't had sex yet (although I apparently give valuable relationship advice

,) and there's nothing wrong with not having done something just because a lot of society has done it.

If you go to a party and don't want to worry, have your designated driver keep an eye on you and make sure you don't do anything you're going to regret. Don't do anything until you are in complete control of the situation (i.e. not drunk) and are comfortable with everything that's about to happen.

SilverScooter · 11-11-2004, 09:54 AM

you obviously felt pressured by your surroundings (media, friends, etc.) but fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your POV) discovered the sometimes meaningless construct of sex by having it. i think you may have had a skewed view of sex before actually doing it, expecting more than it actually was. personally, i enjoy sex because of the closeness that comes with it, sex does not make couples closer, IMO, it just happens to occur when couples should feel close.

i think that you may be more like me than like your friends in that you look for what leads to sex (the intimate conversations, the time spent together) more than the sex itself. i treat sex as a sign that we are comfortable enough to move into such an intimate, exposing act rather than as the sweaty mess that it actually is.

but then again, you might not be like me, you might have your own reasons and i'm sure this thread and its varying views will help you figure out what it is.

and soloist, don't be so nearsighted, open yourself to people who may not be satisfied through pure physicality. no one will get anywhere looking into the cut and dry...

11-10-2004, 06:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
Cyphrspwn Upright Location: Twin Falls, ID	Am I really so different? Ok...I'm a 19 yr old college student, who just recently in past months gave up my virginity. I finally got tired of the pressure from friends, media, and the like. So I gave it up to my gf of 4 months. Hmmm...major mistake. It felt weird after, that something had changed. Even after more encounters, I still felt empty. So I broke off the relationship. The following weekend I went to a party , got shit-faced, and ended up sleeping with some chick that I had known for 2 hours. So I guess my question is...why the f*ck aren't I happy having sex?

11-10-2004, 06:44 PM	#2 (permalink)
Aladdin Sane Degenerate Location: San Marvelous	Were you raised in a religious home? Have you been taught that sex before marriage is a sin? If so, it is obvious why you feel unhappy having sex. You are acting in opposition to your own moral values. You can either refrain from sex or somehow change your beliefs about sex. Not easy, but that's the choice before you. __________________ Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

11-10-2004, 07:51 PM	#6 (permalink)
lunchbox Thank God hockey is back Location: Deeeeeetroit	sometimes people take sex as a serious thing and it ends up not really doing a whole lot for them because of the fact that they think they have to be all businessy about it. maybe if you haven't already, just try lighten up, have fun with it, it can be silly, it can be whatever you want it to be. __________________ A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams

11-10-2004, 08:43 PM	#9 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	^ Sounds like sound advice Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

11-10-2004, 09:29 PM	#10 (permalink)
SparklingDot Insane	Sex is just sex unless you care about the person. Peer pressure isn't the best reason to lose your virginity. I was with my SO for nearly 4 years before we slept together. With us, sex didn't change anything about our relationship. And we wouldn't have had it any other way. So feeling empty and unfulfilled could just be a lack of emotional connection with your partner. It doesn't mean that something's wrong. IMO, it means that you're going to make some woman very happy someday. You should be able to tell when it feels right. Try to go with that. __________________ 17 seconds is all you really need - Smashing Pumpkins

11-10-2004, 06:53 PM	#3 (permalink)
metalgeek Insane Location: Calgary	Sex does not equate happiness. Do you feel empty, or feel exactly the same? Sex will not make you a better person, it will not make you cool, it will not fill a void in your life.

11-10-2004, 07:52 PM	#7 (permalink)
soloist124 Crazy	no offense but maybe you are gay..

11-10-2004, 07:58 PM	#8 (permalink)
MEAD Insane Location: South Florida	I think the way he wrote this tells much about why he feels this way. he "gave his viginity up" he held onto it with value and then he just felt like he tossed it out with little or no care. he did it because of pressure not because he loved the person he was with and wanted to be closer to them. He did it for the wrong reasons and he feels bad about it, that negativity is being passed on to the act of sex and making feel empty without love. I suggest you just refrain from sex again till you find a person you truly love and take the time to get to love them so deeply that the only way you can become closer is it make love to them, you might not feel as empty then.

11-11-2004, 05:31 AM	#11 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	You got it right in your first post. You felt pressured to do it. If it doesn't feel right for you, saying 'no' doesnt make you any less of a man, or mean there's anything wrong with you. I'm almost 21 and I haven't had sex yet (although I apparently give valuable relationship advice ,) and there's nothing wrong with not having done something just because a lot of society has done it. If you go to a party and don't want to worry, have your designated driver keep an eye on you and make sure you don't do anything you're going to regret. Don't do anything until you are in complete control of the situation (i.e. not drunk) and are comfortable with everything that's about to happen.

11-11-2004, 09:54 AM	#12 (permalink)
SilverScooter Upright	you obviously felt pressured by your surroundings (media, friends, etc.) but fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your POV) discovered the sometimes meaningless construct of sex by having it. i think you may have had a skewed view of sex before actually doing it, expecting more than it actually was. personally, i enjoy sex because of the closeness that comes with it, sex does not make couples closer, IMO, it just happens to occur when couples should feel close. i think that you may be more like me than like your friends in that you look for what leads to sex (the intimate conversations, the time spent together) more than the sex itself. i treat sex as a sign that we are comfortable enough to move into such an intimate, exposing act rather than as the sweaty mess that it actually is. but then again, you might not be like me, you might have your own reasons and i'm sure this thread and its varying views will help you figure out what it is. and soloist, don't be so nearsighted, open yourself to people who may not be satisfied through pure physicality. no one will get anywhere looking into the cut and dry... __________________ and that's the end of that chapter... Last edited by SilverScooter; 11-11-2004 at 09:56 AM..