Mikado

Even though this thread may sound like it, I'm not posting another "how do you get women" post. I do have a question about dating etiquette though. I just recently started dating again, after a long 3 year relationship went south. For some reason I'm suprised by how people respond and approach dating. Maybe I'm looking at the wrong women, I don't know. Here's the deal.

I don't have a problem approaching women. I feel like I'm a fairly attractive guy. I don't use cheesy pick-up lines, I just say hello, introduce myself, and go from there. Occasionally I'll compliment them on a certain feature that caught my attention in the first place. Not as a pick-up, just being honest. Generally I get a positive response. We'll carry on in light conversation and I'll eventually get a number or something. But here's the kicker, whenever I call or try to setup a date, it is as if I never existed.

For example, an attractive girl works for a client of mine and we have decent converation every time I meet with my client. I found out one Thursday through the client that her birthday was the next day, Friday. I decided I'd order her some flowers, nothing fancy like roses or anything, but a nice arrangement. On the card I wished her a happy birthday and asked her if I could take her to dinner. Well, apparently the flowers arrived and she was thrilled. The client of mine told me she was very excited and left work early that day carrying the flowers and a smile. They also gave her my cell phone number so she could call and thank me, let me know if she was interested in dinner, etc.

Well, I never got a call. A few days later I happened to call over to talk to my client, and she answered. I went ahead and asked her if she had received the flowers. She said yes and that she was very thankful, and that they made her day. I asked her if she'd like to get together for dinner sometime, and she said yes. Great so far right? Well since then, every time I call I get her voicemail and she never calls me back. I'm not calling everyday either, like I'm stalking her or anything, just on a weekend to see if she's free. Well several weeks pass by and I eventually gave up. Then this afternoon I stopped by their office to drop off some paperwork. She was nice as usual and we again had a light conversation. Not once did she mention anything about getting together, about my voicemail I left her, or anything of that nature.

Now, maybe things have changed, but do people not have the strength to tell someone "No."? I can handle a no. It won't hurt my feelings, I'm not in love with them at first sight, and there's no real attachment there. But why tell me you'd like to go, give me your phone number, ask for mine and not once return a call, setup a date, or anything? All this babble is just one example of several in the last few months too. I've gathered a dozen or so phone numbers, and only one has actually got back in touch with me. We ended up going out too, but nothing really came of it. Again, I'm a big guy, I can handle rejection. So why all the sly moves? At this point I'd perfer a simple "No" than a phone number.

CatharticWeek

You're probably a great guy, but imagine yourself in their shoes and for whatever reason, you're not looking for a relationship. It is easier to never return the call and delude yourself that they're just trying to make good friends with you. I try to not to muck women around, but sometimes I'll avoid the deed for a while before I have to say 'no'. It's just easier!
I wouldn't get too disheartened about your workmate, some people have very strong views about not getting involved with other people in the workplace, which is a sensible idea in this cutthroat age! Keep looking, the next phone number could be a winner.

(By the way, first post, really enjoying the ambiance of these forums!)

Rlyss

Ok, this is going to be a really, really long shot, but are you SURE they're not contacting you? Any chance your business card has your old cell phone number, or your voicemail isn't working, or that there's a break in the lines of communication? Was there any difference in the way you organised meeting up with the one woman you did see? I'm grasping at straws here.

But yeah, the real reason is that they probably just don't have the guts to say no, or they are a bit misguided and think that an implied rejection is better or less hurtful than an explicit one. I think most mature people would realize soon enough that an explicit (gentle, but straightforward) 'No' is much better for everybody involved. I'd say you've just had a string of bad luck and that these women think they're being kinder by not saying anything.

Maybe you're not being aggressive enough, and the penny hasn't dropped for them and they don't realize you're asking them on a date? Straws, again...

Mikado

Thanks for the comments guys, and welcome to TFP CatharticWeek. I thought the same thing too Rlyss, perhaps there was a break in communication. But I know I give out the right phone number, and it is always my cell number. Generally I get their cell too. In fact, the girl in question in my first post called me one night on my cell but I was in the shower. She didn't leave a message, and didn't answer when I called her back. Maybe I do need to be more aggressive. Maybe I'm not making my point clear. I don't want to be "one of those guys" though. The one that doesn't know when to quit, or seems a little over exuberent. Anyway, it's just frustrating now that I'm ready to date again, that no one seems capable of making a date. That or they can't tell me no. Maybe all it really boils down to is a string of bad luck like you mentioned. Let's hope so.