Sexual attraction is gone - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Kontjesman · 10-21-2004, 01:08 AM

My girlfriend an I used to have a satisfying relationship on all levels. When it comes to having sex, I'm pretty much into everything( except peeing or sm), while my girlfriend always liked to soft approach. This doesn't implie bad sex for neither of us, she has like 4 or 5 orgasms during sex and I'm crazy about all her body parts (esp the butt)So for six years both of us were satisfied with it. We had sex app. two times a week, and when I felt horny and she wasn't really into having sex, most of the time she gave me some head.
One thing that realy bothered me was the fact that she doesn 't like wearing sexy lingerie and showing this to me, although I tried convincing her she's a real foxy chick, with a great body that really turns me on. So from time to time I brought home sth I would love to see her in it. But nothing changed, so I kinda gave up, thinking the actual sex part was still good. But a few weeks ago she came home from this upper dare party (woman friendly porn toys sold at home) telling me she had bought lots of nice stuff, which I would appreciate very much. And indeed: one week later later a package arrived with a damn kinky lingery set in it and a extra thong. I was damn happy with this and thought the problem would be solved for now. However after having it in her closet for more then a month now, she hasn't wore it a single time. After this dissapointment we had a pretty big fight about it,and since then everything else is fucked up too. So last night she finally slipped into something sexy, but it didn't arouse me at all! I now have the feeling she's way too late. What should we do?

Jay You Dee · 10-21-2004, 01:32 AM

Talk to her without fighting maybe? In my opinion (which is sometimes way the fuck off), you pushed so hard for her to wear the sexy lingerie, and even though she really disliked doing that, she wore it just to please you. Even though you *thought* it would be a major turn on, subconsciously (fuck you Sigman Freud) you knew she didn't enjoy it, and was just trying to make you happy.

Understand I'm in no way trying to call you a bad person for pushing for that, I mean any man cannot say he wouldn't like to see the girl he loves dress up in something totally sexy! (except me, I'd rather just strip her down and cuddle, call me gay if you like, others have~)

I dunno, talk to her about it.. and even though it may be hard for you to say it, tell her that if she doesn't like wearing the lingerie and was only doing it to make you a happy little boy, that you won't push for her to do it again. After all, doing erotic type things are only fun if both parties/people get that great feeling of happiness and pleasure, for me anyhow.

In six years have you never found a major fault in her that bothered you, besides this? And, do you ever think about the two of you spending the rest of your lives together? Psychologists and other shrink type people say that as you start to realize the idea that marriage might exist between you two, you start to find faults in the other person, and the rest is if you can work through those and be happy. If not, then it might be time to reconsider.

I don't really know what you're looking to find. Advice on how to work this out? Or just a solid: yes you should get rid of her - or no you need to work this out because it's not really that big of a deal.

No clue if any of this helps, it's late and for some reason I felt like analyzing things way too much, sorry

Kontjesman · 10-21-2004, 01:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jay You Dee

Talk to her without fighting maybe? In my opinion (which is sometimes way the fuck off), you pushed so hard for her to wear the sexy lingerie, and even though she really disliked doing that, she wore it just to please you. Even though you *thought* it would be a major turn on, subconsciously (fuck you Sigman Freud) you knew she didn't enjoy it, and was just trying to make you happy.

The reason we had a fight about it, was because we already talked this over and over and nothing has changed. Now she buys it herself, making me damn horny and than leaves it in the closet!

Ur thoughts on the freud thing (staying togheter) crossed my mind before. We have been living togheter for one year now and I must admit we argue a lott more as before, which has a graet affect on alll other aspects. This doesn't mean we don't love eachother anymore, there's just too much nagging going on. Damn I'm confused.

Jay You Dee · 10-21-2004, 02:32 AM

I dunno, when me and my girlfriend have an arguement. I normally just sit her down and talk to her about it, and within 10 minutes we're back to being perfect_couple_01. Sometimes it's REAL hard for me to not lose my temper, but I've found if I can just sit her down and get her to be honest about what's wrong, we can normally work anything out. (vice versa on that as well) I don't really know the whole situation, so maybe you're past the point of just saying "Chill the fuck out and let's talk" Me and my girlfriend were friends before we dated for like 15 years, so I'm not really experienced on the whole conflict thing very much as all of our differences disappeared literally 10 years or so before we dated. *shrug*

I guess all I can say is good luck man, and I hope it works out for the best!

