Relationships with 16 year olds.
 

This is hard for me to write, but here goes:

Last summer I worked at a smoothie bar, and while I had fun there and made a few friends, there was one girl there that became very attracted to me, and I to her. here's the kicker though- she's only 16. This freaked me out, because i've mostly dated girls older than myself (the youngest was 2 months younger than me).

Things got to the point where I was getting out of those "almost kissed" moments. i've always been taught that this sort of thing is wrong, that i would be taking advantage of so young a girl. (i'm now 19). I'm trying to figure this out as she has been the initiator of all contact, and from what I know from other girls, she knows exactly what she's trying to do.

It's been three months since I worked there, and I still think about her occasionally. This would be fine, I expect she would have "faded away" from my memory after a few more months if not for what just happened.

I was walking in the mall shopping for some stuff and I bump into her. BAM everything I felt while I was working with her is back, and I can see it's no different for her. After a few minutes talking she wrote down her number and email then put it in my pocket, unasked.

I've only met 2 other girls like this one and they were both older than I, but I had fantastic relationships with them- one ended because of racial differences (long story but it pissed me off) the other because she moved out of country.

So the ball is in my court now. I've never even considered before having a relationship with an age difference like this, so i'm lost on what to do.
Should I keep in contact until she gets older and it's more acceptable?
Should I go for the relationship now?
Should I drop it altogether and avoid her like the plague?
Should I try a 4th option that you'll suggest?

I'm so confused guys. Help me out.

umm I would keep in contact..but stay away from a relationship till she's older..dad can be a very powerful creature when he's pissed off. At the very least I'd keep pants zipped up until it's "legal"

For further thoughts on that subject, read Tilted Forum Project - Father of Statutorially Raped Teen Mom.

yeah I read that thread..and decided to stay away from it..but it is very thought provoking..

erm... what's the legal age in the US?
If I were in this situation, being in the UK, you'd need wild horses to tear me away.

the age of consention varies state to state I believe
18 is adult 16 is consensual age in NC

Oh. i'm in alberta- consentual age is 14 (ick)

14? Really! Those crazy Albertans! Alberters... Umm... people from Alberta!

In Australia the legal age is 16.

I started dating my wife when she was 16. I was 21.
We had a few issues to work through of course, but honestly now she's 27 and I am 33 and no-one thinks it is weird at all.

Her parents were a bit concerned at first, but after a while they realised I wasn't part of the root-and-run crowd.

If you're into each other, call her! Just be careful!

Rampant 16 year old practically forcing herself on you.
If you pass this up you might never forgive yourself.

I'd go for it, but like has been mentioned, the sexual side of things is a little bit of a connundrum. If it ever gets to the point where you both want to have sex, you should sail out to international waters to do it. ;)

edit: Never mind, just read that you live in my wonderful province. GO FOR IT! Although, just for safety's sake you MIGHT want to read up on the statutory rape laws in case there is some fine print or something that could screw you over.

Actually it's not just his province, it's all of canada. You can find details
here.

I wouldn't recommend doing anything with this girl, but if you did, I would definetely recommend having a sitdown with her parents if you do decide to start dating regularly. A little forethought, preplanning, and maturity would go a long way towards showing them your not some freak out to nail their daughter.

I would imagine a sitdown with the parents might be a reasonable thing to do later in the relationship, but do you really think it would be a good idea to do it right away? I don't get a good vibe from thinking about telling parents that a 19 year old is going to go out with their 16 year old daughter.

I feel like i'm taking the easy way out, but I might just stay in contact with her until she turns 17 (a few months) then start something. I hope nothing changes in the meantime. Actually I gotta ask would this be fair to her, would I be stringing her along? I mean, how important would this be to a 16 year old girl- I don't want to make her life miserable because I basically want to put the relationship on hold until she gets older. That'd just be selfish and cruel.

grrr. I'll give this till the end of the weekend then i'm making a decision.

Edit: just realized I make the world's boringest subject lines. I wonder how many people would have responded if I put "I want to fuck a 16 year old" in the subject line.

Thanks. :)
I wasn't exactly sure whether age of consent was provincially or federally legislated, so I made sure not to misstep in what I said.


And here's an example of what I mean by being careful:

153. (1) Every person who is in a position of trust or authority towards a young person or is a person with whom the young person is in a relationship of dependency and who

(a) for a sexual purpose, touches, directly or indirectly, with a part of the body or with an object, any part of the body of the young person, or

(b) for a sexual purpose, invites, counsels or incites a young person to touch, directly or indirectly, with a part of the body or with an object, the body of any person, including the body of the person who so invites, counsels or incites and the body of the young person,

is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding five years or is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction.

Definition of "young person"
(2) In this section, "young person" means a person fourteen years of age or more but under the age of eighteen years.

Now, if you want to go anywhere with her sexually, you'd want to make sure (ask the lawyer in the Tilted Living forum for example) that you wouldn't be considered to be in "a position of trust or authority" with this girl. I assume trust means something akin to being an older family member, counsellor, or something, but assumptions are not the best thing to base legal matters on.




Annnnd finally, I still say go for it. Things likely WILL change in the next year, since you are both young, and young minds are very dynamic in their perceptions on the whole.