10-21-2004, 01:08 AM	#1 (permalink)
Kontjesman Upright	Sexual attraction is gone My girlfriend an I used to have a satisfying relationship on all levels. When it comes to having sex, I'm pretty much into everything( except peeing or sm), while my girlfriend always liked to soft approach. This doesn't implie bad sex for neither of us, she has like 4 or 5 orgasms during sex and I'm crazy about all her body parts (esp the butt)So for six years both of us were satisfied with it. We had sex app. two times a week, and when I felt horny and she wasn't really into having sex, most of the time she gave me some head. One thing that realy bothered me was the fact that she doesn 't like wearing sexy lingerie and showing this to me, although I tried convincing her she's a real foxy chick, with a great body that really turns me on. So from time to time I brought home sth I would love to see her in it. But nothing changed, so I kinda gave up, thinking the actual sex part was still good. But a few weeks ago she came home from this upper dare party (woman friendly porn toys sold at home) telling me she had bought lots of nice stuff, which I would appreciate very much. And indeed: one week later later a package arrived with a damn kinky lingery set in it and a extra thong. I was damn happy with this and thought the problem would be solved for now. However after having it in her closet for more then a month now, she hasn't wore it a single time. After this dissapointment we had a pretty big fight about it,and since then everything else is fucked up too. So last night she finally slipped into something sexy, but it didn't arouse me at all! I now have the feeling she's way too late. What should we do?

10-21-2004, 01:32 AM	#2 (permalink)
Jay You Dee Tilted Location: Cleveland, TN	Talk to her without fighting maybe? In my opinion (which is sometimes way the fuck off), you pushed so hard for her to wear the sexy lingerie, and even though she really disliked doing that, she wore it just to please you. Even though you thought it would be a major turn on, subconsciously (fuck you Sigman Freud) you knew she didn't enjoy it, and was just trying to make you happy. Understand I'm in no way trying to call you a bad person for pushing for that, I mean any man cannot say he wouldn't like to see the girl he loves dress up in something totally sexy! (except me, I'd rather just strip her down and cuddle, call me gay if you like, others have~) I dunno, talk to her about it.. and even though it may be hard for you to say it, tell her that if she doesn't like wearing the lingerie and was only doing it to make you a happy little boy, that you won't push for her to do it again. After all, doing erotic type things are only fun if both parties/people get that great feeling of happiness and pleasure, for me anyhow. In six years have you never found a major fault in her that bothered you, besides this? And, do you ever think about the two of you spending the rest of your lives together? Psychologists and other shrink type people say that as you start to realize the idea that marriage might exist between you two, you start to find faults in the other person, and the rest is if you can work through those and be happy. If not, then it might be time to reconsider. I don't really know what you're looking to find. Advice on how to work this out? Or just a solid: yes you should get rid of her - or no you need to work this out because it's not really that big of a deal. No clue if any of this helps, it's late and for some reason I felt like analyzing things way too much, sorry

10-21-2004, 02:32 AM	#4 (permalink)
Jay You Dee Tilted Location: Cleveland, TN	I dunno, when me and my girlfriend have an arguement. I normally just sit her down and talk to her about it, and within 10 minutes we're back to being perfect_couple_01. Sometimes it's REAL hard for me to not lose my temper, but I've found if I can just sit her down and get her to be honest about what's wrong, we can normally work anything out. (vice versa on that as well) I don't really know the whole situation, so maybe you're past the point of just saying "Chill the fuck out and let's talk" Me and my girlfriend were friends before we dated for like 15 years, so I'm not really experienced on the whole conflict thing very much as all of our differences disappeared literally 10 years or so before we dated. shrug I guess all I can say is good luck man, and I hope it works out for the best!